Am I Simply Being Gullible?

[cherrybomb1111]

So.. when you recover from all of this just lazor off the "ia" of "Victoria" and tattoo in a "y" for "victory" or just never take off your shirt in front of another woman.

The tattoo I just can't get over it. I'd be so pissed if someone tattooed my name on them.. we are not pieces of property. We are human beings.

 

[dilligaf0]

What happened? Not really sure. Did she love me at all? Well not enough to give up the money (or maybe she was fearful off the fines she would pay to leave her contract early? Or maybe it was all a game and this was her exit strategy. I will probably never know. Although I can't bring myself to hate her. Even if she admitted her wrong doing. I would forgive her for her sins. Does she realize that she was love unconditionally. What hurts is she could not tell me things to my face. Simply typed them in free chat. And then I saw her smile. Like this meant nothing to her. Not even a thank you for my time or my kindness. Or the money that I spend when she was tired, or on her period. Or on her birthday, when I spent the whole day online with her. With presents, and balloons, and poems, and candles, and a cake. I guess none of that really mattered. I'm just a pathetic asswhole with too much money in his pocket. And yet, I still would like her in my life. If she was the person that she portrayed. This is going to hurt for a very long time.

You really need to talk to someone who is a professional to help you be less of a target for this kind of stuff. It can happen to you in real life as easily as on the internet. There are people that seek to take advantage of others to make gains (either status or monetarily) no matter what and you need help to be able to recognize these people.
I'm sorry you went through this but the best thing is to learn from the experience so it doesn't happen again.
Best of luck.

 

[LivingInMyth]

You really need to talk to someone who is a professional to help you be less of a target for this kind of stuff. It can happen to you in real life as easily as on the internet. There are people that seek to take advantage of others to make gains (either status or monetarily) no matter what and you need help to be able to recognize these people.
I'm sorry you went through this but the best thing is to learn from the experience so it doesn't happen again.
Best of luck.

In spite of all the hurt I miss her conversation. And her smile. I don't regret the money spent only that she is no longer in my life. I found out that she is married. But she once told me you can be alone with another person. I don'the think she is happy with him or here on line. I would take her back if she would give me but a chance. I know most will think me crazy but I believe in her in spite of all her lies. Maybe she is simply lying to herself and denying herself the road to her own happiness?

 

[paige_orion]

In spite of all the hurt I miss her conversation. And her smile. I don't regret the money spent only that she is no longer in my life. I found out that she is married. But she once told me you can be alone with another person. I don'the think she is happy with him or here on line. I would take her back if she would give me but a chance. I know most will think me crazy but I believe in her in spite of all her lies. Maybe she is simply lying to herself and denying herself the road to her own happiness?

I think there is only one person who is lying to themselves in this situation, and only one person who is denying themselves the road to their own happiness.

Let her go.

 

[LivingInMyth]

I think there is only one person who is lying to themselves in this situation, and only one person who is denying themselves the road to their own happiness.

Let her go.

It'seems only been two days and we were together for 16 months. I am not ready to let her go. Plus it's hard to admit that I was wrong about her because she was always perfection in my eyes. This will take some time.

 

[LivingInMyth]

So.. when you recover from all of this just lazor off the "ia" of "Victoria" and tattoo in a "y" for "victory" or just never take off your shirt in front of another woman.

The tattoo I just can't get over it. I'd be so pissed if someone tattooed my name on them.. we are not pieces of property. We are human beings.

It was meant to signify my commitment to her. A permanent mark more powerful than words which are fleeting. She was my muse and for that I always will be grateful. And will not regret the time we spent together. Obviously I regret the way that I was lied to. The tatoo does not suggest ownership. It is a monument to her,

 

[AudriTwo]

Please go speak to a therapist. Get off the internet. No one here can help you.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

It'seems only been two days and we were together for 16 months. I am not ready to let her go. Plus it's hard to admit that I was wrong about her because she was always perfection in my eyes. This will take some time.

Make a clean break. Delete it all. Capped shows, emails, remove her from your skype/cell contacts and other chat programs, all of it. When her and hubby are giggling underneath them sheets you paid for, you and your drama are the furthest thing from their mind. Return the favor.

You said in the video you posted a few hours ago that she has such little self esteem, and that is why she is trapped in a life of cammodelling. She doesn't understand she is worth more than than being a camgirl, and she is a fool and misguided if she thinks otherwise. Hubby (or bf) doesn't care about her, because he is letting her be a model. You said it was unconscionable to let anyone you love live such a life. Probly ought to take that down before some crazy feminist runs across it.

 

[papichulo80]

Plus it's hard to admit that I was wrong about her.

This Is the most honest thing you have said in the entire time you have been posting.
As someone who has been through something similar you are in for some serious self examination if you're lucky. The next few months are gonna be tough.
Yes you were lied to and used. And no she will never fess up or admit anything or give you closure. There is a truth that is universal and you need to accept. Everyone is the hero of their own story. Her as well as you. And both of you will self delude as much as necessary to maintain that.
Its brutal and breaking but look at your conversations. Ill bet if you're honest almost everything came from you. She played along, responded and twisted. But you wrote the story. That's how hustle works. You reflect the desires of your victims. This means that you will protect her, her hustle, her lies in order to protect your own fantasy. You're still doing it.
Set yourself free. Its painful but you'll feel better eventually.
Admitting you meant nothing to.someone you thought you loved is terrible but it might be the start of meaning more to yourself

 

[Carmita Bonita]

You can only speculate or rationalize so much about why she wasn't honest with you or if she's denying her own road to happiness. Bottom line: She isn't available--not physically or emotionally. Whatever the reasoning it's starting to feel like you're the one trying to make yourself feel better to cope--problem with that is it leaves you with the lack of closure and forever wondering if she truly loved you and you always being emotionally available for her when she hasn't done shit for you.

Her actions are the bottom line. You can speculate or think of the excuses to not paint her in a bad light but it really won't help you in the long run. Whether she's happy in her marriage or not, she's not reaching out to you, she's not making an effort for you--she'd pretty much be a horrible partner even if she actually came back to be with you as you hope.

I met my bf through a camming site. As our relationship grew, I gave him my real name, phone number, we skyped for hours everyday (he didn't pay for it) and I told him he didn't have to tip me anymore 7 months later he moves in with me and has been here for the last year. He left behind his family & everything he knew, never been on a plane before, yet moved thousands of miles with money saved up from his retail job. People can make this work if they want it enough. She had more than enough money and resources (thanks to you) to escape this horrible life she's painted for you. You offered up everything to her and she offered empty lies in return. You were vulnerable to this woman--completely put your emotions and finances on the line for her and what did she risk for you? Nothing. Not even the truth about her being married. Let that sink in.

Another thing is I dealt a LOT with love addiction in my teens-early adulthood. It was a sad,lonely and miserable life for me. I kept burning, unrequited love for people who didn't make any effort for me whatsoever. Who were liars and users--and I'd just be waiting with hopeful open arms ready for some more. "Maybe he doesn't want to be happy yet/maybe he's afraid/maybe he really loves me!" Is a lie I told myself over and over. I don't know if this is any sort of pattern for you but some of your posts remind me of my mentality in the past for faux relationships I'd get involved in with people who only wanted to use me. It wasn't until I cut out all contact, reminders, photos, memories, pages and pages of lovesick banter I wrote in my notebooks for the man I'd fixate unhealthily on. I hope you know that it WILL get better despite how hard it is to let go now.

 

[LivingInMyth]

This Is the most honest thing you have said in the entire time you have been posting.
As someone who has been through something similar you are in for some serious self examination if you're lucky. The next few months are gonna be tough.
Yes you were lied to and used. And no she will never fess up or admit anything or give you closure. There is a truth that is universal and you need to accept. Everyone is the hero of their own story. Her as well as you. And both of you will self delude as much as necessary to maintain that.
Its brutal and breaking but look at your conversations. Ill bet if you're honest almost everything came from you. She played along, responded and twisted. But you wrote the story. That's how hustle works. You reflect the desires of your victims. This means that you will protect her, her hustle, her lies in order to protect your own fantasy. You're still doing it.
Set yourself free. Its painful but you'll feel better eventually.
Admitting you meant nothing to.someone you thought you loved is terrible but it might be the start of meaning more to yourself

Yes, I agree that she listened and mirrored back what I wanted from her. I wanted to protect her so she asked to be protected. I wanted someone dependent so she told me she was alone and friendless - shy to a fault not married with hundreds of Facebook friends to say hello to which is her true reality. She said she was tired and I gave her time to rest. When she was on her period I let her rest as well. She knew I loved to write so she told me she loved my.songs. What I loved about her may solely be artificially designed for my viewing pleasure. Indeed I wrote the story. That is why I always had a pit in my stomach thinking things would end badly for me. She never wotried about me just her needs. TOLD me she would make this up to me one day and I believed her. Thank you for your thoughts.

 

[LivingInMyth]

You can only speculate or rationalize so much about why she wasn't honest with you or if she's denying her own road to happiness. Bottom line: She isn't available--not physically or emotionally. Whatever the reasoning it's starting to feel like you're the one trying to make yourself feel better to cope--problem with that is it leaves you with the lack of closure and forever wondering if she truly loved you and you always being emotionally available for her when she hasn't done shit for you.

Her actions are the bottom line. You can speculate or think of the excuses to not paint her in a bad light but it really won't help you in the long run. Whether she's happy in her marriage or not, she's not reaching out to you, she's not making an effort for you--she'd pretty much be a horrible partner even if she actually came back to be with you as you hope.

I met my bf through a camming site. As our relationship grew, I gave him my real name, phone number, we skyped for hours everyday (he didn't pay for it) and I told him he didn't have to tip me anymore 7 months later he moves in with me and has been here for the last year. He left behind his family & everything he knew, never been on a plane before, yet moved thousands of miles with money saved up from his retail job. People can make this work if they want it enough. She had more than enough money and resources (thanks to you) to escape this horrible life she's painted for you. You offered up everything to her and she offered empty lies in return. You were vulnerable to this woman--completely put your emotions and finances on the line for her and what did she risk for you? Nothing. Not even the truth about her being married. Let that sink in.

Another thing is I dealt a LOT with love addiction in my teens-early adulthood. It was a sad,lonely and miserable life for me. I kept burning, unrequited love for people who didn't make any effort for me whatsoever. Who were liars and users--and I'd just be waiting with hopeful open arms ready for some more. "Maybe he doesn't want to be happy yet/maybe he's afraid/maybe he really loves me!" Is a lie I told myself over and over. I don't know if this is any sort of pattern for you but some of your posts remind me of my mentality in the past for faux relationships I'd get involved in with people who only wanted to use me. It wasn't until I cut out all contact, reminders, photos, memories, pages and pages of lovesick banter I wrote in my notebooks for the man I'd fixate unhealthily on. I hope you know that it WILL get better despite how hard it is to let go now.

Thank you. These last two posts have been extremely helpful. Yours is the story I wanted to play out. Your reaction to your boyfriend's love is what I expected and I should of run the other way when my love was not requited. This is my first relationship like this. Although after 20 years in a loveless (but kind) marriage I think I was just starved for romance and attention. She used that to her advantage.

 

[LivingInMyth]

You can only speculate or rationalize so much about why she wasn't honest with you or if she's denying her own road to happiness. Bottom line: She isn't available--not physically or emotionally. Whatever the reasoning it's starting to feel like you're the one trying to make yourself feel better to cope--problem with that is it leaves you with the lack of closure and forever wondering if she truly loved you and you always being emotionally available for her when she hasn't done shit for you.

Her actions are the bottom line. You can speculate or think of the excuses to not paint her in a bad light but it really won't help you in the long run. Whether she's happy in her marriage or not, she's not reaching out to you, she's not making an effort for you--she'd pretty much be a horrible partner even if she actually came back to be with you as you hope.

I met my bf through a camming site. As our relationship grew, I gave him my real name, phone number, we skyped for hours everyday (he didn't pay for it) and I told him he didn't have to tip me anymore 7 months later he moves in with me and has been here for the last year. He left behind his family & everything he knew, never been on a plane before, yet moved thousands of miles with money saved up from his retail job. People can make this work if they want it enough. She had more than enough money and resources (thanks to you) to escape this horrible life she's painted for you. You offered up everything to her and she offered empty lies in return. You were vulnerable to this woman--completely put your emotions and finances on the line for her and what did she risk for you? Nothing. Not even the truth about her being married. Let that sink in.

Another thing is I dealt a LOT with love addiction in my teens-early adulthood. It was a sad,lonely and miserable life for me. I kept burning, unrequited love for people who didn't make any effort for me whatsoever. Who were liars and users--and I'd just be waiting with hopeful open arms ready for some more. "Maybe he doesn't want to be happy yet/maybe he's afraid/maybe he really loves me!" Is a lie I told myself over and over. I don't know if this is any sort of pattern for you but some of your posts remind me of my mentality in the past for faux relationships I'd get involved in with people who only wanted to use me. It wasn't until I cut out all contact, reminders, photos, memories, pages and pages of lovesick banter I wrote in my notebooks for the man I'd fixate unhealthily on. I hope you know that it WILL get better despite how hard it is to let go now.

This post really hits home and articulates everything that I have felt fromore what I thought she should do (the things you did for your.boyfriend) to the minimal risks on her end. She blames the studio for everything as if they controlled everything she did. I am starting to see the light. Thank you for the insight.

 

[ExcellaExe]

We can never truly know the reasons behind why someone does something--especially in situations like this. Most people don't have the self awareness to even be cognoscente of why they do the things they do. It will take time, but accept that you will most likely never have that closure you so want from her, because she can't give it to you, only you can. And, like others have said, I'd recommend seeking help. Not just for the grief, but also for your lack of insight as to why you latched onto her so strongly. It would do you a world of good. I have OCD, so Obsessive thoughts are a bane of my existance, and I can see some of that compulsion/obsession in what you've written (not necessarily as OCD) so I of all people know how therapists can help loosen the chains those thoughts can have.

 

[LivingInMyth]

Yes, I understand what you say about closure and that I probably won't get it. And I think I already have my answers. Truthfully she has little regard for me. If she did shs would of found a way to communicate. A dear Jon letter telling me that I actually meant something, a note of apology or appreciation but I will get none of these, I am sure. I was no different from the rest. Just another victim. She extracted as much as she could and then, when I offered her no more, she showed contempt and turned her back on me. I fell for it all because I wrote the script and she played it to a T. She played the victim well. Pretending to hate this place. Pretending to be lonely telling me she needed me in her life. I told her I wanted truth not allusion. And she covered me up in lies. And I blamed the lies on her studio thinking that she was a puppet on a string. Perhaps I was the one wearing all the strings? I believed her because I loved everything she portrayed. And, of course, I did love it all because she was simply mirroring what I wanted. She even fought with me (and I thought that simply meant that this was real (for why would she try to push me away if all she wanted was my money?) In truth, she was always selfish. For I was always fixing her. And she would tell me that she cries herself to sleep at night feeling guilty at all she has to do to me. And wants to make it up to me in the end. And then I would ask for her to phone me, and she would say that it was against the rules. And now I know that if I truly meant something to her she would of found a way. Again, I always made excuses for her behavior. And now I realize that she simply didn't care. And doesn't have the conscious to care that what she does is wrong. We should treat each other kindly. Be honest. Love unconditionally. Care for one another. The truth is that I loved the person she portrayed. And in my wildest fantasies that person exists in her. And will come to me one day. But in reality, even if that person exists in her I will never be with her again. (if that person exists as all). I will need to move on and find those attributes in another. For I knew she lied to others. And I told myself that it was OK as long as she was kind to me. But now I realize that I was incorrect in my thinking. That I should of been bothered by the others that she hurt. And that I should of left long ago simply at her tolerance for hurting others so willingly. She wasn't simply putting on a show. She was ruining lives. Husbands were contemplating leaving wives. She would take them to the very edge. She would tell me that her life was tragic and that one day I would understand. That she was alone and forced to do the things she does. That none of this was her. And now, I find her with a husband and hundreds of facebook friends. And yes, I know that does not mean that she is happy. But it means that she is not alone. And much of what I did for her was because I thought she was alone. And I wrote volumes so she would not be lonely. For I think that loneliness is the worst feeling of them all. And she knew that I was sensitive to loneliness. And fabricated a story in which she was a victim. And I bought in and rode in on shining horse. And she knew I wanted to be a knight in shining as I rode in on pen and song. And she asked me to play and sing for her (no other has done the same). And I felt appreciated and loved. Something I had not felt in a very long time. And she told me she loved me first. And I thought that she was first it must be true. And we found like a real couple (when she would not put in an effort to communicate) and I thought that those fights made things seem like they were real. I was lonely. And I was gullible. Wihich was the first question that I asked here. So ending the story where it all began ...

Am I simply being gullible?

And the answer is a simple "yes."

 

[justjoinedtopost]

.... So ending the story where it all began ...

Am I simply being gullible?

And the answer is a simple "yes."

It is finished?

 

[schlmoe]

It is finished?

I sincerely doubt it...

 

[justjoinedtopost]

I sincerely doubt it...

Probably right.

Have I ever told you that avatar makes the word "jubilee" pop into my head?

 

[eyeteach]

Please go speak to a therapist. Get off the internet. No one here can help you.

Good God, YES to this. I watched the youtube vid, seek professional help.

 

[LivingInMyth]

Good God, YES to this. I watched the youtube vid, seek professional help.

Not to worry. I realize that she became my obsession and simply encouraged my behavior. I am seeking counseling for grief and for OCD behaviors.

 

[LilyPink]

Why does this feel like a creative writing assignment. This is all too 'textbook'. I'm not believing this. Wait is it art?

 

[Hypatia]

I still Dreamcast about the times I used to PlayStation with my XBox wife's Wii. Wait, what?

"XBox wife" -- I took that to mean, maybe -- a gamer?

It's a thing -- partners who hate that their SO spends so much time gaming. I resemble that remark! People around me say I spend too much time at it but, what the hey, I'm retired, got time for it & it's interesting, engaging?

Plus, there's a whole underworld of sexy innuendo's going on, which I brush off, since mostly younger generations (teens thru 30's?) Older folks starting up, though. So maybe the guy has a wife like that & he's got his own little online Victoria, now ending? I can see that would hurt. It's like an addiction. Meet/friend others! People with interesting lives, personalities. Some may become sort of a friend, new kind of online friend.

 

[LivingInMyth]

Why does this feel like a creative writing assignment. This is all too 'textbook'. I'm not believing this. Wait is it art?

I wish this wasn't real but unfortunately it is. At one point, I thought it was her and I against a world of non-believers and that I would post after Christmas to tell all you that you were wrong. Instead I come to all of you humbled to acknowledge I was wrong.

 

[LilyPink]

I wish this wasn't real but unfortunately it is. At one point, I thought it was her and I against a world of non-believers and that I would post after Christmas to tell all you that you were wrong. Instead I come to all of you humbled to acknowledge I was wrong.

If that's the case I hope you found some solace in writing out your thoughts here.

If you're not keeping that ring can I have it pls? I don't love you though.

 

[papichulo80]

Why does this feel like a creative writing assignment. This is all too 'textbook'. I'm not believing this. Wait is it art?

I think it always sounds textbook because it is.
Its like a book a million other people have read a hundred times each. But you just read it so it feels important and new but for.everyone else its trite and played out. That's another thing that's rough about getting over this type of grift. You have to deal with the personal stuff but also the fact that you are a cliche and.most people will think you should have known better.

 

[LivingInMyth]

Yes, and you never think that it will happen to you. Even with all the warnings and the stereotypes, I felt that I was safe. I BELIEVED what she was telling me. That the studio was keeping her from communicating - and that there was nothing she could do. And I was dubious. So I choose to believe her. Because I wanted this love to be requited. I wanted it to be true.

 

[JGenius]

Why does this feel like a creative writing assignment. This is all too 'textbook'. I'm not believing this. Wait is it art?

Part of me thinks the same. But the songs the tatoo...

 

[LivingInMyth]

If that's the case I hope you found some solace in writing out your thoughts here.

If you're not keeping that ring can I have it pls? I don't love you though.

I don't think the catharsis has been of much assistance. But the wounds are still very new. 16 months of me bleeding every day for a love that wasn't requited. And the lengths she went to in her deception and the lack of concern or remorse are what hurt the most. For the money and I spent I would have at least liked a thank you and an acknowledgment that she recognized that I really cared for her. That is what hurts the most. And that will keep on hurting for quite some time to come.

 

[Sevrin]

TL;DR

 

[LivingInMyth]

Part of me thinks the same. But the songs the tatoo...

Yes, I know is seems contrived. That no one would be such a fool. But I am here as an example of how love can become obsession. And when that obsession is used against you the results can be tragic. So I appreciate all of you who make sure to draw the line between fantasy and real. Mine blurred the line on purpose. Because she read me very well. Went so far as to pepper her apartment with pictures of me (that I sent her at her request) - including one of my mother (again at her request). She sent me a photo with all the pictures arranged in frames I guess to substantiate her love for me. Probably took an hour of work removing the original pictures from the frames. Also, she purchased a necklace with my name on it which she showed me in a picture once. Although I doubt she ever wore it again. So she worked hard at her deception. And I was easily appeased of all my fears. And she would introduce these facts when my patience was getting thin. But through all of this I did all the bleeding. And she just gave me words. And as a reminder. I never saw her naked. Nor did we ever talk about sex or flirt. I was there to give her time to recover from a place she told me that she hated. And now, I don't even know if that was true. I know nothing now. Just pain. And loss. And embarrassment. And am not sure whether baring all on line is a sign of strength or my own stupidity since many have taken shots at me when I was simply being honest.