Musings on whether or not to let a model know "It's over"

[Guy]

After announcing my retirement from MFC

Why didnt you close your MFC account?

 

[yummybrownfox]

Why didnt you close your MFC account?

I don't even think there's a "Close Account" button for MFC models. I think when you want to "close" your account, you have to e-mail them to let them know...or just delete your profile photos, etc. and let it sit there for a while as an incomplete profile? I do know that when you try to close an account, and then later change your mind and want to rejoin MFC, they usually will just reopen that same account you had "closed" before.

 

[RogueWarrior]

OK @justjoinedtopost this seems legit. Sorry for the earlier snark.

I've just seen so much BS sometimes it's easier just to classify it all as BS.

I got too close to a model once. Not to the point where you're at, but too close. It affected me to the point that I didn't even want to log in. I didn't want to see her. That was the point that I changed my cam viewing habits.

I'm good being an irregular. I show up when I show up. We have fun. She knows me, but doesn't expect me. PMs set to friends only. And if boundaries are crossed, friend deleted.

That works for me. Not saying it's the only way.

The age thing became an inadvertent talking point, which I don't think you meant it to.

And I get that "just leave" is not what you want to hear, or easy to do. If you can do it, and feel like you owe her something, get away from the site for a while. Tell her you won't be coming around because you won't be on at all. That's my real advice.

Now, c'mon? Crude spoof? That whole thing was funny.

And big props to all the ladies over 30 (or whatever anyone considers older). I actually seek out those models. I have more in common with them.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

OK @justjoinedtopost this seems legit. Sorry for the earlier snark.

I've just seen so much BS sometimes it's easier just to classify it all as BS.
...
The age thing became an inadvertent talking point, which I don't think you meant it to.
...
Now, c'mon? Crude spoof? That whole thing was funny.

Np, all is forgiven.

The age thing doesn't really bother me. I actually prefer the milf-ish type myself. It's just watching her decline over the past year, plus the uncalled-for comments from longtime viewers, plus the sadness of seeing her avoid the birthday thing completely this year because she knows good and well how it will turn out if she tries it.

I'm sorry too, for the 'crude spoof' remark. You did your best, I guess that is what counts. I shouldn't have lashed out like that; it's just this whole situation has just gotten sucky on so many levels, and I have been bottling it up inside for so long now.

Year before last, I would have been so elated if I could have been Numero Uno when the 30th rolled around. Just wasn't possible. This year it is a certainty (assuming I can even bring myself to show up and watch the free market abuse her on what should be a happy day). But I don't feel elated; I feel hollow. Empty. Dead inside.

 

[Ambers Troll]

I've always thought of cam models as more like working in a sporting career rather than say a fashion career. The time you can do it is more related to your desire and ability for it rather than taking advantage of a window of opportunity in which you can succeed.

On the more successful models who leave, they just lose the will for it, have earned enough and/or want to move on to something else. Much like an athlete leaving the sport they once loved. I am surprised that so many don't seem to retire, but actually move on to something else often requiring just as much work.

Not making it to the top levels is fine so long as you can make a living and still enjoy the game. Telling a person with a passion for the game that it is over is pointless while they still enjoy it and have the capacity for it. Like athletes do they will push through the pain, complain sometimes about the struggle but keep trying.
Eventually they won't be capable of playing or lose the will to play, but every model knows that already.

 

[Lexi Emerson]

After announcing my retirement from MFC (at age 25) I had quite a few regulars tell me they're sad to see me go but they understand because the slowness of late was inevitable because I wasn't in the "prime age range" anymore and there are likely better sites for "mature" models like myself. And maybe I was "too old" for camming anyway.

I can't get over how anyone thinks 25 is the past the prime age in this industry. It's so weird when I hear people say that because I feel like a majority of more known ladies are actually around that age or even older? Like I'm 22, started at 18, and I feel (and always kind of have) like a baby in the industry. But maybe I have that all skewed and that's just around the age I interact with more or something.
------------------
Either way, I think age rarely has anything to do with people being done in the industry. I see plenty of older women continue to do well. I also see a lot of younger people just kind of hit their expiration date way quicker than others. I don't think any of us should count someone out because of their age/they're getting too old. I think some girls no matter what their age just don't last in the industry as long, everyone's time comes to an end because of a million different factors.

 

[CorinneCooper]

Heck, I didn't even TURN ON MY CAM for the first time until I was 34. If you ask some people.. that's like opening your gallon of milk on the day it expires, LOL

I'm not a huge success by any stretch of the imagination, but I can generally keep my bills paid and I have fun with it. When it stops being fun, I'll move on.

 

[ComicOzzie]

I must be weird, because almost all my model friends are in their 30s, and I think they have never looked sexier.

 

[AudriTwo]

Camming is all about adapting. The flow of your room changes, customers change, show types change, toys change, popular models change, beauty standards change, ect. If she can't figure it out on her own, or reach out for help on her own, then what are you supposed to do as a customer?

You could tell her. But then that might make you a giant asshole and you get banned.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

Camming is all about adapting. The flow of your room changes, customers change, show types change, toys change, popular models change, beauty standards change, ect. If she can't figure it out on her own, or reach out for help on her own, then what are you supposed to do as a customer?

You could tell her. But then that might make you a giant asshole and you get banned.

I think I have pretty much written off any idea of mentioning any of this to her, incognito or otherwise. A bad idea through and through. Noble in intent perhaps, but now that my head has cleared a little bit, the idea of trying to counteract rude comments by saying "hey I love old women" is seeming more dubious by the minute.

I've always thought of cam models as more like working in a sporting career rather than say a fashion career. The time you can do it is more related to your desire and ability for it rather than taking advantage of a window of opportunity in which you can succeed.

On the more successful models who leave, they just lose the will for it, have earned enough and/or want to move on to something else. Much like an athlete leaving the sport they once loved. I am surprised that so many don't seem to retire, but actually move on to something else often requiring just as much work.

Not making it to the top levels is fine so long as you can make a living and still enjoy the game. Telling a person with a passion for the game that it is over is pointless while they still enjoy it and have the capacity for it. Like athletes do they will push through the pain, complain sometimes about the struggle but keep trying.
Eventually they won't be capable of playing or lose the will to play, but every model knows that already.

Interesting, I hadn't really thought of it in terms of a sports analogy. Can sort of picture some similarities between her, and a fighter who goes through a vicious loss and is never the same afterwards.

Spoiler: anecdote

There used to be a guy a couple of years ago that would come in and take her prvt for like 40 min to an hour (good for her, but sort of sucked for anybody else). I remember during this era, some other guy tried to talk her down on her private price, and she just got so offended, insulted that he was trying to get her on the cheap. It was unthinkable!

Fast forward to about a month ago. She started working on Camsoda after a friend told her she had gotten tipped big there. Camsoda has a feature that allows the model to click a button, and it puts up a 5 minute timer where it will offer a discount on a private price (pretty neat actually, but that is beside the point). So somebody came in with the "bb if you do X we can go prvt" line. Right off the bat, she hit that discount button and then did what he asked. Naturally, he promptly left.

Ok, so maybe that was just an isolated incident. Except the following week, I saw somebody else come in, bullshitting and mentioning private, and Boom! she hit the discount button again.

Yes, I realize there may be more to the story than just what I saw, but contrasting the way things used to be to the way they are now, I can't help but feel she has moved from valuing her time to reeking of desperation.

She may not have gone down yet, but it sure looks like she is out on her feet.

 

[Val Vega]

You really seem to be taking an odd sort of fascination with her troubles. It almost sounds like you're enjoying it. Regardless, instead of ranting here about putting her down like she's some rabid fucking dog, either ignore her or try to help. It doesn't sound like you ever really give a damn about her.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

You really seem to be taking an odd sort of fascination with her troubles. It almost sounds like you're enjoying it.

No no, not an odd fascination, just a years worth of seeing things head south for somebody. It has built up and now it's coming to a head.

Regardless, instead of ranting here about putting her down like she's some rabid fucking dog, either ignore her or try to help.

ignore = black
try to help = white

I have to reject your either/or recommendation. I need to strike a balance here.

It doesn't sound like you ever really give a damn about her..

Ty. I will work on my tone.

 

[Deleted member 35180]

I see a worry about age a lot, mainly from models, but I'd like to point out that Drkate on mfc is always showing near the top/must have a pretty high camscore. She looks like she's in her 40's? She rocks a different way of doing things, and I find it really entertaining. We are entertainers, not necessarily just sexually.

 

[SexySteph]

Why didnt you close your MFC account?

Because I'm still camming and that's a pretty permanent move. A new account starts with a 1k CS, if I ever return to MFC I have the camscore I left with.

 

[Yarrow]

You might as well tell her she's a spinster and wash your hands clean of this whole thing. I'm sure she'll be grateful for your candor. It's a win win! You're relieved of this burden and she knows at last it really is all downhill for her from now on.

 

[Ann_Sulu]

ignore = black
try to help = white

Unless the "try to help" becomes an obsession which is basically what @JizzyJezebel was describing it as sounding. It's like trying to be a white knight/vigilante, but the actions are more ragey barbarian.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

Unless the "try to help" becomes an obsession which is basically what @JizzyJezebel was describing it as sounding. It's like trying to be a white knight/vigilante, but the actions are more ragey barbarian.

Don't know. To me, JizzyJezebel's simplistic"leave or try to help" just smacked of black/white, all/nothing thinking, something I have worked hard to get away from. I suspect she may have just thrown that in to add a superficial veneer of legitimacy to the rest of her post, which appeared to be little more than a much-needed venting of repressed toxicity from what may be a tormented, wounded soul.

The 4 point breakdown of options @Ambers Troll listed was much better. It was actually useful. Helped me sort through things.

 

[Ann_Sulu]

@justjoinedtopost Well ok then... I can't go to sleep, my phone is charged might as well reply.

So focussing on the topic here. Yes I do agree about the 4 point bit. I never stated that was wrong.

I never meant to imply you were actually happy with this issue and I read her comments more as being offended at the ol yeller comment and stating how this sounds like it's consumed your thoughts quite a bit to the point of it perhaps being unhealthy.

After the animosity shown in your post, rereading hers makes me see you two seem obviously not to get along. That's between you two.

 

[yummybrownfox]

Telling a person with a passion for the game that it is over is pointless while they still enjoy it and have the capacity for it. Like athletes do they will push through the pain, complain sometimes about the struggle but keep trying.
Eventually they won't be capable of playing or lose the will to play, but every model knows that already.

Well said. Also, Happy Birthday!

 

[yummybrownfox]

@justjoinedtopost Well ok then... I can't go to sleep, my phone is charged might as well reply.

So focussing on the topic here. Yes I do agree about the 4 point bit. I never stated that was wrong.

I never meant to imply you were actually happy with this issue and I read her comments more as being offended at the ol yeller comment and stating how this sounds like it's consumed your thoughts quite a bit to the point of it perhaps being unhealthy.

After the animosity shown in your post, rereading hers makes me see you two seem obviously not to get along. That's between you two.

Happy Birthday!

 

[justjoinedtopost]

@justjoinedtopost Well ok then... I can't go to sleep, my phone is charged might as well reply.

So focussing on the topic here. Yes I do agree about the 4 point bit. I never stated that was wrong.

I never meant to imply you were actually happy with this issue and I read her comments more as being offended at the ol yeller comment and stating how this sounds like it's consumed your thoughts quite a bit to the point of it perhaps being unhealthy.

After the animosity shown in your post, rereading hers makes me see you two seem obviously not to get along. That's between you two.

Oh no, nothing like that. No real problems with Jizzy. No animosity. I was just speculating on the possible causes for her blessing me out so badly in this, my darkest hour. It never occurred to me that she just might not be a dog lover.

Now as far as the model goes, not really obsessed. It is not unheard of for me to go 1 week+ without talking to her, on or off the site. But yes, these last few days this has really consumed me. And I haven't been completely forthcoming about the reasons why...

Spoiler

The things I mentioned (prolonged slump, hurtful comments from members, dejection/sense of hopelessness from her) are indeed the biggest part of it. There is another key element though, one that I wouldn't have understood had it not been for the post by @Ambers Troll.

I tipped her ok last year on her birthday. This year I was really going to outdo myself. Something I would daydream about every now and then, something to look forward to.

Well, I started having some misgivings about that maybe a month or so ago. Thinking about it wasn't fun anymore; gave me a real uneasy feeling instead, and I just couldn't put my finger on the reason why. Shortly before I made this thread, I decided to just get a small Amazon gift card in lieu of tipping her big on the site. This decision took place in my gut, not my head, and my head just couldn't figure out what was going on.

Changing my mind about this made me feel pretty guilty. Horrible in fact, terribly conflicted. Made the whole situation that much worse.
Did her being less successful make her less appealing? No longer worthy? Was it the idea of tipping like that in an empty room?

I think what @Ambers Troll so eloquently slow walked me to (what I perhaps understood instinctively but wasn't able to consciously acknowledge) was what he observed in his second point...

• "The full on financial support/ rescue approach, usually not practical and will finally result in cruelty."

I guess I have sort of been lulled into a sense of complacency; the model isn't just hot, she is also very sweet. Very generous, never been one to play those manipulative games.

Now Ann, you reminded me I don't have a complete view of the situation...
Jolene reminded me that there is still a chance that this is a temporary slump (God, how I wish I could still believe that)...
And Ambers Troll reminded me that if, IF, this barge is going to the bottom, I better get ready to swim the hell away, for the sake of all involved.

So that takes care of the guilt over changing my mind. If I start to wrestle with it again, I will just remind myself; there is a reason they put up those "DO NOT FEED THE WILDLIFE" signs. It is cruel. This is not the time to be tipping.

Of course, if she winds up getting tipped on her birthday, I will feel like the worlds biggest asshole, but that is a chance I am willing to take.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

You really seem to be taking an odd sort of fascination with her troubles. It almost sounds like you're enjoying it.

After a couple of days of reflection, I have to begrudgingly concede there was some truth in this. At least about the fascination part.

I wasn't enjoying it, it certainly wasn't pleasant. And in fact, over the last two days the situation has gotten much much worse. But it is not bothering me as bad.

@VeraPrice: "People try to control things and hyperfocus on things when they are trying to avoid a reality. It's a bad coping mechanism."

Very helpful words, right there.

 

[Lucid1]

It's human to care about others, but I'm kinda old school about things - in that I know that I have to keep things real and not fall into some weird, twilight zone-ish, vicarious link with a model. I'm not responsible for her ability to earn, and to elevate myself into a position beyond that would just be wrong. I've been visiting cam sites for over 10 years now, and have seen my share of models who are still going strong as they have transitioned into the "over 30" age group. One model I've known for many years actually made me laugh out loud with her outlook on things: Instead of celebrating birthdays, she celebrates "anniversaries". When I messaged her as to what anniversary she was celebrating, she replied that she was celebrating the 15th anniversary of her 18th birthday. I may not be a model, but from my observations over the years, having the proper perspective plays a huge part in keeping one's sanity in this business I think.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

There's probably no nice way of saying "it's probably over for you" so it's best just not to say anything at all. Plus, you don't know you're right.

After announcing my retirement from MFC (at age 25) I had quite a few regulars tell me they're sad to see me go but they understand because the slowness of late was inevitable because I wasn't in the "prime age range" anymore and there are likely better sites for "mature" models like myself. And maybe I was "too old" for camming anyway.

That STUNG. But, they were also full of shit. And they should have kept their opinions to themselves.

Unless this girl is asking your advice on this topic, there's no need to offer your opinion.

WHAT???

I never get this idea that girls are suddenly past it aged 25, it's unlikely you're even going to start aging until you get to about 24-27. So far in my life I've been seen as more attractive as I've grown older. People constantly are shocked I'm not 20, yet I don't think I look 20. I look my age. The only time I've ever felt I've ages was in australia when I was out in the sun all day, and returning to england at 25 restored my skin.
Also, a large portion of the top 20 models are between 25 and 30 and I've seen plenty of women making top 20/top 100 regularly who are over that age. I've seen plenty of women get pregnant and have babies and then come back to their previous standing. What is this culture of a woman being past it before they've even stopped growing? We live until our 80s and 90s ffs.

There's a british girl who was 30 when she started camming and had it on her profile originally, she did pretty well, but when she changed her age to 25 she did dramatically better. People could sometimes tell she wasn't 25 while she was hot as fuck she'd got a bit more maturity about her face. But I believe it's not so much about age, it's perception of age. Once people perceived her as being younger they spent more. There is a culture that young, naive girls are the ideal to masturbate over and women over that age will be past it or branded a milf. TV doesn't help as often 16 year olds are played by 25-29 year olds and the 25 year olds are played by 35 year olds.

I think the main reason many models do stop camming around 30 is because they move onto other things, having children, becoming qualified for their other interests, promotions at vanilla jobs etc. I don't believe it's because suddenly a fully fertile woman in her prime becomes unattractive to men (most of which are her age or older). I refuse to believe that all men are only into teenagers.

And in regards to the post- @justjoinedtopost no I do not think it is your place to tell her she's past it. She's a big girl, she can choose what job she does without you micromanaging her. If you no longer enjoy watching her then you're able to move on. If you still enjoy watching her then watch her while she is available and don't worry about anyone else. You said she doesn't seem bothered by age comments, so leave her to it. She may have her own reasons for camming. And everyone has their highs and lows. I used to know a model who had a regular who sold a house in a very expensive part of London, and then he spent enormous amounts on her. She was a fair bit older than the girl you're visiting and still made the top 20 a bunch of times. She could have quit but she didn't, and it did pay off for her.

 

[zippypinhead]

After announcing my retirement from MFC (at age 25) I had quite a few regulars tell me they're sad to see me go but they understand because the slowness of late was inevitable because I wasn't in the "prime age range" anymore and there are likely better sites for "mature" models like myself. And maybe I was "too old" for camming anyway.

...people perplex me.

That STUNG. But, they were also full of shit. And they should have kept their opinions to themselves.

 

[MFCGod]

The original post in this thread is probably the worst I've ever read on here, jesus lol.

 

[Vera]

Yeah no I personally know plenty of ladies in their 30s who slay, some of whom have built an absolute dynasty. I am 23 but have a very deep, raspy voice and wear glasses so dudes constantly think I am in my thirties online. In fact, one guy said I appealed to him because "I wasn't like all the 25 year olds with nothing to offer." Lololol. August of 93, babies. I leverage it to my advantage.

It's all relative. I only do fetish and domme things but I recently started to embrace my (unwilling and childless) MILF status and my earnings have only gone up. As in I make Dommey Mommy porn. I think a lot of people who make those comments are a little dense about how sexual tastes work and are somewhat clueless in general. They are like the Walmarters or folks who leave YouTube comments. /shudder

On OP's front, @justjoinedtopost I am glad that helped you. There really aren't easy answers in relationships, whether IRL or online, and all you can do is try to evaluate things fairly and decide whether it is a healthy situation or not. I don't think the girl's issue is with age so much as maturity and sometimes people just have to work things out for themselves.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

There's a british girl who was 30 when she started camming and had it on her profile originally, she did pretty well, but when she changed her age to 25 she did dramatically better.

That gave me a chuckle. But it was a sad little chuckle.

The model I am talking about had the same idea, tried that 7 or 8 months ago. Didn't make a dent in her slump.

But as for the things you wrote in the paragraphs I pulled that from, I found myself nodding along in silent agreement as I read. You are absolutely right. This is such a sick world sometimes.

And in regards to the post- @justjoinedtopost no I do not think it is your place to tell her she's past it. She's a big girl, she can choose what job she does without you micromanaging her. If you no longer enjoy watching her then you're able to move on. If you still enjoy watching her then watch her while she is available and don't worry about anyone else. You said she doesn't seem bothered by age comments, so leave her to it. She may have her own reasons for camming. And everyone has their highs and lows.

You are so right. I was foolish to think that I ever had any more than a tiny glimpse of a much bigger picture. Two days ago, she told me about a personal crisis she had to endure earlier in the week. It may not have been a full blown tragedy, but it was bad enough.

And she didn't come on cam the other night, turns out it was because she was starting a new job, trying something new... (didn't go well at all, she didn't make it past that first day, but the point is she is trying).

She is in a low spot at the moment, no doubt; who knows which direction things will head. Yesterday, she did a 180 on the birthday, went from avoiding it to announcing it. When I noticed it, I said "oh I see you changed your mind"; she said "yes im not know. soon i think user start come back". I fought back the urge to say "sweetheart, nobody is coming"; I just sent a thumb-up emoji instead . Then I wept.

At any rate, the idea that I was going to somehow effect change for the better by mentioning her age/weight in a tipnote is just absurd. Thank God you people talked me down from that ledge.

The original post in this thread is probably the worst I've ever read on here, jesus lol.

now that hurt.
that hurt.

 

[Val Vega]

You really are quite vile.

 

[Guy]

Yeah no I personally know plenty of ladies in their 30s who slay, some of whom have built an absolute dynasty. I am 23 but have a very deep, raspy voice and wear glasses so dudes constantly think I am in my thirties online. In fact, one guy said I appealed to him because "I wasn't like all the 25 year olds with nothing to offer." Lololol. August of 93, babies. I leverage it to my advantage.

It's all relative. I only do fetish and domme things but I recently started to embrace my (unwilling and childless) MILF status and my earnings have only gone up. As in I make Dommey Mommy porn. I think a lot of people who make those comments are a little dense about how sexual tastes work and are somewhat clueless in general. They are like the Walmarters or folks who leave YouTube comments. /shudder

On OP's front, @justjoinedtopost I am glad that helped you. There really aren't easy answers in relationships, whether IRL or online, and all you can do is try to evaluate things fairly and decide whether it is a healthy situation or not. I don't think the girl's issue is with age so much as maturity and sometimes people just have to work things out for themselves.

Do members on Streamate tend to be older than members on MFC?