Fake privates - slitcamming

[Allusernamestaken]

Hey,

Just wanted to share my experience with a cam girl from a customer’s viewpoint.

Firstly I must say, that my love life at the moment is obviously not very bright. My girlfriend of 10 years and I haven't been intimate in a year, and over the last 4 or so, intimacy avoidance is a word I type into google almost daily. I research how to fix our relationship, why this, why that. I've tried talking to Her, so many times, now I give myself about 10 minutes to talk to her and after that time passes I stop trying and give her some space. She doesn't know, she says, why we're not intimate. She cries, I hold her, I tell her I'm here for her. But at the end of the day, I have no idea why we are not intimate. We moved into a 2br house about a 9 months ago and have been in seperate rooms since. I miss her. I miss her skin. I miss her smell. I miss her embrace.

We agreed to be in an open relationship about 8 months ago. I'm on Tinder, I exercise, I have a bit of flab, I'm not fat, but my confidence has been lacking for a while.

Last week someone with covid came into my workplace, so everyone who was working that day has to isolate for 14 days. That means being confined to our bedrooms, no going out, not even to the lounge room. If I have to go to the toilet or kitchen, I need to wear a mask and wipe everything I touch.

After about 6 days I join Chaturbate.

A cute Russian girl with glasses catches my eye, she's high energy, a little crazy looking & funny. It's quiet in her room, she PM's me and we talk for a bit. We agree to go private and both have a great time.

We do this for a few days, 1-3 times a day. Each time, I try to turn her on, talk about how I'd nibble her ear, or tick her toe, I like it when she's happy, enjoying herself.

Then the next day in private she acts a little distant, typing a lot with someone else, I ask her about it and she says she's typing to google translate and copying it over. I think nothing of it.

The next day in private she's not present. She's typing away, I can hear messages from Skype and what sounds like a cash register notification. So I bring it up, I say, whats wrong? Why are you so distant? She says the privates aren't making her much money and that she wants a tip to do what we do. I say that's ok with me, no problem. She says a come show is 350tk, so I pay it. I say, it that ok? She says thank you. I reply, you're welcome! BTW this was 30mins into the private show, after we chat for a bit and after I try to get her to tell me what's wrong. She's so not present it takes a good minute or so for Her to reply.

So I think great, she's happy, I get a private show, everyones happy.

Unfortunately the distance didn't get closer. I'd try to turn her on, talking about kissing up her leg and so on, she's typing, but I'm snot getting any messages. I ask her to lay back, imagine me kissing there, or there, and she looks like she's relaxing a bit, and starting touching her body. I can hear the sound of a cash register notification frequently, Skype texts, soon after, she's constantly getting up and typing, but I'm not getting any messages. Ok now it's obvious. Then she say's, "Hi boyyyys".

So now I'm getting upset. I message her, ok what is that sound, why are you so distant and who's boyyyys?

She says what? Nothing! I was talking to you baby!

I try to believe her, and just get it over with. She plays with herself for a minute or two and gets up to type some more to someone else, each time she stopped I would get more frustrated.

Now the messaging from me is obviously annoyed, but not aggressive. Something along the lines of, I paid what you wanted, all I'm asking for is a private show with you. She replies like, ok there was another site watching but I closed it a few minutes ago. I think, ok, cool, I calm down and the next moment I hear it again, Cha Ching!

I message her, you said you closed it! I'm not stupid!

At this point she's visibly upset, she's like, what are you crazy? What's wrong with you! Arms out, obviously annoyed. It was just yesterday I can hear her voice echoing in my mind.

We argue type for a few minutes, she's getting more upset and starts slapping her ass so hard it makes me say, stop. Stop doing that, I don't like that. Her ass goes red almost straight away, that's how hard she slapped. I say, stop, please, I'm not into pain, don't hurt yourself.

So I give it a few minutes and we just sit there, staring at each other, being pissed but silent, the cha ching sound going in the background every now and then.

We argue for a little longer and she's obviously upset by all this. I'm not too happy as well and shortly after her manager obviously takes over the typed conversation and is a little bit of a dick. Which is fine, I work in the retail industry, I know how to deal with unhappy customers. But now I've become one.

So I say, I really like you Mis**** - please don't hurt yourself again, and exit.

I spend the next 15 mins of angry vibes looking for the site with that sound, it wasn't hard to find, a quick google and the question was answered years ago. I join that site and there she is. I do a little more research and come across the terms, splitcamming, and fake-privates, I find a list of sites where's it's allowed and not allowed. I search a few, there's a private Skype one, I find her on its well.

So I go back to CB and log off, direct myself to her show and the other site as well and I noticed within a minute when she's in a private show on CB, she's also in a group tip show on the other site.

I get it, it's money. It's your job. But it's unethical. If you need more money for an intimate show, charge more. Put it on your menu, True Private/Intamate 500tk more.

Whatever it is, we will pay it. Because we are starved of intimacy by our partners, for whatever reason, and money doesn't buy you love - but it can get you pretty bloody close to smelling a girls skin and feeling her embrace, if only just for a moment.

You're worth every penny.

 

[Brit]

As with most things, you get what you pay for. If you're going private with someone who charges less than 30 tokens for a private, the quality of said private is probably not going to be very good. There are exceptions, of course, as with everything. I suggest you find someone else, preferably with higher rates, so that you can actually enjoy yourself.

 

[cbhours]

You got to bail faster, move on to one of the other 10k models online. Maybe she has control over the situation and is just a bad model, maybe she works for a bad studio that doesn't allow her to cut off the other streams or enter spy modes

There are models that do split casting in a very ethical manor making full use of fake-private/spy shows (when I say fake-privates I mean they click a button while they are broadcasting to enter a private by themselves effectively turning off the stream unless people pay to spy, its a feature that some camsites offer) .

 

[melanieoncam]

I'm curious why you and your girlfriend aren't in counseling? or if she won't go to counseling why are you still with her?

You'd enjoy cam models and erotic content a lot more if you weren't trying to fill an empty space in your life.

Might be worth seeing someone together to see what the issue is, or breaking up since you aren't really a couple anyway, more like roommates.

 

[rockin_rod]

For whatever it's worth, I'd suggest the following.
- try not to see visiting a cam site as a replacement for IRL intimacy and connections. It can be many fun things, but not a substitute.
- accept that this is business for most models, and unless you are in some sort of exclusive/premium situation, split-camming and spying is a fact of life; try to ignore other site sounds/notifications.
- get to know models through their public show, before asking them private. Note the plural - no need for monogamy.
- figure out what sort of things you want to see/do in a private, find someone who is happy to do that, clearly communicate expectations, and enjoy it.
- if you feel that you're not getting the show that you want, move on but try not to involve emotions, it will make you feel more negative, and is certainly not fair on the model.

and as @melanieoncam wrote above, perhaps the short-term focus could be to try and see if your relationship is 'fixable'.

 

[Smores]

You definitely should get counseling with your girlfriend and get closure on your relationship. I think a good counselor would be able to expose the key issues that are holding your girlfriend back. Maybe those issues can be fixed and maybe they cannot. But accelerate getting to a place where the two of you either split or get back together as a real couple, because it cannot be easy for either one of you to live in a relationship limbo forever. If it ends up being a sex issue, then maybe find a sex counselor and see if you can work through it.

What you describe with the Russian model is very common. You need to get good at figuring out if a model is present in the conversation. If a model is typing out short robotic responses to questions, or if she is constantly distracted, I leave. It's not what I am looking for. You won't change her by arguing about it or lecturing her. What needs to happen here is you need to become more aware of the environment and what behaviors from models are common and uncommon. You need to eventually decide what it is you want and then learn to walk away quickly when you are not going to get that. For the models I like, I let them take on spy traffic from other sites, but I draw the line at their interacting with other users during a private. Be aware that some of these models are not technically expert, and if your voice is broadcast in a private on CB it might end up being heard or recorded on other websites.

The whole episode with her spanking herself was probably about her receiving a tip on another website that required a spanking. That's pretty sad if the model is in a private with you and out in open forum on another site taking tips for spanking, or whatever else. Don't get mad at her. Just make a clear statement of what you want and ask her is there any way to get that with her. Remember that most Russian models are using translators and do not speak English at all, so keep your sentences short and clear, so that the translation will at least be close to your meaning.

The rest of your post suggests that maybe you are using webcam sites with goals that will be difficult to meet. Let's consider a couple of points in your interaction.

You say that you were having one to three privates *PER DAY* day after day? You got too close, too fast. She is using body language and her behavior in the room to signal to you to back off, and you are not reading the signal. I think it is really common for viewers to develop crushes on models, and there is nothing wrong with that usually, but she is getting a lot of interest from many viewers, and you have to get good at reading her and backing off when you are showing too much interest. Send private messages off the cam site less often, and be in her room less often. Give her a chance to miss you, and if you are not there for a whole week and she does not miss you, then sorry to say you are probably not a good fit with her for a friendship.

And that leads me to the next point, which is that a webcam site is probably not the place to get all your emotional needs met. You come across as a very nice guy, definitely loving and affectionate. If I knew 100 Russian models (and I do) and asked them if they are going to webcam sites to find a loving guy they can be affectionate with, I think I would get mostly "nos" and very confused responses like "what do you mean?" They have boyfriends and plenty of male attention already. Many do not have boyfriends but they are not looking to webcam sites as the place to find a boyfriend. So if you are trying to cuddle, and she senses that you actually need her to fulfill your emotional needs, you are going to get rejected over and over. I am curious why do you go to Tinder or a webcam site, rather than something like a church group or a singles organization? You should think about what needs you are trying to get met.

What makes webcam sites and the Russian models magical - for me at least - is that many of these models are using these cam sites as a way to better understand sexuality, both their own and whichever sex they are marketing to. Yes, it's a job, and yes many of them have no investment beyond making a buck. But with the Russian models a significant percentage of them are introverts who want to understand passion and fantasy without putting their life or emotions or other relationships at risk. On a cam site they can explore any sexual idea they want and see how it feels for them. It is some unique hybrid environment that sits somewhere between sex workers and a sex club, with the common element being that exploration is encouraged on the cam site, but once the day is done they want to feel safe that you are not going to push into their normal lives.

As long as you are open to rejection, these sites give you an amazing opportunity to explore the sexual imagination of other people. They give you the opportunity to get good at talking about sex in a way that will not make you seem like a threat and that will make the other person feel safe opening up to you. Once you are good at uncovering the other person's fantasies, then you the opportunity to get good at trying to fulfill those fantasies, virtually anyway. You get to practice doing that with 20, 30, 50, 100 people you find attractive, without lying to anyone, without betraying anyone else's trust in you, and without risking disease, pregnancy, or someone's ex showing up at your door at 3am. If you understand these sites for what they are, you have an opportunity to really expand your understanding of sexuality and make yourself a much more attractive person sexually. If you go that route, make sure you know what you are signed up for. You took offense at a model spanking herself. I can't imagine not spanking a model. The models I enjoy all want to explore sexual ideas at the fringes. They are not usually looking for toe rubs. Sex fantasies in the age of porn usually have something edgy to them. And many of the Russian models have crazy sexual imagination. I feel that they have improved me sexually, and the experience has been rewarding on many levels.

 

[MallorieReese]

Honestly, there are 10k more models out there waiting for a private for you only, so don't dwell into it too much. There could be many reasons for her decision - maybe she is a beginner model, maybe the studio she is working for forces her to do that. But nothing is more annoying for a member than sharing an intimate moment with the model in private and hearing her say "HIIII BOYS". Cuts off your excitement completely. My advice is to search for another model - there are hundreds of them that won't do that do you.

By the way, have you and your gf tried counselling? Sounds like a little bit of a problem what you got there - sleeping in separate bedrooms?

 

[uzhvecher]

OP, I appreciate your writing style, your grammar and punctuation, and the general eloquence of your post. Best of luck to you.

 

[uzhvecher]

With the exception of the title, that is. When I saw 'Slitcamming' I rolled my eyes and thought "Another cringe-worthy URL for webcammers."

 

[Allusernamestaken]

I appreciate the comments. You’re right. You’re all very right.

But just like everyone else, I’m also there to explore my sexuality in a safe space. To me, intimacy and sex go hand in hand. That’s not love though, just to clarify.

Spanking I like. Hitting, big difference.

Anyway, thanks again and I haven’t figured out how to change the title yet.

xox