Overspending members and camgirl ethics.

[Pure_emotion]

I just feel a little bad when they spend money out of the wife's credit card . Just a little but I get over it fast .

 

[n_i_c_u]

I just feel a little bad when they spend money out of the wife's credit card . Just a little but I get over it fast .

I had an ex girlfriend that would have killed me if she knew I was paying for porn sort of stuff. Most people probably think it is free. I don't think I would ever do tipping if I had a partner that didn't agree with it. Why would they? I can't really imagine a scenario where a woman is ok with a guy spending money on other females that get naked and talk to you (even if it is "thank you BB"--though, my brother did have the playboy channel when he was trying to get his wife pregnant). But, maybe I am too conservative and that happens all the time. I did see the movie "Bad Moms" and it was interesting how they approached the online sex stuff.

Anyway, I have never fucked myself over by tipping but I have overspent and have had to go into overdrive and get motivated to make some money. I really hate paying credit card fees to the point where I would rather die than have to admit that I am dumb enough to not be able to pay them all time and in full. I have had models tell me to stop tipping (rare, but, true, and I didn't stop). Sometimes I just make some money and it blows my mind and I want to be a cool person for a bit to someone (just like someone was cool to me) who is intriguing and I try to form some sort of thing--but usually not (actually, kind of like how the relationship was with the person I got the money from in the first place). The results aren't all that amazing. But, it feels like I'm doing some good for someone else at the end of the day.

 

[Jontyqq]

I know I have an addiction to cam girls, especially doms. It is more a case of trying to control it, but I do constantly seek bigger and bigger highs from it.
I do wonder how far I will go with it, especially in the endorphins high stages of joi, I do sometimes feel I am too vulnerable. So many girls on here state they have moral ethics that would stop them ruining guys, but my experience is the opposite and almost all girls I interact with are constantly encouraging me to spend more.
I manage it OKish. I don't entertain really expensive models, I try to find girls who seem to enjoy the control side more than the money (yeh, I know all actresses), so I have rarely splurged, but still every year I extend my credit and then burn it up over the next few months.
So yes I have an addiction, but just too good to stop.

 

[SaffronBurke]

So many girls on here state they have moral ethics that would stop them ruining guys, but my experience is the opposite and almost all girls I interact with are constantly encouragin

I think a lot of that has to do with the type of model someone is. Many of the girls who have said this are vanilla models, whereas you're visiting dommes, who are playing into the fetish by pushing you for more. It's a little more tricky for a domme, especially if she does findom, because someone may say that they're out of money because they want us to push them for more, or they might be genuinely out of money and letting us know. Some guys just want to tip us until they hit their daily limit then log off (on Streamate), while others want us to genuinely encourage them to go into debt spending on us. There's a lot of variation, and some guys aren't very good at communicating their limits, so we have to guess some of the time.

 

[SophiaSophia]

first world camgirl probs..lol

 

[HiGirlsRHot]

I think a lot of that has to do with the type of model someone is. Many of the girls who have said this are vanilla models, whereas you're visiting dommes, who are playing into the fetish by pushing you for more. It's a little more tricky for a domme, especially if she does findom, because someone may say that they're out of money because they want us to push them for more, or they might be genuinely out of money and letting us know. Some guys just want to tip us until they hit their daily limit then log off (on Streamate), while others want us to genuinely encourage them to go into debt spending on us. There's a lot of variation, and some guys aren't very good at communicating their limits, so we have to guess some of the time.

You raise a good point. I feel pretty strongly that camgirls have moral obligation to at least discourage members from overspending once they become aware that it s causing them financial problems. However, when we are talking about any type domme situation and especially findom, then I think all bets are off. If going broke is what gets a guy's rocks off, I think he needs professional help, but that wouldn't be the job of a camgirl.

 

[JickyJuly]

However, when we are talking about any type domme situation and especially findom, then I think all bets are off. If going broke is what gets a guy's rocks off, I think he needs professional help, but that wouldn't be the job of a camgirl.

Totally. If a domme starts trying to hear about a sub's financials, she's shooting herself in the foot with all of her clients. If someone wants to play at being a sub and can't afford the expense of a pro, they need to look elsewhere. I can't skip down Rodeo Drive maxing out my credit card then whine about a shopping addiction. I've got no business being on Rodeo Drive with my JcPenney level bank account.

 

[LylacDoll]

I feel uncomfortable saying what other camgirls should or shouldn't do, or have a responsibility to do, but personally, I couldn't encourage someone to spend more than they could afford to with a clean conscience. At the point I find out any of their bills aren't being paid, or they're going into severe debt, there would be no encouragement from me to have them spend on me. So no asking for privates, no directly asking them for tips, no offering services, just mostly ignorance. But that's honestly not information I would ever ask or look for, because I don't need to know that, and it's not my responsibility. So if they're getting into heaps of debt and never mention their crumbling credit score, then that's their own issue, and I'll hopefully never know. And if they chose to spend money on me, even if I did know, so long as I wasn't asking for it, I would treat them like a normal customer...because that's what they are. And I'm not responsible for their finances.

 

[mynameisbob84]

Re: financial domination: My (limited) understanding of "proper" findom is that there was a bit more to it than simply "give me all your money". I was under the impression it was more about the dominant party taking control of the submissive party's finances. So they know what their incoming and outgoing money is, they know how much the submissive needs to live and how much is disposable, have access to their credit cards, etc. and it's more about the dominant one controlling what the submissive can and can't do with their own money and taking as much of that money for themselves as they feel appropriate.

Assuming there's that level of trust being put in the dominant party, I do feel they kind of have an obligation to take only what they know isn't going to completely bankrupt the member. But then I imagine a lot of member/model findom relationship are less involved than that and are simply a case of the model pushing for as much money as they can. And without knowing the full extent of the member's finances, it has to be the responsibility of the member to not spend past their limits (which are known only to them).

 

[SophiaSophia]

Re: financial domination: My (limited) understanding of "proper" findom is that there was a bit more to it than simply "give me all your money". I was under the impression it was more about the dominant party taking control of the submissive party's finances. So they know what their incoming and outgoing money is, they know how much the submissive needs to live and how much is disposable, have access to their credit cards, etc. and it's more about the dominant one controlling what the submissive can and can't do with their own money and taking as much of that money for themselves as they feel appropriate.

Assuming there's that level of trust being put in the dominant party, I do feel they kind of have an obligation to take only what they know isn't going to completely bankrupt the member. But then I imagine a lot of member/model findom relationship are less involved than that and are simply a case of the model pushing for as much money as they can. And without knowing the full extent of the member's finances, it has to be the responsibility of the member to not spend past their limits (which are known only to them).

I think this does about cover it from what I know about it

 

[annablossoms]

If they don't spend it on you, then chances are they will just spend it on someone else... So you may as well take the money for yourself since that's what they wanted in the first place

 

[Jontyqq]

I am not into the findom side at all, puts me off. I was talking more generally, I mentioned the joi shows because for me that is where I feel addicted with certain girls and where I spend so much more than I should or would want to when not in those endorphin high moments. I often have regrets after a show when I come down and where I have spent too much.
It is good to hear that many girls here have a moral feeling towards there customers. Maybe I should ask that as one of my questions when booking a show

 

[Ms_Gingersnatch]

I am not into the findom side at all, puts me off. I was talking more generally, I mentioned the joi shows because for me that is where I feel addicted with certain girls and where I spend so much more than I should or would want to when not in those endorphin high moments. I often have regrets after a show when I come down and where I have spent too much.
It is good to hear that many girls here have a moral feeling towards there customers. Maybe I should ask that as one of my questions when booking a show

Most of this thread has been about what to do if a regular customer approaches you with the information that he's spending way too much and/or seems to have an addiction and needs to cut back. On the other hand, you seem to want to discuss your tendency to overspend with a new-to-you model while booking a show.

I'm curious about how you see that conversation going. Clearly you're not asking her to refuse to do a show with you. Would you just be asking if she's willing to ban/block you if you ask her to do so in the future?

Are you asking her to do the show(s) and cut you off when you've spent X? Asking to be banned is a simple thing, but it seems excessive to expect her to keep track of your spending and know when you've reached your limit. You can use handy tools to ensure that you don't go over budget: on Streamate, set your daily limit to match how much you can spend; on pretty much any other site, don't buy any more tokens/credits that you can afford; do prepaid Skype shows and only pay for the amount of time that is suitable for your budget.

Or would you ask her to make you cum as quickly as possible so you don't spend too much? Models usually really hate that, and I don't think it would be sexy for you. A couple phrases guaranteed to ruin an orgasm (in a not fun way) include: any reference to you not having enough money and any variation of "OMG, just hurry up and cum already!"

 

[Natalie]

100% this.

Any yah, I agree with what is said above about not infantalizing members/ trying to save them. I went through this situation recently, and banned the member, and sent him resources for help, but he is still around, tipping more than ever. I am definitely "losing out" on a lot of money, but I don't want that money. I would personally feel terrible finding out that that person legitimately ruined their life while I sit on my pile of cash.

But I still think as humans we have a responsibility to look out for other people. And as camgirls to not take advantage of members' vulnerabilities. But that is my own personal code of ethics.

I agree with this 100%. I focus on balancing doing the best job I can as a webcam model and also be a good human and look out for other people. I can't just do stuff for free (camgirls are a luxury not a necessity) but I also don't want to hurt anyone. Over time I've gotten a lot better at balancing this out. It's all about figuring out what your own personal code of ethics is. It takes deliberate thought and reflection of experiences. I want to do well as a webcam model but only if I feel that overall I have brightened people's days rather than contributed to more hardships. I admit, I worry sometimes when members spend a lot on me. If I suspect they don't have the means to afford it, I privately encourage them to make sure they use their hard-earned money to take care of themselves first before tipping me. I'd rather have someone tipping a little bit and able to hang out over time, rather than someone give me a ton of tokens and disappear. Balance is always best

 

[Kinksta]

I would definitely have to tell the member I think it wise for them to cut back..
if that situation ever arose I would not feel right unless I offered some friendly advice, even if that meant I was not going to profit from it

 

[melanieoncam]

This question has me pissed off today, lol damn! The whole idea that any adult performer needs to be concerned about who spends what is insane to me.

Would there even be a question about it if this were not a female-dominated industry? I doubt anyone would be trying to guilt men into apologizing for their income if they were the main performers.

I dare you to walk into a luxury car dealer or any other high end store and tell the management they really need to be careful not to sell to anyone they think can't afford their products. Yeah, that's right they need to just refuse that sale or be wracked with guilt! Good grief.

 

[Gen]

This question has me pissed off today, lol damn! The whole idea that any adult performer needs to be concerned about who spends what is insane to me.

Would there even be a question about it if this were not a female-dominated industry? I doubt anyone would be trying to guilt men into apologizing for their income if they were the main performers.

I dare you to walk into a luxury car dealer or any other high end store and tell the management they really need to be careful not to sell to anyone they think can't afford their products. Yeah, that's right they need to just refuse that sale or be wracked with guilt! Good grief.

At the casinos in my area, they have tons of info about playing responsibly and staff are meant to stop you if they think you're going too far. That's probably more out of liability than compassion, but still. Ditto how bars cut you off if you're too drunk. Sex work isn't the only industry where this ethical question exists, and I do think the one-on-one nature makes it very different than a luxury retail store. I don't expect MFC to monitor members finances, but at the same time if I made it clear to the car salesman that I was in crippling debt and this would harm me, and he still sold me the car, I think it's fair to question his role in terms of ethics.
Personally I don't find it cut and dry.

 

[HiGirlsRHot]

This question has me pissed off today, lol damn! The whole idea that any adult performer needs to be concerned about who spends what is insane to me.

Would there even be a question about it if this were not a female-dominated industry? I doubt anyone would be trying to guilt men into apologizing for their income if they were the main performers.

I dare you to walk into a luxury car dealer or any other high end store and tell the management they really need to be careful not to sell to anyone they think can't afford their products. Yeah, that's right they need to just refuse that sale or be wracked with guilt! Good grief.

If this was a forum for gun shop dealers or a LOUIS VUITTON shop owners, I'd ask the same question. If you had a long and close relationship with a great customer and had told you several times they were having severe financial troubles, and they continued to buy $1,000 guns or $1,000 bags at your shop a couple times a month what would you do?

 

[Just_A_Guy]

I don't think some doctor ordered us to visit models on camsites. If you can't afford models you shouldn't be on camsites in the first place. If you are overspending you are an adult and you should know you'd better stop for a while. Why models should care about how much we spend? I don't know any business that works this way.
My 2 cents.

 

[Just_A_Guy]

close relationship

I think this is the problem. You look for a relationship but for models it's just business. At least for those that I visit in chat. btw I really believe that love has mysterious way but I don't expect to find my future wife on a camsite.

 

[AudriTwo]

If this was a forum for gun shop dealers or a LOUIS VUITTON shop owners, I'd ask the same question. If you had a long and close relationship with a great customer and had told you several times they were having severe financial troubles, and they continued to buy $1,000 guns or $1,000 bags at your shop a couple times a month what would you do?

i would assume they figured things out, and they know what is best for them. shop owners shouldn't have to baby their customers' spending. that isn't their responsibility. i have family who is close with a lot of their customers at their store, but will only step in if a customer is committing fraud.

majority models who do have "relationships" don't usually abuse their clients like that. if customer mentions that they need to cool it on the spending or funds are getting tight, i respect that. i encourage them to have financial responsibilty, but i can't control when they decide to spend on me. i don't want to ban these dudes, because they aren't bad guys. most of them are probably lonely. end of the day im not their mother.

 

[HiGirlsRHot]

I think this is the problem. You look for a relationship but for models it's just business. At least for those that I visit in chat. btw I really believe that love has mysterious way but I don't expect to find my future wife on a camsite.

The majority of people can have a few drinks, and not become an alcoholic, smoke weed and not become pot heads, go to a casino or race track occasionally and not become compulsive gamblers, go to a mall every week for fun and not run about a fortune in credit card debt, or buy a boosts in a Freemium game and still have enough to pay rent. Most guys can visit cam sites, and not have it be financially ruinous.

But that's not always true. Just because you are an adult doesn't mean you always act responsibly. Society has recognized this and in some case has shifted some of the responsibility from the buyer of a good or service to the seller. The most obvious example is drug dealers where the punishment for the seller is far more severe than for the buyer. As Gen mentioned, laws have been enacted for both bars and casino, which requires the seller to stop or discourage compulsive buyers from buying too much. Successful lawsuits have been brought against both Home Shopping Network, and Zynga by people who overspent.

Some camgirls often ask their customer to bail them out for their irresponsible behavior (not camming for weeks, buying something they couldn't afford.) and many members heed the call, (while others criticize it). This is something you'd practically never see from your mechanic, fitness instructor, or local bar owner. So it does suggest that relationship between camgirls and customers isn't strictly business.
Now I'm not saying camgirls are the equivalent of drug deals or that not banning some you know is overspending makes an evil person. But like Gen says it's certainly not black and white.

 

[AudriTwo]

Some camgirls often ask their customer to bail them out for their irresponsible behavior (not camming for weeks, buying something they couldn't afford.) and many members heed the call, (while others criticize it). This is something you'd practically never see from your mechanic, fitness instructor, or local bar owner. So it does suggest that relationship between camgirls and customers isn't strictly business.
Now I'm not saying camgirls are the equivalent of drug deals or that not banning some you know is overspending makes an evil person. But like Gen says it's certainly not black and white.

my mechanic scammed me by giving me a bogus oil change. there are assholes everywhere.

 

[caireen]

I don't think some doctor ordered us to visit models on camsites. If you can't afford models you shouldn't be on camsites in the first place. If you are overspending you are an adult and you should know you'd better stop for a while. Why models should care about how much we spend? I don't know any business that works this way.
My 2 cents.

I dunno, personally I do care about a lot of my members and it hurts me to see members that are overspending to the point of messing with their lives. I do have a personal relationship (sure, it's a business relationship, but I also care about them as people) with my regulars. I do care that they are in a good situation in their lives.

 

[Just_A_Guy]

relationship between camgirls and customers isn't strictly business.

I guess we give a different meaning to what a relationship is. In my opinion you just have an interaction not a relationship, as all models cease to exist the very moment I turn my pc off.

You interact with them and yes you defitenely may "relate to them" - I mean, whenever I ask how is it going I do really want to know if everything is ok and what their up to; if they like that particular movie we talk about, if they enjoyed their holiday or if their planning something special for the week-end and stuff like that - but there's no way you can "relate with" them and what's going on in their everyday life and neither they can with mine. Because that's what a relationship is to me. Hope I made my point.

I dunno, personally I do care about a lot of my members

Sure it's nice if a model seems to care and tells you hey maybe you're spending too much on me but it's not something she has or is supposed to do.

 

[caireen]

I guess we give a different meaning to what a relationship is. In my opinion you just have an interaction not a relationship, as all models cease to exist the very moment I turn my pc off.

You interact with them and yes you defitenely may "relate to them" - I mean, whenever I ask how is it going I do really want to know if everything is ok and what their up to; if they like that particular movie we talk about, if they enjoyed their holiday or if their planning something special for the week-end and stuff like that - but there's no way you can "relate with" them and what's going on in their everyday life and neither they can with mine. Because that's what a relationship is to me. Hope I made my point.



Sure it's nice if a model seems to care and tells you hey maybe you're spending too much on me but it's not something she has or is supposed to do.

You really feel like you can't relate to camgirls and vice versa? That is so surprising to me and makes me feel a little bit sad. That is not my experience at all.

 

[Just_A_Guy]

You really feel like you can't relate to camgirls and vice versa? That is so surprising to me and makes me feel a little bit sad. That is not my experience at all.

I didn't say that. I just said that I can't have any "relationship". I'm not there "with" you in your life. We don't live together

 

[caireen]

I didn't say that. I just said that I can't have any "relationship". I'm not there "with" you in your life. We don't live together

So you can only relate to/with people that you live with? I guess I'm just confused.

 

[Just_A_Guy]

So you can only relate to/with people that you live with? I guess I'm just confused.

Again, didn't said that. In my own language I use the phrase "I'm in a relationship with" only referring to girls I know, date and live with IRL.

 

[AudriTwo]

I think @Just_A_Guy is try say he only goes on cam sites to chitchat and masturbate. My type of man.

I will say I do care for my regs, but my relationship with them is strictly the nice (sometimes mean) hot witty chick you masturbate. I'm supposed to be a dream girl who is in shiney plastic you stare at afar. Look but no touch.

Some models can develop close relationships like friendships with their regs. I don't doubt that, just not everyone can do the same. To each of their own.