Fiance wants to start camming...

[PlayboyMegan]

that child's needs.

that's the only point that we disagree on in that whole post. You believe a child's needs is money. I believe a child's needs is mentally healthy parents.
There's not much more we can say about that.

I believe a child deserves both. I believe it's a parent's absolute obligation to provide both. If they can't do both, they should skip creating someone who requires both and didn't ask to be there.

Of course, in a perfect world, that would happen for all children.
For some, birth control fails. For some, abortion and adoption is not an option they want to choose. I believe you should be mentally fit (this does NOT mean have no mental illnesss. It means have them under control) or choose adoption for your child. But when it's just about money, people find a way. You shouldnt have to choose abortion or adoption just because you're not financially stable at the moment. Circumstances change. Money comes and goes. You may not agree with going to charities for help, but I think it's perfectly acceptable and even noble to ask for help. No facts or statistics there, just some of my opinions on the matter.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

Having never worked retail or in a cubicle, I can't really see how it would be as damaging as sex work. I've seen plenty of normal happy people become sex workers and in less than a year become miserable hermits afraid to even leave the house. Never really seen this with "normal" jobs. I'm sure it happens with all kinds of jobs but it seems almost commonplace for sex workers.

Yup! There are plenty of examples of sex workers receiving mental illnesses because of their work. There may be a lot of unhappy people in retail or cubicles, but I rarely see them go "crazy" because of it.

...

Have you ever heard the phrase "going postal"? It comes from the early 1990s when there were multiple incidents of postal employees being stressed to the point that they came into work and shot up the place.

And examples of sex workers receiving mental illnesses BECAUSE of their work? Mental disorders aren't caught, with the exception of PTSD from being tracked down by a stalker or raped, I'm betting most sex workers that have mental illnesses became sex workers because working from home or a non-traditional job made their mental illnesses to be easier to deal with.

ETA: For an infant money and the mental health of the parents are both really important, but it doesn't matter how mentally stable you are, not having money, not being able to feed your family will put your child at risk for all sorts of issues. You guys have listed examples of mental illnesses that weren't caused by the parent's jobs and how mentally unstable parents made your life harder, but do you think if they could have afforded medication/counseling their mental health would have been less of an issue?

Have you ever heard the phrase "going postal"? It comes from the early 1990s when there were multiple incidents of postal employees being stressed to the point that they came into work and shot up the place.

I have not. Thank you for teaching me something new! I don't see how it is relevant, since I have already stated, multiple times, that sex work is not the only high risk job.

exception of PTSD from being tracked down by a stalker or raped

Nope, there are women who have PTSD from doing sex work when they didn't like it and have not been stalked or raped. Being stalked and raped is not the only way you can get PTSD. Ever heard of "porta potty's"?? Look it up. It's slang for women who willingly get shit on for money. Many of them suffer from PTSD afterwards.

do you think if they could have afforded medication/counseling their mental health would have been less of an issue

There are health programs that provide free health care for those who cannot afford it.

not being able to feed your family will put your child at risk for all sorts of issues.

If you live inside of the US, you should have no problems finding food for your child. There are thousands of different charities and churches who will provide you and your child with food until the day you die....or get a good job.

 

[Violet October]

She's a grown ass woman.



Why doesn't she decide?
It really feels like since it's her body and her life, she's the only one with the right to decide if this will be the best course of action for her.


On the same note, I hope she knows about this post, because if I were with someone who went behind my back about my personal life decisions, I'd be pissed.

When you're in a relationship, it's NOT just about you. And if you think it is, stay single. They, as a COUPLE, should decide what's best for THEM. NOT JUST HER.

And yes, I hope she see's this post. Lot's of wisdom in this thread.

I kind of agree with both of you.

Yes, I'm married. Yes, how my husband feels influences my decisions. But if at any point in my life, I felt like he was holding me back from things I truly enjoyed/made me happy, we wouldn't be married any more.

If Ren EVER thought that I wasn't "his" anymore because of sex work, I most definitely would attribute it to his insecurities and not trusting where my heart was. We continuously talk about what is/isn't okay. But the things he will never make me stop: being with women, and being in the adult industry. I'd quit brothel work and porn if he asked, sure. But not anything else.

 

[JoleneBrody]

do you think if they could have afforded medication/counseling their mental health would have been less of an issue

There are health programs that provide free health care for those who cannot afford it.

As much as I wish this were true, sad fact is that in the U.S mental health care even with insurance is fucking terrible! It's worse than terrible, it's ABYSMAL!
The struggle to actually get the mental help needed is enough to push a person over the edge of sanity. It's bad.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

do you think if they could have afforded medication/counseling their mental health would have been less of an issue

There are health programs that provide free health care for those who cannot afford it.

As much as I wish this were true, sad fact is that in the U.S mental health care even with insurance is fucking terrible! It's worse than terrible, it's ABYSMAL!
The struggle to actually get the mental help needed is enough to push a person over the edge of sanity. It's bad.

When I was living in arkansas a woman i knew was beaten horribly by her husband. I looked around expecting there to be SOME resource in a doable distance from us - womans shelters, refuges, support/counselling ...something. I called the hospital, the walk in clinics, the health clinic, the mental h ealth providers in the area, the hotlines, everything i could think of and besides needed medical care (he breaks your arm? we'll treat and give you a referral) and local police (he was a local policeman) they literally could not provide any service to her for free. It shocked me.

When I needed mental health care in the same town, with no insurance and no income, I could not get any.
When I needed basic healthcare (a pap smear) and I was an illegal resident of the US, I could not get any. I have NO wish to start an immigration debate, but just making this point to say that 'living' in the US does not mean you can get services, often its "living legally". Whether that is right or wrong is not relevant.

This was a rural town of 20,000 people, 10 minutes from a bigger town and 40 minutes from memphis, TN. Memphis had options but gas money was not easy, and most would not take her because she was not a resident of TN.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

do you think if they could have afforded medication/counseling their mental health would have been less of an issue

There are health programs that provide free health care for those who cannot afford it.

As much as I wish this were true, sad fact is that in the U.S mental health care even with insurance is fucking terrible! It's worse than terrible, it's ABYSMAL!
The struggle to actually get the mental help needed is enough to push a person over the edge of sanity. It's bad.

I agree, it could be improved. I had a terrible time getting a psychiatrist. But I did it. Where there is a will, there is a way.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

do you think if they could have afforded medication/counseling their mental health would have been less of an issue

There are health programs that provide free health care for those who cannot afford it.

As much as I wish this were true, sad fact is that in the U.S mental health care even with insurance is fucking terrible! It's worse than terrible, it's ABYSMAL!
The struggle to actually get the mental help needed is enough to push a person over the edge of sanity. It's bad.

When I was living in arkansas a woman i knew was beaten horribly by her husband. I looked around expecting there to be SOME resource in a doable distance from us - womans shelters, refuges, support/counselling ...something. I called the hospital, the walk in clinics, the health clinic, the mental h ealth providers in the area, the hotlines, everything i could think of and besides needed medical care (he breaks your arm? we'll treat and give you a referral) and local police (he was a local policeman) they literally could not provide any service to her for free. It shocked me.

When I needed mental health care in the same town, with no insurance and no income, I could not get any.
When I needed basic healthcare (a pap smear) and I was an illegal resident of the US, I could not get any. I have NO wish to start an immigration debate, but just making this point to say that 'living' in the US does not mean you can get services, often its "living legally". Whether that is right or wrong is not relevant.

This was a rural town of 20,000 people, 10 minutes from a bigger town and 40 minutes from memphis, TN. Memphis had options but gas money was not easy, and most would not take her because she was not a resident of TN.

Wow, I'm sorry it was so bad for you. Did you try churches? I didn't see you mention that. Usually, especially in smaller, more religious towns, they'll have an excellent church community.

 

[Gen]

I agree, it could be improved. I had a terrible time getting a psychiatrist. But I did it. Where there is a will, there is a way.

I disagree with this. A lot of people can't afford treatment, and even if they can, the cost of mental health care is outrageous which puts a lot of pressure on the client to have instant success or at least feel an instant connection to their therapist. Even if insurance covers it, they usually limit the number of sessions to very few. For example, my school covers $300 annually which is less than two visits to most therapists.

If someone has to cut their budget to afford healthcare (especially considering that mental illnesses are markedly higher amongst low-income people), they likely aren't going to be able to hop therapists until they find one that works for them. Especially if they're dealing with something like depression or social anxiety in which even looking for a therapist is a HUGE exertion for them, if the first one doesn't work out, they're likely to say "fuck it, therapy doesn't work". And that's if they could afford to go in the first place.

That's a huge issue relating to sex work too, really - a lot of women enter the industry because they're coping with mental health issues that prevent them from traditional employment (and I think for a lot of these women, sex work can actually be really beneficial - there's lots of camgirls in this boat and being able to set your own hours/take time off when you need to can really help). And a lot of the situations in sex work can exacerbate or create mental health issues. So accessibility to mental healthcare is a big issue that I think needs to be fixed, for so many reasons. In Canada right now there's a lot of talk about the changing prostitution laws, and of course a lot of abolitionists are saying sex work should be completely illegal, but in my opinion doing that would just cut off an income stream for so many people without establishing things that can help them get into "traditional employment" (which is what the abolitionists want), like improved mental health care, affordable housing, etc.

 

[BarbieLuv]

do you think if they could have afforded medication/counseling their mental health would have been less of an issue

There are health programs that provide free health care for those who cannot afford it.

As much as I wish this were true, sad fact is that in the U.S mental health care even with insurance is fucking terrible! It's worse than terrible, it's ABYSMAL!
The struggle to actually get the mental help needed is enough to push a person over the edge of sanity. It's bad.

When I was living in arkansas a woman i knew was beaten horribly by her husband. I looked around expecting there to be SOME resource in a doable distance from us - womans shelters, refuges, support/counselling ...something. I called the hospital, the walk in clinics, the health clinic, the mental h ealth providers in the area, the hotlines, everything i could think of and besides needed medical care (he breaks your arm? we'll treat and give you a referral) and local police (he was a local policeman) they literally could not provide any service to her for free. It shocked me.

When I needed mental health care in the same town, with no insurance and no income, I could not get any.
When I needed basic healthcare (a pap smear) and I was an illegal resident of the US, I could not get any. I have NO wish to start an immigration debate, but just making this point to say that 'living' in the US does not mean you can get services, often its "living legally". Whether that is right or wrong is not relevant.

This was a rural town of 20,000 people, 10 minutes from a bigger town and 40 minutes from memphis, TN. Memphis had options but gas money was not easy, and most would not take her because she was not a resident of TN.

Wow, I'm sorry it was so bad for you. Did you try churches? I didn't see you mention that. Usually, especially in smaller, more religious towns, they'll have an excellent church community.

I live in the Bible belt, and live in a very small town with about 1 church for every 500 people. The only one that does anything even remotely helpful gives out food boxes - Oh wait, did I say 'give'? I meant they SELL boxes of moldy food at a premium to anyone who asks for help, and use the money to line their own coffers.

Based on your answers in this thread, I think you don't grasp how bad this world is to those who are underprivilaged, or exactly how little help is available to the poor, hungry, mentally ill, or otherwise needy community. If getting help was even HALF as easy as your answers suggest you think it is, nobody would ever have any issues feeding their family/keeping a roof over their head/getting help in any other situation.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

do you think if they could have afforded medication/counseling their mental health would have been less of an issue

There are health programs that provide free health care for those who cannot afford it.

As much as I wish this were true, sad fact is that in the U.S mental health care even with insurance is fucking terrible! It's worse than terrible, it's ABYSMAL!
The struggle to actually get the mental help needed is enough to push a person over the edge of sanity. It's bad.

When I was living in arkansas a woman i knew was beaten horribly by her husband. I looked around expecting there to be SOME resource in a doable distance from us - womans shelters, refuges, support/counselling ...something. I called the hospital, the walk in clinics, the health clinic, the mental h ealth providers in the area, the hotlines, everything i could think of and besides needed medical care (he breaks your arm? we'll treat and give you a referral) and local police (he was a local policeman) they literally could not provide any service to her for free. It shocked me.

When I needed mental health care in the same town, with no insurance and no income, I could not get any.
When I needed basic healthcare (a pap smear) and I was an illegal resident of the US, I could not get any. I have NO wish to start an immigration debate, but just making this point to say that 'living' in the US does not mean you can get services, often its "living legally". Whether that is right or wrong is not relevant.

This was a rural town of 20,000 people, 10 minutes from a bigger town and 40 minutes from memphis, TN. Memphis had options but gas money was not easy, and most would not take her because she was not a resident of TN.

Wow, I'm sorry it was so bad for you. Did you try churches? I didn't see you mention that. Usually, especially in smaller, more religious towns, they'll have an excellent church community.

There were church groups but they could not provide actual mental health care or counselling (beside pastoral). Just food, clothing, prayer. No one was trained to deal with spousal abuse. Some churches (i felt) condoned it. They will also turn you away for things like being openly gay, atheist, politics.. etc. i feel like a charity where you cannot be 'yourself' without facing persecution, is one thats any help to anyone other than those that fit its criteria.

I'm just making the point that american healthcare systems are terrible for mental healthcare.

by contrast, my 18 yr old sister needed to seek mental healthcare, my parents are poor, and she went in, they charged her $30 as a one time fee ... (which she could afford) and she has been seeing an excellent psychologist for the last 6 months.

I pay my therapist $100 a session. She does offer sliding scale, (which i do not take advantage of) but she takes the hit out of pocket.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

I live in the Bible belt, and live in a very small town with about 1 church for every 500 people. The only one that does anything even remotely helpful gives out food boxes - Oh wait, did I say 'give'? I meant they SELL boxes of moldy food at a premium to anyone who asks for help, and use the money to line their own coffers.

Based on your answers in this thread, I think you don't grasp how bad this world is to those who are underprivilaged, or exactly how little help is available to the poor, hungry, mentally ill, or otherwise needy community. If getting help was even HALF as easy as your answers suggest you think it is, nobody would ever have any issues feeding their family/keeping a roof over their head/getting help in any other situation.

I admit, being poor was semi-easy for me because there is very good support in Las Vegas. Which is why I asked OP if he was able to move there.
I do grasp how bad the WORLD is. But the US is only part of the world and our system is very different than other parts of the world. We are very fortunate even if we're not perfect.
I don't know where OP lives (maybe he'll chime in), but MANY, not all, places have good help.
I'm very fortunate to live in California. One of my best friends is an illegal with a child. She gets free formula, free diapers, free food, and free health care. She didn't pay a dime for her hospital visits while she was pregnant.
I just think that they should look around before throwing in the towel and putting the OP's GF in an uncomfortable working position that can possibly have repercussions on her child.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

I just think that they should look around before throwing in the towel and putting the OP's GF in an uncomfortable working position that can possibly have repercussions on her child.

I think exploring all option is always a good idea!!!

 

[JickyJuly]

If everyone who felt their job (or prospective job) posed a threat to their mental wellbeing or happiness chose unemployment or underemployment and turned to charity/government programs for their necessities, how long would those charities last? Who would work to fund them? Charity isn't an everlasting gobstopper. Most food banks limit the amount of times a family can take from them. Churches giving abilities are limited to what their paritioners have. Church counseling is pretty much "ask God for help" and praying with someone who is not trained to deal with mental illness. Thinking your parental responsibility can be met by someone else is irresponsible. Charity is not a stand in for a working parent.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

If everyone who felt their job (or prospective job) posed a threat to their mental wellbeing

I think high risk jobs, that pose a serious threat for mental illnesses, are MUCH more rare than those that do not.

 

[KylieJacobs]

At the same time, how many of us would cam if we didn't get paid for it?

Sorry if this sounds rude or snotty, but how many of us would go into the office if we didn't get paid for it? How many of us would flip burgers if we didn't get paid for it?

True!

I love my job! Would I do it if I didn't get paid a penny? I would probably find something else to do with my free time. I used to get paid for my art, would I do that if I didn't get paid for it? Most likely!

 

[SaffronBurke]

I have one thing to say in regards to statistics for sex workers being at a higher risk for psychological damage....

When was the last time you saw a study on the risk of psychological damage from working in a Comcast call center? Let alone, THOUSANDS of studies.

Just like the percentage rate of girls in porn being sexually abused. I bet 100 bucks if they actually studied other common fields of work they would find almost identical results.

Reality is though, that society doesn't care about the bank teller, or the call center worker or the dude who plugs into a cubicle day after day enough to even have a study for comparison. Their is not one single tongue in cheek thing to be fascinated with so nobody focuses on it. I can tell you from my experience that the 4 years working in a call center for a large telecom company was by FAR the most psychologically damaging job I've ever had. And I can tell you for a fact that not one single person in that HUGE building enjoyed their job in the slightest, and most every person I knew well there had an emotional come apart as a direct result of their misery in their jobs often... but nobody talks about it because nobody gives a shit if it's not dramatic and oh-la-la RISKAY!

Taking charity is humiliating. There is nothing more psychologically damaging than being out right humiliated every day, and that's how it feels to a lot of people who actually NEED charity and have no other choice.

I would say my vanilla jobs have damaged me far more psychologically than anything else. After working in a call center for a mortgage company, dealing with people calling in all day, pissed to the max and chewing my head off over the tiniest little thing, I am terrified of phone calls. My cable hasn't worked in 5 months, and I am still paying for it because I'm too scared of calling the cable company. And the stress of working there, combined with the fact that I was working for a corporation that I hated and was constantly pressured by my manager to make sales, led to a ton of health problems. I was relieved when they fired me.

When I worked retail, people would get so mean that I would wind up in the bathroom having a panic attack. But I had to stand there and take it while they were there. And I could never hang up on a customer at the call center. At least on cam, I can ban someone or turn off my cam if I don't want to deal with someone.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

Wow, this thread is mental! Just read through it in one go!

It's funny because I actually agree with everyone here. It's like everyone's agreeing but arguing about minor details.

I think a major issue that's going on here is there's a difference between "dislike" and "hate". I don't hate camming. But I regularly dislike it and always have. But I also enjoy many aspects of it. I think it's fine to dislike camming, but hating it? No, I don't think you should cam if you hate it.

What I hated about camming are the things that I feel have messed me up. Like members trying to pressure me into shows. I hated that because I agree, sexual acts when you're not willing can be damaging, I didn't want to perform sex acts, I knew forcing myself to perform sex acts just because I was being pressured into it would cause me psychological damage. So I didn't. Most members understood this, but some didn't, and I think those members who did cause me grief and pressure and the few times I did shows when I really didn't want to are the things that have caused damage to me more long term. Because of that I'm now bitter about camming and can no longer bring myself to do something I once loved.
Do I lie awake every night freaking out about it? No. It just upsets me when I think about it and it stops me from enjoying aspects of camming I'd always enjoyed because of the fear of these things happening again.

Most of camming for me is chatting, getting attention, dancing and making money. Those parts I love and even if I didn't, I don't think they're psychologically damaging. I am careful about private shows and public shows I do, I only do them when I'm feeling them, so yes, I do agree that they can mess people up, which is why I'm so guarded about not doing them when I'm not up for it because I'm already pretty messed up. Sex does change things, and not just because of society, those parts of us are incredibly personal and put us in a very vulnerable position.

One thing I've noticed over the time I've been camming and have been on acf is that a large percentage of camgirls seem to have been through some form of abuse in their past. Whether physical, psychological or sexual. I think yes a lot of women do go through these things, but I do think that there is a much larger percentage of camgirls who've gone through these issues than non sex workers. I wonder if maybe having that abusive history prepares us, gives us a thicker skin, makes us more accepting of people's sexual natures, or of doing an unconventional job. I don't know. I do think that abusive history or not, it takes a certain type of woman to be a camgirl, which is one of the reasons however different the girls on acf may be, most of the time we are on the same page.
I think that a regular woman becoming a camgirl just for money could be extremely damaging. Some people just aren't cut out for certain types of work. It's not in their natures.

Back to the OP. Do I think it's unreasonable not wanting the woman who's carrying your child to cam? No. Do I think your attitude and way of looking at it is a little bit unreasonable? Yes.

My boyfriend is completely fine with me camming, always has been, but we once got onto the subject of if we had children and me camming. He said he wouldn't want me camming if we had children/if I were pregnant. I actually feel the same way, though camming is actually a very lucrative career for a mother and means they can devote a lot more attention to the children, so I don't think there's anything wrong with doing it, I wouldn't want to pass on the risks of camming onto my children. I also would want to be pregnant alone and not be subjected to pervy guys at that point in my life. But maybe I'd feel different, I don't know.
But, the point is, once you are pregnant, your body is no longer completely your own. It belongs to you, the child and your partner. Not in a possessive way, but any risks you take with impact everyone. Obviously the woman has the main say, but I think the partner should have some say.

Camming is a wonderful, lucrative job that can earn you plenty of money without being employed. Like Megan has been saying, it also has a lot of negative impacts which can effect the wrong person negatively.

Do I think if she logged into mfc/streamate and chatted to people, maybe showed her breasts/did whatever pregnancy fetishes entail (which I think is mainly just showing off the belly and doesn't require nudity) that she'd suffer any psychological damage? No I don't. Even if she hated/disliked it, I doubt it'd be damaging.

The skype/escort thing that has been mentioned though, yes I think that could be extremely psychologically damaging. I also doubt it'd make all that much while pregnant. Most dudes with no pregnancy fetish would feel weird watching a pregnant woman masturbate. Not because pregnancy is unattractive, but I think there's a certain protective nature about it, and of course such a clear sign that she is with someone else.

 

[PunkInDrublic]

My cable hasn't worked in 5 months, and I am still paying for it because I'm too scared of calling the cable company.

Do you have a family member or maybe a neighbor that could call for you? Kinda silly to continue paying for a product that doesn't work.

 

[SaffronBurke]

My cable hasn't worked in 5 months, and I am still paying for it because I'm too scared of calling the cable company.

Do you have a family member or maybe a neighbor that could call for you? Kinda silly to continue paying for a product that doesn't work.

Yes and no. Someone could call, but they wouldn't be able to do anything. To even get how much is owed or when the due date is, the person who's on the account has to be the one calling, they definitely wouldn't let them cancel service.

 

[PunkInDrublic]

Someone could call, but they wouldn't be able to do anything. To even get how much is owed or when the due date is, the person who's on the account has to be the one calling, they definitely wouldn't let them cancel service.

Couldn't the person just pretend to be you? How would the cable company know?

 

[Gen]

Someone could call, but they wouldn't be able to do anything. To even get how much is owed or when the due date is, the person who's on the account has to be the one calling, they definitely wouldn't let them cancel service.

Couldn't the person just pretend to be you? How would the cable company know?

My roommate & I do this ALL the time; just make sure they know your birthday & identifying info.

 

[SaffronBurke]

Someone could call, but they wouldn't be able to do anything. To even get how much is owed or when the due date is, the person who's on the account has to be the one calling, they definitely wouldn't let them cancel service.

Couldn't the person just pretend to be you? How would the cable company know?

Possibly. I'll have to hunt around for someone to try it for me, and let them know which internet service I want when I un-bundle.

 

[Sevrin]

Someone could call, but they wouldn't be able to do anything. To even get how much is owed or when the due date is, the person who's on the account has to be the one calling, they definitely wouldn't let them cancel service.

Couldn't the person just pretend to be you? How would the cable company know?

Possibly. I'll have to hunt around for someone to try it for me, and let them know which internet service I want when I un-bundle.

They'll ask one or two security questions to make sure it's you, so ideally, you would be in the room with the other person when she makes the call. Speakerphone and a pad of paper to write answers on would be the way to go.

 

[Kunra9]

But, the point is, once you are pregnant, your body is no longer completely your own. It belongs to you, the child and your partner. Not in a possessive way, but any risks you take with impact everyone.

But, the point is, once you are pregnant, your body is no longer completely your own. It belongs to you, the child and your partner. Not in a possessive way, but any risks you take with impact everyone.

But, the point is, once you are pregnant, your body is no longer completely your own. It belongs to you, the child and your partner. Not in a possessive way, but any risks you take with impact everyone.

THIS

 

[KylieJacobs]

Someone could call, but they wouldn't be able to do anything. To even get how much is owed or when the due date is, the person who's on the account has to be the one calling, they definitely wouldn't let them cancel service.

Couldn't the person just pretend to be you? How would the cable company know?

Possibly. I'll have to hunt around for someone to try it for me, and let them know which internet service I want when I un-bundle.

One thing that I've done before, was to have someone call and talk to a company that I didn't want to (I was a bit too emotional over the situation). They allowed the other person to talk, but I had to talk to the person for like 5 seconds to confirm that I wanted the person to talk on my behalf.