the green eyed monster

[LedeanBody]

i would be grateful for any advice you guys can give in dealing with jealousy...models with boyfriends or husbands...how do they deal with what you guys do in your work? Specifically in privates etc.?
My reason for asking is this: i have been seeing my camgirl girlfriend for a few months now...we have met, i am going to see her again next week...things are good between us... i think we both love each other..but we are taking it slow...and so far so good.
We met through her work and were friends for a long time before anything happened between us...i was only a customer very briefly, i stopped after we became friends and started seeing each other outside her work.i also never watched her work..preferred to not see that side of her life anymore. When we started to develop feelings for each other i had to figure out if i was able to deal with what she did for a living...i didnt want to be a jealous boyfriend. We talked about it and she reassured me she didnt do anything sexual in privates or at all with customers...her show is just teasing and nudity. She reassured me again and again that nothing sexual happened with customers. This helped me in accepting things and everything was great for the last few months...until i found out she lied to me repeatedly.
I now know she does everything in Privates with customers...everything. Someone told me and i have since seen it for myself. I tried to talk about it with her and she lied to me again, saying she never does any of that stuff with them..just talks lol
I dont understand why she keeps lying to me? And i wish i had known this fact before i fell in love with her...its eating me up now...the jealousy. I am supposed to be spending a couple of weeks with her soon...but how can i now i know she lied all along.
My heart is breaking....i dont know if i am strong enough to deal with her masturbating for guys online...i think i should walk away before the jealousy consumes me...i dont want to be like that with her. If she has lied to me all along then how can she really love me?

 

[Luckyfoxxy]

i would be grateful for any advice you guys can give in dealing with jealousy...models with boyfriends or husbands...how do they deal with what you guys do in your work? Specifically in privates etc.?
My reason for asking is this: i have been seeing my camgirl girlfriend for a few months now...we have met, i am going to see her again next week...things are good between us... i think we both love each other..but we are taking it slow...and so far so good.
We met through her work and were friends for a long time before anything happened between us...i was only a customer very briefly, i stopped after we became friends and started seeing each other outside her work.i also never watched her work..preferred to not see that side of her life anymore. When we started to develop feelings for each other i had to figure out if i was able to deal with what she did for a living...i didnt want to be a jealous boyfriend. We talked about it and she reassured me she didnt do anything sexual in privates or at all with customers...her show is just teasing and nudity. She reassured me again and again that nothing sexual happened with customers. This helped me in accepting things and everything was great for the last few months...until i found out she lied to me repeatedly.
I now know she does everything in Privates with customers...everything. Someone told me and i have since seen it for myself. I tried to talk about it with her and she lied to me again, saying she never does any of that stuff with them..just talks lol
I dont understand why she keeps lying to me? And i wish i had known this fact before i fell in love with her...its eating me up now...the jealousy. I am supposed to be spending a couple of weeks with her soon...but how can i now i know she lied all along.
My heart is breaking....i dont know if i am strong enough to deal with her masturbating for guys online...i think i should walk away before the jealousy consumes me...i dont want to be like that with her. If she has lied to me all along then how can she really love me?

She's lying to you because you react this way. It's her job, and you knew about it since you met her - you should've discussed it before you got together.
Say, can you provide for her? Have her quit it and not lack anything?
To date a camgirl and expect no sexual situations to happen when she's working is delusional.

 

[Carmita Bonita]

Teasing and nudity in this type of setting IS sexual. Not sure how it can be classified as 'not being sexual with customers' it's not like she's playing a video game in a turtle neck. It's a sexual job/atmosphere even if it's tamer compared to others.

It can be especially hard to cam within someone else's boundries/the shadow of jealousy looming over- I sympathize because my situation with my bf is similar (not the lying part but the fact that we met through me camming, fell in love and he had to work through his jealousy even after we started living together). As a couple, you need to meet eachother halfway and it feels like there's distrust on both ends. You can't police her actions online for her job (that includes checking to see if she's not taking privates/talking to other people about it) because you get jealous-that isn't fair to her. But she also shouldn't be lying either since that never leads to anything positive in relationships.

No one can tell you if she 'really loves you' or anything like that. We're not her and only she has those answers.

My boyfriend said that the way he deals with my job jealousy is through trust: He trusts that I love him, that when I'm at work it's my job and I'm not looking to run off with the guys I'm doing shows for, that I'm capable of being sexual on cam and it doesn't change my feelings for him- that if you can't see that it's a job and can't trust her then there can be no relationship.

 

[marvelb0y]

Over time I'm really finding these stories hard to believe. There can't be that many naive guys out there. Why do you date a cam model and expect her not to do anything sexual on cam? Why are you dating a cam model? I think the OP needs to go to the strip club and find that one special girl who doesn't do lap dances.

 

[LedeanBody]

she told me she didnt cum on cam...before we started dating. i probably would not have got involved with her romantically if i had known this before. i guess i am naive

 

[a_haze420]

Is she banging anyone else?
Nope.
This is her job and you knew she did it when you started dating.
Maybe offer to pay her bills then she can quit
Otherwise you are just gonna have to deal.

 

[LedeanBody]

yes..i will have to deal..thanks guys...i appreciate all your comments

 

[MissFiasco]

Everyone says, "This is her job" — which is totally true.
But more importantly, this is her body. She gets to do with it whatever she wants. Including jacking off on cam, cumming hard for a zillion dudes, fucking her ass silly. Whatever. End game. It's her choice.
If you respect her as a person, you don't get to control her body or her time.

So decide: What's more important to you? Sharing her heart, mind and spirit?
Or knowing that you browbeat her into losing her job, which is a source of income, fun and independence?

It's not like you have a relationship with these other dudes. She performs a simulation of intimacy. It's a game. It's entertainment. Man if I were you, I'd be stoked every time she gets a show! Your girlfriend is a hot babe who gets paid to masturbate. That's fucking rad! What a world we live in!

She lied because camgirls know this drill. First you think it's hot, then you get jealous and possessive, then you shame her, then she loses something important to her: either you, or her work.

If you want to give this a shot, start by telling her *your* truth – your actual feelings – and hopefully she'll tell you hers. All you can do is set your own boundaries. If it's not for you, then end it. But you could try to be supportive. What if next time she goes on cam you send her a sweet text saying, "Hey babe! I hope you make a billion bucks, have fun getting wild today!!" What would that be like?

 

[LedeanBody]

thank you thank you MissFiasco.....yours words really help me to see way through this.

 

[JoleneBrody]

The lying is lame though. I'd be WAY more hurt by the lie than what she was lying about.

Dating a camgirl, things will always constantly be changing with how she works. This is a constantly evolving business that requires flexibility. Chances are her "genre" right now will not be her genre two years from now. If you wouldn't be comfortable dating most any style of camgirl you probably shouldn't date any, because she is going to need the freedom to switch things up and change.

 

[OldHippy]

Any relationship that is not built on trust and respect , wether it is a friendship or a deeper relationship, is doomed to failure.

Talk to each other honestly and explain how you feel, listen to her and understand how she feels maybe then you guys might have a chance to make it work. In my opinion you guys are not of to a good start, do not think for a moment that love will conquer all if you can't work the above out, especially if that relationship has one person involved in the adult industry.

 

[Gen]

New Everyone says, "This is her job" — which is totally true.
But more importantly, this is her body. She gets to do with it whatever she wants. Including jacking off on cam, cumming hard for a zillion dudes, fucking her ass silly. Whatever. End game. It's her choice.
If you respect her as a person, you don't get to control her body or her time.

I mean, obviously everyone has autonomy and can do whatever they want, but I think you can respect your partner and still have input on how they use their body/time. She's lying to him about what she's doing, which is disrespectful in itself. She's not respecting parameters she agreed to. If she doesn't like the boundaries that he needs to feel comfortable, then she shouldn't be with him. And ditto to him; if they can't agree and feel comfortable with boundaries, they should break up. It seems they have different comfort levels and that's fine. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with his or hers, but it is probably a bad pairing.

All relationships involve some semblance of sacrifice and compromising, it's not inherently controlling to have boundaries with your partner. He isn't forcing anything on her by saying "this is what I'm okay with". I've never seen a relationship (including relationships of all types) that didn't involve some sort of "I'm not okay with....you watching porn/you kissing other people/you getting rawed by other guys/you sleeping with people without telling me". Even the most open relationships that I know of involve some boundaries that, ideally, work for everyone involved.

Maybe it's just the use of the word "control" that bugs me. I don't think it's controlling to have expectations or boundaries, provided you both agree they're okay. I think we agree though that if OP cant deal with his lady camming, they aren't a good match.

Anyway, the lying is not good. Sounds stressful OP, I hope things work out for the best for both of you.

 

[MissFiasco]

For sure, I think we're talking the same game. I see boundaries as what you set only for yourself. You can't make rules for another adult, but you can advocate for outcomes you'd like to see and choose how to react to their decisions. Agree, decline, negotiate.

I guess I'm reading between the lines – OP says he was okay with teasing and nudity, but not masturbation. Why is that? She can be "erotic" but not "sexual." IME, that's because at some level a partner feels a) insecure, distrustful & b) possessive over, entitled to her body. "For me, but no one else!" Which is a total power play, and it's fine if you're both clear about that. But it's such a sexist trope for dudes to feel like that's a given, part of the package deal... you date a girl, you're on the relationship escalator, her body is yours... when actually it's always hers, never yours, and she chooses to share it with you at her leisure. (Hopefully often, if you've got a good thing going!) I just think it should be talked out & consented to like anything else. I mean the programming around us is, she acts sexy & she's a cheating slut; he acts sexy, he's a bad bad boy but kind of a stud. That stuff's subliminal. He gets to be a cam customer, but she can't be a camgirl?

So I'd rather err on the side of maximum freedom, maximum autonomy for her. And I hope he can see her job as something to support and enthuse over, instead of ignore or pine. Which is *a* way to deal with it, but not a great one.

Lying, not cool! But with the stigma of our jobs, I see why she might. If she keeps lying after a nice chat, that's another story.

 

[AudriTwo]

If you are dating a cam model, jealously should be put aside. Those sexual conversations are just a fantasy someone pays her to provide. She could of been struggling trying to do shows you approve of, and went back to what she knows works to make money.

Now, let me ask you this. Are you watching cammodels and porn? Are you having sexual feelings towards the person you are jerking off to? I'm sure you get aroused when you touch yourself to them. Now ask yourself, why is it okay for you for fun, but she can't do it for her job?

 

[Ambers Troll]

I think you have a serious concern, and rightly so. Many models seem to be poly-amorous, I think you have found one. In a relationship you can actually trust her, but it may be a bit tough to handle. I couldn't do it, but perhaps you can.

 

[Emberblaze]

Just a thought.

Why does it matter?

Does other men looking at your gf degrade her in some way? Like flash photography on a delicate antique painting?

No.

She's not a box of tissues that's going to get used up if too many men jerk off with her.

Yes her lying is wrong. But the job itself? What's even wrong with it? Why does it upset you? Other people seeing her doesn't damage her for you. It's only a problem because society tells you that you should be upset by it.

 

[LedeanBody]

I was open and honest with her when we started to fall for each other...about how I might be jealous of her cuming with other guys and how I didn't think I was the right guy for her..but she reassured me I had nothing to worry about...that never happened.
Thinking about it now, it seems she may have lied because she didn't want to loose what was happening between us....and that makes me just love her more lol.
Thank you all for your comments...you have given me lots to think about and I really appreciate your advice.
I am going to try and work on my jealousy....after all I am the lucky one, I get the real her, her heart and mind.