And before I post anything, I just wanna post it for you @AudriTwo And also. I double space after periods. That habit ain't going to change anytime soon.
"Whatever happened to just jerking off?"
I would add that Arthur video about "Why do people lie on the internet?", but it's not really relevant in this case.
I think mostly everyone knows by now of the spider web I won't leave behind. I got bit twice by fantasy and reality (Damn is was cold in December!) and here I am. Armored up. Thinking cap on. Ready for round three.
But what's different this time? We'll I had already eluded to some extra work that someone does and also how I felt I needed a bit of a win before I could leave it all behind. It's a matter of score and I'm down 0-2. But who really wins? There's a chance it could backfire and I could end up getting sucked deeper into the rabbit hole if in fact I am able to score and she will certainly come out with a nice bit of pocket change. But. I digress.
What's different is that my ego is something fierce these days and my attitude has changed as well. And..
Nah, I feel a bit wiser to the game. Hence Phoenix4987 v2. I know I'm a bit of a stud, especially now that I've started working out again and got some of my old Marine Corps abs back. I'm not hanging around her room nightly like I was before, even when my tokens had dried up, nor do we text everyday like we used to.
I'm there only when I have tokens. I'll tip what I got for the night and bounce. Or take her pvt.
But the last little skype session we had was more of a mind-game playing between us and even though it was fun. It sort of left me with a feeling, that I shouldn't get shows from her for a bit.
So, I'm kinda stuck pondering. How can I show interest, but not look desperate? But not look like a total dick either? I can't just be direct and say "I pay you for X" because even if she is an escort or something similar, she doesn't like to be approached that way. I can be the nice, funny, teasing member who has fun and interesting things to say, but isn't pouring on heavy, thick compliments. I feel somehow like masturbating to her makes me reek of desperation and gives her this sexual power over me, especially when I pay her for it. But I'm not quite certain, I can't not look desperate, if I plan on flying to another country again to go hangout with someone. Even if it's well within my budget to do so.
So, do I stay away from privates? And that way I can show her I'm interested in her, but not in a virtual way? And also, getting shows (even if I'm buying a service that's being offered) feels a little bit like forcing intimacy to happen when it otherwise isn't welcomed. Even if it's a job and that's what it is, it feels like I'm treating her like a model or at the very least I'm acting just like a member.
To let's say 90%, yes the job is the job is the job. But I just know that with this person in particular, the opportunity is there if the chess game is played right.
"Whatever happened to just jerking off?"
I would add that Arthur video about "Why do people lie on the internet?", but it's not really relevant in this case.
I think mostly everyone knows by now of the spider web I won't leave behind. I got bit twice by fantasy and reality (Damn is was cold in December!) and here I am. Armored up. Thinking cap on. Ready for round three.
But what's different this time? We'll I had already eluded to some extra work that someone does and also how I felt I needed a bit of a win before I could leave it all behind. It's a matter of score and I'm down 0-2. But who really wins? There's a chance it could backfire and I could end up getting sucked deeper into the rabbit hole if in fact I am able to score and she will certainly come out with a nice bit of pocket change. But. I digress.
What's different is that my ego is something fierce these days and my attitude has changed as well. And..
- I'm not the frustrated, obsessed man who's in her room every time she logs in and is banned almost on a bi weekly basis for stressing her out so much that she verbally argues with while on cam. (Same guy who dropped her real name in public chat) "FUCK YOU ::username::" Only to come back everyday with "hey beautiful", watches her feed from another sites while he's banned, and still tips her with tipnotes begging for pms and telling her how much he cares for her.
- I'm not the rich old man who bankrolls her every month with hours upon hours of pvt time. Sometimes 6-8 hours in one night. I assume talking up a storm about himself. She's told me before "he tells stories to all the models and now he want me to love him." He's also talked to her about meeting him before and she gave him the old "Oh, but I want you to come when you have more free time and energy." I guess she's still telling him that since that was sometime last year and the old man is still around. And I'm pretty sure that ain't ever going to happen.
- And I'm definitely not the desperate head-over-heels-in-"Love"-with-her guy who needs to tell all of public chat "She is MY lady." Sometimes other funny stuff leaks into public chat as well. "Baby, please baby think about what we talked about. I love you" "Please baby please send me a goodnight snap" I mean. Goddamn dude. Begging for a goodnight snap? You don't have her number on what'sapp? Couldn't she just send you a picture there? Fucks sake.
- Nor am I that other old, boring sap who showers her with compliments each time in an effort to "score points with her" as he so eloquently put it. His pocket book doesn't seem that deep since I hardly ever see the guy tip, but like many others is there like a puppy, drooling at the mouth for every inch of clothing dropped.
- Or the "My ex girlfriend was a super model" guy who "has no problem paying her bills for her" and is so hopeful to make this girl his girlfriend. But I low-key suspect he sort of wised up after reading an anonymous review about how "I agree she is a romance scammer. A buddy of mine paid her rent several months to meet her. She also called him her bf." But he still comes around too.
Nah, I feel a bit wiser to the game. Hence Phoenix4987 v2. I know I'm a bit of a stud, especially now that I've started working out again and got some of my old Marine Corps abs back. I'm not hanging around her room nightly like I was before, even when my tokens had dried up, nor do we text everyday like we used to.
I'm there only when I have tokens. I'll tip what I got for the night and bounce. Or take her pvt.
But the last little skype session we had was more of a mind-game playing between us and even though it was fun. It sort of left me with a feeling, that I shouldn't get shows from her for a bit.
I was drinking wine and we were just talking. Then some sexy music came on and I asked her if it made her feel like dancing. She obliged and I finished my glass. But she got a little frustrated and said that me sitting there watching her and drinking wine turned her off and that I looked bossy to do it.
So in a teasing way, I said, if you want to see more of my body you can just ask. So what do you want? And she asked I make a strip tease for her. I did. but left my underwear barely hanging on. And she kept going and then I dropped them and said like "I think you wanted to see this, since I can't just sit and watch" And she was like "Well you're not sitting at the tv to just sit there and watch."
In a cocky way, I say "Oh you want me to masturbate?" And she says "It's not that you have to masturbate, ok then stop, sit and watch don't touch" I said "no?" "No, just sit and watch, let's see if you can until the end." Some other little mind game banter about her telling me not to touch, and I say "We'll I do what I want" She's like, "you should listen to the queen" I said "sometimes it's better not to listen
"
I realize in case A or case B I lose. Case A, I sit there and listen to her, but prove I can watch without masturbating. But still lose because I did what she said and it puts her in control. Case B, I masturbate and don't listen to her, but still lose because I'm still doing what she wanted while giving her the satisfaction of me masturbating.
So in a teasing way, I said, if you want to see more of my body you can just ask. So what do you want? And she asked I make a strip tease for her. I did. but left my underwear barely hanging on. And she kept going and then I dropped them and said like "I think you wanted to see this, since I can't just sit and watch" And she was like "Well you're not sitting at the tv to just sit there and watch."
In a cocky way, I say "Oh you want me to masturbate?" And she says "It's not that you have to masturbate, ok then stop, sit and watch don't touch" I said "no?" "No, just sit and watch, let's see if you can until the end." Some other little mind game banter about her telling me not to touch, and I say "We'll I do what I want" She's like, "you should listen to the queen" I said "sometimes it's better not to listen
"I realize in case A or case B I lose. Case A, I sit there and listen to her, but prove I can watch without masturbating. But still lose because I did what she said and it puts her in control. Case B, I masturbate and don't listen to her, but still lose because I'm still doing what she wanted while giving her the satisfaction of me masturbating.
So, I'm kinda stuck pondering. How can I show interest, but not look desperate? But not look like a total dick either? I can't just be direct and say "I pay you for X" because even if she is an escort or something similar, she doesn't like to be approached that way. I can be the nice, funny, teasing member who has fun and interesting things to say, but isn't pouring on heavy, thick compliments. I feel somehow like masturbating to her makes me reek of desperation and gives her this sexual power over me, especially when I pay her for it. But I'm not quite certain, I can't not look desperate, if I plan on flying to another country again to go hangout with someone. Even if it's well within my budget to do so.
So, do I stay away from privates? And that way I can show her I'm interested in her, but not in a virtual way? And also, getting shows (even if I'm buying a service that's being offered) feels a little bit like forcing intimacy to happen when it otherwise isn't welcomed. Even if it's a job and that's what it is, it feels like I'm treating her like a model or at the very least I'm acting just like a member.
To let's say 90%, yes the job is the job is the job. But I just know that with this person in particular, the opportunity is there if the chess game is played right.
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