Dating a cam-girl advice?

[Brad]

From my personal experience, the problem for me was that there was between 20-40 known regulars who watched her shows a couple of times a week. Then there was 3-4 regulars who were there every day, but there was one regular who was head over heels in love with her. It was a tough situation for both of us because of course i did not like that another man interacted with her in a sexual environment, saw her naked every day, and saw her, and almost certainly joined in masturbating with her. Although she had no feelings for him, she had led him to believe so, so in many ways they had a relationship of sorts.

I don't mean this to sound like a smart ass comment but really that is her job. And they can easily form a business type of relationship. I have formed friendly relationships with people I continually do business with (used to have a great rep from an auto parts supplier as an example) and the same may easily happen with a model and a regular. It doesn't mean they are going to meet and have sex. It may simply mean that they enjoy their business relationship. Since many of the products offered are often sexual in nature it tends to over complicate things in some peoples eyes. But really when both parties are happy with what they have received in the relationship then it is a great situation. Plus I don't see too many guys getting mugged by models for their tokens so I'm pretty sure they are happily given of their own free will and desire. I've never felt mad after tipping a model.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

I think really Rooster what a lot of it came down to is my boyfriend can say "sure, these guys get to see her on screen, but I get to share a bed with her every night", you could not say that. You could say "sure, these guys get to see her on screen...... but I get to see her on screen for free....." It's a little bit of a "one up" but not much of one. Essentially your interactions weren't all that different from her interactions with members. They were essentially paying for exactly the same relationship as you were getting. Sure you can say "but she feels differently about me"... but how do you really know that? How do you really know that her relationship with her regulars isn't exactly the same as yours? If she claims she can care about you in that way without having met you, why not feel that way about her regulars?
I think you still would have been jealous about it even without this... but it wouldn't have been as bad.

Just a quick piece of advice for the future.... Please don't let this effect future relationships.

Often when people get an idea in their head, for whatever reasons, they cannot let it go and will bring a pet peeve into future relationships. It is part of a learning curve which is good, not wanting to do the same thing that hurt you once, but... what it can do to people is make them irrationally jealous and insecure where it's not needed. Because you hadn't felt you were a jealous person previous to this relationship you may be in denial that you are now a jealous person. This may fade, or it may grow. Just keep an eye on it.

 

[LittleRooster]

I think really Rooster what a lot of it came down to is my boyfriend can say "sure, these guys get to see her on screen, but I get to share a bed with her every night", you could not say that. You could say "sure, these guys get to see her on screen...... but I get to see her on screen for free....." It's a little bit of a "one up" but not much of one. Essentially your interactions weren't all that different from her interactions with members. They were essentially paying for exactly the same relationship as you were getting. Sure you can say "but she feels differently about me"... but how do you really know that? How do you really know that her relationship with her regulars isn't exactly the same as yours? If she claims she can care about you in that way without having met you, why not feel that way about her regulars?
I think you still would have been jealous about it even without this... but it wouldn't have been as bad.

Just a quick piece of advice for the future.... Please don't let this effect future relationships.

Often when people get an idea in their head, for whatever reasons, they cannot let it go and will bring a pet peeve into future relationships. It is part of a learning curve which is good, not wanting to do the same thing that hurt you once, but... what it can do to people is make them irrationally jealous and insecure where it's not needed. Because you hadn't felt you were a jealous person previous to this relationship you may be in denial that you are now a jealous person. This may fade, or it may grow. Just keep an eye on it.

I wholeheartedly agree. That was the biggest problem, without a doubt. Do i think that i would be okay with it if we lived together? No i don't, but i certainly think that things would have lasted a little longer. My mistake was that i asked someone whom i had never met to sacrifice their livelihood for me. As i read that back i realize how ridiculous that is.

Do i think that she had genuine feelings for me? I would like to think so, and i would argue yes, but i do not need to know for sure, i am happy to be in blissful ignorance. Also, do i believe that you can fall in love without ever meeting someone face to face? Yes i do, but others have different opinions.

As for it affecting future relationships, only time will tell. I am not normally a jealous person (believe it or not!), as in past relationships jealousy has not been an issue, it's just when it comes to having a relationship with someone who does sex work, i am not comfortable.

Lastly, someone posted about not having a problem with others seeing a girlfriend masturbate on cam, but having a problem with regulars buying gifts for her, i had a problem with both. And i believe that it all comes down to possession. All men want possession of things, it's human nature. Some want one girl completely to themselves, and others want their trust or persona or body... it all depends on the person.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

Lastly, someone posted about not having a problem with others seeing a girlfriend masturbate on cam, but having a problem with regulars buying gifts for her, i had a problem with both. And i believe that it all comes down to possession. All men want possession of things, it's human nature. Some want one girl completely to themselves, and others want their trust or persona or body... it all depends on the person.

it's not just that, it's that different people have different perspectives. My boyfriend doesn't like the idea of his friends or other guys in real life seeing my boobs/body. He just doesn't give a crap about dudes on the other side of the world seeing it. He also doesn't mind me kissing/doing stuff with girls if I were to do a girl girl show, or if he's around, but he isn't happy with me kissing or doing stuff with girls when he's not around simply for the sake of it. I don't know entirely with him where his lines are, or where they come from, but they are most definitely there, and I don't cross them. It's not about men who are cool with their girlfriends camming being cool with other guys seeing them masturbate, because I would bet you they wouldn't be cool with her doing a cam show for a guy she knows, even if he paid for it, it is about the distance from the members.

 

[LittleRooster]

A part of me agrees, i will never meet these men, neither will she (assuming we was to be together and live happily ever after, blah, blah, blah). It would be a completely different ball game if one of my friends saw her, but i can't help it, i still didn't like other men seeing her. I told myself everyday that she was never going to meet them, she didn't have feelings for them, whatever, but it still bugged me massively.

You are right about lines and not knowing when you've crossed them. I didn't know what would bother me until after she did it. She did a couple of g/g shows, and i assumed i would not have a problem, but it turned out to be a huge problem for me. And i think that the idea that she would be a cam girl for the foreseeable future bothered me, as i didn't want her to do it. If it had been a temporary thing, coping with it would have been easier.

 

[Just Me]

I do agree with this. After all this is my thread (embarrassingly), and now i have a clear mind i can understand now. Relationships with cam girls rely on two things, acceptance and trust, just like any other relationship. The problems i had were the obvious ones, i did not like other men seeing my girlfriend naked and masturbate. If there had been some leaked pictures of her naked or a couple of topless shoots etc. i don't think i would have had much of a problem. I did not like that other men could pay her and she would pretty much do anything they said, and they would get some false sense of intimacy. I also did not like that she had regulars in her room, it's just me (the thought that these men eagerly anticipate when she will be online and they form friendships with her and they see her very intimately). I know that i said some bad things about camming but i regret that now. It's a fantastic job for those who choose to do it. After coming on here i see that all of the girls are down to earth and genuinely have fun. It's just that a relationship with one is something i would rather not have, because i'm not comfortable with it. I spoke with my best friend and he is very open minded and said he would not have a problem, it's all based on the person.

I bolded the part that made me reply. This is very true. In fact, I would say this is probably the hardest part for cam girls' partners to deal with. And I will openly admit that it is the toughest tightrope for me to walk as a married cam girl. I have formed bonds with some of my regulars that I need to be careful not to cross certain boundaries or I would end up hurting some feelings. The connections between a cam girl and her regular are more intimate than most of the sexual acts she'd be performing for money, and that has definitely got to be discussed openly between her and her life partner.

i definitely agree. It's an awkward situation for both model and boyfriend/husband. From my personal experience, the problem for me was that there was between 20-40 known regulars who watched her shows a couple of times a week. Then there was 3-4 regulars who were there every day, but there was one regular who was head over heels in love with her. It was a tough situation for both of us because of course i did not like that another man interacted with her in a sexual environment, saw her naked every day, and saw her, and almost certainly joined in masturbating with her. Although she had no feelings for him, she had led him to believe so, so in many ways they had a relationship of sorts.

The problem for her was that she knew i didn't like it and empathized with me and recognized the strangeness of the situation, but without him she would almost certainly not be a cam girl still, or at least anywhere near how successful she is. Without him she would have a very small income as he gives her tens of thousands of dollars a year, without anything in return. I do understand that it was awkward for her as she is getting money for doing nothing and he will always do it because he is in love with her, but i was very uncomfortable with it.

It takes understanding and real love to be able to deal with that, unfortunately, as you all know, i could not deal with it.

That would have been a big red flag for me in a relationship and I am glad you were uncomfortable with it. If someone is willing to do that to another person, how can they be trusted? This is not just a lie of omission or letting the person believe something that is not there but actively lying to someone for financial gain at the expense of another persons feelings. If someone is willing to do that, they are not a person I would want to be involved with.

 

[SexySteph]

I do agree with this. After all this is my thread (embarrassingly), and now i have a clear mind i can understand now. Relationships with cam girls rely on two things, acceptance and trust, just like any other relationship. The problems i had were the obvious ones, i did not like other men seeing my girlfriend naked and masturbate. If there had been some leaked pictures of her naked or a couple of topless shoots etc. i don't think i would have had much of a problem. I did not like that other men could pay her and she would pretty much do anything they said, and they would get some false sense of intimacy. I also did not like that she had regulars in her room, it's just me (the thought that these men eagerly anticipate when she will be online and they form friendships with her and they see her very intimately). I know that i said some bad things about camming but i regret that now. It's a fantastic job for those who choose to do it. After coming on here i see that all of the girls are down to earth and genuinely have fun. It's just that a relationship with one is something i would rather not have, because i'm not comfortable with it. I spoke with my best friend and he is very open minded and said he would not have a problem, it's all based on the person.

I bolded the part that made me reply. This is very true. In fact, I would say this is probably the hardest part for cam girls' partners to deal with. And I will openly admit that it is the toughest tightrope for me to walk as a married cam girl. I have formed bonds with some of my regulars that I need to be careful not to cross certain boundaries or I would end up hurting some feelings. The connections between a cam girl and her regular are more intimate than most of the sexual acts she'd be performing for money, and that has definitely got to be discussed openly between her and her life partner.

i definitely agree. It's an awkward situation for both model and boyfriend/husband. From my personal experience, the problem for me was that there was between 20-40 known regulars who watched her shows a couple of times a week. Then there was 3-4 regulars who were there every day, but there was one regular who was head over heels in love with her. It was a tough situation for both of us because of course i did not like that another man interacted with her in a sexual environment, saw her naked every day, and saw her, and almost certainly joined in masturbating with her. Although she had no feelings for him, she had led him to believe so, so in many ways they had a relationship of sorts.

The problem for her was that she knew i didn't like it and empathized with me and recognized the strangeness of the situation, but without him she would almost certainly not be a cam girl still, or at least anywhere near how successful she is. Without him she would have a very small income as he gives her tens of thousands of dollars a year, without anything in return. I do understand that it was awkward for her as she is getting money for doing nothing and he will always do it because he is in love with her, but i was very uncomfortable with it.

It takes understanding and real love to be able to deal with that, unfortunately, as you all know, i could not deal with it.

That would have been a big red flag for me in a relationship and I am glad you were uncomfortable with it. If someone is willing to do that to another person, how can they be trusted? This is not just a lie of omission or letting the person believe something that is not there but actively lying to someone for financial gain at the expense of another persons feelings. If someone is willing to do that, they are not a person I would want to be involved with.

But how can we be sure that she actually led the guy on or that's how he read it? Many many guys (not members) think that what we do as camgirls is leading guys on and it's not. I mean to some people not banning him could have been leading him on. And it's not.

 

[zippypinhead]

I do agree with this. After all this is my thread (embarrassingly), and now i have a clear mind i can understand now. Relationships with cam girls rely on two things, acceptance and trust, just like any other relationship. The problems i had were the obvious ones, i did not like other men seeing my girlfriend naked and masturbate. If there had been some leaked pictures of her naked or a couple of topless shoots etc. i don't think i would have had much of a problem. I did not like that other men could pay her and she would pretty much do anything they said, and they would get some false sense of intimacy. I also did not like that she had regulars in her room, it's just me (the thought that these men eagerly anticipate when she will be online and they form friendships with her and they see her very intimately). I know that i said some bad things about camming but i regret that now. It's a fantastic job for those who choose to do it. After coming on here i see that all of the girls are down to earth and genuinely have fun. It's just that a relationship with one is something i would rather not have, because i'm not comfortable with it. I spoke with my best friend and he is very open minded and said he would not have a problem, it's all based on the person.

I bolded the part that made me reply. This is very true. In fact, I would say this is probably the hardest part for cam girls' partners to deal with. And I will openly admit that it is the toughest tightrope for me to walk as a married cam girl. I have formed bonds with some of my regulars that I need to be careful not to cross certain boundaries or I would end up hurting some feelings. The connections between a cam girl and her regular are more intimate than most of the sexual acts she'd be performing for money, and that has definitely got to be discussed openly between her and her life partner.

i definitely agree. It's an awkward situation for both model and boyfriend/husband. From my personal experience, the problem for me was that there was between 20-40 known regulars who watched her shows a couple of times a week. Then there was 3-4 regulars who were there every day, but there was one regular who was head over heels in love with her. It was a tough situation for both of us because of course i did not like that another man interacted with her in a sexual environment, saw her naked every day, and saw her, and almost certainly joined in masturbating with her. Although she had no feelings for him, she had led him to believe so, so in many ways they had a relationship of sorts.

The problem for her was that she knew i didn't like it and empathized with me and recognized the strangeness of the situation, but without him she would almost certainly not be a cam girl still, or at least anywhere near how successful she is. Without him she would have a very small income as he gives her tens of thousands of dollars a year, without anything in return. I do understand that it was awkward for her as she is getting money for doing nothing and he will always do it because he is in love with her, but i was very uncomfortable with it.

It takes understanding and real love to be able to deal with that, unfortunately, as you all know, i could not deal with it.

That would have been a big red flag for me in a relationship and I am glad you were uncomfortable with it. If someone is willing to do that to another person, how can they be trusted? This is not just a lie of omission or letting the person believe something that is not there but actively lying to someone for financial gain at the expense of another persons feelings. If someone is willing to do that, they are not a person I would want to be involved with.

But how can we be sure that she actually led the guy on or that's how he read it? Many many guys (not members) think that what we do as camgirls is leading guys on and it's not. I mean to some people not banning him could have been leading him on. And it's not.

Also, he's not giving her money "for nothing." He's seeing returns for his payment, or he wouldn't be giving her money. Rooster sees it that way, or at least describes it that way, but he's already proven that there are a lot of things about the relationships carried on in camland that he just doesn't understand. I can't imagine that his model friend is really describing the nature of her relationship to him, so he's just seeing results and forming an equation: member dotes on model + member gives model lots of cash and gifts + model doesn't really seem to be doing much for all of this attention and money, aside from playing along and receiving it all = member must be madly in love with model, and model must be leading member on. Maybe that's the case, but it's only one scenario in a pretty wide spectrum of possibilities. For all we know, this guy likes hanging in her room and giving her thousands of dollars because (perish the thought) he has a lot of free time and surplus income, and he gets off on giving money and gifts to beautiful young women. I certainly expect a little sweet talk and friendship from the models I spend the most time and money on. It's not exactly out of the ordinary behavior with this type of transaction.

 

[Just Me]

But how can we be sure that she actually led the guy on or that's how he read it? Many many guys (not members) think that what we do as camgirls is leading guys on and it's not. I mean to some people not banning him could have been leading him on. And it's not.

We can't be sure, we can only go by what was stated, "Although she had no feelings for him, she had led him to believe so, so in many ways they had a relationship of sorts." I was not privy to the other side of the conversation, so I can only comment on what was said here.

 

[Swirl]

Lastly, someone posted about not having a problem with others seeing a girlfriend masturbate on cam, but having a problem with regulars buying gifts for her, i had a problem with both. And i believe that it all comes down to possession. All men want possession of things, it's human nature. Some want one girl completely to themselves, and others want their trust or persona or body... it all depends on the person.

It's not human nature for men to possess women. Also, you just seem like a really jealous guy. You need to get that shit under control before proceeding with any serious dating. It's not hard either. All you need to do is remind yourself every day that you don't own the woman. Anyway, why would you want to? Have you ever heard of a happy relationship where the man totally controlled everything the woman did? She should always have her life, you should have yours and then you should have one you share together. That's the only way to have a happy existence. Sorry for going Dr. Phil on your ass.