What do you tell dates you do for a job?

[southsamurai]

well since the thread's intent has sort of gotten derailed i guess ill poke my nose in.

my perspective isnt useless i dont think, though i am not nor have i ever done camming professionally. (only for individuals from whom i was separated by distance for a time)
in my life i worked as a bouncer in the local topless bars, so i knew a lot of ladies in an adult business. i dated several as well (though not while i was working there. never ever poo where you eat i say).
i never had a problem with what they did for a living, but im a known libertine.

i did run into one lady i went out with while i was bouncing who, once she found out where i bounced, dropped me like a hot brick. apparently working around scantily clad/naked women 20 odd hours a week made me untrustworthy in regards to monogamy. (or in her words "no way you can keep it in your pants")
this despite it being our second date. monogamy wasnt even an option that soon into things lol.

most of the ladies i worked with had a similar problem with dating. it isnt something you bring up immediately, and when you do it tends to be a game changer. the misconceptions and assumptions people make about any adult entertainment job are rather ridiculous. too many men (and women) assume that anyone who will share the view of their nude body with others for money are either sluts, whores or otherwise rude words. now some of them will like that idea, and that is just as problematic as those who dislike it. add to that the behavior of some men (usually a vast minority in clubs unlike cam world) towards strippers and those ladies tended to have a dismal view of dating.

now when it comes to my friends and family i have a policy of dont ask if you might not like the answer. im honest when asked directly about something, but i rarely volunteer any personal information at all unless it comes up by question or general conversation. if someone responds poorly to my choices or thoughts they are welcome to leave my presence. if it is family and i know they arent open minded enough to handle info about me i tell them exactly that "you dont want to know because you couldnt handle the truth" and leave it at that.

i try very hard to be honest in dealing with anyone. sometimes that honesty may be "none of your damn business" if i dont know them well or value them enough to deal with their opinions. that being said i understand why a "controversial" job might be something to be circumspect about. if i were dating someone i would hope that they would quickly find me open and unjudging enough to tell me they cammed. if not then i would have to think that i wasnt showing myself in the proper perspective, or that they had worries about the subject itself. as long as they didnt flat out lie why would it bother me? saying " i work online" or similar isnt a lie, it just isnt a complete truth. saying that they work as a paralegal would be (assuming they didnt also do that as well).

but all this doesnt matter much on an individual basis. if someone considers online interactions cheating then it is... for them and any partner whom they have an agreement with. knowing what does and does not equal cheating is important in a long term relationship of any kind. and that definition must be made only by the individuals involved. yes, even poly people can cheat. non monogamous doesnt mean that there isnt an agreement of fidelity within the group.

aside from that. i, as a modern, intelligent and thinking human being have no problem with any adult work. if i had a problem with it i still wouldnt bad mouth it. i would choose to not partake for myself. i certainly would not place judgement on those who do, and then frequent a forum or other website geared to that industry.

oh, btw (joking here, i know that the invisible line isnt one to be crossed) if any of you lovely models want a date, holla at yer boy

ive gotten long winded... as usual, but im going to follow up this post with a funny story about a prostitute i almost dated.

 

[southsamurai]

ok, way back in the day i was actually naive and inexperienced in the ways of the world. i knew that such things as prostitution occurred, but had only encountered ladies in that business a couple of times, and it had been a bit of a shock considering the way it happened (but thats another story).

one day i went to a local watering hole to hear a band. the guitarist was a friend of mine, otherwise i wouldnt have gone to a hotel bar geared to folk in their middle life. while the band was setting up i sat at the bar and had my favorite mixed drink (southern comfort and 7up...a sickly sweet but lip smackingly good concoction). while i have always been comfortable around people both older and younger than myself i never have been good with strangers and crowds. so a large crowd of strangers in a different age group were gathering for the festivities and top 40 tunes. (not to mention the hope of hooking up) this left me a bit of an outsider. as my buddy was tuning his axe a rather attractive lady sat next to me and ordered a beer. since she was close to my age and i was feeling out of place being there alone til the band took a break and i could hang with my friend i struck up a conversation.

it started as a discussion of the merits of beer vs mixed drinks, moved to the deplorable quality of the top 40 music at that time then on to the band. i mentioned that that was why i was there and explained a bit further. by this time the band had started up so she and i moved to a booth near the rear of the bar area to continue talking. she said that she had needed a night off and came here because most of the men didnt bother her here. i said i would leave if she wanted to be alone.
she replied that if she sat with me no one would bother her at all since it would appear she was with me with me (her turn of phrase). so we settled in on the same side of the booth and talked for a while about nothing important.
now, i am not asexual, nor was i immune to her charms. but since she had stated she didnt want to be bothered by men i wasnt going to hit on her in any way. but she smelled so good, and despite wearing no make up and dressing in rather battered and worn clothes was very very attractive. i chose to just enjoy the company of a pretty lady and pretend that it was no big deal (despite having been in a dry spell).

during the break the band took about an hour later my buddy came over and chatted with us til they started back. he of course gave me one of those "guy nods" as he left, which made me laugh. she laughed too so it was obvious she had caught him. for several more hours we talked about this and that. eventually she asked what i did for a living, and i told her. but since she made several more follow up questions and comments i never did the same.

this went on til about 1 in the morning when the bar started closing up. my friend came over to say goodbye and said he would catch me later (we had planned to head over to his place and hang after the gig). he still thought i was getting lucky. she and i got up and moved towards the night. i was severely disappointed that it was ending.i found her enchanting, intelligent and just awesome. once we were outside and moving towards our vehicles i braced for a rejection and said "i know you didnt want to get hit on, and i dont want to, but would it be possibly if we had a date tomorrow?"
her face got all sad and upset so i started apologizing. she said " i didnt know you knew"

the phrasing stumped me and confused me. "know what?" i said.
"well i wasnt dressed in my work clothes, but i guess your friend recognized me anyway"
i was befuddled still. "he didnt that i know of, why did you two go out or something?"
she just stopped and looked at me for a bit. she realized i was confused as hell and not faking it and laughed until she was out of breath which only confused me more. "oh sweetie, i am so sorry.i said i wasnt working tonight. i, umm i work with men"
now i was just a little over 21, and around here the oldest profession isnt practiced often, and when it is it is usually by drug addicts so worn out that it is scary. i had no idea that a professional could be pretty, much less pretty and smart and fun. so i still didnt get it.
"what does that have to do with it? i work with men sometimes, women too."
of course this started more peals of laughter. she finally came out with it directly. "honey, im a prostitute. when you asked for a date i thought you wanted to hire me."

stunned silence on my part while it sank in. you see, among my age group we actually used the word date when we asked people out on a date. as she explained it means something else to working ladies. if one of them walks up and asks a fella if he wants a date and it turns out to be a cop she has a bit of leeway to wiggle out of a solicitation charge since she didnt mention sex directly.

this information sort of percolated through my brain. on one hand i was young still, so i had not yet any experience with professionals that werent obvious (and that i got away from as fast as i could). on another i still had a bit of a prudish hangover from southern society so the idea that i had just asked a pro out on my idea of a date weirded me out. but on the third hand (what? im a mutant) i really liked her.
i think she perceived all that. she looked a little hurt and started to walk away. i stopped her.
"well, what if we went out to dinner or whatever and didnt have sex? i mean i just wanted to hang out with you again."
she turned around and smiled at me. gave me a big ol hug and kissed me, just a quick peck on the cheek then the lips. " mike honey,you are too sweet for words, but it just aint a good idea. you take care now."
i just blushed and stammered out "ok" while she hugged me again and got in her car.

i sat in my old festive in the parking lot for a while after. at first i was confused still. then i got a bit sad. then i got a bit mad. then i started to laugh myself. it all felt like some farce, a great big cosmic whoopee cushion. and damned if it wasnt funny. i have a bit of a history with not realizing pros are pros until well after anyone else would (this wasnt the first time i had not understood, though it was the first time the pro in question wasnt a crackhead).

i still think it is hilarious really. though typing it out im more sad than i should be.
i will say that the experience left me with a different view of prostitutes than i had before. and it makes me unable to judge them harshly even when i probably should. if i could go back in time would i change what i said and did? would i try to convince her i was worth the effort? i dunno. i just dont know. all i know is that sitting here typing away i can smell her perfume and hear her laugh and i wish i could talk to her again now all these years later.

anyway.the story is actually off topic, but it does show how adult work can be problematic in early encounters of a dating nature i guess. no, camming is not anything like prostitution, but i can imagine the topic could be as difficult to bring up for some people. it shouldnt be, but humanity is a dull and ignorant lot for the most part.

 

[JoeShmoe]

I'm surprised this is still going. I didn't intend to respond again, but I want to apologize if I hurt anyone's feelings. I gave an honest opinion, and what I considered to be helpful advice. Summed up, it's this: Be as honest as you can be, as soon as you can be, and be sympathetic and understanding when it comes to how the guy feels about it. You may or may not be able to work things out in a way you're both comfortable with, but dishonesty, defensiveness and hostility are not the answer.

As for other things that have been said in previous posts:

- I'm in my 30s.
- I did not say that camming in any form is cheating. There are things many cam girls do that most people would consider cheating if they're in a relationship. There are many cam girls who don't do those things, and still make plenty of money. Different people will have different opinions when it comes to this subject.
- What I said about past situations with specific cam girls is true, but I will not go into any detail about it. If you don't want to believe me, that's cool.

If I didn't have a soft spot for cam girls, I wouldn't have posted here in the first place. The fact that I've been hesitant to date them in the past doesn't mean I dislike them, or look down on them. There are a million reasons why people end up in various situations in life.

As for the stuff about "insecurity" - with the definition being used here, you'd have to be ok with having an "open relationship" in order to qualify as "secure". If that's the case, go ahead and call me "insecure". It's not for me.

 

[LuckySmiles]

I've been wanting to post in here but it gets to a point where you're like afraid something you say being brutally honest might ruin your cam income so I will try to do my best.

I completely view camming as a job, a fun one, but a job. I'm a bad actress and a worse liar. I've only been camming a little over a year , fulltime a bit less, but have been actively dating the entire time. I have told more than one guy fairly early on about it. Typically because of a convenience issue. I tend to cam nights, I say I work from home sure, but whyyy do I always seem to be unavailable at nighttime? So I confess. I hesitate the same way as anyone would for safety reasons. I'd equate telling someone the truth, with having sex with someone more than once. I don't have to tell a one time fling my life story, but if I have someone I'd like to have sexy times with frequently there's a level of trust and respect beyond that. If you can put the P in the V you can know how I earn my $$. That being said I'm much slower at what I consider serious aspects of a relationship...like I'd be uncomfortable meeting someone's parents less than 6 months into something. By that point they've decided how much they like me and how much what I do for a living does or doesn't affect them.

Also as someone who hasn't cammed for years+ I've had several different professional jobs. I know based on these experiences that my morals and values do not vary based on what I do for income. Who you are as a person should never be defined as what do for a living. I think this should apply to all careers and jobs.

In a relationship I'm a one man woman. And I expect the same. I'm not a jealous person but am uncomfortable with anything less. I wouldn't care if my bf watched porn all day, went to strip clubs, or *even* for some reason had slept with a prostitute at some stage. Love someone else while you're with me I'll want to cut your shit right off(I won't but I will want to). I view experiences very differently but would still expect a certain level of respect regarding my own comfort zone.

ALSO I feel the need to address "private shows" since they come up all over the place in here. <-- too obvious joke. must let it go
I'm a camgirl who does private shows and genuinely enjoys them. In a standard one I might strip or not and I either come or I don't, but I often get very into them. They on average make up about half of my camming income. But if someone ever told me I was cheating on someone by doing this I would have to laugh in their face. It's a different experience for everyone, and for me, even the funnest ones, mean absolutely nothing.
But every has their own comfort zone. Once upon a time I did a skype or two, and I could NOT handle hearing someone else's voice. Everyone has their own "thing" that makes it too real. For me a private show is fun in the same way watching porn is fun or, I'd hope, is fun for the viewer. An interactive one is just providing me with a bit more imaginative material that I can often run out of, in my own brain. And some private shows, believe it or not, aren't even sexual AT ALL just talking about something random can be a private show.

At the same time some people don't realize that many private shows contain interactions that might be sexual for the member but completely different for the camgirl. Fetish private shows are often, for me the most fun, but more of an act that don't necessarily even involve nudity. Would it be different if the guy you were dating knew that all your "private shows" involved SPH and no nudity? Probably! but it really shouldn't. If you're going to be open minded about it you're going to have to understand allll of it. Yes it can be much more fun than working at a grocery store, or punching numbers all day, but at the end of the day it's still just a job.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

So agreed with JJ's post. Had actually been thinking the same, whenever I was saying that it is to do with insecurity people seemed to be reacting like that's some big insult!
Also I don't think not letting your partner sleep with other people while you're together is so much to do with insecurity as not wanting your partner to cam, it's more to do with for most people being committed is half the point of a relationship. Maybe for some people it's a matter of them being scared that their partner might enjoy sex with someone else more etc, and that definitely is a part of it, but it's also that you have someone giving you their full attention, you don't have to worry about sti's, loads of things that make people want a committed relationship. None of those particular insecurities or feelings really apply to camming.

I don't know if this is what Lucky was trying to get across, but I enjoy privates/shows, I orgasm, have fun etc, but I'm never thinking of the guy on the other side of the screen. I also get freaked out hearing someone's voice or even seeing a picture of them whilst doing the show. It's way out of my comfort zone. I cam for my living, I don't do it for fun. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy camming, like a lot of people enjoy their jobs... but... it's still a job. If I didn't get paid so much I wouldn't be camming. I never think of members or play with myself thinking of privates when I'm masturbating alone either. There is absolutely nothing in my mind that is into camming anymore than a job and hanging out with friends. Which is why I don't remotely see it as cheating. If men being able to see me is cheating... well, I guess I better not go topless on a beach when sunbathing. I guess I best not ever wear a bikini again in fact! Probably cut out sexy clothing too... Men will look. To me it's not much different them undressing me with their eyes and them actually being able to see it.

As JJ said, it is ok to be insecure, everyone is in different ways. It's also ok to be a little possessive. A lot of girls and guys like being with someone possessive. Fact is, regardless of what it is, a lot of people don't want to share things they feel are important and personal to them. Possessive and insecure behaviour becomes an issue when you let it rule you and go over the top with it, damaging aspects of your life. Obviously a camgirl won't really be able to go out with someone who is strongly insecure and possessive in that area. It won't work, people can work hard at removing insecurities, but usually they're pretty sunk in. There are enough girls in the world who don't cam for it not to be an issue.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

I don't date. Every boyfriend I've ever had I asked if they wanted to be in a serious committed relationship the FIRST day I met them. So before going on a date, we were in a relationship. Because of that, I'd definitely tell someone I'm in a relationship my job. I've always had extremely long lasting relationships and have dated some good guys. This method has worked for me.

 

[Anonymous]

I wonder how many cam girls have given the specifics about her job on a first date, and then the guy assumed he's gonna get laid because "she's a nasty little ho." Lol.

 

[SinSeraTea]

I wonder how many cam girls have given the specifics about her job on a first date, and then the guy assumed he's gonna get laid because "she's a nasty little ho." Lol.

Just in general for all people in life... because I'm not looking for a committed relationship with anyone for a looooooooooooong time if ever again... I've thought a lot about this in the past week.

The quote above is the only thing I think of when I consider telling new people what I've started to do for a living. The only jobs I have gotten are only going to pay my rent, if that. I'm camming for food and school... but years in sociology tells me that no matter how I explain something, I can try to do the best I can to explain why I'm doing it and some people are only going to hear "I'm a dirty, nasty perverted ho-bag" and though I'm all of those things.... I may not want to be a nasty perverted dirty ho-bag with /them/.

That said, in my personal life... how people react to this is going to tell me more information about them and whether or not I'm prepared to deal with their shit than it is going to say about me and what I do.

 

[Lavender__]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, I discussed camming with him before I started doing it a few weeks ago. He thinks it's great that I have such confidence and he's constantly telling me he's proud of me. He knows that at the end of the day it's him I lie down with & him that I love, so he doesn't care at all. I can't imagine dating someone who is not supportive of my decisions. I'm very lucky.