Self Esteem/Beauty and Relationships

[Rebelins2004]

The lead for those who don't want to read my book that I wrote: what motivates someone to show off their body in public real life? (Sorry I can't think of a better way to describe it... I mean no offense). Anyone have relationship issues because of an insecure partner due to the way they dressed or the other partner not feeling attractive enough for you? Did you overcome those issues?How did you resolve it?

So...

I imagine I could consult some relationship advice message board but as an occasional reader of these forums I appreciate the fact that there are many thoughtful and intelligent users here; who are also beautiful. Let me explain.

First, a background. I am one of the few users who has found love with a cam model. We have been together for almost a year. The relationship was long distance to start, however, I've spent the majority of the past year here in Colombia with her. Currently, we are living together in her apartment.

Let's call her Doris.

Doris is incredible. Extremely intelligent, funny, fun, challenging, positive, fluent in English...I could go on but you get the idea. We have great chemistry and we share a lot of common values. We have our disagreements like any couple but that only makes us grow stronger.

In the grand scheme, we have a strong relationship built on trust, commitment, and communication.

Nevertheless, I am not perfect and I struggle with my own self esteem at times.

The last few years have been extremely difficult for me and at 41years old I am essentially starting a new life with nothing.

In general, I stay positive about myself and my future but I am human. At the moment, I don't even have an income.

But Doris....

When I met Doris (34 years old) online in October 2020 she was in a similar life situation. 2 years divorced. Living with family. No income. Desperate for work. But she had a laptop with a camera; and a neighbor who was camming. After researching camming and despite only recently masturbating for the first time in her life; she gave camming a shot.

I managed to come across her transmission about a month later. It was apparent that she was new to camming but it was also obvious that she was very conservative (not in the political way but in a sexual way I suppose... I'm not sure how to explain the conservative way I am referring to).

Of the numerous things that attracted me to Doris, her conservatism was one of those things.

Nevertheless, over time, I watched Doris get more comfortable with camming and her sexuality.

We had two privates the first week before we transitioned to offline friends. Doris was super shy at that time. However, 3 months later she was doing amazing work in public shows.

I admit I was a little surprised at the transformation. Nevertheless, I understood and appreciated the things models do to be successful. I was never threatened by her work or the things she has to do to be successful; and Doris is extremely driven to be successful at camming.

I admire, respect, and understand her desire for success as a model; especially considering the local pay here in Colombia versus the potential income that camming offers.

Anyway, camming has been good to Doris. Camming has provided her with her own very nice apartment...she's upgraded her PC, uses a DSLR camera... and because of her accounting background and money wise ways... she has managed to build up a nice amount of savings.

However, a few months ago her income each day started to fall dramatically... mostly due to her biggest tipper not being around as much. Her user amount would float around 5 to 20 users each day.

Doris started to get worried and depressed. She really wanted to be a top model. We have spent hours discussing and trying strategies. She has spent hours upon hours watching and studying top models. I know there isn't a secret to success in camming but if hard work was the secret... Doris would be a top model.

Anyhow, although we can all agree that perfecrt beauty is not a requirement for camming... Doris became convinced that her stomach was holding her back.

Doris is incredibly beautiful. Doris is also very petite. However, she has one child and the result of that was a little extra lower stomach fat. Very little. It wasn't something I ever gave a second thought to. However, she was always self conscious about it. She exercised all the time but noting could take away that "fat"

Despite my best efforts to make Doris feel comfortable and confident with her stomach, Doris decided to pay for a Brazillian butt lift; taking the small amount of fat from her lower stomach and placing it.... well you know... in her butt.

Due to the surgery Doris had a little bit over a month off. The break was great for her because she was becoming very depressed about her job but the recovery was also long and difficult.

Nevertheless, the end results have been amazing. It hasn't changed my opinion on her beauty; the changes are very subtle (it's not like she is Nikki Manaj now) but most importantly Doris' self image and confidence has improved dramatically along with her job results.

A week ago Doris had never had more than 100 users at one time. A few days ago she broke 300 users and is constantly maintaining 100 users in her room. She just passed 10,000 followers and it seems that she is on the path to become the "top" model she has worked so hard to become.

All of this is fantastic and I promise everyone that I am proud of her and I want nothing more than for her to continue to grow and make more and more money. I have never been threatened by her profession because I know exactly where I stand with her.

But.... let me finally get to the reason for this post...

I have noticed a little change in Doris on the real life side of things too. The newly confident Doris is dressing a little less conservative (nothing crazy) but it's a change.

She is happy, she feels good, she works hard on her body and she paid a lot of money for the surgery. I really don't want to be a hater. I realize any uneasiness I feel is due to my own insecurities. I don't want to project any of that onto her. She feels good and she has every right to want to show her beauty.

I don't think I am uncomfortable dating beautiful woman, but as I stated earlier, I am usually attracted to someone who is a little more conservative.

Now, although Doris is happy with her breast she is considering getting work done there too.

None of this is a deal breaker for me because I adore Doris for so many reasons. Nevertheless, I do want to understand her decisions and I am not sure how to go about discussing my feelings without making it seem like I am an insecure hater.

So my questions are: what motivates someone to show off their body in public real life? (Sorry I can't think of a better way to describe it... I mean no offense). Anyone have relationship issues because of an insecure partner due to the way they dressed or the other partner not feeling attractiveenough for you? Did you overcome those issues?How did you resolve it? Anyone have specific advise for me after reading my book?

Thanks guys and I am looking forward to some responses!

 

[MarieElise]

Anyone have relationship issues because of an insecure partner due to the way they dressed or the other partner not feeling attractiveenough for you? Did you overcome those issues?How did you resolve it?

Yes, I had a "relationship" with a dude who always made bitchy comments about me wearing tight clothes in public. Same dude used to take hours to get dressed, before we went out anywhere, and often asked me "if his butt looked too big in these pants". I continued to dress appropriately to the weather. Then one day I was in class and got a VM, from a very helpful lady, saying that he needed to go get tested for STDs. When I went through his phone I found pictures of not only vaginas but penes too. Some were porn pictures, and some were sent from other people he was lying to. He'd been sucking dicks all over the State, not to mention trying to romance other women also (who were not me).

Did you overcome those issues?

I continued to dress appropriately to the weather, and I threw him out.

How did you resolve it?

Had a party, and fucked someone else (a vacuum salesman nevertheless), and then never looked back from thenceforth.

 

[lilouxo]

Hi!

I don't know if you will find any explanation in the answers for youself.

That changes in her could happen even without being a camgirl, you know. Of course it can be a reason, but I was in a relationship with a girl, who changed like that too, just by herself. It was hard, especially that i was thinking that i don't deserve her, but it happens. People are just changing, even in things that looks like 'base'. You accept that or not, but don't let stupid 'beliefs' rule you.

What you wrote about Doris watching other girls more because she was struggling with streaming caught my attention, because i'm doing that too, lol. That's not good for her and it's ruining her streams more. She will probably struggle a lot in the future, it's not always up and up, no matter of what. She will loose her tippers, she will loose people that she like there and there will always be a girl, who is 'better' in something. Just wanted to notice, but she have to discover that by herself...

Anyone have relationship issues because of an insecure partner due to the way they dressed or the other partner not feeling attractive enough for you? Did you overcome those issues?How did you resolve it?

I was insecure partner, and it was not easy to accept changes. At the end i understood that this is the same person, and different clothes don't change anything - how she see me, how she will treat other people. It's just something with what she is feeling more good. For example, if i will make my makeup, hair, wear shoes that i don't usually - i feel just better. I feel like shit going to the store with, i don't know, dirty clothes, right? It's the same here, just more pernament. BUT that doesn't mean that she is searching for other people attention, probably it's just that she want to feel better with herself.
Maybe she feel safe - she is good in her job, she have amazing relationship, so she can feel just safe enough to show more of her body.

You can ask her why did she changed that, but don't be like "you were different, i don't like". You have to get things together in your head because sorry, but it's your problem here - not problem with her.

 

[GothHostess]

I continued to dress appropriately to the weather, and I threw him out.

 

[GraysonDrake]

Anyhow, although we can all agree that perfecrt beauty is not a requirement for camming... Doris became convinced that her stomach was holding her back.

lol nothing like that would cause someone's income to suddenly fall, it could be any number of factors, from a different show format to a new schedule to the time of year or just the economy sucking ass. Honestly when I hit a slump my looks aren't even on my radar as far as things to get me out of it, especially if I was making steady money with my current appearance beforehand. Usually it's something you're doing, not something you are, and that's when it's something within your control in the first place.

She is happy, she feels good, she works hard on her body and she paid a lot of money for the surgery. I really don't want to be a hater. I realize any uneasiness I feel is due to my own insecurities. I don't want to project any of that onto her. She feels good and she has every right to want to show her beauty.

This is good, you're at least self aware enough to want to support her and you're taking responsibility for your own feelings. A lot of people aren't so this part at least is healthy.

I don't think I am uncomfortable dating beautiful woman, but as I stated earlier, I am usually attracted to someone who is a little more conservative.

I think you should probably question why that is and see if you can come to what it is exactly about conservative women that you find more attractive, and if it's more about you than them. Obviously if someone gets a procedure done that boosts their confidence it will change the way they relate to their body.

Now, although Doris is happy with her breast she is considering getting work done there too.

A lot of people are into body modification, especially in the adult industry.

None of this is a deal breaker for me because I adore Doris for so many reasons. Nevertheless, I do want to understand her decisions and I am not sure how to go about discussing my feelings without making it seem like I am an insecure hater.

ASK HER LOL. You will get more answers from talking about it with her than you would from us dude, we aren't her and we can't tell you what she thinks. Communication is scary but it's important for healthy relationships.

So my questions are: what motivates someone to show off their body in public real life?

That varies from person to person, and so if I answered my reasons for it they'd be different from someone else's. So again, you'll have to ask Doris about it. It's also kinda none of your business, but I don't mean that in a mean way. I mean that the reasons why she might change the way she dresses have nothing to do with you at all, so they shouldn't really concern you as long as she's happy.

(Sorry I can't think of a better way to describe it... I mean no offense). Anyone have relationship issues because of an insecure partner due to the way they dressed or the other partner not feeling attractive enough for you?

Are you saying you don't feel attractive enough for her now? Because if so you should probably stop and think about that a bit, and there are ways to confront that that don't have anything to do with her at all.

Did you overcome those issues? How did you resolve it? Anyone have specific advise for me after reading my book?

Thanks guys and I am looking forward to some responses!

I think that you already know this, but being upset about what she's wearing isn't really fair. It doesn't change the fact that you have feelings about it, but you seem smart enough to know that you don't really have the right to tell her what to wear or complain to her about it. Doris is her own person, and she can do what she wants with her body. I'm glad you want to support her and you're willing to work on your insecurities.

If you can figure out how to approach this with her while owning your feelings and reassuring her that you don't want to project your insecurities on her (basically the important shit that you told us) I think she would probably be willing to open up to you about it, and it just might bring the both of you closer.

 

[AudriTwo]

i used to dress very provocatively ten years ago, but i now dress more conservatively. i couldn't tell you the reason. i just wear what i like and feel good in. people's personal styles sometimes change whereas others stay the same. we probably know a person that figured out their style in 1992 and thought "this is it! this is me forever!"

idk, i think you should let up on doris. this is a you problem, not hers. she is a grown-ass woman who can wear whatever she wants. have you ever thought about talking to a therapist to work on your insecurity? figure out that root and deal with it appropriately. i think you would benefit greatly since you recognize and want to change your behavior.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

what motivates someone to show off their body in public real life? (Sorry I can't think of a better way to describe it... I mean no offense).

I think liking the way you look, and celebrating that by adorning your body in ways you find to be aesthetically pleasing, is healthy and normal. If that's what you like to do. Some people are uninterested in that. But I think it's not unusual. I am not sure if you are asking about a further motivation, but I don't think there is necessarily any beyond that a lot of the time. You like it, you wear it, it makes you feel good because you like how you look and the way you are presenting yourself. Simple.

Anyone have relationship issues because of an insecure partner due to the way they dressed or the other partner not feeling attractiveenough for you?

I don't think I can say that I have dealt with that specifically.

How did you resolve it? Anyone have specific advise for me after reading my book?

I think this is something you need to do some introspection about. Why do you feel insecure now that she feels more secure? Why is that impacting your own feelings, and what exactly are those feelings about? Are you worried that now she will find a hotter partner and leave you behind? Do you feel inadequate? What's the hang-up?

 

[rockin_rod]

Feel free to discount this opinion, as I am NOT a model.
But......
It sounds like Doris is gaining self-confidence and self-esteem. This is great, and as someone who cares for her, you should be her strongest supporter.
It sounds like your own self-confidence is decreasing as hers increases. This is not great, and suggests you feel that your relationship is at greater risk than previously.
That could be for a number of reasons, but likely all about fear of losing her.
What you have may be an enduring relationship, and conversely, it may not. No relationship comes with a guarantee of success, it's a leap of faith.
But few things will accelerate the ending of a relationship faster than letting insecurities change your behaviour.