Fall in love with member

[CryBabyLin]

A lot of models from Russian community always telling me this words: “don’t fall in love with members.And don’t trust to their words about paying of your ticket and perfect love like in fairytale”
Every time thinking about this make me sad.
I know that in this job my head need to be cold and clean but a piece of hope I cannot take out from my head.
I had relationships with member but he cheated on me with his ex lol.
Guys,what do you think about this?
Very interesting to listen models and members too

 

[Deleted member 45270]

I know that in this job my head need to be cold and clean but a piece of hope I cannot take out from my head.

I'd tell you the same thing I tell members: camsites are not dating sites.

This is your job. If you're seeking a relationship, look elsewhere, like dating sites, or sites like meetup.com for meeting new people. Look at the hobbies you have and try to meet other people through that.

 

[DJ_Pioneer]

It is extremely rare for a romantic relationship between a model and a member to work. Camming comes with this really weird power dynamic that makes a fairytale ending almost impossible. Most likely it is going to fall apart and you will end up having the anger and resentment from a regular bad relationship combined with a loss of income from the drama surrounding the breakup. You can become good friends with a member and some platonic love can develop from that, it is still rare but far more likely.

 

[MarieElise]

I know that in this job my head need to be cold and clean but a piece of hope I cannot take out from my head.

Cold isn't the right word there, personally, I'd use the word "professional" in its place.
If you are struggling with boundaries camming I'd try to get some coaching/ advice from models you know who have been at it longer. Maintaining professional boundaries is a huge part of staying healthy and thriving in this business.

Maintaining professional boundaries that keep yourself and others emotionally safe does not equate to being "cold". Quite the opposite.

 

[ArcticKitty]

I agree with everyone here. I only add that users go to camsites for harmless entertainment, at least normal users do. It really is best to see it for what it is. I'm sure you know that a lot of users are Not normal or nice people.
And some of them are smart enough to hide it for some time.

Anyone who says he wants to have a relationship with you and starts talking about visiting and meeting is confused or maybe much worse. Ask yourself this question: why in the world would anyone want to look for love on a camsite with a model from another country??

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

Camming comes with this really weird power dynamic

This this this this this. It never starts as an even playing field when you've met on a cam site, and making it into one is basically impossible. Not to mention extremely risky for you. I can't imagine why it would be worth it to try, when there are ways to meet people that are far simpler and less likely to blow up in your face.

 

[Highlander884]

I know individual people who have tried this from both sides and both said it was a mistake.
It would be lying to say that feelings cant happen but remember that much of this is fantasy.
I mean as a cb member I'm more confident online then in real world. And tbh unless they happened to live nearby me I wouldn't ever consider a relationship of any kind outside of cb.

 

[inertvolcano]

Everyone has already made good points. Anything is possible, but the odds are stacked against you and there are better and easier ways to find love. Being long distance, the power dynamic, the way fantasy and reality blur together, the way men can become extremely insecure about camming or when money enters into the relationship, etc. These create many obstacles and problems alone, let alone all together. The first thing I would tell anyone looking to date a member is "don't" and if they decided to anyway, I would tell them to always keep their own happiness and wellbeing as the first and foremost priority or else you are very likely to be hurt badly.

 

[yummybrownfox]

A lot of models from Russian community always telling me this words: “don’t fall in love with members.And don’t trust to their words about paying of your ticket and perfect love like in fairytale”
Every time thinking about this make me sad.
I know that in this job my head need to be cold and clean but a piece of hope I cannot take out from my head.
I had relationships with member but he cheated on me with his ex lol.
Guys,what do you think about this?
Very interesting to listen models and members too

Yes, it's best to just use these cam sites for what they're intended for...for you to make connections with people virtually (and earn money while doing it). Not for actual boyfriend/girlfriend dating or marriage.
It sounds like you fell for a member who said all the right things, and I'm sorry to hear that you're hurting. Try to steer clear of the members who come into your room talking about wanting to "save you" so that you "don't have to do this kind of work anymore." It's ridiculous, imo, when they do that.

I did a Google search, and it says that the leading dating apps in Russia are Badoo, Tinder, and Mamba. If you're interested in meeting local singles, you can go that route or just let love (or whatever you're looking for) come to you naturally on its own.

 

[Taxistheft]

I've gotten to know models pretty well. I mean nothing really personal ,but I've developed a good rapport with them. One I'd even consider a friend I suppose. But its nothing romantic.

 

[ArcticKitty]

Cold isn't the right word there, personally, I'd use the word "professional" in its place.
If you are struggling with boundaries camming I'd try to get some coaching/ advice from models you know who have been at it longer. Maintaining professional boundaries is a huge part of staying healthy and thriving in this business.

Maintaining professional boundaries that keep yourself and others emotionally safe does not equate to being "cold". Quite the opposite.

True that. You're straight up and you're a mensch!

 

[The_ZeroFox]

As a longtime member, I admit there have been a few instances when the “4th wall,” to steal (and pervert) a theatrical term, was seemingly broken. One of those happened just recently, when communication progressed outside of the site and plans to somehow meet were discussed. As much as I wished and dreamed for what could be, I knew in my heart that it was extremely likely to result in failure and disappointment and that I, for one, felt foolish for even allowing myself to think on it. It was very difficult for me to be the voice of reason and bring things back to reality, but the fallout was that she left the site and I lost a dear friend. I don’t doubt my decision was the right one, but it pains me to have lost her as a friend.

I understand completely that this is not a dating site and that maintaining professionalism is paramount, still… I have known happy couples who met under much more unusual and seemingly impossible circumstances. So, to answer OP’s original question… I, for one, do think it is sad to categorically preclude all possibilities purely based on the nature of the origin of the meeting. That said, I do agree wholeheartedly that the likelihood is next to impossible and it’s best to be extremely careful to allow even the hint of such unless you are very, very certain.

At this point, a feel a disclaimer is warranted. I am not the “typical” member in that I enjoy making friends, and I am shy to request and pursue anything sexual until I at least get some positive feedback that it’s at least somewhat done without obligation or resentment. I am always generous with my support no matter what, because I completely understand and respect that they are at work and I am just a customer; but for those that treat me more than just the foolish, overly romantic, chatty whale that I am (Ha!), I always go the extra mile with my tips to make sure they know I appreciate it.

To the trolls I am sure will trash me after this, all I can say is, hey, let me live in my fantasy world. Ha!

All my best… Fox

 

[rockin_rod]

I had relationships with member but he cheated on me with his ex lol.

I'm curious about what this means, was it an online (virtual) 'relationship' through the cam site, or was it one where you had met each other in person?
Using the term 'cheating' suggests that there had been a commitment made to each other.
This makes a big difference when considering the scenario that you're asking about.

 

[Smoothie]

The point about the power dynamic is a very important one, IMO.

Keep in mind that you’re the only line of defense you can truly count on to protect yourself. Members should have their own boundaries, but you can’t count on it. The moment you loosen your own boundaries, you’re conceding something to the other side (trust, etc).

If you are strict about maintaining a business-only approach, you’re holding on to your most dependable asset in preventing heartbreak, and the large number of issues that can come along with it.

 

[GeorgeSpelvin]

A lot of models from Russian community always telling me this words: “don’t fall in love with members.And don’t trust to their words about paying of your ticket and perfect love like in fairytale”
Every time thinking about this make me sad.
I know that in this job my head need to be cold and clean but a piece of hope I cannot take out from my head.
I had relationships with member but he cheated on me with his ex lol.
Guys,what do you think about this?
Very interesting to listen models and members too

I'm fascinated by this post because I'm a member dealing with these worries in the reverse: I've been interacting with a non-nude, Russian model (presently working in a studio in Ukraine) for about 10 months. Probably about 3 months into it, she began to make comments that were clearly romantic in nature. Eventually, she began to literally refer to me as her boyfriend or her man. I definitely developed feelings for this woman, despite understanding the craziness of the situation, and I still struggle with it. But my struggle has been that just about everything I've seen or read about this sort of situation suggests that she is pretending and it's all about extracting money from me until I give up.... I've been told that such models will string the guy along but have no intention of ever meeting or having a relationship with the member in the real world; it's just a "love con." We don't have contact off of the sites (she says she can't risk getting fired) and I don't even know her full name....so this combined with the fact that I'm a lot older than her (oh and she speaks only a little English)....of course I have been very skeptical of her intentions. Yet, she claims to know models who left the studio and married the member and moved to other countries...so...who knows.. I've actually had arguments with this model, in which she's been in tears insisting that she is sincere. I just assumed it was a love scam...but now I'm not sure... Maybe I was making a false accusation. It's kind of a sad situation, really...in a way, I regret having let myself develop feelings for her but maybe that happens when talking to someone so much for so many months...combined with physical attraction.