A member has fallen in love with you...

[TomKat2]

Cam models, how do you feel about that? I'm not talking about a big tipper that is just generous with tokens, but someone who has given up IRL relationship, as he'd rather jerk off to his computer screen and believes this cam girl is really his gf.

I'm not blaming the cam model, but believe this has been taken way too far, and not sure how to help anymore before it becomes a financial problem as well as a social/relationship one. Just looking for honest answers, and I have searched the forum but haven't seen any cases where a relationship was destroyed over an obsession.

Appreciate your honesty.

 

[Lunasha]

I'm new to webcamming, so haven't heard of a case like that, BUT, I think it's unfortunately not uncommon for relationships to be destroyed over similar stuff.
I've often heard of girls getting pissed off at their boyfriend because he would rather jerk off over porn than have sex with them. It doesn't involve the guy falling in love but still.
Also it happens that a person will fall in love with another person in real life, while being in a relationship. It might or might not turn into an obsession, but it sure can break the couple for good.

In a situation like that though, the person who fell in love with a camgirl really does need help for sure. I don't know what kind of advice you are looking for here though, from what I've seen, camgirls will simply tell you that they're doing their job and are not paid to play the psychologist for potential emotionally fragile members.

As you said, if the camgirl didn't say anything to encourage the guy into this dangerous direction, well she's not to be blamed and one shouldn't expect anything from her.

You might get better help / answers in a psychology / relationship help forum? In this case the focus should be on the guy needing help, not on the 'camgirl' part.

 

[caireen]

How do we feel about it? I imagine in general none of us really like it.

What kind of honest answers are you looking for beyond that and what is the question really?

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

Sounds like a personal problem.

 

[melanieoncam]

Cam models, how do you feel about that? I'm not talking about a big tipper that is just generous with tokens, but someone who has given up IRL relationship, as he'd rather jerk off to his computer screen and believes this cam girl is really his gf.

I'm not blaming the cam model, but believe this has been taken way too far, and not sure how to help anymore before it becomes a financial problem as well as a social/relationship one. Just looking for honest answers, and I have searched the forum but haven't seen any cases where a relationship was destroyed over an obsession.

Appreciate your honesty.

I never promise anything to my viewers other than expert roleplay and a fun sexy interaction, and do my best to give a great orgasm. If someone were to give up their relationship for that, the relationship couldn't have been that great to begin with.

Always been hard for me to understand why any man would think an image on a computer screen is the same as a girlfriend.

 

[TomKat2]

How do we feel about it? I imagine in general none of us really like it.

What kind of honest answers are you looking for beyond that and what is the question really?

Thank you. You're right the question wasn't very clear. I'm asking if this is something that would make you happy that someone would rather spend his time and money on you rather than a SO? Does it make you feel sad (like the rest of us), or creeped out that someone has taken this so far? I was looking for honest answers to show him that this isn't what the goal of these hangouts are. I appreciate the answers.

 

[yummybrownfox]

I think that’s sad to give up IRL relationships, because you (think you) are in love with a cam girl...who most likely doesn’t feel the same way about you.

IF she feels the same way (and isn’t just stringing you along to get your money), and y’all actually become a couple, then WOW, you go, boy!

Otherwise, stick to IRL relationships, and just let the cam sites be for no-strings-attached live adult chat, the way they’re intended to be.

 

[Mila_]

Camgirls do this for the money and this is a business. How adult male members find the money to afford these services is their problem. I do not cross boundaries and assume I have the right to enquire or tell other people how to spend their money and their time. That said I want these romantically stunted members as far away from me as possible. A member who falls in love with me and goes as far as abandoning a real life relationship is probably a basketcase who will become possessive, clingy and demanding, scaring away other tippers and generally being a drag. Since there is no amount of tokens a single guy can tip to make up for the destruction of my room, I will ban them before it gets to that point

 

[Innocent_Intentions]

I feel no sympathy towards the man. Recently a member expressed his “love” for me. Even though he was single, he still had a huge thing for me after being in my room twice -_-. He tipped big and would openly express how he tipped big only to win my heart and to make me leave my fiancé. I told him time and time again nothing would come of it and I’m very open and honest to my viewers about me being happily engaged. Most get the point. He did not. In two short weeks, he tipped me more than my rent. And I shortly cut him loose. He kept suggesting I leave my fiancé and I wasn’t having it. I dont feel guilty and I don’t feel sympathy. Him tipping what he did even after I basically told him it was a waste of time was his own fault/stupidity. The same would go for someone in a relationship. Not my problem.

 

[Dan Epstein]

Never heard of someone losing their life savings on a cam girl,however when it comes to lottery, real estate, magic mystical natural diet herbs, fast daily trade investments, amateur life coaches, time share cottages in Aspen on the other hand..... There's a limit to how much we can idiot proof everything and everywhere.

 

[Carmita Bonita]

Thank you. You're right the question wasn't very clear. I'm asking if this is something that would make you happy that someone would rather spend his time and money on you rather than a SO? Does it make you feel sad (like the rest of us), or creeped out that someone has taken this so far? I was looking for honest answers to show him that this isn't what the goal of these hangouts are. I appreciate the answers.

It sure as hell wouldn't make me happy. Members like these generally are very high matinenece emotionally and become a huge burden making my work even more difficult. It doesn't make me sad more like annoyed I guess? A member's personal life is their problem not mine and not even my buisness. If a dude lets something like an infatuation with a camgirl pull him out of reality into putting themselves in debt, ignoring/neglecting their partner they have an issue that is faaar deeper than camsites or camgirls alone.

 

[Innocent_Intentions]

Thank you. You're right the question wasn't very clear. I'm asking if this is something that would make you happy that someone would rather spend his time and money on you rather than a SO? Does it make you feel sad (like the rest of us), or creeped out that someone has taken this so far? I was looking for honest answers to show him that this isn't what the goal of these hangouts are. I appreciate the answers.

When I hear of people getting so obsessed with the fantasy of porn or camgirls it makes me a little upset that this is what life has come to for some people. I feel sympathy for the SO because no one should be put in that situation. Making people fall for me definitely isn’t my goal and that’s most likely the same for a lot of models. There are certain things I don’t say and don’t allow my viewers to say so that line isn’t crossed (I love you, baby, sweetheart etc.) I aim for people to have a good time while at the same time I’m making good money.

 

[ThePrincessLuxy]

Was gonna say, sounds like a you problem. If this happened to me and found out I would distance and dissociate then ban pretty soon after. It reeks of crazy stalker levels and ain't no camgirl got time fo dat.

Get back on your rocker and reel it in for your sake and hers.

 

[Alacrity31]

Never heard of someone losing their life savings on a cam girl,however when it comes to lottery, real estate, magic mystical natural diet herbs, fast daily trade investments, amateur life coaches, time share cottages in Aspen on the other hand..... There's a limit to how much we can idiot proof everything and everywhere.

Real estate obv, but magic mystical natural diet herbs?!?

I don't think its possible to wipe someone's life savings clean. I've been wildly irresponsible (intoxicated) on cam sites and I don't think it has ever cost me more than $600-700 over the course of a binge-fueled few days. Most people could probably withstand that blow financially assuming it only happens once or twice.

Occasionally, I see girls post pictures of tip amounts that seem truly absurd: 30k. This always strikes me as foolish because the girls only recover some percentage of the token value, like 80%. So if you were trying to send $1000.00 they wind up getting $800.00, its like throwing $200 away. I would rather coordinate some other way of giving them the money. Then again, maybe its a status signaling thing like: "Hey, look how much tokens guys send me" and they get some value in that.

but someone who has given up IRL relationship

I told him time and time again nothing would come of it and I’m very open and honest to my viewers about me being happily engaged. Most get the point.

I think, ethically, you are obviously in the clear by establishing boundaries, saying you have a fiancé and communicating your intentions to him directly. If you felt you were in danger of being stalked, you could really send the message to home by returning the tokens (I want nothing from you and nothing to do with you), but this would be above and beyond.

I pity and envy them: pity because they are helpless to the extent of being deplorable, but envy that they get to feel so passionate. For the tips they spend fanning their love, they might be getting their tokens worth after all.

Camgirls do this for the money and this is a business.

This is important to remember, but I imagine and have experienced the lines getting blurred quite often. Again, as you mention, how people spend their time/tokens is up to them, but rather than casting a negative light on the romantically stunted and their interactions with cam girls, I see the two as a mostly positive thing, like dating therapy. Rule number 1, that camgirls do this for money and this a business, though, always needs to be kept in mind.

 

[SaffronBurke]

This always strikes me as foolish because the girls only recover some percentage of the token value, like 80%. So if you were trying to send $1000.00 they wind up getting $800.00, its like throwing $200 away. I would rather coordinate some other way of giving them the money.

A tip like that on MFC is going to give the model a sizeable camscore boost, moving her up the list of online models and leading to her making more money in the long term.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

I'd rather give up a percentage and know that I'm covered legally and with regards to chargebacks or refunds. Plus, yeah, visibility on a given site is also of value.

 

[Alacrity31]

A tip like that on MFC is going to give the model a sizeable camscore boost, moving her up the list of online models and leading to her making more money in the long term.

Maybe, the math would be fun to preform on this one. The question is if the present value of the anticipated increase in token value, taken at the appropriate percentage, exceeds the money in hand from a direct transfer. What % of funds do models really recuperate from MFC would seem like a big factor.

Not having much experience with MFC, I could see it going either way.

I'd rather give up a percentage and know that I'm covered legally and with regards to chargebacks or refunds. Plus, yeah, visibility on a given site is also of value.

\
The transfers I had in mind would be Western Union, MoneyGram or even Clearxchange. So once you had the money in hand, the buyer wouldn't have recourse to get it back.

 

[SaffronBurke]

The transfers I had in mind would be Western Union, MoneyGram or even Clearxchange. So once you had the money in hand, the buyer wouldn't have recourse to get it back.

Oh, so things that would require the model to disclose her real name. Yeah, that's totally preferable to just tipping on-site.

 

[tekwolf]

Oh, so things that would require the model to disclose her real name. Yeah, that's totally preferable to just tipping on-site.

You would be amazed how many times it happens not to offend anyone but some get too greedy and make mistakes the dollarfever i call it.
And yes i did send people money straight and i prefer WU always went good and instantly available for them but on the other hand i met the persons in real as friends

 

[Gen]

Maybe, the math would be fun to preform on this one

You and I have very different ideas of fun

 

[Rumi_Bloom]

No camgirl is going to like a client falling for them, whether the client is single or in a relationship doesn't matter. It often spells loss of money and disaster for us, as well as a possible stalker, or someone who will be hurt when we repeatedly try to tell them they are delusional and this is just a job and we are not their gf... these hurt guys tend to try and destroy a model's livelihood after this stark realization dawns on them. Basically, I'm saying NO good comes from falling for a camgirl on ANY side of this... Bad idea all around. Sooo, yeah pretty much what others have already stated above but my 2 cents worth.

 

[Dan Epstein]

Let’s say that you take the web cam factor out of the scenario. How many times were you sure you’re in love with a stranger, and found out that’s it’s your mind and ego feeding themselves with the help of nostalgia, Gin, and Tonic? The guy would probably migrate the paradigm to the barista where he gets his morning Latte. We all indulge in fantasy, I know I do, but I don’t have to listen to its call to action, and thus ruin the fantasy. I wrote a long post full of cliches...again

 

[yummybrownfox]

Trying to explain to members why it's smarter and safer to tip models on-site than to use PayPal/Western Union/etc. is like talking to a wall. It's like they couldn't care less that the model is the one who ends up getting fucked over. It's always "Well, I do it all the time, and there hasn't been any issues so far!" Yeah, keep looking out for your own interests, buddy...

Just like this "No more cam shows on Skype" thing. I just had a guy on MFC yesterday insist that it's no big deal, because "it's a private call, and Skype can't monitor what happens during a 'private call'." *facepalm* Yeah, uh...nothing on the internet is really private, dude...

 

[TomKat2]

I should add, he's begged and cried for SO not to leave. Said she is the most important person to him, only to be caught the next day taking his iPad to go "get groceries" Promises to stop, but just can't.

 

[TomKat2]

Appreciate the honesty, and what we suspected all along that the girls don't appreciate this.

No mention was made of losing life savings. Money is not an issue now, it's looking back on the wasted money to try and buy someone's love. His intention is for her to come running to him the more he spends. This has been admitted and not an assumption on our part.

Up until a year ago, he used to attend poker night and happy hours with the guys we all worked with. That has all stopped now, due to his need to be in front of his computer.

Update: SO has moved out. Found out that all the cancelled family/friend dinners, sleeping in another room because master bedroom too hot, were all just to catch said cam model room chats. Even with losing a IRL relationship, he is not willing to make any changes and believes he has a shot with someone 25 years younger, that lives overseas. She is younger than his daughter, and not as mature as the commenters on here. She is encouraging him to create new alter egos to continue in the rooms so he is not caught red handed. SO has read her suggested names she has sent him, and how he can send gifts that can't be tracked. Her room only has a handful of regulars so she is counting on his financial support, which is a lot.

Thanks for all the comments. This is a very confusing time for his ex-SO as well as a few friends that are aware of what is happening.

 

[Alacrity31]

Oh, so things that would require the model to disclose her real name. Yeah, that's totally preferable to just tipping on-site.

Implied is that the model has some sort of rapport with the customer where giving that detail is acceptable. And the money can always be sent to a friend/boyfriend/brother etc. If safety above all else is the concern, that's understandable, and there are even different methods.

ClearXchange is big bankings push into money transfer, and you only require a phone number or an e-mail address to receive money.

And of course, there is always bitcoin =D

Trying to explain to members why it's smarter and safer to tip models on-site than to use PayPal/Western Union/etc. is like talking to a wall. It's like they couldn't care less that the model is the one who ends up getting fucked over. It's always "Well, I do it all the time, and there hasn't been any issues so far!" Yeah, keep looking out for your own interests, buddy...

I feel so wall-esque!

The models I transfer large sums to are people that I like on some level and trust: screwing them over for my own advantage would be a pyrrhic victory as the relationship I'm investing in would surely tank afterwards. If I sent, say, $1000 for 15 cam shows, and the whole money sending process was a nightmare, I could count on not recuperating the cam shows. I would never imagine intentionally trying to hurt or harm a model.

Really, the purpose of the transfer is to eliminate cam sites as a middle man, to the benefit of both the viewer and the model. To elaborate...

You and I have very different ideas of fun

Okay, lets take my example of the 35000 token tip. At the best rate on MFC, he would wind up spending $2772.00 for the tip. After tipping, the model would then redeem the tokens for $1750.00, with $1022.00 going to MFC.

To recuperate the lost $1022.00, the model would need to make an extra 20,440 tokens from her improved cam score, or, she could take the extra $1022.00 in hand. Of course, with the improved cam score, she might benefit in excess of 20.5k tokens to make it worth it.

 

[mynameisbob84]

I know how it feels to be on the other side of this. It's not always easy. Feelings in camland can be intense sometimes, even though everything's happening through a computer screen. After a while, you just have to accept though, that the relationships forged between member and camgirl aren't mean to extend beyond the internet. That can be a bitter pill to swallow and feelings can get hurt as I know all too well. So... to all the camgirls who have fallen in love with me over the years and had their hearts broken when I elected not to make their wildest fantasies a reality, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you and I hope one day you can move on from me.

 

[caireen]

Implied is that the model has some sort of rapport with the customer where giving that detail is acceptable. And the money can always be sent to a friend/boyfriend/brother etc. If safety above all else is the concern, that's understandable, and there are even different methods.

ClearXchange is big bankings push into money transfer, and you only require a phone number or an e-mail address to receive money.

And of course, there is always bitcoin =D

I feel so wall-esque!

The models I transfer large sums to are people that I like on some level and trust: screwing them over for my own advantage would be a pyrrhic victory as the relationship I'm investing in would surely tank afterwards. If I sent, say, $1000 for 15 cam shows, and the whole money sending process was a nightmare, I could count on not recuperating the cam shows. I would never imagine intentionally trying to hurt or harm a model.

Really, the purpose of the transfer is to eliminate cam sites as a middle man, to the benefit of both the viewer and the model. To elaborate...

Okay, lets take my example of the 35000 token tip. At the best rate on MFC, he would wind up spending $2772.00 for the tip. After tipping, the model would then redeem the tokens for $1750.00, with $1022.00 going to MFC.

To recuperate the lost $1022.00, the model would need to make an extra 20,440 tokens from her improved cam score, or, she could take the extra $1022.00 in hand. Of course, with the improved cam score, she might benefit in excess of 20.5k tokens to make it worth it.

You forget about the benefits of rank, too, though. A tip like that would hopefully place the model at a good rank, which increases both visibility and perceived "value", as well as often has the advantage of getting other members rallied to help boost rank.

 

[Alacrity31]

You forget about the benefits of rank, too, though. A tip like that would hopefully place the model at a good rank, which increases both visibility and perceived "value", as well as often has the advantage of getting other members rallied to help boost rank

I agree increased rank has value, but I factored that in at the bottom of my post.

That is, the ostentatious tip must increase a camgirls tokens by 20,440, above and beyond what they would normally make, in order for the tip to start making sense over the direct transfer.

 

[caireen]

I agree increased rank has value, but I factored that in at the bottom of my post.

That is, the ostentatious tip must increase a camgirls tokens by 20,440, above and beyond what they would normally make, in order for the tip to start making sense over the direct transfer.

Rank and camscore are not the same thing though. And if the tip pushed her into or near the Top 100 or Top 20 it could easily cause that increase in tokens.