Some guys don't take rejection well

[LailaBaise]

 

[Nordling]

I think the normal thing to do is politely make up an excuse why you can't hang out with them "I have a boyfriend" or something like that. But when you're honest and just say no, people really don't take it well.

It really bothers me that women are conditioned by society to reject men politely to save their egos so they don't verbally or physically harass them. Yet we also get taught that our polite "no"s aren't clear enough so we shouldn't be surprised when guys get the wrong idea. This sense of entitlement leads to stuff like this...

Girl Killed For Rejecting Prom Date
Woman Killed After Rejecting Advances

...which are really just extreme cases of conversations like the one in the OP.

Also, why is it that men seem to respond better to "Sorry, I have a boyfriend" than "no thanks, I'm not interested"?

Yes, why should people be required to lie (make up a "polite" story) just to avoid offending someone by being honest. Sometimes honesty has no polite alternative. Rejection is never a fun thing, but something everyone should be taught at an early age that it's inevitable.

 

[mynameisbob84]

Also, why is it that men seem to respond better to "Sorry, I have a boyfriend" than "no thanks, I'm not interested"?

Some men have a fragile ego. "I have a boyfriend" allows them to convince themselves that were you single, you'd be swapping numbers and makings plans for the sex right now. "I'm not interested" is a direct rejection which prompts questions like "what's wrong with me? Am I not good looking? Am I not interesting?" and so forth.

 

[JoleneBrody]

Rude approaches deserve rude replies IMO or people never learn that shit isn't OK.
"When we gonna hang out?" is SO sosososososossoooo rude and imposing a question, and maybe now he'll think about approaching a girl with some damn manners next time. That questions if answered correctly, as it was asked leaves only two options. What would be considered a rude denial ( never, we're not... srsly, no "nice" way to answer correctly without taking it into your own hands to change the tone he started) or a date, time... what have you.
The likely hood of a strong person NOT answering with a somewhat rude tone is pretty damn low but the likely hood of a non-confrontational girl just giving in (even if she doesn't intend to follow through) just to get out of this corner she's been backed into is pretty darn high.

Tact for tact... you get what you put in and often that's a lesson you desperately needed.

 

[LilyMarie]

Also, why is it that men seem to respond better to "Sorry, I have a boyfriend" than "no thanks, I'm not interested"?

Some men have a fragile ego. "I have a boyfriend" allows them to convince themselves that were you single, you'd be swapping numbers and makings plans for the sex right now. "I'm not interested" is a direct rejection which prompts questions like "what's wrong with me? Am I not good looking? Am I not interesting?" and so forth.

Grown men should be able to handle a rejection though. And they should already know that a rejection doesn't mean there must be something wrong with them, considering how subjective sexual attraction is.

Considering the spontaneous lie about a boyfriend that doesn't exist to be the "polite" way of rejecting a guy is wrong and dangerous as Steph has pointed out. It's not like there are no polite ways to reject someone without lying.
Not to mention that it can lead to really awkward situations when you tell guy 1 that you have a boyfriend, and then let guy 2 chat you up and buy you a drink later, which might be seen by guy 1 who might or might not already be a little drunk and aggressive at that point. That happened to a friend of mine a couple years ago at a club and it wasn't fun. :?

 

[Poker_Babe]

Also, why is it that men seem to respond better to "Sorry, I have a boyfriend" than "no thanks, I'm not interested"?

Some men have a fragile ego. "I have a boyfriend" allows them to convince themselves that were you single, you'd be swapping numbers and makings plans for the sex right now. "I'm not interested" is a direct rejection which prompts questions like "what's wrong with me? Am I not good looking? Am I not interesting?" and so forth.

Grown men should be able to handle a rejection though. And they should already know that a rejection doesn't mean there must be something wrong with them, considering how subjective sexual attraction is.

Considering the spontaneous lie about a boyfriend that doesn't exist to be the "polite" way of rejecting a guy is wrong and dangerous as Steph has pointed out. It's not like there are no polite ways to reject someone without lying.
Not to mention that it can lead to really awkward situations when you tell guy 1 that you have a boyfriend, and then let guy 2 chat you up and buy you a drink later, which might be seen by guy 1 who might or might not already be a little drunk and aggressive at that point. That happened to a friend of mine a couple years ago at a club and it wasn't fun. :?

Wait wait wait... I don't really think it's just a male ego thing here. I think that anyone, man or woman, would get at least a little butt hurt upon being told a flat out "sorry I'm not interested" after trying to pick up on someone. And I think that it would soften the blow for anyone getting their advances shot down if they heard the words "sorry, I'm in a relationship" instead. That's just human nature. I know that as women, we don't find ourselves in situations like this as much as men do, but just think about it for a second. If I worked up the nerve to go try to ask a guy that I found really attractive for his number (or whatever) and he just flat out said "sorry I'm not interested", and left it at that... ummm yeah, that would leave me feeling a little butt hurt to say the least. Especially if it was in front of a bunch of other people, that would be an even bigger blow to the ego. Now, would I go and hurl insults at the person I was just trying to pick up on for simply rejecting me? NO! Because I know he has every right to do so, and he doesn't owe me an explanation. That's the chance you take when you decide to make that move. And after the initial shock and butt hurt wares off, I would actually appreciate the honesty much more than being told a lie just to spare my feelings. But I in no way believe this to be just a male ego thing... it's just an ego thing, and it's human nature. :twocents-02cents:

 

[Sevrin]

It doesn't sound like either of them is much of a catch, so it would probably be best if both of them stayed single.

 

[Red7227]

Rude approaches deserve rude replies IMO or people never learn that shit isn't OK.
"When we gonna hang out?" is SO sosososososossoooo rude and imposing a question, and maybe now he'll think about approaching a girl with some damn manners next time. That questions if answered correctly, as it was asked leaves only two options. What would be considered a rude denial ( never, we're not... srsly, no "nice" way to answer correctly without taking it into your own hands to change the tone he started) or a date, time... what have you.
The likely hood of a strong person NOT answering with a somewhat rude tone is pretty damn low but the likely hood of a non-confrontational girl just giving in (even if she doesn't intend to follow through) just to get out of this corner she's been backed into is pretty darn high.

Tact for tact... you get what you put in and often that's a lesson you desperately needed.

Yup, his approach is intended to avoid rejection by forcing the girl to agree. If he had said "can we hang out?" The answer would have been "no". By saying "when are we going to hang out?" "no" isn't an option, she has to reject him as a person rather than just say no to his request. This guy needs a trip to the vet to have his balls off.

 

[SexySteph]

Also, why is it that men seem to respond better to "Sorry, I have a boyfriend" than "no thanks, I'm not interested"?

Some men have a fragile ego. "I have a boyfriend" allows them to convince themselves that were you single, you'd be swapping numbers and makings plans for the sex right now. "I'm not interested" is a direct rejection which prompts questions like "what's wrong with me? Am I not good looking? Am I not interesting?" and so forth.

Grown men should be able to handle a rejection though. And they should already know that a rejection doesn't mean there must be something wrong with them, considering how subjective sexual attraction is.

Considering the spontaneous lie about a boyfriend that doesn't exist to be the "polite" way of rejecting a guy is wrong and dangerous as Steph has pointed out. It's not like there are no polite ways to reject someone without lying.
Not to mention that it can lead to really awkward situations when you tell guy 1 that you have a boyfriend, and then let guy 2 chat you up and buy you a drink later, which might be seen by guy 1 who might or might not already be a little drunk and aggressive at that point. That happened to a friend of mine a couple years ago at a club and it wasn't fun. :?

Wait wait wait... I don't really think it's just a male ego thing here. I think that anyone, man or woman, would get at least a little butt hurt upon being told a flat out "sorry I'm not interested" after trying to pick up on someone. And I think that it would soften the blow for anyone getting their advances shot down if they heard the words "sorry, I'm in a relationship" instead. That's just human nature. I know that as women, we don't find ourselves in situations like this as much as men do, but just think about it for a second. If I worked up the nerve to go try to ask a guy that I found really attractive for his number (or whatever) and he just flat out said "sorry I'm not interested", and left it at that... ummm yeah, that would leave me feeling a little butt hurt to say the least. Especially if it was in front of a bunch of other people, that would be an even bigger blow to the ego. Now, would I go and hurl insults at the person I was just trying to pick up on for simply rejecting me? NO! Because I know he has every right to do so, and he doesn't owe me an explanation. That's the chance you take when you decide to make that move. And after the initial shock and butt hurt wares off, I would actually appreciate the honesty much more than being told a lie just to spare my feelings. But I in no way believe this to be just a male ego thing... it's just an ego thing, and it's human nature. :twocents-02cents:

Difference being a guy flat out rejecting a girl doesn't put him in danger (as often) as compared to a girl flat out rejecting a guy.

Also, in my experience it seems that "sorry, I have a boyfriend" goes over better than "no thank you" because guys seem to respect it a little more. It's not that "no thanks" hurts their feelings but that it for some reason leaves them open to push more, whereas "I have a boyfriend" causes them to back off because they respect the boyfriend's claim over the girl more than they respect the girls claim over herself. So I don't think "ego" is the entire reason that this is treated as the proper response from an uninterested female.

(Source: I've worked as a waitress in a bar as well as a barrista at a coffee shop and for some reason both of those jobs seem to lead to these situations on a pretty regular basis. I was once followed to my car by a guy begging for my # after I said no, and then when I said "sorry, I just think it'd upset my boyfriend" he immediately backed off. I've seen this so many times with myself and other girls I could probably write a book. lol)

 

[eyeteach]

Maybe I missed it somewhere in the two pages of responses, but how did he get her number to start with? Did he ask and then she gave it up? Did she volunteer it to start with? Obviously these two have some type of history together otherwise he wouldn't have had her cell number; am I wrong?

 

[Gen]

Maybe I missed it somewhere in the two pages of responses, but how did he get her number to start with? Did he ask and then she gave it up? Did she volunteer it to start with? Obviously these two have some type of history together otherwise he wouldn't have had her cell number; am I wrong?

It says they used to work together, so probably because of work stuff?

 

[LioraVox]

I think that I'm on the this is a prodominant male ego issue. Because in most situations, most men take rejection very personally and can't understand why anyone wouldn't want to date them. It's sense of entitlement that boys are taught..if you show "these" characteristics you can get any girl you want, unless she has a boyfriend/is married. Then you have to back off.

Guys like this she woman as property or trophys, not as people. Because if a girl says "no,I'm not interested" that would be it. But no guys have to ask " damn, why you being stuck up, I'm a nice guy." Or they resort to attempting to insult the very girl they just tried to get attention from "your fat/ugly, anyway".

That mindset is that if she doesn't want you, it because something is wrong with her not you (the guy).

 

[Ambers Troll]

We should teach boys that as men rejection is part of the game, get used to it or don't play. Mothers need to teach their sons about how women think (in regard to men/ dating/ partners/ sex), especially as they face rejection.
One thing men miss learning about women, especially when younger, is that asking for something serious at the wrong moment will be rejected. Something spontaneous and non-serious at the wrong moment will be rejected too. When you make such an offer you don't get to change your mind, you have announced your wishes.

The kind of arrogant alpha male type most women seem to like will alway handle rejection badly, but that is fine by me, most deserve the pain they feel. A blunt rejection is often neccessary on the woman's part, this type of man will miss every subtle hint up until that point.

Women don't always seem to realise just how hard emotionally approaching someone can be for more typical types of men, asking to date someone is challenging for most of us. So the best of us often get lost to women we like as friends or aquantances, as we never get up the courage to ask for more.
This is also the reason most women always seem to meet the worst of us (selfish/ arrogant/ misogynistic etc.), they don't believe they can be rejected.

I don't think there is too much women can do to make things easier on men or avoid all the drama we can cause you when we are rejected. Try not to let it bother you too much, and always stay safe (some types can be dangerous as SexyStephXS alluded to).
On rejecting advances, I would suggest not setting that person up for later rejection, waiting until you are certain before rejection, and being open to someone you like being something more to you. When you are certain you must make it clear and certain, especially with certain types of people.

 

[ThePrincessLuxy]

but seriously I would send this screen shot to his employer and ask if this is the kind of guy they want representing their company. But I play dirty so... :?

Is someone representing their employer 24/7 - or were they representing their employer formally in this instance? Is privacy of ones conversation not something worthwhile?

Whilst I think she was rude, his retort was both pathetic and childish - there is the old saying of "treat others how you'd expect to be treated". If you're unnecessarily rude or obnoxious to someone, then don't be shocked or complain when they are in return.

Likewise - if you believe your attempt to cost someone their job over a comment in a PM is justified then don't call it "playing dirty" - call it what it really is...

People represent their companies 24/7. People get fired from jobs all the time because of the way they conduct themselves even in private. I don't think that this should be any different. So I guess it's not called playing "dirty", but rather playing fair.

 

[eyeteach]

Maybe I missed it somewhere in the two pages of responses, but how did he get her number to start with? Did he ask and then she gave it up? Did she volunteer it to start with? Obviously these two have some type of history together otherwise he wouldn't have had her cell number; am I wrong?

It says they used to work together, so probably because of work stuff?

Does everyone at this place of business have everyone's phone number? Did he ask her for her # and she being at one time interested give it to him? Did he get her number from someone else? Personally I don't think work-place dating is ever a good idea and I don't blame her for shutting him down; actually, those texts border on harassment and she should report this to HR. Maybe she has done just that in the past, we don't know. What we do know is she obviously isn't interested this time and he took her rejection like an insolent little child. Again, I don't blame her.

 

[fandango]

but seriously I would send this screen shot to his employer and ask if this is the kind of guy they want representing their company. But I play dirty so... :?

Is someone representing their employer 24/7 - or were they representing their employer formally in this instance? Is privacy of ones conversation not something worthwhile?

Whilst I think she was rude, his retort was both pathetic and childish - there is the old saying of "treat others how you'd expect to be treated". If you're unnecessarily rude or obnoxious to someone, then don't be shocked or complain when they are in return.

Likewise - if you believe your attempt to cost someone their job over a comment in a PM is justified then don't call it "playing dirty" - call it what it really is...

People represent their companies 24/7. People get fired from jobs all the time because of the way they conduct themselves even in private. I don't think that this should be any different. So I guess it's not called playing "dirty", but rather playing fair.

I am in no way condoning what he did but what you say is certainly not playing fair but spiteful and evil. Up to this point all he has done is annoyed you, certainly not something that is worth losing his job over. If he threatened her then it would be different but from what we can see here he hasnt done anything worthy of being fired, also people arent fired for things in their personal lives unless they are illegal and although he is a giant dick sadly being a dick is not illegal.

2 wrongs dont make a right and without more context neither person comes off well in this scenario :twocents-02cents:

 

[JerryBoBerry]

I had never heard of the term 'Bye Felicia' before so I looked it up on urban dictionary. After reading that and then rereading the text I think maybe she was the rude one for sure. He was nice at first, maybe tried too many times after not getting the hint, but he was still being cordial. Then she was the one that elevated it to rude standards. She basically called him some random bitch no one cares about and possibly worse based on this definition.



I don't see how his texts warranted that. At that point he was just lashing back at someone who was really rude.

Truth be told I suspect there's a lot more to this before these texts happened. Maybe he was pushy in the past and she no longer cared at this point. Maybe she was wishy washy in the past when he asked and made it seem like sometime in the future they could do something together. But just based on the text she escalated it drastically first. She called him a bitch no one cares about and then he called her a bitch back.

She lacks the social grace to be able to clearly tell someone 'no' without being rude. And on the other side, he also lacks the ability to simply tell someone they did wrong, were rude, and then walk away without stooping to their level.

 

[weirdbr]

I am in no way condoning what he did but what you say is certainly not playing fair but spiteful and evil. Up to this point all he has done is annoyed you, certainly not something that is worth losing his job over. If he threatened her then it would be different but from what we can see here he hasnt done anything worthy of being fired, also people arent fired for things in their personal lives unless they are illegal and although he is a giant dick sadly being a dick is not illegal.

This is something that for multiple reasons has been a big topic at my work place over the last couple weeks and there is a consensus that the constant attempts to ask someone out after being turned down can be considered harassment and should be handled by management/HR, primarily because it creates an environment where at least one person is constantly having to dodge their coworker's advances.

People represent their companies 24/7. People get fired from jobs all the time because of the way they conduct themselves even in private.

That's actually something rather new - personally I don't remember hearing about people being fired for conduct outside of work until the internet became this popular and angry mobs with pitchforks started asking for people's heads whenever they screw up, at which point companies started firing employees just to prevent a PR issue (just look at all the cases of companies being harassed whenever an employee does something stupid in public and they take too long to fire them).
And to me, this mentality doesn't make a lot of sense - reasonable people will understand the difference between work and personal time and act accordingly; the unreasonable people will eventually screw up at work and be fired for their inappropriate workplace conduct.

 

[AmberCutie]

That's actually something rather new - personally I don't remember hearing about people being fired for conduct outside of work until the internet became this popular and angry mobs with pitchforks started asking for people's heads whenever they screw up

Years ago I actually fired someone for calling out sick (actually made an excuse about the flu or somesuch) after I found posts on his facebook/myspace of his weekend in Tahoe. Some flu.

 

[fandango]

This is something that for multiple reasons has been a big topic at my work place over the last couple weeks and there is a consensus that the constant attempts to ask someone out after being turned down can be considered harassment and should be handled by management/HR, primarily because it creates an environment where at least one person is constantly having to dodge their coworker's advances.

Youre quite right but I was talking only about what we could see from those texts. If he had been on a long term campaign to "win her over" and kept on at her when she had already turned him down then that would be harrassment and could then be fired, however we dont know if thats the case.

That's actually something rather new - personally I don't remember hearing about people being fired for conduct outside of work until the internet became this popular and angry mobs with pitchforks started asking for people's heads whenever they screw up

Years ago I actually fired someone for calling out sick (actually made an excuse about the flu or somesuch) after I found posts on his facebook/myspace of his weekend in Tahoe. Some flu.

That's different though because it is work related as he lied to you about where he was so you were fully justified in firing him.

If he had taken vacation time and you still fired him after seing posts of his weekend just because you didnt like what he was up to then it would be you who is in the wrong.

 

[AmberCutie]

This is something that for multiple reasons has been a big topic at my work place over the last couple weeks and there is a consensus that the constant attempts to ask someone out after being turned down can be considered harassment and should be handled by management/HR, primarily because it creates an environment where at least one person is constantly having to dodge their coworker's advances.

Youre quite right but I was talking only about what we could see from those texts. If he had been on a long term campaign to "win her over" and kept on at her when she had already turned him down then that would be harrassment and could then be fired, however we dont know if thats the case.

That's actually something rather new - personally I don't remember hearing about people being fired for conduct outside of work until the internet became this popular and angry mobs with pitchforks started asking for people's heads whenever they screw up

Years ago I actually fired someone for calling out sick (actually made an excuse about the flu or somesuch) after I found posts on his facebook/myspace of his weekend in Tahoe. Some flu.

That's different though because it is work related as he lied to you about where he was so you were fully justified in firing him.

If he had taken vacation time and you still fired him after seing posts of his weekend just because you didnt like what he was up to then it would be you who is in the wrong.

Ah I see the difference, yep.