Fiance wants to start camming...

[PlayboyMegan]

She's a grown ass woman.



Why doesn't she decide?
It really feels like since it's her body and her life, she's the only one with the right to decide if this will be the best course of action for her.


On the same note, I hope she knows about this post, because if I were with someone who went behind my back about my personal life decisions, I'd be pissed.

When you're in a relationship, it's NOT just about you. And if you think it is, stay single. They, as a COUPLE, should decide what's best for THEM. NOT JUST HER.

And yes, I hope she see's this post. Lot's of wisdom in this thread.

I disagree with it being about them. A parent's priority should be their child. If she feels that camming is the best way to provide for their kid, she has the right to do it. I love my husband. I take my position as a wife seriously. But, unless he can afford to give my baby everything I want her to have, he needs to get out of the way while I make the money. This guy should focus his efforts on getting money instead of debating how he feels about sex work.

Yes the child comes first. Precisely why she should not do anything that could damage her psychologically. She needs to be mentally fit for her baby.

I was poor as a child. I had no idea I was poor. Actually, that had no impact on me at all, as far as I'm aware.
My mothers mental issues damaged me more than anything.

 

[Gen]

Totally off topic Gen, but are you planning to get into research?
I just wonder because as women in both the field of psychology and sex work, I don't know how much our findings would be accepted in academic review mostly because they would, understandably, question our findings because of possible bias.
Or are you going to do clinical work?

I'm planning to go clinical, although I do have lots of research components along the way, but I don't think I'll be studying sex work.
Interestingly enough I was just reading this article about students who do sex work, and one of the women they profile is a sociology researcher studying sex work. I thought that was kind of neat: http://www.theatlantic.com/education/ar ... rk/284505/

 

[AllisonWilder]

I think that "psychologically damaging" is subjective though. What one person might deem as psychologically damaging work another might not, even if they don't like the work, whatever that work might be. I don't think either perspective is wrong though, depending on feelings and how you're looking at it.

As a parent who held a job in the medical, hospitality and retail fields before (and a little bit after I started) camming, I can honestly say that I was far worse off mentally as far as parenting went after a shift at the nursing home than I ever have been even after a terrible day/week/month on cam.



Also, to be fair to Zander145, in regards to everyone saying that he should be out doing other things instead of debating on a forum, he stopped posting 3 pages ago and hasn't even been here since yesterday. :lol:

 

[JickyJuly]

She's a grown ass woman.



Why doesn't she decide?
It really feels like since it's her body and her life, she's the only one with the right to decide if this will be the best course of action for her.


On the same note, I hope she knows about this post, because if I were with someone who went behind my back about my personal life decisions, I'd be pissed.

When you're in a relationship, it's NOT just about you. And if you think it is, stay single. They, as a COUPLE, should decide what's best for THEM. NOT JUST HER.

And yes, I hope she see's this post. Lot's of wisdom in this thread.

I disagree with it being about them. A parent's priority should be their child. If she feels that camming is the best way to provide for their kid, she has the right to do it. I love my husband. I take my position as a wife seriously. But, unless he can afford to give my baby everything I want her to have, he needs to get out of the way while I make the money. This guy should focus his efforts on getting money instead of debating how he feels about sex work.

Yes the child comes first. Precisely why she should not do anything that could damage her psychologically. She needs to be mentally fit for her baby.

I was poor as a child. I had no idea I was poor. Actually, that had no impact on me at all, as far as I'm aware.
My mothers mental issues damaged me more than anything.

If you were poor without realizing it, you were lucky! I was a poor kid in a town where everyone was also. So, I'm not sure if it had a major impact on me, BUT I definitely don't want my child(ren) to go without anything I have the capacity to give them. Honestly, I can't imagine anything being more psychologically painful than feeling like I was failing my child. If wiggling her butt at a computer screen is going to push a woman over the edge of sanity, she already has some things to address within herself. Fun pregnancy fact: if you have mental issues somewhere under the surface, carrying a child will often bring them to a head. Not being in control of your body or knowing what to expect day to day will do that. Luckily, there are tons of resources for pregnant women and new parents. Maybe I'm a little militant, but I REALLY hate the idea that you have to be happy or well taken care of yourself before you can care for your responsibilities. Ever since the "me generation" started reproducing more nonsense has spread about "put yourself first" and "if mama ain't happy". Screw that. Mama needs to get a job. If mama can't be happy just in the knowledge that her kids have what they need, mama doesn't need to be a mama. Mama should just get a fish.

She's a grown ass woman.



Why doesn't she decide?
It really feels like since it's her body and her life, she's the only one with the right to decide if this will be the best course of action for her.


On the same note, I hope she knows about this post, because if I were with someone who went behind my back about my personal life decisions, I'd be pissed.

When you're in a relationship, it's NOT just about you. And if you think it is, stay single. They, as a COUPLE, should decide what's best for THEM. NOT JUST HER.

And yes, I hope she see's this post. Lot's of wisdom in this thread.

There's a difference between sitting down and letting her have a say in what she wants to do and going onto the internet and saying

"hi, strangers, help me tell my wife what to do with her life!"

He shouldn't be talking to us about this, he should be having a sit down discussion with his wife and asking her HER opinions and listing his concerns to HER.
She hasn't had a say in ANY of the discussion occurring here.
There's a difference between making a decision together and him going off and making the decision without the person whose body it concerns.

I fully agree with that. That's just not how your previous post came across. It came across as he should have no say in what she does with her body. That' s what I disagree with. You might have just worded it badly, though. *shrugs*

Being in a relationship with someone, no matter how loving, doesn't mean they have a right to tell you what to do with your body. Humans come into the world with only their body and all of the responsibility that comes with it. Being in a relationship means sharing your body with another person to whatever capacity is agreed on. If your partner does something that goes against your idea of monogamy, you definitely have every right to stop sharing yourself. But, we never really have the authority to make choices for another grown human. If giving your partner power over you that way makes you feel romantic/loyal go for it! But, that's not a given for all relationships.

 

[MintyFlowers]

Totally off topic Gen, but are you planning to get into research?
I just wonder because as women in both the field of psychology and sex work, I don't know how much our findings would be accepted in academic review mostly because they would, understandably, question our findings because of possible bias.
Or are you going to do clinical work?

I'm planning to go clinical, although I do have lots of research components along the way, but I don't think I'll be studying sex work.
Interestingly enough I was just reading this article about students who do sex work, and one of the women they profile is a sociology researcher studying sex work. I thought that was kind of neat: http://www.theatlantic.com/education/ar ... rk/284505/

Thank you for sharing! I had to hold back and not read the comments though; I can only imagine the crap down there lol.
I think it's a good example of the different types of women you'll find that are doing voluntary sex work, so thank you for sharing!

 

[AllisonWilder]

Maybe I'm a little militant, but I REALLY hate the idea that you have to be happy or well taken care of yourself before you can care for your responsibilities. Ever since the "me generation" started reproducing more nonsense has spread about "put yourself first" and "if mama ain't happy". Screw that. Mama needs to get a job. If mama can't be happy just in the knowledge that her kids have what they need, mama doesn't need to be a mama. Mama should just get a fish.

I thanked this so hard.

 

[Kunra9]

If you think this guy should have NO say in this decision.... You are wrong.

Should he be the end all decision maker? Absolutely not.

But they are in a committed relationship. They are going to have a child together. Her decision affects not JUST her life, it will affect THREE lives.

If you are in a relationship and you don't have mutual love and respect, then you are in a shit relationship.


This guy has misgivings at the idea of the woman he loves, the future mother of his child, potentially exposing herself to a bunch of dudes like me.
AND THAT'S OK! That's actually completely normal!
You can dismiss his feelings because there is POTENTIALLY an opportunity to make money WITHOUT being sexual.
Or you can face the fact that the vast majority of ladies that do this work are explicit, and the likelihood that she would be as well.

Dude. You have no reason to feel bad for not wanting your woman to do this work.

Express your feelings to her openly, and honestly. Don't say anything stupid. Words like forbid are a land mine.

Good luck buddy. I wish you guys all the best.

 

[JoleneBrody]

I have one thing to say in regards to statistics for sex workers being at a higher risk for psychological damage....

When was the last time you saw a study on the risk of psychological damage from working in a Comcast call center? Let alone, THOUSANDS of studies.

Just like the percentage rate of girls in porn being sexually abused. I bet 100 bucks if they actually studied other common fields of work they would find almost identical results.

Reality is though, that society doesn't care about the bank teller, or the call center worker or the dude who plugs into a cubicle day after day enough to even have a study for comparison. Their is not one single tongue in cheek thing to be fascinated with so nobody focuses on it. I can tell you from my experience that the 4 years working in a call center for a large telecom company was by FAR the most psychologically damaging job I've ever had. And I can tell you for a fact that not one single person in that HUGE building enjoyed their job in the slightest, and most every person I knew well there had an emotional come apart as a direct result of their misery in their jobs often... but nobody talks about it because nobody gives a shit if it's not dramatic and oh-la-la RISKAY!

Taking charity is humiliating. There is nothing more psychologically damaging than being out right humiliated every day, and that's how it feels to a lot of people who actually NEED charity and have no other choice.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

I have one thing to say in regards to statistics for sex workers being at a higher risk for psychological damage....

When was the last time you saw a study on the risk of psychological damage from working in a Comcast call center? Let alone, THOUSANDS of studies.

Just like the percentage rate of girls in porn being sexually abused. I bet 100 bucks if they actually studied other common fields of work they would find almost identical results.

Reality is though, that society doesn't care about the bank teller, or the call center worker or the dude who plugs into a cubicle day after day enough to even have a study for comparison. Their is not one single tongue in cheek thing to be fascinated with so nobody focuses on it. I can tell you from my experience that the 4 years working in a call center for a large telecom company was by FAR the most psychologically damaging job I've ever had. And I can tell you for a fact that not one single person in that HUGE building enjoyed their job in the slightest, and most every person I knew well there had an emotional come apart as a direct result of their misery in their jobs often... but nobody talks about it because nobody gives a shit if it's not dramatic and oh-la-la RISKAY!

Taking charity is humiliating. There is nothing more psychologically damaging than being out right humiliated every day, and that's how it feels to a lot of people who actually NEED charity and have no other choice.

Speaking from personal experience, camming has been the most isolating job I've ever had. However that really has been the only negative I personally have encountered psychologically.

For me, camming was an escape from a job where I was being psychologically damaged every day. I live with the deaths of thousands of animals that died because of my decisions.. and im still feeling that damage. But I'd never tell someone *not* to do that job because of it. I'd also never tell my friend who is a psychiatric nurse that she might want to consider a different career path. She is in nursing because she feels like its the best option for her lifestyle, to financially support her two children. She felt like it was the smartest career path not because she 'loves' the job but because she felt like it was the smartest financial long term choice for her family. I know she's suffering psychological damage all the time. My S/O joined the army because he had a family to support and felt he had no other reasonable career/job prospects. He suffers from PTSD because of his job. Nobody says 'its not ok to join the army because you feel like it will be a stable source of income for you" yet everyone knows soldiers are likely to be damaged psychologically.

food for thought.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

I have one thing to say in regards to statistics for sex workers being at a higher risk for psychological damage....

When was the last time you saw a study on the risk of psychological damage from working in a Comcast call center? Let alone, THOUSANDS of studies.

Just like the percentage rate of girls in porn being sexually abused. I bet 100 bucks if they actually studied other common fields of work they would find almost identical results.

Reality is though, that society doesn't care about the bank teller, or the call center worker or the dude who plugs into a cubicle day after day enough to even have a study for comparison. Their is not one single tongue in cheek thing to be fascinated with so nobody focuses on it. I can tell you from my experience that the 4 years working in a call center for a large telecom company was by FAR the most psychologically damaging job I've ever had. And I can tell you for a fact that not one single person in that HUGE building enjoyed their job in the slightest, and most every person I knew well there had an emotional come apart as a direct result of their misery in their jobs often... but nobody talks about it because nobody gives a shit if it's not dramatic and oh-la-la RISKAY!

Taking charity is humiliating. There is nothing more psychologically damaging than being out right humiliated every day, and that's how it feels to a lot of people who actually NEED charity and have no other choice.

I believe there are more psychologically damaging jobs than sex work. For instance, my aunt is a 911 operator. I can bet she'll have more problems than a webcam model. But she loves her job. I don't think she'd have more damage then a prostitute that hated doing it. But we will never know for sure since everyone handles mental illnesses differently.
I think camming is probably the least psychologically damaging than say hardcore porn, stripping, or prostitution. Because of the lack of physical contact, freedom, and other factors. But hard core porn, prostitution, and stripping are far more common than camming. So when I think of "sex work" I generally think of those other things.
I'm also not denying that damaged girls don't go for different fields of work. I think that could very well be a good possibility. I've only simply said that I believe damaged girls tend to gravitate towards sex work because of their past. But I never denied that they could gravitate towards other fields, as well.
If you asked my mom what was more humiliating, degrading, and psychologically damaging, waiting in a soup line or sex work, she'd say sex work. Why? Because she did something she didn't want to do that involved sex, while sex was sacred to her.
Sex is not sacred to everyone. To the people that don't view sex as sacred, I have a good feeling they will still be happy after they quit the sex industry. For those who believe sex is sacred, hate sex work, do it anyways, I do believe most, if not all, will experience some sort of mentl damage from it.
Again, I do not limit psychological damage to JUST sex work. But I do believe there's a higher risk of damage when you do sex work and hate it, then if you did, say, retail.
I do not know if the OP's girlfriend views sex as sacred or not. I can only assume she does since she dislikes doing it.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

I have one thing to say in regards to statistics for sex workers being at a higher risk for psychological damage....

When was the last time you saw a study on the risk of psychological damage from working in a Comcast call center? Let alone, THOUSANDS of studies.

Just like the percentage rate of girls in porn being sexually abused. I bet 100 bucks if they actually studied other common fields of work they would find almost identical results.

Reality is though, that society doesn't care about the bank teller, or the call center worker or the dude who plugs into a cubicle day after day enough to even have a study for comparison. Their is not one single tongue in cheek thing to be fascinated with so nobody focuses on it. I can tell you from my experience that the 4 years working in a call center for a large telecom company was by FAR the most psychologically damaging job I've ever had. And I can tell you for a fact that not one single person in that HUGE building enjoyed their job in the slightest, and most every person I knew well there had an emotional come apart as a direct result of their misery in their jobs often... but nobody talks about it because nobody gives a shit if it's not dramatic and oh-la-la RISKAY!

Taking charity is humiliating. There is nothing more psychologically damaging than being out right humiliated every day, and that's how it feels to a lot of people who actually NEED charity and have no other choice.

Speaking from personal experience, camming has been the most isolating job I've ever had. However that really has been the only negative I personally have encountered psychologically.

For me, camming was an escape from a job where I was being psychologically damaged every day. I live with the deaths of thousands of animals that died because of my decisions.. and im still feeling that damage. But I'd never tell someone *not* to do that job because of it. I'd also never tell my friend who is a psychiatric nurse that she might want to consider a different career path. She is in nursing because she feels like its the best option for her lifestyle, to financially support her two children. She felt like it was the smartest career path not because she 'loves' the job but because she felt like it was the smartest financial long term choice for her family. I know she's suffering psychological damage all the time. My S/O joined the army because he had a family to support and felt he had no other reasonable career/job prospects. He suffers from PTSD because of his job. Nobody says 'its not ok to join the army because you feel like it will be a stable source of income for you" yet everyone knows soldiers are likely to be damaged psychologically.

food for thought.

Great post. However, we disagree on something. Same thing Jicky and I disagree on. You seem to think money is more important than a parents mental health. I put a parents mental health ABOVE money. Yes, money is important. However, it's not the MOST important. As I stated before, being poor had very little impact on me. My moms mental health had a HUGE impact on my well being. Because she suffered, I now suffer.
I don't believe anyone should enter a job that's psychologically damaging, if they do not like it. They do not have to LOVE it but when you are at a high risk job and dislike it, the chances of you receiving damage from it, increases. And whether you want to believe it or not, a parents mental health WILL impact a child, possibly for life.
As a parent, your number one priority should be your mental health. Before anything else. Definitely before money. Money comes and goes. Psychological damage can stick with you until you die.
Now, I know most people disagree with me, and that's okay. We all have the right to parent differently. When I become a parent (hopefully ray: ) my first priority will be my child's mental health. Which means my first priority has to be MY mental health.

Edit: On Ipad, please excuse grammar and spelling errors. Stupid thing "corrects" my right words with wrong ones.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

I have one thing to say in regards to statistics for sex workers being at a higher risk for psychological damage....

When was the last time you saw a study on the risk of psychological damage from working in a Comcast call center? Let alone, THOUSANDS of studies.

Just like the percentage rate of girls in porn being sexually abused. I bet 100 bucks if they actually studied other common fields of work they would find almost identical results.

Reality is though, that society doesn't care about the bank teller, or the call center worker or the dude who plugs into a cubicle day after day enough to even have a study for comparison. Their is not one single tongue in cheek thing to be fascinated with so nobody focuses on it. I can tell you from my experience that the 4 years working in a call center for a large telecom company was by FAR the most psychologically damaging job I've ever had. And I can tell you for a fact that not one single person in that HUGE building enjoyed their job in the slightest, and most every person I knew well there had an emotional come apart as a direct result of their misery in their jobs often... but nobody talks about it because nobody gives a shit if it's not dramatic and oh-la-la RISKAY!

Taking charity is humiliating. There is nothing more psychologically damaging than being out right humiliated every day, and that's how it feels to a lot of people who actually NEED charity and have no other choice.

Speaking from personal experience, camming has been the most isolating job I've ever had. However that really has been the only negative I personally have encountered psychologically.

For me, camming was an escape from a job where I was being psychologically damaged every day. I live with the deaths of thousands of animals that died because of my decisions.. and im still feeling that damage. But I'd never tell someone *not* to do that job because of it. I'd also never tell my friend who is a psychiatric nurse that she might want to consider a different career path. She is in nursing because she feels like its the best option for her lifestyle, to financially support her two children. She felt like it was the smartest career path not because she 'loves' the job but because she felt like it was the smartest financial long term choice for her family. I know she's suffering psychological damage all the time. My S/O joined the army because he had a family to support and felt he had no other reasonable career/job prospects. He suffers from PTSD because of his job. Nobody says 'its not ok to join the army because you feel like it will be a stable source of income for you" yet everyone knows soldiers are likely to be damaged psychologically.

food for thought.

Great post. However, we disagree on something. Same thing Jicky and I disagree on. You seem to think money is more important than a parents mental health. I put a parents mental health ABOVE money. Yes, money is important. However, it's not the MOST important. As I stated before, being poor had very little impact on me. My moms mental health had a HUGE impact on my well being. Because she suffered, I know suffer.
I don't believe anyone should enter a job that's psychologically damaging, if they do not like it. They do not hAve to LOVE it but when you are at a high risk job and dislike it, the chances of you receiving damage from it, increases. And whether you want to believe it or not, a parents mental health WILL impact a child, possibly for life.
As a parent, your number one priority should be your mental health. Before anything else. Definitely before money. Money comes and goes. Psychological damage can stick with you until you die.
Now, I know most people disagree with me, and that's okay. We all have the right to parent differently. When I become a parent (hopefully ray: ) my first priority will be my child's mental health. Which means my first priority has to be MY mental health.

I think that either choice is valid.. and deserves support. SO yeah, definitely disagree.

 

[NoelleBright]

I think too much stigma is being put onto "damaged people" here, because in my honest opinion every single person on this earth has some sort of "damage".
How are we even qualifying damage? What kinds of damage are more harmful to a persons psyche? Are we going to start ranking it now? Whose right is it to get to decide this kind of thing?

"Damage" is a part of being human and living life as a high functioning and self aware being.
Idk why it has to get turned into a pissing contest.

 

[Rileyster]

I have one thing to say in regards to statistics for sex workers being at a higher risk for psychological damage....

When was the last time you saw a study on the risk of psychological damage from working in a Comcast call center? Let alone, THOUSANDS of studies.

Just like the percentage rate of girls in porn being sexually abused. I bet 100 bucks if they actually studied other common fields of work they would find almost identical results.

Reality is though, that society doesn't care about the bank teller, or the call center worker or the dude who plugs into a cubicle day after day enough to even have a study for comparison. Their is not one single tongue in cheek thing to be fascinated with so nobody focuses on it. I can tell you from my experience that the 4 years working in a call center for a large telecom company was by FAR the most psychologically damaging job I've ever had. And I can tell you for a fact that not one single person in that HUGE building enjoyed their job in the slightest, and most every person I knew well there had an emotional come apart as a direct result of their misery in their jobs often... but nobody talks about it because nobody gives a shit if it's not dramatic and oh-la-la RISKAY!

Taking charity is humiliating. There is nothing more psychologically damaging than being out right humiliated every day, and that's how it feels to a lot of people who actually NEED charity and have no other choice.

Speaking from personal experience, camming has been the most isolating job I've ever had. However that really has been the only negative I personally have encountered psychologically.

For me, camming was an escape from a job where I was being psychologically damaged every day. I live with the deaths of thousands of animals that died because of my decisions.. and im still feeling that damage. But I'd never tell someone *not* to do that job because of it. I'd also never tell my friend who is a psychiatric nurse that she might want to consider a different career path. She is in nursing because she feels like its the best option for her lifestyle, to financially support her two children. She felt like it was the smartest career path not because she 'loves' the job but because she felt like it was the smartest financial long term choice for her family. I know she's suffering psychological damage all the time. My S/O joined the army because he had a family to support and felt he had no other reasonable career/job prospects. He suffers from PTSD because of his job. Nobody says 'its not ok to join the army because you feel like it will be a stable source of income for you" yet everyone knows soldiers are likely to be damaged psychologically.

food for thought.

Great post. However, we disagree on something. Same thing Jicky and I disagree on. You seem to think money is more important than a parents mental health. I put a parents mental health ABOVE money. Yes, money is important. However, it's not the MOST important. As I stated before, being poor had very little impact on me. My moms mental health had a HUGE impact on my well being. Because she suffered, I know suffer.
I don't believe anyone should enter a job that's psychologically damaging, if they do not like it. They do not hAve to LOVE it but when you are at a high risk job and dislike it, the chances of you receiving damage from it, increases. And whether you want to believe it or not, a parents mental health WILL impact a child, possibly for life.
As a parent, your number one priority should be your mental health. Before anything else. Definitely before money. Money comes and goes. Psychological damage can stick with you until you die.
Now, I know most people disagree with me, and that's okay. We all have the right to parent differently. When I become a parent (hopefully ray: ) my first priority will be my child's mental health. Which means my first priority has to be MY mental health.

I agree on the parent's mental heath thing over money because in my experience, I grew up poor and I knew we were poor, but it didn't bother me much as long as there was food. But because my mother was bipolar, she eventually stopped caring about money and getting food and was more worried about her next fix to where I had to go out and steal from stores to feed me and my brother when I was like 8. Stealing wouldn't have even been an issue to begin with if my mother got treatment for her mental illness and she would have kept us fed, since during her more "normal" episodes, she always went above and beyond to take care of us whether she went to a charity or asked my family to help out if we didn't have money.

 

[AllisonWilder]

As a parent, your number one priority should be your mental health. Before anything else. Definitely before money. Money comes and goes. Psychological damage can stick with you until you die.
Now, I know most people disagree with me, and that's okay. We all have the right to parent differently. When I become a parent (hopefully ray: ) my first priority will be my child's mental health. Which means my first priority has to be MY mental health.

Just saying 'mental health' is really vague though since it can have different meanings. Like, if we're talking about a mom who needs medication (or therapy or whatever method they use) to keep their mental health in check, then by all means, put that first. I don't think anyone can be faulted for that, but if we're just talking about a mom who is sleep-deprived and overwhelmed and can never remember that she left the car keys in the fridge, well that's just one of the joys of parenthood and imo you just have to suck it up and deal with that and still put your kid first.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

I think too much stigma is being put onto "damaged people" here, because in my honest opinion every single person on this earth has some sort of "damage".

Many people do have mental illnesses. Actually, I believe the majority of people do. But not everyone does. I know quite a few very mentally healthy people.
When you group everyone as a whole, you're automatically wrong. We are just too unique for that to be possible.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

As a parent, your number one priority should be your mental health. Before anything else. Definitely before money. Money comes and goes. Psychological damage can stick with you until you die.
Now, I know most people disagree with me, and that's okay. We all have the right to parent differently. When I become a parent (hopefully ray: ) my first priority will be my child's mental health. Which means my first priority has to be MY mental health.

Just saying 'mental health' is really vague though since it can have different meanings. Like, if we're talking about a mom who needs medication (or therapy or whatever method they use) to keep their mental health in check, then by all means, put that first. I don't think anyone can be faulted for that, but if we're just talking about a mom who is sleep-deprived and overwhelmed and can never remember that she left the car keys in the fridge, well that's just one of the joys of parenthood and imo you just have to suck it up and deal with that and still put your kid first.

I agree with this fully.
When I say "damaged," "psychologically damaged," or "mental illnesses," I'm referring to someone who needs medication and/or therapy for their problems.

 

[NoelleBright]

I think too much stigma is being put onto "damaged people" here, because in my honest opinion every single person on this earth has some sort of "damage".

Many people do have mental illnesses. Actually, I believe the majority of people do. But not everyone does. I know quite a few very mentally healthy people.
When you group everyone as a whole, you're automatically wrong. We are just too unique for that to be possible.

I never even used the term mental illness.
And having damage doesn't mean you can't be mentally healthy.
That is the entire point I'm trying to make here.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

I think too much stigma is being put onto "damaged people" here, because in my honest opinion every single person on this earth has some sort of "damage".

Many people do have mental illnesses. Actually, I believe the majority of people do. But not everyone does. I know quite a few very mentally healthy people.
When you group everyone as a whole, you're automatically wrong. We are just too unique for that to be possible.

I never even used the term mental illness.
And having damage doesn't mean you can't be mentally healthy.
That is the entire point I'm trying to make here.

I'm sorry, I should have clarified. When I said "damaged," I was referring to mental illnesses which also go hand-in-hand with psychological damage.
It's kind if like saying "hi," "hello," and "aloha." They may have different tones, but I believe they all basically mean the same thing. Or at least, that's what I MEANT it to mean. I may have made bad choices in wording.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

I think too much stigma is being put onto "damaged people" here, because in my honest opinion every single person on this earth has some sort of "damage".

Many people do have mental illnesses. Actually, I believe the majority of people do. But not everyone does. I know quite a few very mentally healthy people.
When you group everyone as a whole, you're automatically wrong. We are just too unique for that to be possible.

I never even used the term mental illness.
And having damage doesn't mean you can't be mentally healthy.
That is the entire point I'm trying to make here.

I'm sorry, I should have clarified. When I said "damaged," I was referring to mental illnesses which also go hand-in-hand with psychological damage.
It's kind if like saying "hi," "hello," and "aloha." They may have different tones, but I believe they all basically mean the same thing. Or at least, that's what I MEANT it to mean. I may have made bad choices in wording.

Ok so .. im probly beating a dead horse here but does this mean that - since a we KNOW a large majority of vetrans will come home with mental illnesses from their work that no parents should be allowed in war zones/combat... just extending that to its full logical conclusion. Or that those in fields like nursing etc should not be parents?

I do also think that there is a difference between choosing money and something that WILL likely cause a serious mental illness that could endanger your children, and choosing money and something that will fuck you up emotionally a bit.

disliking a job does not mean that it will/is likely to cause mental illness though. And i feel like, megan earlier you said she should not choose camming because you felt it was more likely to lead to psychological problems? And while I'll say this job could be as risky as some of the other at risk jobs i mentioned, I don't think its logical to say that she's likely to become mentally ILL as a result of disliking a job like camming.

Ok now im done!

 

[JickyJuly]

Not all mental illness is a result of bad experiences though. That's one of those things that is still debated. How much is nature and how much is nurture? Many of us have brains that set us up for chemical disaster. My sister and I had the same childhood. I'm a dingbat. She's got her master's degree, a fancy house and a yuppy lifestyle. Either way, a lot of the ways that camming can be stressful are pretty similar to the ways being a new parent is stressful. Both have the ability to isolate you, make you feel judged, make you feel bad about your body or your abilities etc. If she's on the precipice of losing her shit, becoming a parent will push her over the edge before camming does. :lol:

I think a lot of the dudes and a few of the girls here are sympathetic to the OPs desire to feel like the man of the house or the provider for his family. That's what his feelings boil down to whether it's because of the sex work or the lack of funds or the wrong car for his kid etc. Our culture tells men that they should be the men, the providers and keep their women in check. Not something I'm into, but some people like that traditional outline. If it works for them, who are we to judge. BUT it is NOT working for him. There's zero possibility of supporting 2 adults and a baby on a part time retail job. Popping out a kid is time to put up or shut up. Feeling like the man/provider will never be enough again for this guy. If that's the role he wants, he needs to BE the man and the provider. Talk doesn't feed babies. Feelings don't buy diapers. You can say whatever you want about emotions, but when there's a hungry baby crying, nothing else really matters.

ETA: I realize I'm repeating myself. I just can't believe anyone would think ANYTHING about a grown human being who CHOOSES to be a parent (and unless she's adopting the kid out or flushing it down the toilet she IS choosing to be a parent) can be anywhere near as important as that child's needs.

 

[PunkInDrublic]

Having never worked retail or in a cubicle, I can't really see how it would be as damaging as sex work. I've seen plenty of normal happy people become sex workers and in less than a year become miserable hermits afraid to even leave the house. Never really seen this with "normal" jobs. I'm sure it happens with all kinds of jobs but it seems almost commonplace for sex workers.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

I think too much stigma is being put onto "damaged people" here, because in my honest opinion every single person on this earth has some sort of "damage".

Many people do have mental illnesses. Actually, I believe the majority of people do. But not everyone does. I know quite a few very mentally healthy people.
When you group everyone as a whole, you're automatically wrong. We are just too unique for that to be possible.

I never even used the term mental illness.
And having damage doesn't mean you can't be mentally healthy.
That is the entire point I'm trying to make here.

I'm sorry, I should have clarified. When I said "damaged," I was referring to mental illnesses which also go hand-in-hand with psychological damage.
It's kind if like saying "hi," "hello," and "aloha." They may have different tones, but I believe they all basically mean the same thing. Or at least, that's what I MEANT it to mean. I may have made bad choices in wording.

Ok so .. im probly beating a dead horse here but does this mean that - since a we KNOW a large majority of vetrans will come home with mental illnesses from their work that no parents should be allowed in war zones/combat... just extending that to its full logical conclusion. Or that those in fields like nursing etc should not be parents?

I do also think that there is a difference between choosing money and something that WILL likely cause a serious mental illness that could endanger your children, and choosing money and something that will fuck you up emotionally a bit.

disliking a job does not mean that it will/is likely to cause mental illness though. And i feel like, megan earlier you said she should not choose camming because you felt it was more likely to lead to psychological problems? And while I'll say this job could be as risky as some of the other at risk jobs i mentioned, I don't think its logical to say that she's likely to become mentally ILL as a result of disliking a job like camming.

Ok now im done!

Ok so .. im probly beating a dead horse here but does this mean that - since a we KNOW a large majority of vetrans will come home with mental illnesses from their work that no parents should be allowed in war zones/combat... just extending that to its full logical conclusion. Or that those in fields like nursing etc should not be parents?

If they like their job. Not love it, just not hate it, I think they should do it. If its a high risk (of mental illnesses) job AND they dislike it, I do not believe they should do it. If you don't agree, then you don't agree.

I do also think that there is a difference between choosing money and something that WILL likely cause a serious mental illness that could endanger your children, and choosing money and something that will fuck you up emotionally a bit.

Sure, there's a slight difference. I believe that if OP's girlfriend does sex work while disliking it, she'll have a higher risk of doing "something that WILL likely cause a serious mental illness that could endanger your (her) children," in your words.

disliking a job does not mean that it will/is likely to cause mental illness though.

Thats correct. But disliking a job that's at high risk for mental illnesses, will likely cause mental illnesses.

And i feel like, megan earlier you said she should not choose camming because you felt it was more likely to lead to psychological problems? And while I'll say this job could be as risky as some of the other at risk jobs i mentioned, I don't think its logical to say that she's likely to become mentally ILL as a result of disliking a job like camming.

We disagree there.

im probly beating a dead horse

Probably. We disagree. I think that's clear now. I'm still having fun debating it, but I understand if you choose to "tap out."

 

[PlayboyMegan]

Having never worked retail or in a cubicle, I can't really see how it would be as damaging as sex work. I've seen plenty of normal happy people become sex workers and in less than a year become miserable hermits afraid to even leave the house. Never really seen this with "normal" jobs. I'm sure it happens with all kinds of jobs but it seems almost commonplace for sex workers.

Yup! There are plenty of examples of sex workers receiving mental illnesses because of their work. There may be a lot of unhappy people in retail or cubicles, but I rarely see them go "crazy" because of it.
But I get it. Sex workers want to turn a blind eye to it. Pretend it doesn't exist. The job already has a bad rap, so I understand why some girls are so quick to dispute it. Even if there are plenty examples slapping them in the face.

 

[JickyJuly]

Having never worked retail or in a cubicle, I can't really see how it would be as damaging as sex work. I've seen plenty of normal happy people become sex workers and in less than a year become miserable hermits afraid to even leave the house. Never really seen this with "normal" jobs. I'm sure it happens with all kinds of jobs but it seems almost commonplace for sex workers.

Yup! There are plenty of examples of sex workers receiving mental illnesses because of their work. There may be a lot of unhappy people in retail or cubicles, but I rarely see them go "crazy" because of it.
But I get it. Sex workers want to turn a blind eye to it. Pretend it doesn't exist. The job already has a bad rap, so I understand why some girls are so quick to dispute it. Even if there are plenty examples slapping them in the face.

If you've never had a shitty job, you really can't comment on how traditional crap employment that people dislike compares to sex work. If EVERYONE in our country was forced to try to get by with a crappy job dealing with the public and the minimum wage paycheck that comes along with it for some amount of time, we wouldn't even be having this conversation.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

that child's needs.

that's the only point that we disagree on in that whole post. You believe a child's needs is money. I believe a child's needs is mentally healthy parents.
There's not much more we can say about that.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

Having never worked retail or in a cubicle, I can't really see how it would be as damaging as sex work. I've seen plenty of normal happy people become sex workers and in less than a year become miserable hermits afraid to even leave the house. Never really seen this with "normal" jobs. I'm sure it happens with all kinds of jobs but it seems almost commonplace for sex workers.

Yup! There are plenty of examples of sex workers receiving mental illnesses because of their work. There may be a lot of unhappy people in retail or cubicles, but I rarely see them go "crazy" because of it.
But I get it. Sex workers want to turn a blind eye to it. Pretend it doesn't exist. The job already has a bad rap, so I understand why some girls are so quick to dispute it. Even if there are plenty examples slapping them in the face.

If you've never had a shitty job, you really can't comment on how traditional crap employment that people dislike compares to sex work. If EVERYONE in our country was forced to try to get by with a crappy job dealing with the public and the minimum wage paycheck that comes along with it for some amount of time, we wouldn't even be having this conversation.

I have had a shitty job. I was a personal assistant to a celebrity. Do you know how many times I sat at my desk crying because he called me a "fucking retard?" Yea...it sucked.
But I still think having the same hatred for sex work can lead to more psychological damage, on average, than being a personal assistant.
Of course, I absolutely love sex work so I'll never have to experience that! Yay for loving your job!

 

[JickyJuly]

that child's needs.

that's the only point that we disagree on in that whole post. You believe a child's needs is money. I believe a child's needs is mentally healthy parents.
There's not much more we can say about that.

I believe a child deserves both. I believe it's a parent's absolute obligation to provide both. If they can't do both, they should skip creating someone who requires both and didn't ask to be there.

 

[SexySteph]

Having never worked retail or in a cubicle, I can't really see how it would be as damaging as sex work. I've seen plenty of normal happy people become sex workers and in less than a year become miserable hermits afraid to even leave the house. Never really seen this with "normal" jobs. I'm sure it happens with all kinds of jobs but it seems almost commonplace for sex workers.

Yup! There are plenty of examples of sex workers receiving mental illnesses because of their work. There may be a lot of unhappy people in retail or cubicles, but I rarely see them go "crazy" because of it.

...

Have you ever heard the phrase "going postal"? It comes from the early 1990s when there were multiple incidents of postal employees being stressed to the point that they came into work and shot up the place.

And examples of sex workers receiving mental illnesses BECAUSE of their work? Mental disorders aren't caught, with the exception of PTSD from being tracked down by a stalker or raped, I'm betting most sex workers that have mental illnesses became sex workers because working from home or a non-traditional job made their mental illnesses to be easier to deal with.

ETA: For an infant money and the mental health of the parents are both really important, but it doesn't matter how mentally stable you are, not having money, not being able to feed your family will put your child at risk for all sorts of issues. You guys have listed examples of mental illnesses that weren't caused by the parent's jobs and how mentally unstable parents made your life harder, but do you think if they could have afforded medication/counseling their mental health would have been less of an issue?

 

[BarbieLuv]

tl;dr for this thread, summed up in gifs: