Friendship between a model and a member

[Finchomatic]

I've definitely got a few members who have turned into what I call "online friends". This means that they are only interacted with online*, and within the boundaries of my online cam persona. And as soon as they stop respecting that boundary I can cut them off with the click of a button.

So it's a different kind of friendship, because there ARE expectations which are set by the fact that we met via my job as a flirty Internet entertainer.

*online doesn't just mean on the cam or content site, I tweet with them and used to snapchat with them regularly on my cam-persona accounts and legitimately enjoy our interactions

I've done this with vendors in the business I work in. As soon as they crossed a boundary of disrespect towards my company, employees and myself.... All ties were cut.

 

[AmberCutie]

"Dani" has some online friends that only exist to me when I am broadcasting and a select few that are on Snapchat. Outside of broadcasting and marketing off cam, there's radio silence. IRL friends do not get silenced or put on hold til the next scheduled broadcast. There's some fantastic members that I truly adore interacting with who respect me. They tell me all about their life without me prying but they only know the fantasy that I portray to them online. Because Dani isn't real. The moment that respect with members gets twisted, they're banned without a second thought. It's a business move to save my emotional boundaries. I don't do that to my IRL friends. My actual friends don't pay to be in a relationship with me. When even good members no longer tip, I back off- not unfriendly or rude, but it crosses a boundary I have too. I would find it disrespectful to my husband if I kept sexual "friendships" with guys without the transactional part.

I think there should absolutely be boundaries in place between models and members. While camming can be so much damn fun with normal dudes, it also attracts a bunch of crazy, sick, or mentally unstable individuals. Sometimes getting too chummy can let personal details spill that should best be kept quiet.

Yes, "Online friends" are most definitely different from IRL friends. I assume you didn't get something different from what I said, and you are simply trying to emphasize against something more nefarious that the OP or others brought up. (Since you posted directly after me I am concerned something I said was mistaken)

 

[Makko]

The model I visit (the only one I visit), I'm her most loyal and biggest tipper. She seems to truly like my company, especially if it's quiet, and seems disappointed when I leave. I like her a lot, think about her when she's not online and she sends me the occasional snaps out of her work hours. But calling it a friendship? It's hard for me to think of it that way. If I would stop tipping, all this affection she shows me would probably stop with it.
And I'm fine with that. I'm not in love, I tip, and I get a Girlfriend Experience in return for it. I understand it's a really strange 'relationship', but it works for me.
I don't know how it is on her end though. Does she see me as a friend? Maybe. She would probably say yes if I ask.

 

[Finchomatic]

The one thing over the years of making so called 'online' friendships is how disposable people are towards each other.
Regardless what side of the keyboard you are.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

The one thing over the years of making so called 'online' friendships is how disposable people are towards each other.
Regardless what side of the keyboard you are.

100%. This.

 

[inertvolcano]

The one thing over the years of making so called 'online' friendships is how disposable people are towards each other.
Regardless what side of the keyboard you are.

See I have seen this but I've also had the opposite. I have friends still that I met in the dialup modem days. I was a groomsman for an internet friend. I was roommates with another.

But I think it was easier then. The internet was smaller and you kept bumping into the same people if you had niche hobbies.

 

[AmberCutie]

See I have seen this but I've also had the opposite. I have friends still that I met in the dialup modem days. I was a groomsman for an internet friend. I was roommates with another.

But I think it was easier then. The internet was smaller and you kept bumping into the same people if you had niche hobbies.

The catch is: were you befriending them online under a secret identity, or your real self?

 

[Finchomatic]

See I have seen this but I've also had the opposite. I have friends still that I met in the dialup modem days. I was a groomsman for an internet friend. I was roommates with another.

But I think it was easier then. The internet was smaller and you kept bumping into the same people if you had niche hobbies.

I misread that.

 

[Danigirl]

Yes, "Online friends" are most definitely different from IRL friends. I assume you didn't get something different from what I said, and you are simply trying to emphasize against something more nefarious that the OP or others brought up. (Since you posted directly after me I am concerned something I said was mistaken)

Nope lol, I was making dinner, took forever to finish type my response and didn't even see your post until after haha. Just wanted to try to get across that cam site friendships are transactional and not a ride n die relationship. I've lost my thought train so many times today so sorry if you thought I was responding to you. ADHD is a fucking nightmare when I don't get sleep.

 

[ArcticKitty]

I'm sorry, I have to say that I have a problem with the concept of friendship in the context of users and models. Mainly that, as has already been pointed out, the model is at work when she is on cam. I should think that is pretty straightforward. When your job is entertainment, you have to act in a way that pleases customers because that's how you make money.

Quite simply, I don't feel a need or desire to act sexy and charming with my friends. And they certainly don't pay me for my company. My friends who have seen me naked were in circumstances that were not sexual, like swimming or changing to go out.

 

[ArcticKitty]

... I've lost my thought train so many times today so sorry if you thought I was responding to you. ADHD is a fucking nightmare when I don't get sleep.

Same with me and ADHD. I'm there now, actually!

 

[MarieElise]

Yep same here too. ADHD truly is an awful nightmare days when you don't get enough sleep.
I got the same going on basically the whole last 2 weeks also, because school starting and cat getting chemo super early every day.
As evidenced by some of my random ramblings on this forum recently.
And all the Goddamn food I've been burning, plus tasks I've been starting and not finishing.

 

[ArcticKitty]

Yep same here too. It truly is an awful nightmare days when you don't get enough sleep. I got the same going on basically the whole last 2 weeks also. As evidenced by some of my random ramblings on this forum recently.

Oh yeah, it just leaves you feeling razed and worn.

 

[MarieElise]

Oh yeah, it just leaves you feeling razed and worn.

 

[ArcticKitty]

The catch is: were you befriending them online under a secret identity, or your real self?

Oh, yeah, the basic matter of safety. I forgot to mention that in my post above.

 

[ArcticKitty]

Random: If I'm on MFC and see someone I know/like from here, I'll stop in her room to say hi and let her know it's me in a tip note. I'll chill for a bit and tip and chat with her and others in the room. I really don't want her to treat me differently from however she would be toward me here in ACF.

I know it's weird but I somehow I feel slightly different about models I know from here even though there's no real difference between me being in her room v. another model's room. At first I felt awkward visiting a model who is a member of ACF because I was afraid she might feel awkward about me being there, but that hasn't happened yet. If anything, it's the opposite.

I'm not sure why I feel different since MFC to me is a place to go occasionally when I feel like hanging out in a model's chatroom.

 

[inertvolcano]

The catch is: were you befriending them online under a secret identity, or your real self?

Oh yeah, those are totally different things and I wasn't trying to dispute that. I had originally written a paragraph clarifying that but I deleted it when I was worried I was getting long-winded.

 

[inertvolcano]

This thread has been helpful to me. I want to get defensive but I am in therapy right now addressing the fact that I'm substituting transactional relationships for real ones so a lot of your comments are going into my CBT thought log under the "Rational Thoughts" column when I address this stuff. So thanks everyone for that.

Also where's that meme where the person is surrounded by fish captioned "models" and "men who need therapy."

 

[misterical]

I've definitely got a few members who have turned into what I call "online friends". This means that they are only interacted with online*, and within the boundaries of my online cam persona. And as soon as they stop respecting that boundary I can cut them off with the click of a button.

So it's a different kind of friendship, because there ARE expectations which are set by the fact that we met via my job as a flirty Internet entertainer.

*online doesn't just mean on the cam or content site, I tweet with them and used to snapchat with them regularly on my cam-persona accounts and legitimately enjoy our interactions

This. 100% this. This is essentially what I have with my friend although she does step out of persona and communicate with me off-site very occasionally, but it's mostly through the platform. I think the key thing from a member's perspective is to realise that this is how it works and respect that. We've got to know each other and our respective lives very well, to the point where we offer each other advice, have great chats and have our own little in-jokes that we chuckle away at. Most of the time, what I get is her real life persona rather than her cam persona. I think this is probably due to her still being a relatively new model rather than a deliberate choice to behave with me in that way. When we go pvt though, she slips into her cam model persona and me into my horny customer persona and neither of us is the least bit freaked out by that.

I think what makes it much easier for both of us is that I don't entertain any fantasies about it going any further and as a result she doesn't feel the need to give me the impression that it could. I also don't have any interest in communicating with her in her offline time either because that's her space, in the same way that I don't particularly want to receive a Whatsapp or call at 4am my time either. For the most part, we are friends for that 48 hour window each week she is working and that suits me every bit as much as it suits her. I feel that the problems in these kind of friendships always appear when one party wants more than the other. I'd probably freak out completely if she ever suggested meeting up and taking it further (which she won't, so I don't need to).

The key thing for me is that I understand that I'm being kept around because I make her laugh, relieve the boredom a little bit and treat her respectfully. If I started acting like a needy dick then I'd expect to be gone and quite rightly so. However, is that not the case with offline relationships as well? And obviously, I'm adding to her bottom line to some extent. The funny entertaining part is the transactional part that I provide from my side. I get the company of a beautiful woman and she is kept entertained. We go pvt and she entertains me in other ways - again transactional. It's a win win. I've had plenty of offline relationships that were much less transparent and honest than this one.

 

[misterical]

The one thing over the years of making so called 'online' friendships is how disposable people are towards each other.
Regardless what side of the keyboard you are.

Yep. In a thread about friendship, it is important to acknowledge just how useful the "Unfriend" button has been during the past few years where the world has lurched back towards the 1930s politically.

 

[Jay_Storm]

I would say I have developed friendships with three models lasting almost 18 to 24 months at this point. We talk a lot off line. We talk about our lives, families, books, movies, etc.

And none of them have ever asked me for money.

We just talk or call or I visit their room. I don't even tip as much as I did when I first met them. (My finances have changed.)

To me it isn't much different than people I know through Facebook groups that I have never met I real life.

 

[MarieElise]

This thread has been helpful to me. I want to get defensive but I am in therapy right now addressing the fact that I'm substituting transactional relationships for real ones so a lot of your comments are going into my CBT thought log under the "Rational Thoughts" column when I address this stuff. So thanks everyone for that.

Also where's that meme where the person is surrounded by fish captioned "models" and "men who need therapy."

 

[rockin_rod]

Is this the same model from https://www.ambercutie.com/forums/threads/cam-model-addiction.44173/ ?

 

[misterical]

Is this the same model from https://www.ambercutie.com/forums/threads/cam-model-addiction.44173/ ?

Yes. Same model.

There is another model who I communicate with sporadically but it's entirely by email and it's entirely at her request. We chat about our respective lives but it's a completely asynchronous email conversation. I never visit her room (I only ever visited once). We discuss nothing sexual, again it's not romantic and there's no conflict with working time etc because we just respond whenever.

On reflection, the latter is probably a more equal friendship in the sense that the cam site element is completely removed from the equation.

 

[Hiunds]

I am a friendly guy and definitely am curious about people so like to get to know them. I have had some friendly relationships with models for sure, and they can be fun although sometimes a little draining. I have also had a couple of these implode for various reasons. I think I agree with those who say "being friendly" vs "friends" is what is going on here 99% of the time.

I have been active in other on-line communities (with no sexual element) and have made "friends" - I would probably liken it to work friends who you get along with really well but never really socialize with outside of company functions. But you learn about them, have some inside jokes and such and they can be quite fun and rewarding.

One big difference I see with cam sites that is a bigger complicator than even other on-line interactions though is the constant presence of sex and money. In a user/model "friendship" they always start with one party focused solely on one and the other party solely focused on the other. No matter where it progresses, those 2 elements are always part of the deal.

One of the friendly relationships that imploded I remember having a conversation with her where I made a joke about looking at what I had tipped her over the last month and understanding why she was so happy to see me when I entered her room. She responded by saying that while money matters there were other things about me that she liked and the money wasn't a big deal. Well, I didn't say all this but of course the money had a lot to do with any affection she had for me. She would not have spent the time to get to know me and like my sense of humor if I hadn't been a good tipper. She wouldn't have had such a good experience if I hadn't tipped enough to do things she actually enjoyed (like higher domi vibes). Sure, there were things we had in common and we had good banter, but it was all based on money and sex. Fast forward about a month, she changes her schedule and it now overlaps 100% with my work schedule and I can only spend a fraction of the time - meaning way less tips. That "relationship" was over fast. But thankfully I understood what the true foundation of it was so while it was sad to lose the friendly conversation, it was not tragic

 

[bbc003]

It's bad form to joke about the transactional nature of sex work in that way. Tips are tips. Of course models are happy to have a big spender or a regular spender--this is not something that they need to be reminded of as that is condescending and unnecessary. Spending more does not entitle you to anything either. I can see how any model would take offense to comments like that.

 

[MarieElise]

It's bad form to joke about the transactional nature of sex work in that way. Tips are tips. Of course models are happy to have a big spender or a regular spender--this is not something that they need to be reminded of as that is condescending and unnecessary. Spending more does not entitle you to anything either. I can see how any model would take offense to comments like that.

Exactly. Etiquette. It communicates a subtle level of complete disrespect to me, when Members disregard etiquette entirely.

I'm happy to choose those who remain mindful of etiquette, over those who throw it to the wind. Even if the Member who remains mindful of it, spends less. I'd rather take 10 guys who are polite, intelligent, aware and respectful, and who each spend one-tenth of what one disrespectful, rude guy does (in his place). Sometimes, as a model, you breathe a sigh of relief when certain members run out of money, or change schedules . Or, alternately, you start purposefully avoiding the times you know they are on, to avoid a potential grown man bitch fit. The rudeness can be unintentional, but there are lots of others who won't be unintentionally rude... so...

 

[misterical]

Exactly. Etiquette. It communicates a subtle level of complete disrespect to me, when Members disregard etiquette entirely.

I'm happy to choose those who remain mindful of etiquette, over those who throw it to the wind. Even if the Member who remains mindful of it, spends less. I'd rather take 10 guys who are polite, intelligent, aware and respectful, and who each spend one-tenth of what one disrespectful, rude guy does (in his place). Sometimes, as a model, you breathe a sigh of relief when certain members run out of money, or change schedules . Or, alternately, you start purposefully avoiding the times you know they are on, to avoid a potential grown man bitch fit. The rudeness can be unintentional, but there are lots of others who won't be unintentionally rude... so...

The only time I've ever discussed tips with my model friend is to ascertain what is the best way to tip her. It took me a while to appreciate that not all tips are equal, particularly if the model is streaming on multiple platforms. I'm not wedded to a particular platform so will happily jump to another for a pvt if I know she will get a bigger cut. I'd never throw back in her face what I've spent. It's me that clicks the button at the end of the day, not her.

 

[MarieElise]

It's me that clicks the button at the end of the day, not her.

I am glad you say this, because there are a lot of people with addiction and or compulsive issues that will make that choice themselves to "click the button" then get mad after the fact, and then blame the model or the platform for it. Instead of taking responsibility for their own choices, as an adult. If one of my members made a "joke" as was mentioned above to me, of that nature, they would likely be immediately put on my block list, or called out then and there at the moment. I would not tolerate that. And I would take it pretty seriously, especially if it were said in a public context where others could see/ read it. Because to me that's like low key saying; "I have an issue, I need help." Problem solved; cut off.

 

[Hiunds]

I take the feedback that I made an insensitive comment in the situation I described. It was not my intent to be demeaning, but impact is more important than intent. There is more context to the story, but not really anything that excuses an insensitive comment

I disagree wholeheartedly that I ever said (or have thought) that my tips entitle me to anything from the model though. I don't think I said it and I definitely didn't mean it