Feeling strangely guilty about leaving a model..?

[ArcticKitty]

Yeah, I guess I'm just thinking of it from a time management and mathematical perspective. If every user sent a goodbye, and an explanation, it would be a little much to manage and keep up with, and not super fair.

From my perspective I've had users write lengthy goodbyes, where they were projecting weird shit, and I guess doing their own "reading between the lines", but it ended up just being imaginary ramblings, you know. Don't get me wrong I like to read but ... the entertainment value or prospect to learn something cool/ interesting content in some of those messages was pretty ... um... yeah lol. Like it wasn't dudes like Edgar Allan Poe or anything writing me lengthy prose. It was more crazy, drunk John from down the bar, after a long week (and yet another fight w his wife presumably). So I always see this specific question/ issue from that perspective only.

Oh, I understand where you're coming from. I imagine some people go on about it while it's "thanks for all the fish" as far as your concerned.

But it sounds like you have some kind of a special situation that's a little more complex. And I agree with you, without writing out a big long story with more details, someone like me probably isn't going to get it. I'm happy to hear more about it though if you want a listening ear, you've always been cool to me.

And thank you so much for offering your ear, EliMarie! I wasn't thinking to lay it on you before but after reading Smoothie's disclosure, I will take you up on it in part because it may be helpful as a cautionary tale.

Some background: She's 25 but looks younger and only speaks Romanian, Her natural parents came from Romania's notorious orphanage system that resulted from the ban on abortion and birth control during Nicolae Ceaușescu's rule and in turn were alcoholics who had kids that they couldn't take care of and so she and her siblings went into the system. She was placed with rural Eastern Orthodox foster parents and is herself religious.

She got pregnant in her teens by a much older married man whom she married then divorced. Her daughter lives with him and his family and she visits her whenever she can. She lives in Bucharest with her sister who drinks heavily and they have a strained relationship. She sometimes works as an extra in films and commercials and TV shows in addition to being a studio model.

As a model she's barely getting by. Her style isn't very inspiring and her room mostly has a few regulars who don't tip much and I strongly suspect that two of them are old creeps who are perving because she looks underage. And it's not hard to see that she has a hard time squaring her job as a model with her religious beliefs.

And I think she got a crush on me. She has a thing for Asians (which describes Inuit girls accurately enough) and she took to using terms of endearment that are a bit over the top even allowing for translation and social norms and not in a way that you might expect a model to employ with a user, if you know what I mean.


All of this is from what she told me (oversharing) and what I inferred from context. For my part, I'm not sure how I came to be involved with her - only conversation - and really, I did and do feel sorry for her but that doesn't explain it.

 

[MarieElise]

Oh, I understand where you're coming from. I imagine some people go on about it while it's "thanks for all the fish" as far as your concerned.



And thank you so much for offering your ear, EliMarie! I wasn't thinking to lay it on you before but after reading Smoothie's disclosure, I will take you up on it in part because it may be helpful as a cautionary tale.

Some background: She's 25 but looks younger and only speaks Romanian, Her natural parents came from Romania's notorious orphanage system that resulted from the ban on abortion and birth control during Nicolae Ceaușescu's rule and in turn were alcoholics who had kids that they couldn't take care of and so she and her siblings went into the system. She was placed with rural Eastern Orthodox foster parents and is herself religious.

She got pregnant in her teens by a much older married man whom she married then divorced. Her daughter lives with him and his family and she visits her whenever she can. She lives in Bucharest with her sister who drinks heavily and they have a strained relationship. She sometimes works as an extra in films and commercials and TV shows in addition to being a studio model.

As a model she's barely getting by. Her style isn't very inspiring and her room mostly has a few regulars who don't tip much and I strongly suspect that two of them are old creeps who are perving because she looks underage. And it's not hard to see that she has a hard time squaring her job as a model with her religious beliefs.

And I think she got a crush on me. She has a thing for Asians (which describes Inuit girls accurately enough) and she took to using terms of endearment that are a bit over the top even allowing for translation and social norms and not in a way that you might expect a model to employ with a user, if you know what I mean.


All of this is from what she told me (oversharing) and what I inferred from context. For my part, I'm not sure how I came to be involved with her - only conversation - and really, I did and do feel sorry for her but that doesn't explain it.

Oh wow, this does make a lot more sense now. I'm so sorry.

I think it's pretty natural you would feel weird about this whole situation, it does sound way different than I imagined. Do you think all the traumatic stuff she shared is true, or could it possibly be designed to make you feel bad for her and spend more money on her? I hate to be cynical, I'm just always a little suspicious when people open up about so much on such a personal level, so quickly, to new people.

Whether it's true or not I do feel for you. I know that feeling of not really having wanted to be a therapist, but feeling strangely guilty and responsible, only too well! If she is being honest, it is sad she's had such a tough time of life, but probably also not the wisest choice to share that much info, online w strangers. The emotional labor thing goes both ways. I don't wanna have to do that much of it as a model, and so it would be unfair to expect members to feel any different.

The other thing I will add is that I do believe a lot of chicks socialize super different from dudes. I tend to hang out w more tom boy types and male friends, and I will say that in many groups of females I've been a part of there is this huge focus on this type of stuff, that I'm also definitely not used to at all. It can be super overwhelming for those of us that aren't used to these kinds of social norms, or ways of interacting with others. I was raised in a more reserved culture. I don't know if this is going on w you or not, but I know it has definitely gone on w me. I also think peope being locked up due to covid has had a really detrimental effect on mass mental health, and it's coming out socially, with many people. But those are just my theories. All in all it's good to listen to your gut if something feels off, and maybe if you are feeling a sense of responsibility make super sure you aren't being manipulated. There are definitely ways that super subtle long love cons can be started, without the person being targetted having the first clue that, that is what's going on.

 

[rockin_rod]

I won't claim to 'know' you from this forum, but based solely on the fact you felt conflicted enough to start this thread, I will say that IMO (FWIW) you will not feel settled until you close this situation out by telling her what happened for you. How she takes that news is not in your control, but at least you will feel relief about being honest, and she won't go on wondering what happened.

 

[ArcticKitty]

Oh wow, this does make a lot more sense now. I'm so sorry.

I think it's pretty natural you would feel weird about this whole situation, it does sound way different than I imagined. Do you think all the traumatic stuff she shared is true, or could it possibly be designed to make you feel bad for her and spend more money on her? I hate to be cynical, I'm just always a little suspicious when people open up about so much on such a personal level, so quickly, to new people.

Whether it's true or not I do feel for you. I know that feeling of not really having wanted to be a therapist, but feeling strangely guilty and responsible, only too well! If she is being honest, it is sad she's had such a tough time of life, but probably also not the wisest choice to share that much info, online w strangers. The emotional labor thing goes both ways. I don't wanna have to do that much of it as a model, and so it would be unfair to expect members to feel any different.

The other thing I will add is that I do believe a lot of chicks socialize super different from dudes. I tend to hang out w more tom boy types and male friends, and I will say that in many groups of females I've been a part of there is this huge focus on this type of stuff, that I'm also definitely not used to at all. It can be super overwhelming for those of us that aren't used to these kinds of social norms, or ways of interacting with others. I was raised in a more reserved culture. I don't know if this is going on w you or not, but I know it has definitely gone on w me. I also think peope being locked up due to covid has had a really detrimental effect on mass mental health, and it's coming out socially, with many people. But those are just my theories. All in all it's good to listen to your gut if something feels off, and maybe if you are feeling a sense of responsibility make super sure you aren't being manipulated. There are definitely ways that super subtle long love cons can be started, without the person being targetted having the first clue that, that is what's going on.

A sympathy play lovecon would be my first thought too and was, trust me. But someone that good wouldn't bother to waste it on me, they could bag someone with a lot more money. And her legitimate modeling style would be better and she would do better with less effort and more continuity.

And you know how monolingual people often don't realise how things get lost in translation or that you can often infer patterns even if you're not fluent in their particular language? Yeah, Romanian spells like it sounds and isn't that far from French, so..


I think the oversharing is from inappropriate affection and intimacy that adoptees and children who have been in the system often have. I'm a layperson going by what I've casually read but I understand it's a result of affection starvation and desperately wanting approval and validation. And while she's slightly older than me, she isn't emotionally mature.

 

[ArcticKitty]

The other thing I will add is that I do believe a lot of chicks socialize super different from dudes. I tend to hang out w more tom boy types and male friends, and I will say that in many groups of females I've been a part of there is this huge focus on this type of stuff, that I'm also definitely not used to at all. It can be super overwhelming for those of us that aren't used to these kinds of social norms, or ways of interacting with others. I was raised in a more reserved culture. I don't know if this is going on w you or not, but I know it has definitely gone on w me. I also think peope being locked up due to covid has had a really detrimental effect on mass mental health, and it's coming out socially, with many people. But those are just my theories. All in all it's good to listen to your gut if something feels off, and maybe if you are feeling a sense of responsibility make super sure you aren't being manipulated. There are definitely ways that super subtle long love cons can be started, without the person being targetted having the first clue that, that is what's going on.

(((EliMarie)))) Yeah, I know what you mean. It's a little much when people put themselves out there and go places in conversation that you wouldn't, at least not unless they were a legit cool friend and/or kindred spirit.

And COVID really has done a job on our social lives and "back to normal" isn't working somehow. I know I'm not feeling it.

 

[ArcticKitty]

I won't claim to 'know' you from this forum, but based solely on the fact you felt conflicted enough to start this thread, I will say that IMO (FWIW) you will not feel settled until you close this situation out by telling her what happened for you. How she takes that news is not in your control, but at least you will feel relief about being honest, and she won't go on wondering what happened.

That's a reasonable inference, Rod. But I actually did say good bye and laid down a nice tip when I told her that I would be occupied with other matters (Roe v. Wade overturned. As a Canadian STEM student in the US, I can help.).

And this thread actually makes me feel better about it. I did as right as I could and she's not worse off for having met me. Plus she's a grown woman.

 

[MarieElise]

And you know how monolingual people often don't realise how things get lost in translation or that you can often infer patterns even if you're not fluent in their particular language? Yeah, Romanian spells like it sounds and isn't that far from French, so..

I don't understand this shit, I'm not that brainy, but feel free to elaborate. Sounds interesting.

I think the oversharing is from inappropriate affection and intimacy that adoptees and children who have been in the system often have. I'm a layperson going by what I've casually read but I understand it's a result of affection starvation and desperately wanting approval and validation. And while she's slightly older than me, she isn't emotionally mature.

Oh shit man, that's rough, now I wanna go find her and tip her all my extra, and I haven't even met her. This is a tough industry to be in if a person is searching for that kinda stuff. I hope she can learn in time to compartmentalize, without ending up emotionally or psychologically hurt by viewers/ members. This truly is a super complex one

 

[rockin_rod]

That's a reasonable inference, Rod. But I actually did say good bye and laid down a nice tip when I told her that I would be occupied with other matters (Roe v. Wade overturned. As a Canadian STEM student in the US, I can help.).

And this thread actually makes me feel better about it. I did as right as I could and she's not worse off for having met me. Plus she's a grown woman.

Maybe I misunderstood your original question then. Sounded more like you were conflicted about returning to the site again with the same username, having told this model you were too busy to visit.

 

[ArcticKitty]

I don't understand this shit, I'm not that brainy, but feel free to elaborate. Sounds interesting.

Oh! I just mean that I could understand better what she was saying than she realised because she only speaks Romanian and relies on Google while I could draw on another Romance language and have a better sense of what she was saying. It just gives some context that makes it a little easier to tell simple friendliness or a come on.

But now that I think of it, the stereotypical Russian love con artist who shows users pictures of her kids and the Colombian who loves you so much it hurts seem to thrive. You don't need to know Russian or Spanish to spot them and I don't think that knowing will help someone if they are ripe to be taken anyway.

Oh shit man, that's rough, now I wanna go find her and tip her all my extra, and I haven't even met her. This is a tough industry to be in if a person is searching for that kinda stuff. I hope she can learn in time to compartmentalize, without ending up emotionally or psychologically hurt by viewers/ members. This truly is a super complex one

Yeah. It's sad and scary, isn't it?

 

[ArcticKitty]

Maybe I misunderstood your original question then. Sounded more like you were conflicted about returning to the site again with the same username, having told this model you were too busy to visit.

Yeah, my bad; I didn't phrase my OP well. I've elabourated on it since, which hopefully makes it more clear.

 

[Nienna]

I admire your strength. I would have a really hard time walking away, even though I knew I really had to. My own model friend repeatedly breaks my heart with periodic comments about how much she hates herself for what she does. Camming is judged a lot more harshly in Russian society than it is here in the west. I am forever telling her she has worth. Real worth.

As for the language barrier, I can completely commiserate! My friend doesn't speak a word of English, and the translator she uses is often wrong. I love it when she speaks to me in Russian though Even if I am only getting every second word.

 

[MarieElise]

"I admire your strength. I would have a really hard time walking away, even though I knew I really had to"

This also ^^^^

 

[ArcticKitty]

I don't feel very strong, Just like I took a wrong turn and got lost for awhile. I think maybe I should give cams a rest.

But yeah, that must suck for your friend in Russia. Having to consider social stigma is stressful anywhere.

 

[ArcticKitty]

And against my better judgment, late Saturday night I went back to see her have a meltdown in her room

Sigh...

 

[MarieElise]

And against my better judgment, late Saturday night I went back to see her have a meltdown in her room

Sigh...

Do you know if she knows about pineapple support? Sometimes when stress goes up, it helps to either get into therapy for the first time, or to return to therapy. Just having a listening ear, and someone who knows about the industry to bounce thoughts off of, could be helpful for her. Sounds like she is stressed out

And as far as I know the counselors at Pineapple support are already well versed in the industry too, so (although I've never had to use them myself, and can't talk from personal experience) they do sound like an awesome and helpful resource.

 

[ArcticKitty]

Do you know if she knows about pineapple support? Sometimes when stress goes up, it helps to either get into therapy for the first time, or to return to therapy. Just having a listening ear, and someone who knows about the industry to bounce thoughts off of, could be helpful for her. Sounds like she is stressed out

And as far as I know the counselors at Pineapple support are already well versed in the industry too, so (although I've never had to use them myself, and can't talk from personal experience) they do sound like an awesome and helpful resource.

OMG, that's exactly what I'll do, thank you so much, Eli! There's even a page in Romanian I can send her the link to: https://pineapplesupport.org/romania/

And of course ACF although I told her once before.

I logged in to see her in a leopard print dress practising sexy looks with only an old creep who seems to live there and who barely tips and people flitting in and out. We started having a nice normal conversation just catching up and she was clearly stressed and upset and then just broke down crying and logged off.

I have a feeling that her studio has come to the conclusion that she's taking up space and bandwidth that they can put to use more profitably.

 

[MarieElise]

OMG, that's exactly what I'll do, thank you so much, Eli! There's even a page in Romanian I can send her the link to: https://pineapplesupport.org/romania/

And of course ACF although I told her once before.

I logged in to see her in a leopard print dress practising sexy looks with only an old creep who seems to live there and who barely tips and people flitting in and out. We started having a nice normal conversation just catching up and she was clearly stressed and upset and then just broke down crying and logged off.

I have a feeling that her studio has come to the conclusion that she's taking up space and bandwidth that they can put to use more profitably.

Awh man, I feel for her. It might be a tad awkward if she comes here and sees this thread you made, but at the same time no one here would even know which new model it was about, so even though she may not feel comfy with it, she also doesn't need to divulge that she is the model the thread is about (if she even sees it). There are a lot of fucking threads to read here (which is a good, entertaining, helpful, supportive, interesting, informative and educational thing). If not 100% always purely for business purposes, then definitely for the fascination of learning about human nature. As well as internet communications, and cyber social mores.

(I'm fucking fancy this morning)

 

[Ozzie_]

(I'm fucking fancy this morning)

But you speak truth, as you always do

And hey, fancy is not bad

 

[yummybrownfox]

Awh man, I feel for her. It might be a tad awkward if she comes here and sees this thread you made

I was thinking the same thing. If I was in her shoes, I'd be really upset and uncomfortable if I'd joined ACF and found a whole thread about me like this.

 

[MarieElise]

I was thinking the same thing. If I was in her shoes, I'd be really upset and uncomfortable if I'd joined ACF and found a whole thread about me like this.

Exactly, it could be hurtful although I know that wasn't the intention here at all. It could also cause her to feel really self conscious and uncomfortable if/ when she comes over here. Even if a bunch of strangers are talking about a person, and saying good things, or trying to be helpful, it could still cause many people to feel really (justifiably uncomfortable). A lot of trust could potentially be lost imo.

 

[ArcticKitty]

OK, I didn't think I gave the impression here that I'm slow. But to allay your concerns, she only speaks Romanian and reads via Google, the heading and first post isn't exactly an eye catcher, and this thread will go quiet and be buried and forgotten.

And I'm honestly at the point where I don't much care anymore.

 

[MarieElise]

OK, I didn't think I gave the impression here that I'm slow. But to allay your concerns, she only speaks Romanian and reads via Google, the heading and first post isn't exactly an eye catcher, and this thread will go quiet and be forgotten before July ends.

And I'm honestly at the point where I don't much care anymore.

I definitely didn't mean to infer that I think that I think you are slow, my apologies if it sounds that way. I really like chatting w you, and wouldn't infer that to anyone, unless they had been an asshole to me first and deserved it. Which has not happened (in your case).

 

[ArcticKitty]

I definitely didn't mean to infer that I think that you are slow, my apologies if it sounds that way. I really like chatting w you, and wouldn't infer that to anyone, unless they had been an asshole to me first and deserved it. Which has not happened (in your case).

Oh damn, I'm sorry for being short with you both. It's Monday and ...one of those days.

 

[MarieElise]

Oh damn, I'm sorry for being short with you both. It's Monday and ...one of those days.

You're all good. I feel what's going on here, or what I think is going on here, and I get it. No worries whatsoever

 

[ArcticKitty]

You're all good. I feel what's going on here, or what I think is going on here, and I get it. No worries whatsoever

(((Eli)))
Thank you. I'm going to let it go for this week. If I see she's contacted me, I'll talk with her and suggest Pineapple Support. But I really feel I need to move on. And if she has an attachment to me, well it might be flattering but it really is awkward.

 

[ArcticKitty]

If there's a lesson to be learned from this experience, I don't see it.

 

[MarieElise]

(((Eli)))
Thank you. I'm going to let it go for this week. If I see she's contacted me, I'll talk with her and suggest Pineapple Support. But I really feel I need to move on. And if she has an attachment to me, well it might be flattering but it really is awkward.

you're no good to anyone else unless you look after yourself #1.

 

[Omne35]

If there's a lesson to be learned from this experience, I don't see it.

Perhaps that customers need to learn to compartmentalize as much as the models need to?
Cam dynamics can cause a lot of stress on both sides.

 

[ArcticKitty]

Perhaps that customers need to learn to compartmentalize as much as the models need to?
Cam dynamics can cause a lot of stress on both sides.

More like "no good deed" in this case. But I agree with you in general.

 

[ArcticKitty]

you're no good to anyone else unless you look after yourself #1.

It's a novelty if nothing else. Infatuated users are a staple topic here so when it's the other way around it gets interesting.