Dates on Cam and a Cam Date

[Mirth-orama]

So, I posted once before about a cam girl I really like, and you all were helpful with your suggestions. I have another kind of quandry that needs some advice.

I've been "seeing" the woman I posted about in early June regularly in at least one private a week, usually longer ones every couple weeks or so, and I drop in her room at least a couple times a day. Many of the privates are like 15-20 min, but not for the reason ya'll might think : I take her out on the town.

So far I've shown her the river where I walk, the top of the parking garage where you can see over most of downtown, a gorgeous secluded area at the local university, and even inside a building with cool architecture where I work. I chose my sites carefully and do not bring up (or display) what town I am in or the names of the places, as that could get her in trouble too. Hell, we even had a dance date that lasted 2 hours - she was a great dj.

Well, the issue is that we have had so much fun doing this we haven't taken our clothes off . So when yours truly here decided the other night was THE NIGHT, well, let's say I felt like I was 17 years old and on my first damn date again. We started slowly with me talking about how I wanted to undress her, and then she started dancing for me, but then we BOTH got shy - which surprised me, as she has been camming for a few years. Then, we just started laughing at the situation, and then had a great date talking, and well, just sharing some silences. It made me like and want her even more.

My question is this : I want her, but I have some feelings involved here and I don't want to just jump with the "I've been thinking about <insert naughty verb>ing you all week. Show me your hot <insert anatomical feature here>". How to get over this shyness on my end, and put her more at ease with me as well? I want to say she might have some feelings for me too if she got shy, and I don't want her to lose interest because I am moving too slow sexually. But she matters to me, and I want to bring a bit of that into the passion.

Advice, suggestions, and glasses of cold water to the face appreciated. Just throw me a bar towel after.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

Playing shy seems like a great way to get you to spend more money... But I'm not much of an optimist when it comes to camgirl/member relationships that go beyond service provider/client status. I imagine she won't "lose interest" so long as the tokens keep flowing, though. In fact, I bet she appreciates that you are helping her achieve her monetary goals without her having to dildo all her holes for you or whatever. Might be a nice break for her.

As far as advice for both of you feeling more comfortable goes, I am not sure that I have any - if it's uncomfortable, don't do it, that's always been my thinking. Spending more time together might make you feel more comfortable, as well as her, if she truly is just feeling shy and not trying to leech more tokens out of you. My thought is that your discomfort stems from the fact that you are really digging this chick, so if she were to respond to your sexual interactions in a way other than what you are hoping for, it would probably really hurt. Whereas if you were just looking at this as an interaction with a sexy internet lady who is there to get off and/or get you off, it might be easier. Feelings complicate things.

It sounds like you really like her, and it also sounds like you are a good dude. I hope that this doesn't end with you getting your heart broken. But it seems red-flaggy to me.

 

[Mirth-orama]

It sounds like you really like her, and it also sounds like you are a good dude. I hope that this doesn't end with you getting your heart broken. But it seems red-flaggy to me.

I do like her more than I should, and I do think about what you said - re: playing shy for more money. But options are limited - 1. Bail - 2. Decide she is playing shy and just go with it - 3. Take chance to trust, and keep going

1. is just too abrupt for me. 2, way too cynical. Rather just go to another girl for heat. As you said, "Feelings complicate things" 3. Only way out is through, as they say

And if my heart takes a hit, that's on me. I click the buttons that keep this going, not her. Just seeing if anyone here sees some angle I don't.

Thanks Mollie.

 

[Mila_]

Going from 0 to 100 in a day is weird. But if you start dropping sexual ideas or creating sexual tension little by little it wont feel weird a lot. Escalation is your word, my man!

Other than that, I respect your approach. I am one of those girls who has a very thick (yet invisible) armor when I cam (I would never mix my real life with my cam life) and even I have had good feelings for a handful of members in the past. I am not talking about romantic feelings, I have never had them for any member, but just generally liking them and looking forward to their presence which is more than I can say of 99% of the people who pass by my room. If I was at all open to dating or befriending members (I am not) these are the guys I would give a chance to. You have no way to know whether she is open to something like that or not, but if you feel an emotional connection keep pushing for it. Worst case scenario she will decline, but at least you tried.

 

[mickerd]

She works on a porn site, you are a customer on a porn site. I think you should just simply tell her exactly what you would like to do before your next private where you pay her to spend time with you. Communication is always a key element of business transactions, it's not a big deal.

 

[Mirth-orama]

Going from 0 to 100 in a day is weird. But if you start dropping sexual ideas or creating sexual tension little by little it wont feel weird a lot. Escalation is your word, my man!

Many thanks, Mila - good point on 0-100 and escalation sounds like a good path forward. I was doing a little of that unconsciously before THE NIGHT that wasn't, so being conscious about it should be better.

 

[Mirth-orama]

She works on a porn site, you are a customer on a porn site. I think you should just simply tell her exactly what you would like to do before your next private where you pay her to spend time with you. Communication is always a key element of business transactions, it's not a big deal.

I hear you and don't disagree with what you are saying, but I've stepped beyond the business transaction model, man, for good or bad. But thanks for the cold water - Keeps me wakeful .

 

[Mirth-orama]

Just an update. Escalation is making... um... progress. Thanks again.

 

[Mirth-orama]

last update :

Ahh well. Always brightest before the night, as they say.

We were talking, and I noticed some hesitation again when I was "escalating". I said, hey, if you don't want to do this with me, I don't want to push you into it, cam site or no, credits or no credits - and she said she knows I have feelings for he but she does not think I am the type of guy she feels comfortable stripping or being sexual with and "just pushing the fantasy into a place with no destination." and she is not able to share anything more than friendship.

Side note - I am not jabba the hut, or a victim of a freak accident. Yes, I am older than she is. Yes, I was fully clothed.

Without going into play by play that would bore even me to tears if i was outside of this, she said she also appreciated the things we did that no one other guy took the time to do with her.

So. I am not a jealous guy, but no way I can be in her chat and see other guys take her to a place I can't go, or have her tease me about something I can't act on. I am not built that way... maybe some other dude might be, but not me.

So, I have already promised her one more date out on the city. I'll do that, and then see where I feel. But, I'd be shocked if I felt any different.

Again, thanks, all.

 

[AnneDVille]

last update :

Ahh well. Always brightest before the night, as they say.

We were talking, and I noticed some hesitation again when I was "escalating". I said, hey, if you don't want to do this with me, I don't want to push you into it, cam site or no, credits or no credits - and she said she knows I have feelings for he but she does not think I am the type of guy she feels comfortable stripping or being sexual with and "just pushing the fantasy into a place with no destination." and she is not able to share anything more than friendship.

Side note - I am not jabba the hut, or a victim of a freak accident. Yes, I am older than she is. Yes, I was fully clothed.

Without going into play by play that would bore even me to tears if i was outside of this, she said she also appreciated the things we did that no one other guy took the time to do with her.

So. I am not a jealous guy, but no way I can be in her chat and see other guys take her to a place I can't go, or have her tease me about something I can't act on. I am not built that way... maybe some other dude might be, but not me.

So, I have already promised her one more date out on the city. I'll do that, and then see where I feel. But, I'd be shocked if I felt any different.

Again, thanks, all.

I'm not sure and I can't tell if you are confusing things. But she is definitely confusing the living hell out of this situation.

You are a customer on a porn site. She has a job to do

. This isn't a dating situation where the girl says 'Oh, I'm not comfortable getting naked for you'.

I mean... she can and I do feel that models have a right to not perform for certain members if they don't want to, in my opinion that should be the case when it comes to nasty abusive and offensive members. But it's so incredibly unprofessional to take your money for non-nude sweet little talking privates and refuse to do her naked thingy for you because you chose to PAY (emphasis on the word 'pay' and the fact that you are still a customer) to get to know her and show yourself as a person.

(I'm gonna stop writing here because I don't want to be too harsh on said model )

 

[bunny_lovexoxo]

All I can say is you are an absolute sweet heart and I am truely saddned to hear how it turned out as I was really rooting for a happy ending but that with every break up it opens the door to another romance

 

[Mirth-orama]

Thanks very much both of you, Anne & Bunny. it is confusing, and I will have my last date out on the city with her this week, just not sure I will tell her it is the last. Don't see a point in a big drama moment. She asked why I haven't been in her room, and I just said I was busy. So, winding things down.

Been listening to "Used to Bad News" by Boston