I've been thinking a lot today about what makes me an evil person, which I claim to be often.
And what comes to mind are not helpful things I've done nor the acknowledgment of them, but all thanks I have gotten.
It seams that when a truly good person helps someone they get a feeling of humanly love in return.
I just get emotionally drained because I connect so much to them with other emotions.
And I guess that maybe I'm not evil anymore. I just can't give people love when they need it because I always find other ways to help them. Is it a workaround love or do I just have the wrong method? But I prefer it this way. I just want to know why it is, or if other "good" people aren't good the way I see it.
I think... I just wish I was nothing but passive aggressive. But only towards other bad people.
I dunno. I think having a good and safe life is just so forien to me that it effects me so much when there are only good people left. I think that... it's better this way. I like it like this and it's so much better for my health in multiple ways.
It's not me to be safe.
It's funny. I think about all of this semi-frequently and I still haven't figured out how it's all related. I thought that if I wrote this out I could see something, but I can't.
...and I think this is the most personal post I've done in a very long time, and I think I'm going to share it.
I can share myself with you guys on this level