Dating a regular

[Viper9]

I'm sure this gets posted here often. I never thought I would see myself in this position but oh well. I'd like another perspective to my current situation.

I came off of a bad relationship where my girlfriend cheated on me. I was sad and depressed. I met this studio model on one of these cam model sites. She was nice to me and she tells me she came off a bad relationship too. She is very beautiful and tells me she is single. I'm not exactly handsome myself. I've known her close to a year now. I see her often through paid private sessions just to talk with her for a few hours or more a week. I tell her I love her and want to meet her. She says the same to me. She lives very far from me.

About 6 months in, we end up talking off the website through texts/video chats. We talk daily when she wakes up, during the day, before she sleeps etc.. It is abnormal that we don't. I've met some of her friends and family. We do activities and "dates" when she doesn't work every so often. We share a lot about our personal lives with each other.

I see her everyday at "work" and I've been helping her a lot financially. I'm lucky to have a great career that pays well that I worked hard for. I'm embarrassed to say how much I spent. Lets just say it will be six figures in about 5 months at the rate I've been spending.

We've been planning a meetup/vacation soon. She seems pretty genuine with me.

I already know I'm fucking crazy. I don't know what I expect from this post. Has anyone dated a regular and it worked out well?

 

[ElaySmith]

There are several models who have dated and even married people they met through cam. The biggest issue I see with your situation is you are still paying her large sums of money. This kinda blurs the lines of bf/gf and really starts being more of a sugar baby/sugar daddy relationship. Nothing wrong with that but you have to decide if thats what your looking for. If you want a more traditional relationship then yall need to have a conversation about the financial aspect because you can't be both her regular and her boyfriend.

 

[JoleneBrody]

There are several models who have dated and even married people they met through cam. The biggest issue I see with your situation is you are still paying her large sums of money. This kinda blurs the lines of bf/gf and really starts being more of a sugar baby/sugar daddy relationship. Nothing wrong with that but you have to decide if thats what your looking for. If you want a more traditional relationship then yall need to have a conversation about the financial aspect because you can't be both her regular and her boyfriend.

Couldn’t have said it better. A lot of models would give you a shit ton of attention for $100k a year Salary. That’s cool if the girlfriend experience/sugar baby is what you are looking for but it sounds like feelings might be getting messy here and real boundaries will need to be laid. Firstly, if this is real money should no longer be involved... you are paying SO much more than the average member, that’s going to complicate things.

 

[AudriTwo]

dude, if you spent 6 figures on me in the span of 5 months, i'd be doing wake up calls like a hotel and sending daily muffin and fruit baskets. shit.

if you have genuine feelings, and believe she has them too, talk to her. tell her. both of you need to lay out your boundaries and be clear on each other expectations. idk she might not be cool with her whale cutting spending because he crushes.

also she is a studio model, not saying they are all like this, but how do you know it is model you are actually speaking with in text? most studios help with contact with big regs, and they want to retain them as well. they also encourage their models to lovecon. i'm not saying she is doing this, but it wouldn't be the first or last a studio model has love conned men out of tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars.

i really do hope you find what you are looking for and this relationship with your cammodel ladyfriend blossoms into a loving healthy long-term relationship. but at the same time, you have to stay grounded and not let your feels block recognizable red flags. don't want your emotions being exploited. good luck!

 

[Carmita Bonita]

I'm happily engaged to one of my regulars. We've been together for 4 years now and have been living together for 3. When I started hardcore falling for him I told him not to spend money on me. He did anyway while I was on cam (Nothing near the six figures realm though). Although we would spend waaay more time with eachother on the phone or video chat like a regular couple than him watching me work. The more feelings I got for him, it became way harder to work with him in the chatroom or treat him like a regular. He had become my boyfriend and I couldn't view him as a member anymore so I told him to not be in my chatroom everytime I was on. I chose to pursue the relationship rather than get the income from him. And if I charged him for all of the skype/phone sessions over the months we were longdistance it would be 6 figures easy lol as we'd be on skype for hours a day. Some things that are huge red flags to me with your story is

--Studio models have been known to/instructed to treat members like boyfriends. Saying "I love you" and saying they want to meet isn't unusual.
--You have spent a LOT of $$. Have you spending habits slowed down or increased after the "i love you's? If my bf had that kind of $$ I'd want him to visit me asap. I'd be SO ready for a romantic vacay with someone I was in love with.


There are a LOT of related threads about this subject (Not sure if she's romanian or saying romanian models are bad, they just always end up in these threads posted here)

(note: WHOA! I didn't realize we had these many threads...I didn't even dig around that long)

https://www.ambercutie.com/forums/threads/am-i-simply-being-gullible.25985/

https://www.ambercutie.com/forums/t...del-is-trying-to-take-advantage-of-you.27692/

https://www.ambercutie.com/forums/threads/falling-in-love-with-a-cam-girl.30339/

https://www.ambercutie.com/forums/threads/meeting-a-customer-in-real-life.25060/#post-761478

https://www.ambercutie.com/forums/threads/should-i-visit-a-cam-girl-from-romania.10507/#post-245831

https://www.ambercutie.com/forums/threads/cam-relationships-and-real-ones.29008/

https://www.ambercutie.com/forums/t...sts-cam-she-really-like-me.19495/#post-558679

https://www.ambercutie.com/forums/threads/in-love-with-a-webcam-girl.6292/

 

[Deleted member 37064]

--You have spent a LOT of $$. Have you spending habits slowed down or increased after the "i love you's? If my bf had that kind of $$ I'd want him to visit me asap. I'd be SO ready for a romantic vacay with someone I was in love with.

This is probably the biggest thing I would consider. I would think the spending would shift away from tipping while working to putting that money towards travel expenses and making serious plans to meet up.

This also brings up other questions regarding such a long distance relationship:

• How often can they be together during the year? Especially if it's halfway across the world, can get very expensive quickly and will consume vacation time.
• What if they can't be together more than a couple of times a year?
• How will he act if she asks him to not be in the room that much when she's working? Will he spy without logging on?
• Will they be trusting of one another?

Like many others, I'm hoping it's good for both of them and it turns out to be something good. But, I've also been used by more women than not when it comes to money. Not so much in cam realm, but rather in real life. I can't say I'm jaded. But, I am very cautious about who I let get close to me now. I'd hope the OP really considers all the possibilities and has an open and candid discussion with her on video, not via text.

 

[BeautifulContradiction]

This is probably the biggest thing I would consider. I would think the spending would shift away from tipping while working to putting that money towards travel expenses and making serious plans to meet up.

This also brings up other questions regarding such a long distance relationship:

• How often can they be together during the year? Especially if it's halfway across the world, can get very expensive quickly and will consume vacation time.
• What if they can't be together more than a couple of times a year?
• How will he act if she asks him to not be in the room that much when she's working? Will he spy without logging on?
• Will they be trusting of one another?

Like many others, I'm hoping it's good for both of them and it turns out to be something good. But, I've also been used by more women than not when it comes to money. Not so much in cam realm, but rather in real life. I can't say I'm jaded. But, I am very cautious about who I let get close to me now. I'd hope the OP really considers all the possibilities and has an open and candid discussion with her on video, not via text.

You raise many valid points.

For OP, I would also say that coming off of a breakup, you were possibly more vulnerable to getting attached to the next woman you met. None of us can say for certain if the feelings that you share with this model are genuine and mutual, but be careful. Models (and in this case possibly the studio people as well) know what you want to hear and are capable of taking advantage of that.

I would just say take the approach advised by Walter White, to tread lightly. You've clearly spent a lot of money on this model. Take a step back for a minute, and try to talk things over with your model friend. I think it's possible that maybe you're already caught up in ideas of if this "relationship" will work, when it may not even be genuine in the first place. Again, this is hard to say... For some a fantasy is enough for and they don't need anything more, but I feel like should something happen between you and this model that you may feel even worse than you did before.

 

[Mfcalana]

Whats very far away from you?
I will probably get some hate for saying that but you can actually buy a long term relationship. Some women will stay around for a provider. Personally, thats not me. I like making my own money and theres no effing way I will depend on a man. But some women do. For some its even part of the culture. And its our biology. I always talk about this. Male/Female relationships are always somewhat trnasactional and have been since the beginning of times. "You give me children, legacy, you raise them, I give you protection and food." It has evolved into something else more like: "You give me love and sex, I will provide for you, pay your bills, you can go get your nails and hair done on Wednesday mornings." but it still exist (this was just an example, it presents itself in many different forms). If you can accept that, you can have a relationship with her. You started off that way so you cant really take it away now.

So I dont think taking the money away completely is the way to go about it. You need to test the commitment. How much is she prepared to commit. Could you guys meet more and eventually discuss living together? That's where you gotta test the authenticity of her feelings. If its all about taking the money and no commitment, she will have a whole bag of excuse for you. Like, did you guys even fuck? Theres a lot to look into here.

 

[Viper8]

Thank you for the input everyone. I appreciate it.

I'm a little hesitant posting details here as I don't want her or her boss to see this. I spoke with her and told her I would spend a lot less to save for meeting up. She ended up being okay with this and understood. I still enjoy helping her when she works. I want her to succeed at her work and be happy which is why I help her.

I'm aware of the lovecon thing. I can see this behavior done with other guys. She has told me a while ago it is morally draining but is told to do it by her boss. The I love yous happen regardless of my spending. There have been times where I don't spend for a week or two and there is no behavior change or begging. I know it is her messaging me and not someone else because I can video chat with her right after messaging her and see it is her.

By very far away, I mean a 10-12 hour flight. It is not Romania. It's another country in Europe. I don't want to get too specific. We haven't met yet. We will when she is allowed time off of work which is soon she tells me. This lines up as I haven't seen her take time off for the last 11 months.

I worry sometimes but I do believe she is genuine. It is nice to hear others have had good relationships come from this. It is refreshing.

Edit: I am OP, I just forgot my password for this throwaway account.

 

[dark_mermaid]

Make the meet up quickly. Since I'm a former studio model myself hearing she works for a studio and is assumingly from Eastern Europe it makes my alarm bells ring too though. "I love you" and all kinds of sad stories are what we were trained and told to say to our well spending users and if we didn't, an operator would write it.

Only one way to find out if she's genuine or playing you. Good luck

 

[Mfcalana]

Am I the only one who think it’s weird she’s not allowed to take time off?
She’s from an Eastern European country, you spent 6 figure US on her, and she can’t afford time off? To me these are red flags. « I will be able soon. » that could be a way just so you don’t go to far. She knows if she’s coming up with a straight « no » she will lose her primary source of income. I thought you guys met when you said you met some of her family. As for the begging, of course she won’t beg if she even a little smart. The goal is to show she’s not there just for the money. I would meet her sooner rather than later. Go for a short trip to her country. You don’t need her to be fully off the first time. You guys can meet for coffees, dinners, and she can even call in sick if she really wants to spend time with you. When we really want to be with someone we just make it happen.

 

[Mfcalana]

He had become my boyfriend and I couldn't view him as a member anymore so I told him to not be in my chatroom everytime I was on. I chose to pursue the relationship rather than get the income from him.

This is exactly how I would be as well. You naturally want to draw a line when you want to build something in the real world. I’m happy for you. Sounds like it’s working out

 

[Carmita Bonita]

Thanks so much! @Mfcalana

 

[dark_mermaid]

I'm too lazy to search in depth. Is there even one of these stories with a positive ending? I read through the linked threads here and they all end badly for the user. Always Eastern Europe, always studio girls and also always mfc.

When I worked in studio we were not even told that myfreecams is an adult cam site, we were told it's an online dating site and our job is only to make users fall in love with us. Now I don't think ALL studio will do this but I suspect a very large part will play the love con.

On the other hand...right now 80% of online mfc girls are from Eastern Europe, so "demand" from users is apparently huge.

 

[Smores]

I see her everyday at "work" and I've been helping her a lot financially. I'm lucky to have a great career that pays well that I worked hard for. I'm embarrassed to say how much I spent. Lets just say it will be six figures in about 5 months at the rate I've been spending.

We've been planning a meetup/vacation soon. She seems pretty genuine with me.

I already know I'm fucking crazy. I don't know what I expect from this post. Has anyone dated a regular and it worked out well?

Eastern European models are my favorites. I have gotten to know more than 30 well enough to chat with them offline. That experience was valuable because with time I have come to understand that for 98% of them, this is a job, not a romantic outlet.

I do not want to sound negative, but do you have any idea what kind of bullseye you have placed on your forehead by paying out six figure amounts to one of these girls? I think you need to put what you are doing into a correct financial perspective. A typical monthly salary in a "real" job for a girl in Russia or Ukraine would be $300 to $600/month, with typical living expenses being around $700/month. In other words, their economies pay them poverty level wages, and it is nearly impossible to make an honest living. A successful studio model in these countries is thrilled to make $2K/month. She is covering her living expenses and has extra to spend on education, or whatever suits her. You are paying out around $8K/month, which assuming you buy tokens at 80% of list means she is taking in about $2500/month from just you alone. And this assumes that you are paying her through the website and the studio. If you are paying her these amounts directly, then multiply your problems many times over. If you are paying her $8K/month directly, she views you as winning the lottery.

Basically you have made yourself her meal ticket. For this amount of money, I am certain that nine out of 10 girls in her position would say or do anything they think you want them to say or do to keep you paying out. In fact for that amount of money she is probably spending significant time of her day just thinking through how to please you more and more. You are probably her best customer. How can you ask her to not think about her best customer in a business framework? I mean honestly what you are doing is really messing up the entire framework for developing a real relationship.

But I think you have a big problem here even if you stop paying her money and she sticks around. Because she might no longer view you as a normal guy. She might now see you as a rich guy, who can provide for her financial needs inside a relationship. So even if you are successful in cutting her off financially and maintaining a relationship with her, I think you have tainted the relationship and would now need to work through whole layers of her behavior to see what actually motivates her.

There is not one formula for forming relationships. But one way to develop a relationship with a studio model - that might have a chance to become something long-term - might involve these points:

* You only pay her a fraction of her monthly salary, such that the loss of your income means literally nothing to her. If someone who makes $2K/month is making more than about $200/month from me, she starts to think of me as a customer first.

* The conversations would need to almost immediately reveal that we have some kind of extraordinary communication or compatibility with each other. It needs to be extraordinary because there are thousands of miles between you, and she has lots of local relationship options. Only something extraordinary is going to be worth her changing her life.

* To believe she feels anything I would need to see her starting to take initiative to talk to me frequently without compensation, and without any apparent scheme that leads to any kind of final payout. You believe you have this now, but you do not. Because the amounts you pay her certainly alter her behavior.

I think finding this combination with a webcam girl would be rare, rare, rare. And given that you have been paying her such large amounts, you may have already compromised the relationship such that you cannot believe the sincerity of her interest.

 

[dark_mermaid]

You exagerrate the poverty level in Eastern Europe. It's perfectly possible to make a legit living. We're not talking about Sahara desert countries. People don't starve in Eastern Europe, even though I'm sure many mfc guys totally believe it. Who will assume the pretty, young sweet girl with a sad face will lie to you? It all very much depends on the spending. Things like the latest iphone, Apple Watch, expensive clothing brands ARE more expensive compared to the "normal" income level but they are highly wanted by many, many young girls to brag with them. Costs for renting an appartment are low if you are satisfied with for example sharing your flat with other people. Most studios will be in bigger cities where it's totally possible to get a normal student job.

However, the girl in question here indeed has won the financial lottery. It doesn't even matter if she really asked for the money directly (tip me x thousand tokens) or if she achieved it with a sad story or a love con.

In any way, @Viper9, make the meet up as fast as you can. Chances are not zero she's genuinely interested but many, many warning flags too, plus apparently no story like this with a happy end unless someone finds one.

The REAL winner in this so far is the studio owner by the way, who will also do everything he can to keep you spending money.

 

[Peekabooh]

Do you know her personal facebook/instagram /vk/ok profiles? Do you know her real name and address?

 

[dark_mermaid]

My biggest ever tip was 5,000 tokens and even that seriously made me think about the motivation and if I can ever fulfill whatever idea my tipper had when he spend close to 500 dollars on me with a push of a button. A six figure number of dollars I will assume and not six digit tokens in just FIVE months, just wow, my head is spinning. On mfc I will assume, she must have a quite high camscore, right?

 

[Derek_Zoolander]

I have a decent amount of experience with the model and member dating situation from the member point of view and I agree with all the feedback. You have spent so much money on her that it’s impossible to tell at this point whether her feelings for you are real. There is no turning back the clock. But there are many relationships in the real world not involving sex workers where the man provides all the financial support. Those also do tend to dissolve when that support goes away. Men like beauty and youth in women and women like intelligence and wealth in their men. It’s really not shocking if your relative worth diminishes when one of those qualities goes away.

 

[DJ_Pioneer]

I think this song is perfectly applicable to this situation.

 

[AudriTwo]

Men like beauty and youth in women and women like intelligence and wealth in their men. It’s really not shocking if your relative worth diminishes when one of those qualities goes away.

 

[Dan Epstein]

As long as you don’t try to save someone, preach someone, or judge, you may find a way.

 

[Smores]

You exagerrate the poverty level in Eastern Europe. It's perfectly possible to make a legit living.

To be fair to my point, I was not talking about what is possible. Russia has an extraordinary number of billionaires too. I was talking about entry-level wage earners who in most cases have no specialized credential that will bring them a higher wage. I am sure good programmers get swept up quickly. Here is a 2016 article that documents the typical $300 to $600 range I was mentioning.

 

[AudriTwo]

To be fair to my point, I was not talking about what is possible. Russia has an extraordinary number of billionaires too. I was talking about entry-level wage earners who in most cases have no specialized credential that will bring them a higher wage. I am sure good programmers get swept up quickly. Here is a 2016 article that documents the typical $300 to $600 range I was mentioning.

to be fair, she is in EE, and would have a better understanding on the current economic situation.

 

[Smores]

to be fair, she is in EE, and would have a better understanding on the current economic situation.

I am not disagreeing with her. There is a wide range of salaries in Eastern Europe, and it is possible to make a good career there. But for entry-level positions hiring someone with no highly-demanded credential, the pay is not great.

 

[dark_mermaid]

You're right. I just wanted to point out that people in Eastern Europe are not as poor as the word "poor" might suggest. Regardless, the amounts the op spent are very, very high everywhere in the world and definitely influence a relationship.

I hope we hear back from him.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

When we really want to be with someone we just make it happen.

This is the important part of it all. You set the priorities, and work to make it happen.

 

[Just_A_Guy]

As other have said, I wish more guys would report back after their flights. If they don't, I assume it didn't go as they expected/planned.

This is the important part of it all. You set the priorities, and work to make it happen.

Totally agree. It's very true. Where there's a will, there's a way, or so they say. Just want to add ... and always, always, have a Plan B, I mean, in case the shit hits the fan. Because most often than not it will, but al least you'll be prepared. Anyway, never mind, it's just my cynical Virgo ass speaking. I always have Plan B, C, D, etc., an Alphabet Plan.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

As other have said, I wish more guys would report back after their flights. If they don't, I assume it didn't go as they expected/planned.



Totally agree. It's very true. Where there's a will, there's a way, or so they say. Just want to add ... and always, always, have a Plan B, I mean, in case the shit hits the fan. Because most often than not it will, but al least you'll be prepared. Anyway, never mind, it's just my cynical Virgo ass speaking. I always have Plan B, C, D, etc., an Alphabet Plan.

Had to laugh at the "cynical Virgo ass speaking" comment. I'm a Virgo as well, though I would say it's more of a realistic view than anything.

 

[Derek_Zoolander]

As other have said, I wish more guys would report back after their flights. If they don't, I assume it didn't go as they expected/planned.

You know the success of a relationship isn't determined by one or two visits. Without any evidence except my own experience and talking to other models, I think over time, the success of these pairings is slim to none. I do know of several that lasted a year or two but none beyond that. The reason you don't ever hear back is because:

- the ones who were outright scammed would be too disgusted to ever report back
- the ones who hit it off with the model wouldn't need any more advice