I agree to some degree. But now I need to defend myself again. It is always a 2-way thing. Like you said, co-dependent. But what you are missing in your post, is the other partner of that co-dependency. Like Trauma-Dumping while telling you "Look at all the other dates I have that are better than you" but shortly after "i miss you so much" "this other guy is only playing with me" (I stayed because I was a friend and not a lover at that point, but the jealousy and push/pull affected my emotions of course. It was much more but that was one core part at the start). And "did you fall in love? well, if you were it would be so beautiful, i never thought that could happen on this app".-> This is some crazy manipulation. Playing the victim is manipulation. Not stepping away and thinking "I can help" is naive and you are right with that, will also become toxic.
Its my fault I fell for it. I fell for it because it was a different culture and she came from a poor, abusive background (sorry. But it is true). And me having the instinct to want to help is toxic? Yes my fault is not seeing those red flags and not stepping away immediately. But covert-binds are so cruel because the person is disguised. They play a role to get public recognition as a good person, play the victim and slowly drop the mask to control you, bind you and hurt you. They want you to make mistakes, they want you to step on their toes so that they can guilt trip you. So of course, my texts are one-sided. But yours is the opposite, it is also one-sided.
Lets say she was pretty covert-narcissistic (just as a assumption and a point of view to bring to the argumentation, no diagnosis). Before you tell me that I am to blame for everything, look up what they are capable of and what they are actually doing. They surprise you, they overwhelm you. You don't even know that something like this exists until it's too late. Toxic behavior always brings forth toxic behavior in the other person. They start a toxic cycle unless one person steps away. One toxic reaction followed by another. Very passive-agressive. Until the love-bombing comes back (which does not necessarily mean someone saying "I love you"). By the way her quote about her ex boyfriend: "we both destroyed each other". She left home with 18 years old because "it was hell" "her mother beat her" "her father left when she was a small child" "they had sometimes not enough food" "she lived with her aunt for most". She comes from a toxic environment. It is just the fact, if it was not all lies. And when they unleash that toxic environment upon you, you also get more and more toxic. The co-dependency starts. It was after three months that I quit because I could not handle it anymore and I noticed how toxic everything became. I gave her full control over my feelings and she knew it and played with it. A person with empathy would not play with other peoples emotions and control them in that sense. While she COMPLETELY ignored all my needs. Don't forget the part of the story where she didn't invest anything in me other than liking stuff I post or send her, remaining basic contact "how are you? what are you doing?" But I was not even worth it that she looks up a song she liked and sends it to me (closer to the end but during a non-toxic conversation).
I am a very empathic person, we all are very different. That is why being a rescuer is attractive to me. Some can relate more to her, some maybe more to me. But don't leave out the fact that covert-toxic tactics can easily affect many "healthy" people that are strongly empathic. They know perfectly how to push your buttons and turn everything against you. They want you to bring out reactions and make mistakes to use those against you. Don't forget that.
Yes, I felt attacked by the fact that you wrote only from her perspective. Maybe I deserved it because I obviously am not objective as it is my story and I am telling it. But yours is also not objective. I also set boundaries she never respected. But she made it that I felt like it was my fault, that my boundaries were egoistic, and I felt was to blame so it was ok that she did broke them. Until it was walking on eggshells for me. She never reflected on her behavior and only reacted on things to bring the blame to me again, while I addmited my fault
My original post was never about me wanting to blame her or wanting to know who is to blame. It was about: "Can there be dark psychology love scams in the colombian cam-industry involving real Tinder dates?". But of course I also feel the urge to defend my view. I probably should never have started the topic in the first place.
Thank you for your response and honest opinion though. Everybody at least seemed very clear about that it is not likely that it was a scam, only a co-dependent psychologically fked up situation. I am really grateful for everyone listening and responding. It was really emotional for me, but I think I really found some more closure. Thank you.
Food porn?
