Know better, still fell in love

[Trixxi_Love]

yeah lol didn't know so many greek letters have meaning.

anyway to the OP.

Honestly, it seems to me that you actually like this shit deep down. Not kink shaming, you do you bro. But there's cold hard facts right there staring you in the face (hell she practically shoved them down your throat), and the fact that you're still persistent tells me that you like being in this situation.

buuuuut on the off chance that you are genuinely heartbroken (but still persistent). My advice is to just stop. Nothing good will come out of this, this is just you being caught up in the moment, and it's not your fault, sometimes things happen and catch you when you're vulnerable. Catching feelings from PMs or privates is normal, but you need to learn to check that shit and be able to filter what's real or what's part of what you paid for.

Can a sex worker fall in love with a member? yeah sure it can happen, it happens waaaaaaaay less than you think but it does happen, they're just people too. Unfortunately this isn't one of those times.

Reminds me of when I was a stripper in a dive club. It’s all fantasy for both parties and I myself had to learn the hard way. A man came in to my club and treated me well, tipped generously, acted gentlemanly (comparatively) and we shared mutual interests. I had a fantasy he would “rescue” me from my bad relationship.

Well this is how the fantasy played into reality. One day after a shift he took me to dinner. We got so incredibly drunk that he drove me to his home which I had never been to. In my mind all I knew was he had a home in the country and he knew how to build homes.

This place was several acres of abandoned vehicles with weeds growing over them. The “home” was a double wide engulfed in Blackberry vines that he used a machete to cut just to enter the dwelling.

There was a pile of dishes taller than me with all types of species of insects and maggots etc. Blackberries grew in through the windows. He was a hoarder. The bathroom had a pile of cigarette butts the size of a large jackrabbit. The tub was completely black except for a space where two footprints were. The beer bottles everywhere was akin to a wild college party. The piles of trash I had to move to just find a place to sit. I could go on and on and on.

So I had a thick fantasy that this man could “rescue me” and because he painted the picture to me that he was going to build me a beautiful home in the country one day. So I took pictures of his dwelling and every time I thought of him or I wanted to be with him I would look at them. This brought me back to reality.

Maybe you need something to help you remember reality. You said you are learning a new language? That’s great. I also love learning languages. Maybe you can try to find a language learning study group in your area to meet a real female who is genuinely single and you can befriend in your own authentic way.

The truth about us cam models and strippers is though we may like our customers, befriend our customers, or even fantasize about our customers, at the end of the day you are still customers. You are choosing to tip us and we are a luxury item for you to enjoy.

Do we live in an unfair world where some people get to have more luxury items than others? We sure fucking do. Do we live in a world where luxury items have different prices? Sure we do.

I think if you enjoy cam models and cannot afford a particular one, one alternative idea is to search for one you can afford? We are at an era where there are many more ladies camming and more cam sites available so the price range can be quite competitive.

I have personally had customers like you in my life and I do enjoy your generosity and connection but at the end of the day I enjoy most is being able to receive earnings from the website and walk away from the cam world at my leisure.

Try to think of cam models akin to accessible celebrities. If you learned a language that a celebrity spoke would that gain you entry into her private life? No, but you may get a few conversations.

Since money is your issue I highly reccomend strategizing how you spend your pleasure time online. Consider alternative sites, and also reach into your community for a potential real single female who could be there for you.

Lastly, it took me falling for a hoarder to realize this: We don’t need saving! When a man wants to save me I know immediately he knows nothing about me or my authenticity. Being an independent cam model is liberating and I highly doubt any of us would give up our freedom for a romantic partner without some good amount of forethought.

Sorry if any of my statements came off harshly as I only want to remind you of some things you can do in reality to remember what is real and what is fantasy.

 

[o-ooo-o]

Do we live in an unfair world where some people get to have more luxury items than others? We sure fucking do. Do we live in a world where luxury items have different prices? Sure we do.
.... remember what is real and what is fantasy.

Really appreciate your candor and wisdom. I only discovered CB/SC this year, never been to a real strip club. The fantasy aspect is what sucked me in, both the ease of conversation with someone way out of my league and the accessibility of 'tip menus' that streamline what might otherwise be a challenging conversation. At some point the fantasy became life transformation to achieve the impossible -- healthy in the means but by all indications destructive in the end. Of late I don't visit any other models, and there are days when I plan to skip and clear my head but I find myself recalled and I am weak for her smile.

 

[Sashacurves]

Agree to disagree, are you projecting?

Translated: "I would never call a woman a whore, you whore"

Thumbs up from me to anyone doing a job they love making six figures. From what I've seen so far that is the exception rather than the norm in the cam industry.

That's the exception in any industry. Whether or not the girl you obsess over is making 6 figures is irrelevant. The point remains that you are not and never will be her hero just because your misogyny causes you to see her line of work as something she must want to be rescued from

 

[o-ooo-o]

The point remains that you are not and never will be her hero just because your misogyny causes you to see her line of work as something she must want to be rescued from

I'm impressed with your eloquence, rest assured I feel the burn, deserved for my edgy choice of words. In my limited experience, I've come across just as many models who clearly do not like the job as those who are thriving. Not here to make blanket statements about the industry, but it's true I wish I could be her hero, whatever that entails.

 

[mika_kedi]

Translated: "I would never call a woman a whore, you whore"

Thank you! The way he word-vomits is so unneceserily convoluted that I truly got confused what was he trying to say (and his response didn't clarify anything) but that was pretty much how I understood it. Glad to see not just me. Also, I guess he was trying to offend me suggesting that I for sure don't make enough money to make my whoring myself out worth it, therefore, again, "you whore"?

 

[misterical]

Wise words Sponkel. I'm definitely caught in the moment. Unsure where it will end but right now I can't imagine just bailing on her.

I'm pretty certain it will end with you in the exact same position you are in now, but just poorer. Enjoy any friendship that comes from it, pay fair money for fair entertainment, but don't think you are going to walk off together into the sunset and get married.

 

[Sashacurves]

Thank you! The way he word-vomits is so unneceserily convoluted that I truly got confused what was he trying to say (and his response didn't clarify anything) but that was honestly my initial interpretation. Glad to see not just mine.

He's trying to come across as highly intelligent and assumes that we will be impressed/intimidated/confused by the unnecessarily big words. Sesquipedalian is the exact word for it seeing as we're over here throwing around our biggest big boy words.

Also, I guess he was trying to offend me suggesting that I for sure don't make enough money to make my whoring myself out worth it, therefore, again, "you whore"?

I don't think it was about you, I think he was trying to defend his point about wanting to rescue her by saying that she's unlikely to be earning over 6 figures. Although not to judge anyone's business model, but if you're charging over $8/min, surely you must be making over $100k? I doubt he's the white knight he thinks he is with the 100,000tk/year of tips anyway.

 

[o-ooo-o]

Thank you! The way he word-vomits is so unneceserily convoluted that I truly got confused what was he trying to say (and his response didn't clarify anything) but that was pretty much how I understood it. Glad to see not just me. Also, I guess he was trying to offend me suggesting that I for sure don't make enough money to make my whoring myself out worth it, therefore, again, "you whore"?

That's actually not what I meant at all, sorry it's not about you. I used a few poorly chosen words in the original post, let's call them edgy. Please accept my apologies for any indirect offense.

 

[o-ooo-o]

He's trying to come across as highly intelligent and assumes that we will be impressed/intimidated/confused by the unnecessarily big words.

I just love language, and when a bigger word expresses the feeling with more appropriate nuance I see no reason to dumb it down. Judging by the plethora of helpful, grounded responses already received it appears visitors to this forum have had no difficulty absorbing the gist of my original post.

 

[Sashacurves]

I just love language, and when a bigger word expresses the feeling with more appropriate nuance I see no reason to dumb it down. Judging by the plethora of helpful, grounded responses already received it appears visitors to this forum have had no difficulty absorbing the gist of my original post.

It's not the gist of the original post, it's the attitude conveyed that some of us are struggling to digest

 

[o-ooo-o]

It's not the gist of the original post, it's the attitude conveyed that some of us are struggling to digest

Got it, so less word-vomit, more vomit-vomit.

 

[misterical]

Here's where it's problematic from the perspective of a fellow member.

Deep down I fear failure to spend in a way commensurate with the high rollers will reveal the inadequacy of my claim for affection.

You are actually suggesting that she will sell herself to the highest bidder. What the fuck is that all about?

The cautious Gamma in me is terrified of treating her like a whore

You are suggesting that by her going private with you makes her a whore. Not a good look.

After weeks of flirting, she leveled with me that under no circumstances was she interested in a relationship of any kind. This was delivered with pity, or perhaps care and a dash of self protection. It only stiffened my resolve that she is a good and kind person, worth fighting for, worth dreaming of.

She told you that she doesn't want a relationship. It's not surprising. She is a cam model and you are Arial 11pt font guy. Just words on a screen. As a result of this, you came to the conclusion that she is worth pursuing further, presumably to "convince" her that she is wrong. ????

Every day that goes by helps to ameliorate the age gap.

How? Have you somehow stopped ageing while she continues to age?

Don't fall in love on a cam site. You'll tear yourself apart like all of the other guys in the back tattoo threads. She probably has a boyfriend, maybe even a husband. It's not impossible to be friends with a model but being friends with a model in order to try and convince her to date you over time is definitely a destructive path for you and a potential pain in the ass for her. It's likely to end with you being blocked. Have a laugh. Lift her up when she is down. Take her private, pay for it and don't be ashamed of it. But leave it there.

 

[AmberCutie]

She is a cam model and you are Arial 11pt font guy.

This is one of your best lines ever.

 

[o-ooo-o]

You are actually suggesting that she will sell herself to the highest bidder. What the fuck is that all about?

She knows I'm crazy about her. I'm not the only one. The difference is I'm there almost every day, all session long. In a mostly-transactional framework where as members all we can provide is text, tokens, and good vibes, I represent well and to the best of my ability, but ultimately I cannot compete with the set of rich but infrequent members who pay the bills via privates. For several weeks I tried, and found it necessary to take a harsh look at my spending. I fear that as my average contribution has declined from 300k tk/yr to a more manageable 100k tk/yr there will be an assumption that I'm just not interested, and therefore less interesting.

You are suggesting that by her going private with you makes her a whore. Not a good look.

Yeah, really poor choice of words. I tried to clarify this a bit in another response, but the gist is that for me strong feelings of affection complicate what I'm looking for in a private.

She told you that she doesn't want a relationship. It's not surprising. She is a cam model and you are Arial 11pt font guy. Just words on a screen. As a result of this, you came to the conclusion that she is worth pursuing further, presumably to "convince" her that she is wrong. ????

The fantasy for me only survives in the context of anything is possible, people change, grow, want different things. She was leveling with me to ensure I didn't develop any expectations that might make her look bad, or feel bad for leading me on. Completely logical, but also devastating. Right now my best possible outcome is to continue this dance of sponsorship via tokens as the tide of infatuation naturally fades and hopefully leads to friendship. I hope to be passably fluent in her language in the next six months -- looking forward to having her laugh at my poor grammar and American accent but also appreciate the effort.

 

[Sashacurves]

She knows I'm crazy about her. I'm not the only one. The difference is I'm there almost every day, all session long. In a mostly-transactional framework where as members all we can provide is text, tokens, and good vibes, I represent well and to the best of my ability, but ultimately I cannot compete with the set of rich but infrequent members who pay the bills via privates. For several weeks I tried, and found it necessary to take a harsh look at my spending. I fear that as my average contribution has declined from 300k tk/yr to a more manageable 100k tk/yr there will be an assumption that I'm just not interested, and therefore less interesting.

You are going to end up hurt, poor or both if you don't stop looking at camsites like some kind of meat market. Even if we pretend for a second that you're only "competing" for her friendship, what kind of friendship is that to pursue? Get some therapy, get some real life friends. I don't say that to be harsh, but you shouldn't be putting yourself in a situation where your value to someone you care about is based on how much you can pay them.

Right now my best possible outcome is to continue this dance of sponsorship via tokens as the tide of infatuation naturally fades and hopefully leads to friendship. I hope to be passably fluent in her language in the next six months -- looking forward to having her laugh at my poor grammar and American accent but also appreciate the effort.

No, this is not the best possible outcome, see above. If you can get yourself to a point where you don't crave and rely on the attention (or hopes of attention) of an online persona (we are called cam MODELS for a reason) then you may be able to go back to her room to enjoy the entertainment (sexual or conversational) for what it is but in your current toxic mindset, this isn't going to end well for you

 

[o-ooo-o]

This is one of your best lines ever.

Arial 11 point guy, coming to a theater near you. Ryan Reynolds or Ryan Gosling?

 

[inertvolcano]

I know I'm repeating what other people have said, but she said she was not interested in a relationship under any circumstances. That is, definitively, the end. Continuing past that means you're no longer an idiot and are now a creep. My recommendation is to keep hitting the gym, and to take a complete break from cam sites altogether until you feel less confused (and you are confused).

 

[MarieElise]

The parts that concerned me initially (other than all the shit I didn't understand) were
a) you thinking you still have a chance after she told you no, and that you somehow know better than her.
b) you waxing poetical about this better life (lmfao) and somehow thinking that you know better than her.

I will admit I can't keep up with this thread and have not ready every post since though. But one gif does come to mind here...

 

[o-ooo-o]

I know I'm repeating what other people have said, but she said she was not interested in a relationship under any circumstances. That is, definitively, the end. Continuing past that means you're no longer an idiot and are now a creep. My recommendation is to keep hitting the gym, and to take a complete break from cam sites altogether until you feel less confused (and you are confused).

Yeah well, that's just like your opinion, man.

Seriously though I think creep is a bit harsh. In my professional circles simply visiting and tipping at a cam site would earn me that title, which is ridiculous. Idiot for entertaining the fantasy, when I know better, that's fair. It's not like the feeling just turns off overnight, and to be sure I can choose to feed it or starve it, but consider: Every day she streams I am invited. If I'm late I get a "where are you?", and if I depart early I get a "where did you go?". I enjoy her company and her attention, and I'm happy to pay to help support her. I just can't have my cake and eat it too, and so I whine here and I do appreciate all the sensible feedback.

 

[Sashacurves]

Oh damn, lost cause. Here's hoping this model has good cybersecurity and hasn't given away any personal information.

 

[inertvolcano]

Seriously though I think creep is a bit harsh.

This is how I got my reputation as the meanest sonuvabitch on Amber's forums. But seriously, it's creepy to hang around someone who has said they're not interested in you romantically in the hopes that they change their mind. I'm not saying it to just be hurtful and mean. Do creepy things = you're a creep. Luckily, it's easy to solve - stop hanging around hoping she'll change her mind.

It's not like the feeling just turns off overnight, and to be sure I can choose to feed it or starve it, but consider: Every day she streams I am invited. If I'm late I get a "where are you?", and if I depart early I get a "where did you go?".

And Domino's sends me coupons in the mail. That doesn't mean I should show up at the restaurant lurking around hoping the cashier falls in love with me. What she's doing is essentially marketing. It doesn't invalidate anything that anyone has said about how what your feeling is unhealthy. You have a responsibility to take care of your mental and emotional health and in my untrained opinion, taking a break until you see this as a business relationship rather than a personal one is your best bet.

Believe me when I say I do understand what you're going through. And so I can say I'm speaking from personal experience when I say you'll feel a lot better if you take a break and get your head on straight and get some distance and space from the model to sort through your emotional entanglements, so that going to a model's room becomes something you do for fun and you're not compelled by some deep emotional yearning. Save the poetry for someone who wants it and will appreciate it.

 

[misterical]

Yeah well, that's just like your opinion, man.

Seriously though I think creep is a bit harsh. In my professional circles simply visiting and tipping at a cam site would earn me that title, which is ridiculous. Idiot for entertaining the fantasy, when I know better, that's fair. It's not like the feeling just turns off overnight, and to be sure I can choose to feed it or starve it, but consider: Every day she streams I am invited. If I'm late I get a "where are you?", and if I depart early I get a "where did you go?". I enjoy her company and her attention, and I'm happy to pay to help support her. I just can't have my cake and eat it too, and so I whine here and I do appreciate all the sensible feedback.

Inertvolcano is right. She's made it clear that she's not interested. Stop with that "I can turn no into yes" shit.

And being around for the entire shift and getting questioned when you turn up late or leave early? That sounds a hell of a lot like a job to me. Of course, she also knows you are happy to pay to support her so it's in her interest to keep you around.

 

[Ozzie_]

In the case of the model for whom I suffer, I don't want to use her, I dream of loving her.

Mate..... (my emphasis above)

For the third time (and then I am out) Cam sites are NOT for dating! It (love) is not gonna happen!

 

[o-ooo-o]

Oh damn, lost cause. Here's hoping this model has good cybersecurity and hasn't given away any personal information.

Are you saying it's weird that she asked what city I live in?

 

[Lilly_____]

All I can think of really is good luck trying to become fluent in a second language in six months.

 

[misterical]

All I can think of really is good luck trying to become fluent in a second language in six months.

Yeah, I've been learning spanish for about a year now. I can just about understand a fair chunk of it written down but as soon as anyone speaks it, I'm screwed.

 

[misterical]

Are you saying it's weird that she asked what city I live in?

Sasha isn't worried about your security.

 

[Sashacurves]

Are you saying it's weird that she asked what city I live in?

Nope not what I was saying at all

 

[Ozzie_]

Yeah, I've been learning spanish for about a year now. I can just about understand a fair chunk of it written down but as soon as anyone speaks it, I'm screwed.

I have been teaching myself for nearly 3 years now, and I can kind of understand basic concepts in written Spanish, but I am far from being able to write a dissertation on the pros and cons of falling in love with a cam model

(And there certainly isn't gonna be a Spanish language TED talk anytime soon... nor me listening to one!!)

 

[sponkel]

Wise words Sponkel. I'm definitely caught in the moment. Unsure where it will end but right now I can't imagine just bailing on her.

dude you're not bailing on her. trust me on this. Some other guy will take up the slack, just being real here.