How Do I Say Goodbye?

[Life_Happens]

I have a kind of unhappy question.

Long story short, 11 months ago I met my "one and only" cam model, and have eventually become exclusive to her. I went so far as to unfavorite all the others I had favorited up till now. Our time together is always so frickin fun and exciting. We usually just talk in invisible public chat (on SM), but we will go into private and get naked every couple weeks or so and - well, you know. I typically spend about $200 -$300 a month in private chats, which hasn't been a problem at all for me financially. Not sure if this is important to my question.

We have become very close to each other. I will spare all the details, but a strong relationship has formed. We know all about each other, we share each others' life experiences, and we always tell each other how much we love each other (not "IN love") and how we couldn't imagine not talking to each other. Blah, blah, I'm sure you have heard it a million times from "I am in love with a cam girl" guys.

But this post is a little different. A lot different, actually.

Basically, she has become a good friend of mine. Unfortunately, she is only on SM, and works in a studio in EE (obviously a good one, not one of those bad studios). So until now we have only talked via SM and I refuse to risk her job by sending any contact info.

Here's the twist...

As much as I want to dive into the craziness of the "I fell in love" mentality and refuse to listen to what you all have to offer (haha), my story is different.

Suddenly, I found out that I owe a LOT of taxes from last year, and to add to that, my daughter now has unforeseen medical bills that are frankly going to change my life for at least the next year. i.e. I can no longer spend money on my "one and only" - no way, no how.

I feel like I am losing a good friend here! So my question is for the models out there who have developed close and long-term relationships with some of their clients.

I have to tell her that I am leaving and will no longer be around. She has no idea that this is coming.

If you have a favorite client that you rely on not only for (at least a little) financial support, but for emotional support too, how would you prefer that he tell you he is leaving for quite a long time? Possibly forever.

I know this will break her heart - even if this IS just a fantasy-land that is her job. So I want to soften the blow as much as possible.

Can you please let me know how you would prefer to hear this kind of news from a close client?

I really really appreciate any opinions, as I have appreciated the opinions I have quietly taken to heart over these last few months.

Sincerely,
Life_Happens

 

[MarieElise]

I have a kind of unhappy question.

Long story short, 11 months ago I met my "one and only" cam model, and have eventually become exclusive to her. I went so far as to unfavorite all the others I had favorited up till now. Our time together is always so frickin fun and exciting. We usually just talk in invisible public chat (on SM), but we will go into private and get naked every couple weeks or so and - well, you know. I typically spend about $200 -$300 a month in private chats, which hasn't been a problem at all for me financially. Not sure if this is important to my question.

We have become very close to each other. I will spare all the details, but a strong relationship has formed. We know all about each other, we share each others' life experiences, and we always tell each other how much we love each other (not "IN love") and how we couldn't imagine not talking to each other. Blah, blah, I'm sure you have heard it a million times from "I am in love with a cam girl" guys.

But this post is a little different. A lot different, actually.

Basically, she has become a good friend of mine. Unfortunately, she is only on SM, and works in a studio in EE (obviously a good one, not one of those bad studios). So until now we have only talked via SM and I refuse to risk her job by sending any contact info.

Here's the twist...

As much as I want to dive into the craziness of the "I fell in love" mentality and refuse to listen to what you all have to offer (haha), my story is different.

Suddenly, I found out that I owe a LOT of taxes from last year, and to add to that, my daughter now has unforeseen medical bills that are frankly going to change my life for at least the next year. i.e. I can no longer spend money on my "one and only" - no way, no how.

I feel like I am losing a good friend here! So my question is for the models out there who have developed close and long-term relationships with some of their clients.

I have to tell her that I am leaving and will no longer be around. She has no idea that this is coming.

If you have a favorite client that you rely on not only for (at least a little) financial support, but for emotional support too, how would you prefer that he tell you he is leaving for quite a long time? Possibly forever.

I know this will break her heart - even if this IS just a fantasy-land that is her job. So I want to soften the blow as much as possible.

Can you please let me know how you would prefer to hear this kind of news from a close client?

I really really appreciate any opinions, as I have appreciated the opinions I have quietly taken to heart over these last few months.

Sincerely,
Life_Happens

I had a regular who used to spend several $200- $300 per week on me. I really enjoyed chatting with him a lot, although I would not say we got as far as saying that either of us provided each other with any emotional support. It was all surface social chat, and sex shows. But we would tell each other we "loved" each other. Although we did not mean it in a monogomous, "you're the only one for me" sense.

After I got pregnant and got a boyfriend, he stopped getting weekly shows. He never explained why, and so I assumed it was because I went from skinny to curvy, and was no longer his type physically. I also assumed it might have something to do with me no longer keeping a regular schedule. Which was fair enough. In my individual case, I am glad that he never told me why. A few times a year he still stops by my room, and says Hi (in public chat SM). Sometimes he sends a small tip, but most often he doesn't. Personally, I like that he has not left completely and that I still get a "hi" and some virtual hugs once in a while. He does not dominate my time in free chat, or spend much on me anymore, but it always makes me really happy to see him and say hi nevertheless. Because at a certain point in my life, he provided a lot for me, simply by being a friendly, cool dude, and buying a lot of frequent long shows. I got to know his pets via pics etc, and stories, and we talked about cooking and shared interests a lot.

It sounds like your situation is similar in some ways, but also quite different. In my situation I didn't need an explanation, but I am also glad he never left completely 100%. That way I don't worry about him, and I know that he is still out there, and hopefully a happy dude. I hope that, that helps.

I would like to add that in several past threads many models have said that they would want an explanation, or a heads up, regarding the money. So I may be odd in the regard, that I never wanted or needed that. I just don't like goodbyes, when it's someone I like, so that's how I saw it. Money comes, money goes, there are always sources of cash if a person has time etc (whether it be camming, clips, a vanilla job, stock market etc etc). So losing his grand or so a month, never scared me. The emotion part of having to say goodbye, would have though, in my case. So I liked the mysterious way that he handled it.

 

[mike_aussie]

If you can afford one more chat session maybe use it to talk to her about your life changing problems and the financial strain you will be under. Just be honest and I'm sure she will understand.

 

[NotYou]

The fact you both get on so great and share personal info etc, I would truly just say honesty is the best policy. Say it in your words, say the reasons why and just go from there.
I am sure she will understand 100%, even if it is a blow to her income, it's not something you have just decided to do - it's something extremely important you are needing the money for.

So just be you, say it in your words. Don't overthink what you will say. Just go in as you usually would, and use whatever words that come to mind immediately. If she really does care, then she will truly understand it all.

 

[Kathrynne]

I have a lot of members whom I have known for a few years now, sometimes they go private pretty often when I'm online and I'm grateful and it's always a delightful time.
If any of them find themselves in a difficult financial situation, this is not a reason to run away or say goodbye. It is enough just to say it as it is and not even explain the details. Naturally, I will not spend hours talking in a free chat because this is still my job, but it's always nice when they drop by and we quickly exchange information about how we are doing.

I think it's wrong when a member, even a friend, can't pay but comes and demands constant attention in a free chat, it's okay if he just sits and watches, comments, but it's abnormal when he tries to beg for a free show or tear me away from other participants and grab my attention completely

One of my personal examples:
I have a member whom I have known for about five years, he was my biggest tipper for a long time, we spent a lot of time in private. playing and just talking about everything , after time he got married and got a child and of corse he began to invest more in the family. He began to spend less on me and told me directly why. I was understand. Sometimes he still comes online and we are happy to see each other and discuss the news. When he can he sends me some GOLDS (tipps on streamate)

There is nothing wrong with such a situation, we are all human and can be aground
However, if you still want to leave, in my opinion, just disappearing is easier and better. BUT this is my subjective opinion.
You can also just write an email in which you explain everything.

 

[melanieoncam]

It's nice of you to provide an explanation to her of why you won't be able to spend as much. I always appreciate a short and sweet note like that.

I wish more viewers would understand that we can't take all our energy to entertain men who can't pay for our time while working. I have so many former viewers I have to end up permanently blocking because when they stop being able to spend, they either ask for freebie vids or sex talk, or they end up filling up my chat room or PMs with messages and I have to get rid of them so I can make some actual money.

 

[AussieCosplay]

I can't speak for anyone else but I have a few members who frequent my chatroom and are currently out of work due to the pandemic, I've made it as clear as possible on multiple occasions to them all that I am still very happy to have them come chat and hang out. I've also told my still employed people that I understand if they're spending less due to uncertainty. We're living in difficult times, and if I can still help them destress a bit then I'm happy. It costs me nothing to do. Though they all know that while chat is free, sexy fun times is tokens.

I guess I'm saying that you probably don't need to cut ties entirely, just take a back seat on the bus.

 

[Life_Happens]

Hey! Thanks everybody! I understand completely what you are all getting at. Be open and honest, she will understand.
The problem, though, with me, is that if I visit her at all during this time, I do not have the self control to not just go exclusive and lose track of time!
I guess I should ask her not to let me do that. haha I think I will do that.
Thank you so much. You guys and girls kick ass!!!!!

 

[Life_Happens]

By the way - she has been off for 2 days and comes back tomorrow. I will update here how everything works out after we talk tomorrow! Cheers!!!!

 

[MarieElise]

By the way - she has been off for 2 days and comes back tomorrow. I will update here how everything works out after we talk tomorrow! Cheers!!!!

There is a message function on there too. Not sure if you know that. You could start the convo/ explaining yourself via PM, also, it's free. The few dudes who have given me full (and presumably final) goodbyes, have always done it that way, presumably to avoid spending more.

ETA; If the dude who left me for the seminary, is out there, and ever reads this... feel free to return any time. I'm fine w you reneging on your good bye (but I understand the life of a priest/ pastor can be difficult too).

 

[Life_Happens]

Thanks Eli, your responses have been #LIT. I am going to start the convo in PM tomorrow morning. I am so nervous...but I feel that she will be totally cool. This is going to change the whole dynamic of our relationship, obviously. But your (and everyone else's) responses here will help me keep myself protected while keeping her feelings protected too! Thanks so much to everybody! Update to follow.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

All the best on this, and hope she's as understanding on this as you think she'll be. I'm sure she's experienced people having to leave for various reasons before.

As someone who's previously mentioned to models about needing to take a break, I've experienced a few different reactions. I'll be interested in hearing how yours went.

 

[Lelo1]

I owe a LOT of taxes from last year, and to add to that, my daughter now has unforeseen medical bills that are frankly going to change my life for at least the next year. i.e. I can no longer spend money on my "one and only" - no way, no how.

If you don't have the money stop, just 100% stop.
This happens all the time. Customers come and go. She'll be fine.

Your primary reasonability is to you, and your family. You need to take care of yourself and your daughter.

Staying in contact may be a bad idea. You may be tempted, or feel pressured to spend money you don't have. Find a new hobby to fill the time like walking or something.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

I guess I should ask her not to let me do that. haha I think I will do that.

Here's my take, asking a service provider to deny you service even if you are asking for it might put her in a weird position, unless that's your kink. You need to do the adult thing and be responsible for your spending yourself, in my opinion.

 

[Brit]

Here's my take, asking a service provider to deny you service even if you are asking for it might put her in a weird position, unless that's your kink. You need to do the adult thing and be responsible for your spending yourself, in my opinion.

Also, please don't try to guilt her into lowering costs for you.

Maybe she has an OnlyFans where you can still support her even just a little bit. I know that people aren't allowed to talk about outside sites on SM, but have you searched to see if she has a twitter account?

 

[Life_Happens]

Thanks @THE MOLLIE MARIE and @BritneyB , I was being sarcastic, but I understand what you mean. I promise I'm a respectful cam site member. I will never ask any model to lower her price. That's just outright rude on several levels. Guilting people for ANYTHING is just wrong IMO. So, yeah, I agree totally!!!

And yes, I have searched and searched and searched. All I have found is an old LJ account where she hasn't logged in in over a year. No social media, nothing.

 

[Life_Happens]

So I sent her a message this morning from work. The typical "good morning my dear, how are you today?" We messaged back and forth with niceties a couple times. I felt like a 16 year-old in high school. lol Chickening out.

Finally, I just bit the bullet and told her that I am running into some bad financial problems and that I was worried I would not be able to see her "for a while." I said we should block some time this weekend and have a serious conversation. (per @mike_aussie )

She didn't respond for almost 2 1/2 hours. Very unlike her. I was freaking out. Thinking she was angry or something. But then, I get a message right before the end of her shift. It made a grown man cry! (seriously, I was still at work and had to to hurry to the bathroom...hahah)

She said (paraphrased)... "<my first name>, I have felt you pulling away from me for the last several days and it has been bothering me as to why you have been so strange and distant. Now I know why and I understand completely. I love you <my first name>, and I will support you and stay by your side no matter what. Don't worry because of the environment we are in, let's just keep talking to each other. You don't have to spend anything to talk to me. And it would make me just as happy."

I couldn't believe it. And then she followed up with the whole... "you can always come to my room any time you want and don't even think about tipping me or going into private. I miss you already, but any contact with you is so much better than none."

So, I guess my stage is set. Now I just need to figure out what I really want to do before we talk this weekend.

This is nuts! I feel like I'm in some crazy movie.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

But this post is a little different. A lot different, actually.

So, in the end, your situation isn't really all that different. Not tryin' to be a dick about it. But, her comments aren't all that far off from what others have come here asking similar situations

I really really appreciate any opinions, as I have appreciated the opinions I have quietly taken to heart over these last few months.

Sincerely,
Life_Happens

Join date: Oct. 13, 2020

Okay, spill it. Which of our members are you?

 

[MarieElise]

Wait... what... did I just get suckered in again LOL!!!???
For the love of all that is Holy!?

Idk what is going on here, but if there really is a guy out there, running in and out of bathrooms crying and stuff, be careful.
It's the fantasy element, and the romantic drama, of all of this, that can be so addicting for some of us.
It's a fun escape from the everyday stresses, and harshness of reality, but don't get sucked in too deep.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

 

[mika_kedi]

If she's a studio model on Streamate her final cut after $300 a month spent on her would probably be around something like $50, if that's the case I think it's quite possible she really enjoys your company more than the money you give her. I've had some great regulars who were/are helping me enjoy my job more and therefore do better shows and make more money from others even if they are not contributing much themselves. If their financial situation changed and they had to stop tipping completely I would appreciate them telling me and I would still be happy to see them in my room even just to chat, as long as they would understand I might not be able to give them as much attention anymore since I have to focus on earning money first. I would also understand if they had to stop visiting completely to avoid the temptation to tip. I am an independent model though, so my situation is a bit different and I guess it's also possible that her studio wants her to keep you hooked hoping you will keep spending money after all.

 

[Deleted member 55529]

She probably gets 100-50$ after the cut. Probably enjoys your companionship. And all studios are shady. No exception. A third party profiting from your body is shady, even in the convential model industry.

 

[Life_Happens]

@EliMarie717 - Oh there's no doubt I got sucked in. At one point I was spending a couple hundred dollars a day. Although I could afford it at the time, I knew it was way too much. That's what led me to find this forum. It ranks highly for all the "fell in love with camming/cam girl" searches. @ForceTen I signed up for MFC a few months ago, but only went there once or twice...never bought any tokens. So, alas, I am not intimately engaged with anyone in here. haha I guess I should get back in there and see what MFC has to offer. I'll look you all up! xD

I guess the only thing left for me is to make an appointment at the local tattoo parlor.

 

[Life_Happens]

Thanks @_mika_ I have always thought that it was rude, but after reading this forum for a while, I realize it is OK in some scenarios, and yes, I understand that I have to take a back seat to the spenders. Thank you.

 

[MarieElise]

@EliMarie717 - Oh there's no doubt I got sucked in. At one point I was spending a couple hundred dollars a day. Although I could afford it at the time, I knew it was way too much. That's what led me to find this forum. It ranks highly for all the "fell in love with camming/cam girl" searches. @ForceTen I signed up for MFC a few months ago, but only went there once or twice...never bought any tokens. So, alas, I am not intimately engaged with anyone in here. haha I guess I should get back in there and see what MFC has to offer. I'll look you all up! xD

I guess the only thing left for me is to make an appointment at the local tattoo parlor.

Don't do it unless her name is also the name of a place that means a lot to you .
In the back tattoo thread, I can only hope that that guy also likes Victoria BC.
Lol, personally, I need to find a model who's name is Tijuana or Baja

 

[Life_Happens]

Oh @ForceTen - also, this thread is different in the sense that most of these threads are all about - do you think she really likes me? do I have a chance? help me get her pleeeeeease! - whereas this one is about...I am being realistic and want to get out - I still care about her and I am a nice guy, so am just looking for a way to break things off peacefully and definitively instead of going all freaky ninja stalker, or brazen dickhead brute-face. That's what I meant.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

Oh @ForceTen - also, this thread is different in the sense that most of these threads are all about - do you think she really likes me? do I have a chance? help me get her pleeeeeease! - whereas this one is about...I am being realistic and want to get out - I still care about her and I am a nice guy, so am just looking for a way to break things off peacefully and definitively instead of going all freaky ninja stalker, or brazen dickhead brute-face. That's what I meant.

No worries, and I do realize there's are some differences to the vast majority of those threads. I was just pointing out the underlying similarities which became much more apparent in the one post. Think along the lines of "The more things change (or are different), the more they're really the same". My inquiry as to who you really were was based off of what I quoted of you that made it sound like you'd been interacting here for a few months.


The "Hotel California" thread was more tongue-in-cheek reference to those who say they're leaving but can never really leave.


Neither post was meant in a negative way.

 

[CheeseMoon]

You don't have to spend anything to talk to me. And it would make me just as happy."

I've been fed this line on a couple of occasions after explaining to models that I would stop visiting, either because I wouldn't have spending money for a while or because I was moving on. I always took this type of reply as an attempt at customer retention since the relation was built on me spending money in the first place. On all occasions I just went cold turkey, despite reassuring messages about "just as happy with no money". Sure, they may have been some variation of happy to have me around as a feelgood plush toy, but I'm not going to be taken hostage by a cam model. It also steals their focus away from users who actually have money to spend. I don't like users like that myself.

My own customers pay me for my time, so maybe I'm extra sensitive (or cynical) about wasting another professional's time. Dunno. Could also be I'm just a jaded asshole. I've (probably rightfully) been called a petty cunt in here before.

In any case, it is very easy to be sucked back in and spend money you don't have if you show up in her room to "hang around", and offsite communication makes it even easier. I never give models my real name or talk to them offsite anymore, simply because of scenarios like this. Some models play the whole "girlfriend experience" very, very well while you are none the wiser. I am not saying every single cam model out there is exclusively pining for your money, but they are nevertheless at work when you meet them and you will in 99.999999% of the cases always be their customer.

Look out for yourself. There are no obligations in either direction.

 

[Life_Happens]

I've been fed this line on a couple of occasions after explaining to models that I would stop visiting, either because I wouldn't have spending money for a while or because I was moving on. I always took this type of reply as an attempt at customer retention since the relation was built on me spending money in the first place. On all occasions I just went cold turkey, despite reassuring messages about "just as happy with no money". Sure, they may have been some variation of happy to have me around as a feelgood plush toy, but I'm not going to be taken hostage by a cam model. It also steals their focus away from users who actually have money to spend. I don't like users like that myself.

My own customers pay me for my time, so maybe I'm extra sensitive (or cynical) about wasting another professional's time. Dunno. Could also be I'm just a jaded asshole. I've (probably rightfully) been called a petty cunt in here before.

In any case, it is very easy to be sucked back in and spend money you don't have if you show up in her room to "hang around", and offsite communication makes it even easier. I never give models my real name or talk to them offsite anymore, simply because of scenarios like this. Some models play the whole "girlfriend experience" very, very well while you are none the wiser. I am not saying every single cam model out there is exclusively pining for your money, but they are nevertheless at work when you meet them and you will in 99.999999% of the cases always be their customer.

Look out for yourself. There are no obligations in either direction.

This is exactly the shit that has been in the back of my mind since I started falling for this girl. And even after her telling me it's cool, I still wonder if her studio manager told her to react like that.
Obviously my emotional side wants to believe she is sincere, but my other side remains highly skeptical.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

This is exactly the shit that has been in the back of my mind since I started falling for this girl. And even after her telling me it's cool, I still wonder if her studio manager told her to react like that.
Obviously my emotional side wants to believe she is sincere, but my other side remains highly skeptical.

Thus why I made the comment about it not being all that different from other threads on the base level. I don't know if you read through them all. But, there were a couple of threads similar to yours where for one reason or another the member simply couldn't afford it any more and couldn't continue. Job loss, high levels of debt, etc. and they didn't know what to do in terms of breaking it off.

It isn't so much the peculiarities of each specific person. It's the base underlying issue: Each of them has had feelings for a model, and they all think their situation is unique. I really can't stress enough to read the various threads to see a lot of similarities to your situation. It'll really put things into perspective and make you think again.

Again, not trying to be a dick or play the "I told you so". But, we have seen so many of these threads, that it all boils down to members falling for models and we see it almost right away. Yes, some of those threads we've been pretty harsh on people. But, in the end we're all trying to help a member see the situation for what it really is.