So this thread is long and went down various corridors and maybe reached exhaustion (since the food topic emerged, which seems to mean, "Can we be done?" lol). But I had some thoughts after reading most of it.
First, I don't know anything about Columbia, or cam model norms there, or the risks of various scams in the country. But most of this story doesn't have the typical hallmarks of a cam model "love scam." Maybe some other kind of dating-related scam - or maybe someone you met with bad intentions (or even she didn't know her intentions). But I agree with others who said that the cam model dimension may be largely irrelevant.
Second, I'm commenting because the part that did catch my attention was this notion of "trauma-dumping" and "trauma-bonding." One of your statements early in the thread: "She started with a trauma dump about her sad life and then trauma-bonded me. I was addicted to her, she bread crummed me emotionally and guilt-tripped me." Really interesting.
The context for my comment is that I know a few models in a context outside of sites, and occasionally I've posted some stories that a couple of them in particular have told me over the last few years. One of them pretty much overtly love scams dudes when the opportunity arises, and she's completely NOT ashamed about it, and actually doesn't even think of it as being "wrong" in any way. (She wouldn't use the word scam, though). As a note, she's Russian, FWIW.
The main thing is: What you describe as trauma-dumping is a conscious and carefully executed part of her strategy to hook in her "prey." For her, there's an art to this; you can't just go there immediately or you'll run people off. (As she likes to say, "dudes don't come to see sad girls"). So it all starts with the usual recipe of sexuality, flirtation, finding connection points for conversation. And this woman is a master at reading men. Her entire goal is to get a few dudes into these situations where it's long chats about life, and when she can maintain a rhythm with it, she's happy and will never do anything in public chats and even avoids one-off privates as much as possible. If she smells the "magic combination" (loneliness and money), she's like a raptor going in for a kill.
So as far as the "trauma-dumping," I never thought of that term, but she's got a playbook for this! Once there's initial rapport, and a fun basis to the connection with customer, she will at opportune moments begin to reveal things about her life. She'll talk about growing up terribly poor and being bullied incessantly (which she exaggerates, purposely - she admits). At a little later point, she'll "trauma dump" about (fictional or exaggerated) events in recent and past relationships with abusive men. She'll cry a little. She is very astute that the aim is to make the guy think, "Wow, she's known all these assholes in real life; now I am a white knight." She's even got crazy stories she recycles. She has one about the evil step-father who poisoned all her rabbits as a child. (There's a lot of detail to this that makes it sound more believable, apparently, but it's a tale she said has been passed around in her studio with different variations).
So, this to me is trauma-dumping and trauma-bonding - but done very intentionally (as a con). Her trauma is sometimes fake, sometimes heavily embellished, and occasionally real.
That part of your post caught my attention because she's been running some of this on someone recently, and I am often a sounding board for gripes (or simply interesting stories) about these clients. It was on a more obscure site called Secret Friends. A few months ago, she began going through her playbook on a guy who put himself right into it. She got to trauma-dumping fairly quickly. Within a couple of weeks, he was coming three days a week, sitting in VIP chats for 3-4 hours at a time. He even left for a week on a trip and couldn't go to her on the site, and I was joking, like, uh oh...what if he has a moment of clarity? ha ha... Well, she sent some clever messages, and pulled out all the stops about medical problems and an operation upcoming and yep, the guy was back like clockwork. I think the client actually now has a feeling almost of responsibility for her now, obligated to her by knowledge of her sad childhood, bad shit that guys did, medical problems, having to take care of mom, even her dog needs expensive medicines. lol (more small lies she tells).
I digressed, and it's hard to know what the guy is thinking, but going on what she's told me, it's often the same situation over and over with them. It's like grown men choosing and wanting to be lied to! (It's bizarre that they never contemplate that others are being told the same things, and all are being deceived).
Anyway, there are A LOT of differences with your situation. You had real world contact with the woman in Columbia. And you didn't meet on cam site. And she wasn't running the old "met on Tinder and she referred me to her cam room" scam.
In the case of the model I'm referring to, meeting with the clients doesn't happen. She just implies that one day, everything will be possible. Maybe what you called bread-crumbing, but it doesn't get to more than promises. She'll keep the situations going for months or years, if they are willing. And there's never any question of whether she expects money. She doesn't create ambiguity about that.
Also, you two were close in age and more "age appropriate" for an actual relationship. Normally her targets are older.
And lastly, in her case, she has no qualms whatsoever about any of this. We'll debate this stuff sometimes; she views it as though she is providing a kind of useful service. If they are coming back and giving money, what's the problem? (If I ask, do you feel bad that it's taking advantage of their vulnerability or stupidity or empathy, she'll say no and give me a tongue lashing on how the last thing I need to do is defend men).
Thanks for giving food for thought about trauma-dumping and trauma-bonding. But if there was some kind of "scam" in your situation, I don't think it was so intentional as what I've described here. It sounds more like aspects of her personality. Maybe best to just look for love in a less risky circumstance or environment.
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