Met a cam model on tinder, difficulties ensued, seeking advice.

[Vixxen81]

Throwing this out for anyone curious, because the green card process in America is rather intriguing and complicated but if you wish to inform yourself to avoid any possible scams here it is:

Green Card Processes and Procedures | USCIS

Each Green Card category have specific steps and procedures to follow. Listed below are some general processes and procedures to help you apply either while in the United States (known as “adjust

www.uscis.gov

That's for anyone who reads this thread in the future, not necessarily for anyone already in the thread.

 

[NotYou]

You said she can't come to visit YOU, but have you tried to go visit her? What excuse did she give for that?

 

[AudriTwo]

im sorry i havent dated in forever. i thought tinder was for local?

 

[Vixxen81]

im sorry i havent dated in forever. i thought tinder was for local?

I think you can spoof your location somehow.

Edit: Ah here's the how.

Can I set my location to somewhere else on Tinder?


Here's how it works:

• Open Tinder on your iPhone or Android device.
• Select the profile icon.
• Go to the Tinder app settings.
• Select Add a New Location.
• In the search bar, enter a city you want to swipe through.
• Select the city from your search results.
• Tap the blue banner to change your location.

 

[Hresh08]

You said she can't come to visit YOU, but have you tried to go visit her? What excuse did she give for that?

I dont remember saying she cant visit me, just that she didnt want us to meet in general, maybe i worded it wrong. But the excuse is the same either way: she says that it would be too hard on her, as she wouldnt want to leave my side when we did meet in person.

 

[Vixxen81]

I dont remember saying she cant visit me, just that she didnt want us to meet in general, maybe i worded it wrong. But the excuse is the same either way: she says that it would be too hard on her, as she wouldnt want to leave my side when we did meet in person.

You should really consider yourself lucky that she didn't deem you worthy enough to make you a mark. Seriously, cut your losses and count them as wins.

 

[Hresh08]

im sorry i havent dated in forever. i thought tinder was for local?

It is, and yes it can be spoofed, but she also had knowledge of the local area, knowledge you dont get through google maps. It is very possibly correct that she is a scammer, but if she is, then shes a very good one. I asked questions a lot. seemingly inane, often differently worded, frequent questions.

 

[Vixxen81]

It is, and yes it can be spoofed, but she also had knowledge of the local area, knowledge you dont get through google maps. It is very possibly correct that she is a scammer, but if she is, then shes a very good one. I asked questions a lot. seemingly inane, often differently worded, frequent questions.

I've been to Chicago precisely twice in my entire life and I can tell you everything about that city like it was the back of my hand. Doesn't mean I ever lived there.

 

[Hresh08]

You should really consider yourself lucky that she didn't deem you worthy enough to make you a mark. Seriously, cut your losses and count them as wins.

I've been to Chicago precisely twice in my entire life and I can tell you everything about that city like it was the back of my hand. Doesn't mean I ever lived there.

Alright. both sound reasonable enough.

 

[JesseQuinn69]

After those 2 situations I decided not to use tinder again or any dating app, think I rather get to know a girl in person now.

excellent decision

 

[Marceline]

im sorry i havent dated in forever. i thought tinder was for local?

I think if you have a VPN on your phone you can chose your dating app location that way. Or, if you turn off your location services you can manually put in whatever zip code you want. Not 100% sure if either of those would work, but I think that's how it works.

just that she didnt want us to meet in general, maybe i worded it wrong. But the excuse is the same either way: she says that it would be too hard on her, as she wouldnt want to leave my side when we did meet in person.

Obviously I can't speak for anyone else, but generally if you're really into someone and have the opportunity to meet in person, you do. Saying she "wouldn't want to leave your side" seems like a bs excuse, tbh.

I don't use dating apps anymore, but when I did, if the vibes were there after chatting for a few days then I'd meet up for coffee or drinks or something. Pretty much everyone I know who has ever used dating apps is the same way. It doesn't make sense to get into a full fledged relationship with someone you've never met in person (despite having the opportunity to), because even if you feel like you have chemistry through texting/phone calls, there may not be any chemistry at all in person. That's what makes me think this isn't a real relationship. If you two had met in person, it'd be different. Even if she wasn't texting or calling much now.

Yes, kind of. I found her and we began talking again a couple of months ago, but she did not have a phone initially and she did not want to talk about serious relationship stuff while she was working (our only means of communication at the time, and totally understandable) she just got a phone a couple of weeks ago, but then was hospitalized for a week. She did not talk to me during that time, and since the hospitalization, she has been weak and needing of rest, so we havent talked much even aside from that. I tried bringing up some of my needs, like trading an emergency contact in case she or i got hospitalized again, and she said ok, but then stopped talking to me. The next couple of days was little to no talking (sick and weak still), and today she slammed me with "this is a little invasive" before i could even talk to her more about our relationship and express my needs.

Wait, so for awhile your only means of communication with her was through her camsite while she was working? Not sure if I read that right, so wanted to clarify.

If that is the case, I'd say this is 100% some kind of long con. And that the reason she told you to not visit her anymore is because she either figured you weren't tipping enough or was worried you might start saying in chat that you're her "boyfriend" or it's some sort of reverse psychology. Either way, all of what I quoted is super sketchy.

Like, for context, I'm in a LDR with someone I met on Tinder years ago. He's known from the getgo what I do for work, but even after almost three years he still doesn't know my online stage name. I'd never invite him to my cam room or to my content sites. If I didn't have a phone, I'd find a way to get in touch with him that's not through my work sites. If I was hospitalized, as long as I was conscious I'd make sure to give him updates or have my best friend text him updates. We also met in person not long after we first matched. Imo, that's how a real relationship should look. I'm sorry, but this just doesn't look like a real relationship at all and I think you'd be better off to just walk away. Don't beg or plead for attention, don't try making things work, just wash your hands and find yourself someone who does want to be with you.

 

[Lintilla]

Throwing this out for anyone curious, because the green card process in America is rather intriguing and complicated but if you wish to inform yourself to avoid any possible scams here it is:

Green Card Processes and Procedures | USCIS

Each Green Card category have specific steps and procedures to follow. Listed below are some general processes and procedures to help you apply either while in the United States (known as “adjust

www.uscis.gov

That's for anyone who reads this thread in the future, not necessarily for anyone already in the thread.

I was pretty curious which category this woman was claiming to be using. It's not likely going to be employment if she's working as a camgirl, and OP stated it wasn't a spousal green card (actually, until someone else said "green card" all he mentioned was some type of "permanent [visa]", although he could have meant "immigrant visa" or "permanent residency"). Green cards aren't easy to get. In any case, if she texts him maybe one message in 24-36 hrs, it makes very little sense that she'd be willing to uproot her current life to move back to her home country and undergo a lengthy and expensive process to obtain an immigrant visa (on what basis?) for him.

 

[Vixxen81]

I was pretty curious which category this woman was claiming to be using. It's not likely going to be employment if she's working as a camgirl, and OP stated it wasn't a spousal green card (actually, until someone else said "green card" all he mentioned was some type of "permanent [visa]", although he could have meant "immigrant visa" or "permanent residency"). Green cards aren't easy to get. In any case, if she texts him maybe one message in 24-36 hrs, it makes very little sense that she'd be willing to uproot her current life to move back to her home country and undergo a lengthy and expensive process to obtain an immigrant visa (on what basis?) for him.

Exxxxactly.

I took a job for an Eastern European company right after 9/11 happened in the US. It was a start up and there was a bunch of immigration hurdles. My boss was 6'4, blonde, blue eyed and from what was considered an allied country and it took six tries to get him a work Visa that eventually led to residency. It cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to submit applications through lawyers to Homeland Security and he was the only person qualified to do the job at hand in this country because his father was the owner and inventor the product being sold in the US. Even getting a spousal visa is extremely difficult post 9/11. I don't think foreign people really understand just how hard it is to get into this country legally.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

Have you sent her any money at all

 

[Lintilla]

Exxxxactly.

I took a job for an Eastern European company right after 9/11 happened in the US. It was a start up and there was a bunch of immigration hurdles. My boss was 6'4, blonde, blue eyed and from what was considered an allied country and it took six tries to get him a work Visa that eventually led to residency. It cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to submit applications through lawyers to Homeland Security and he was the only person qualified to do the job at hand in this country because his father was the owner and inventor the product being sold in the US. Even getting a spousal visa is extremely difficult post 9/11. I don't think foreign people really understand just how hard it is to get into this country legally.

I'm a naturalized American citizen. I was born in Canada, and entered on a K1 (fiancée) visa, which is one of the easiest ways to become a permanent resident here. It was still not particularly "easy" by any means. I can't see someone going through any part of the process for someone they haven't met and don't seem eager to communicate with at all.

 

[Vixxen81]

I'm a naturalized American citizen. I was born in Canada, and entered on a K1 (fiancée) visa, which is one of the easiest ways to become a permanent resident here. It was still not particularly "easy" by any means. I can't see someone going through any part of the process for someone they haven't met and don't seem eager to communicate with at all.

Boss man was going for an L1-A visa, which specifically demands you must be more qualified than any American who is job eligible to be granted the visa. The hurdles are insane. I remember one application was rejected simply because one word was missing.

 

[HeadyRaven]

She had to move back to her home country to await her visa. very near the time that happened, all of her stuff was stolen, and we lost contact for approximately 8 months.

Yes, she has referred to me as her bf, and likewise, i have referred to her as my gf. this is a long distance situation.

Correct. we never actually met in person, just chatted over text. she was here on a temp visa, and when she met me, she decided to try for the permanent one, not knowing initially that she had to leave the country while doing so.

Yes, kind of. I found her and we began talking again a couple of months ago, but she did not have a phone initially and she did not want to talk about serious relationship stuff while she was working (our only means of communication at the time, and totally understandable) she just got a phone a couple of weeks ago, but then was hospitalized for a week. She did not talk to me during that time, and since the hospitalization, she has been weak and needing of rest, so we havent talked much even aside from that. I tried bringing up some of my needs, like trading an emergency contact in case she or i got hospitalized again, and she said ok, but then stopped talking to me. The next couple of days was little to no talking (sick and weak still), and today she slammed me with "this is a little invasive" before i could even talk to her more about our relationship and express my needs.

I have had the same thought, and its had me doubting the relationship, but we have both been through some stuff, so I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. the 1 hour a day thing, thats if im lucky. most days i dont even get a text. other than when she's mad at me, she on average sends me 1 text every 24-36 hours. I did communicate my need to hear from her at least once a day, and she said "im very busy, so we'll see"

A lot of people have weighed in since you replied to my questions, and they've hit on most of what I would have said. Based on your clarifications, I think using the term "girlfriend" is part of the problem. The two of you met online and began interacting, and maybe you began using the terms "bf" and "gf" but it appears that you took it more seriously than she did. There's nothing wrong with having interest and hope but there can also be misplaced hope and risk of heartbreak (or worse).

I'm old school. To me, "girlfriend" means we've met in person and we see each other in person; do things together; have some friends in common (or at least know each others' friends); go to dinner and travel; have sex; maybe meet families eventually. That's a girlfriend in my world view. You might be younger than me and I may be out of touch with new digital culture; maybe some people legitimately view themselves as in serious relationships who have never touched each other in person or physically been in the same place? Maybe, but even so, in this case, she isn't even acting very interested.

With you seemingly much more interested and her not reciprocating (plus lots of unknowns about her actual situation), I think you should divest emotionally unless there's some major change in her behavior.

I don't think it's a scam, at least at present, because she would probably be taking more active steps to hook you in if she wanted to scam you. Maybe she was considering a scam and backed off if she assessed you didn't have a lot of money? Or maybe she was never trying to scam you at all. She could have been moderately interested at first but now backed off.

Don't continue to invest emotion in a person who does not reciprocate. You could continue light interaction if you find something positive from it, but don't hold illusions. At the very least, it's not good for your own self-esteem.

 

[yummybrownfox]

im sorry i havent dated in forever. i thought tinder was for local?

Yes, it's supposed to be local. But when I was on Tinder...and even had my search filter narrowed down to men who are X miles away (I refuse to do the long distance thing again, and don't want to get attached to someone who lives hours away)...I was still getting results of guys several states away or on the other side of the country. I realized that Tinder will show you results of people who are __ miles away at this particular moment in time. SMH. So if a guy lives all the way in California, but just so happens to be in my town/city in Maryland just for the day...that guy may show up in my search results since he's within my ___ mile radius right now. That shit really pissed me off, because then I'm wasting my time swiping right on a profile of someone who lives too far away...and (unless their profile specifically states they live in such and such) I won't even realize it until I've already matched with/talked with him...and he reveals that he actually lives in California. So then there's this awkwardness of me having to tell a guy "I'm sorry, but you're too far away for me," and then the guy trying to guilt-trip me for passing on him and not being open-minded about a long distance thing. I really would've liked to avoid situations like that, and I thought it was super shitty of Tinder to operate that way.

 

[misterical]

I dont remember saying she cant visit me, just that she didnt want us to meet in general, maybe i worded it wrong. But the excuse is the same either way: she says that it would be too hard on her, as she wouldnt want to leave my side when we did meet in person.

So, she doesn't want to meet you (too upsetting) and doesn't have more than an hour a week to talk to you (too busy). It's hardly Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor, is it?

 

[Highlander884]

Yes, it's supposed to be local. But when I was on Tinder...and even had my search filter narrowed down to men who are X miles away (I refuse to do the long distance thing again, and don't want to get attached to someone who lives hours away)...I was still getting results of guys several states away or on the other side of the country. I realized that Tinder will show you results of people who are __ miles away at this particular moment in time. SMH. So if a guy lives all the way in California, but just so happens to be in my town/city in Maryland just for the day...that guy may show up in my search results since he's within my ___ mile radius right now. That shit really pissed me off, because then I'm wasting my time swiping right on a profile of someone who lives too far away...and (unless their profile specifically states they live in such and such) I won't even realize it until I've already matched with/talked with him...and he reveals that he actually lives in California. So then there's this awkwardness of me having to tell a guy "I'm sorry, but you're too far away for me," and then the guy trying to guilt-trip me for passing on him and not being open-minded about a long distance thing. I really would've liked to avoid situations like that, and I thought it was super shitty of Tinder to operate that way.

I had this. Would put 10 miles. Still suggests people 250 miles away.
Same thing with age, 25 was my youngest limit, yet it would suggest 18 year olds too, which was icky when I recognised one who used to walk by my house on her way to school.
So glad I got rid of that app. Half the people I know who use dating apps never get any interest on them either. Far too many guys on them and not enough women who aren't bots it seems.

 

[NotYou]

I had this. Would put 10 miles. Still suggests people 250 miles away.
Same thing with age, 25 was my youngest limit, yet it would suggest 18 year olds too, which was icky when I recognised one who used to walk by my house on her way to school.
So glad I got rid of that app. Half the people I know who use dating apps never get any interest on them either. Far too many guys on them and not enough women who aren't bots it seems.

This is what Tinder always does for me, especially if I view it from my desktop.web and not just the phone.
It always changes my location because of my ISP, it usually says I am about 100 - 200 miles away from I usually am (usually the same 2 locations), but then you can;t simply go to the Tinder profile and edit it, maybe you can with premium but not as a free user, so I gave up on Tinder

 

[Ozzie_]

So, she doesn't want to meet you (too upsetting) and doesn't have more than an hour a week to talk to you (too busy). It's hardly Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor, is it?

Well... maybe during "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?"

 

[HeadyRaven]

Well... maybe during "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?"

Ha , with this reference, we at least know a wide age range is present on this forum.

 

[HeadyRaven]

she doesn't want to meet you (too upsetting) and doesn't have more than an hour a week to talk to you (too busy)

I'm still hung up on this (maybe) age/generational thing... I've seen it a lot on this board: Somone (unsually a guy) will post and refer to the relationship repeatedly as "boyfriend/girlfriend." Then we learn halfway down the thread that they have never even been in the same room together. Sometimes, don't even know half the real story of what's going on in their respective lives.

How is this a boyfriend / girlfriend? Did the definition change while I was getting older? lol Or is this more about the scenarios that certain guys present on this forum, regardless of age? (Same thing with "long distance relationship"... not a relationship if you never met even once in person ... my opinion)

 

[Nigerian Prince]

I'm still hung up on this (maybe) age/generational thing... I've seen it a lot on this board: Somone (unsually a guy) will post and refer to the relationship repeatedly as "boyfriend/girlfriend." Then we learn halfway down the thread that they have never even been in the same room together. Sometimes, don't even know half the real story of what's going on in their respective lives.

How is this a boyfriend / girlfriend? Did the definition change while I was getting older? lol Or is this more about the scenarios that certain guys present on this forum, regardless of age? (Same thing with "long distance relationship"... not a relationship if you never met even once in person ... my opinion)

The definition hasn't changed, it's just delusion mostly.