Do some Cam Models use real Tinder dates to love scam them?

[Deleted member 85132]

Hi all,

I have experienced something I wanted to share involving a Cam Model and I hope for some insights by other Cam Models. First, here is the story:

I (m) met a girl in Colombia via Tinder (she told me she is a Cam Model one week after I left). We had 5 great dates. We are both in our mid-twenties. I treated her very lovingly and very well. We had a very romantic time, it felt close and we had sex a couple of times. She told me "no guy has ever treated her as well as I did" a couple of times. I was 100% honest from the beginning, I was only short term there and I told her I wanted to be friends, but no long-distance relationship and I didn't want us to be needy for each other. I wanted her to date other men and I was worried that she might feel too much for me.

She basically was super shy, quiet and appeared super vulnerable. When she told me about her job as a cam model after I left and that she basically has a very sad life, I felt so bad that I couldn't think about anything else but her. So I fell in love and felt like I want to have a good impact on her, be there for her. I know its stupid but I kinda wanted to "rescue" her, I wanted to bring her joy and happiness. She told me I would be "the perfect man for her" and she is afraid that she might feel too much for me.

I could talk for hours but long story short: She started with a trauma dump about her sad life and then trauma-bonded me. I was addicted to her, she bread crummed me emotionally and guilt-tripped me. I noticed how my confidence got completely attached to her "love". The only thing she invested in me in the end was that she liked everything I posted on social media or reacted on things I sent her positively while remaining basic contact. I researched already for more than 50 hours because I could not think of a solution why someone would behave like she had. The traits and manipulation tactics of a female covert-narcissist would describe her behavior extremely well, as I found out later in my research.

Even though she told me not to go to her cam-sites, you could find her by googling her whatsapp profile picture and most other pictures from her social media. At one point I even admitted that I found her profiles and she guilt tripped me again. She never asked me for money. But it started like "I can't go out, I just moved and I have lots of debt" so I payed her the meals on our dates. I told her "I don't want to buy a woman, but its okay for me to pay as long as we both enjoy spending time together". On some days she told me how bad she feels and how worried she is, like her vibrator broke or how much debt she still has. But she never asked for money or came back to the same problem / topic. So back then I felt like she is not so manipulative. She told me how much money she made each day by camming, sometimes that she made nothing in two hours, sometimes she made quite some good money. In the end before I quit contact she told me "she now wants to be bought" and she "already did the 50/50 mistake with her ex, wants a man who provides for her now".

She had a relatively new tattoo about two balaclavas (a symbol feminists use, especially in Latin America as I have learned) + the angel number "444" + a writing "bad girls" (or something similar, I can't identify it better on the pictures).

So my questions:

Especially talking about cam-models from poorer countries like Colombia, is it common that they use real tinder dates to exploit them emotionally and binding them long-term for financial gain?

Is it common, that cam-models / sex workers learn trauma-bonding as a manipulation tactic, especially talking about Colombian models and cam-studios?

Talking about the tattoo: Could that be a feminist-extremist thing to exploit men emotionally and financially by trauma-bonding?


I hope to find some closure and insights, I'm completely messed up. Moving on already since over a month but still...

Thank you!

PS: I don't think sex work or camming is bad at all. I have a deep respect for women and I am supportive to everything that is honest and done by free will.

 

[EllaM]

Could that be a feminist thing to exploit men emotionally and financially by trauma-bonding?

Is that a serious question? lol

 

[cbhours]

Especially talking about cam-models from poorer countries like Colombia, is it common that they use real tinder dates to exploit them emotionally and binding them long-term for financial gain?

Are you out of your mind? What city is this in? You don't come to colombia and try to meet girls on tinder that's how you get murdered/drugged/robbed.

 

[MarieElise]

Hi all,

I have experienced something I wanted to share involving a Cam Model and I hope for some insights by other Cam Models. First, here is the story:

I (m) met a girl in Colombia via Tinder (she told me she is a Cam Model one week after I left). We had 5 great dates. We are both in our mid-twenties. I treated her very lovingly and very well. We had a very romantic time, it felt close and we had sex a couple of times. She told me "no guy has ever treated her as well as I did" a couple of times. I was 100% honest from the beginning, I was only short term there and I told her I wanted to be friends, but no long-distance relationship and I didn't want us to be needy for each other. I wanted her to date other men and I was worried that she might feel too much for me.

She basically was super shy, quiet and appeared super vulnerable. When she told me about her job as a cam model after I left and that she basically has a very sad life, I felt so bad that I couldn't think about anything else but her. So I fell in love and felt like I want to have a good impact on her, be there for her. I know its stupid but I kinda wanted to "rescue" her, I wanted to bring her joy and happiness. She told me I would be "the perfect man for her" and she is afraid that she might feel too much for me.

I could talk for hours but long story short: She started with a trauma dump about her sad life and then trauma-bonded me. I was addicted to her, she bread crummed me emotionally and guilt-tripped me. I noticed how my confidence got completely attached to her "love". The only thing she invested in me in the end was that she liked everything I posted on social media or reacted on things I sent her positively while remaining basic contact. I researched already for more than 50 hours because I could not think of a solution why someone would behave like she had. The traits and manipulation tactics of a female covert-narcissist would describe her behavior extremely well, as I found out later in my research.

Even though she told me not to go to her cam-sites, you could find her by googling her whatsapp profile picture and most other pictures from her social media. At one point I even admitted that I found her profiles and she guilt tripped me again. She never asked me for money. But it started like "I can't go out, I just moved and I have lots of debt" so I payed her the meals on our dates. I told her "I don't want to buy a woman, but its okay for me to pay as long as we both enjoy spending time together". On some days she told me how bad she feels and how worried she is, like her vibrator broke or how much debt she still has. But she never asked for money or came back to the same problem / topic. So back then I felt like she is not so manipulative. She told me how much money she made each day by camming, sometimes that she made nothing in two hours, sometimes she made quite some good money. In the end before I quit contact she told me "she now wants to be bought" and she "already did the 50/50 mistake with her ex, wants a man who provides for her now".

She had a relatively new tattoo about two balaclavas (a symbol feminists use, especially in Latin America as I have learned) + the angel number "444" + a writing "bad girls" (or something similar, I can't identify it better on the pictures).

So my questions:

Especially talking about cam-models from poorer countries like Colombia, is it common that they use real tinder dates to exploit them emotionally and binding them long-term for financial gain?

Is it common, that cam-models / sex workers learn trauma-bonding as a manipulation tactic, especially talking about Colombian models and cam-studios?

Talking about the tattoo: Could that be a feminist-extremist thing to exploit men emotionally and financially by trauma-bonding?


I hope to find some closure and insights, I'm completely messed up. Moving on already since over a month but still...

Thank you!

PS: I don't think sex work or camming is bad at all. I have a deep respect for women and I am supportive to everything that is honest and done by free will.

Phew...

Ok the things that happened to you, don't necessarily mean that was what she intended or planned, or what was even conscious on her part.
She'd have to be extremely savvy, and somewhat educated in psychology, to do all of that intentionally.

I think it's more likely that these event (trauma bonding etc) happened, but that she was just being her honest self, and didn't know enough about psychology, to realize the effect she would have. Not everyone has the best boundaries, especially when it comes to their trauma. That's not a planned, purposeful thing. I've had that happen chatting with other models before, model on model. It's just that some people have a lot of trauma, and they haven't learned or realized, how to contain it, and manage it socially.

Maybe she thought you were better equipped to handle it all emotionally, than what you are. Or maybe she just wasn't aware of how what she was sharing affects others.

Can I also just say, the armchair psychology on sex workers gets extremely old. I could google pretty much any personality disorder or mental illness, and find ways to make people I know fit into it. If I wanted to do that, but I wouldn't because that's prime asshole territory, and not fair on other people. Because that would be my own mind, bias and interpretations.

You are not a mental health expert, and even doing 50 hours on google, doesn't make up for the 1000s of hours, and dollars, people with mental health education invested.
It's become so common in our society to throw the word narcissist around, so flippantly.
It bothers me, it's not fair.
Leave it to the professionals, and focus on you, and healing from the experience you seem to have gone through, emotionally, and mentally.

Mental health professionals don't see people they are or have been involved with in any kind of personal relationship, and there is a reason for that. You are not objective to be googling and coming to these conslusions.

Sure there's a possibility your psychological conspiracy theories could be true, but it's not very likely.
The type of people who get into dark territory like that to con others, generally aren't that complicated or smart.

 

[Deleted member 85132]

Is that a serious question? lol

Yes. I didn't want to sound rude and I don't want to be offensive or so. But I can explain my question or my intension of this question further if necessary.

 

[Deleted member 85132]

Are you out of your mind? What city is this in? You don't come to colombia and try to meet girls on tinder that's how you get murdered/drugged/robbed.

It was Medellin and I know. Well, we were a group of Latin American girls and a friend all going out together. We checked the social media very well and everything seemed real. But you are right, I will never do that again.

 

[Deleted member 85132]

Phew...

Ok the things that happened to you, don't necessarily mean that was what she intended or planned, or what was even conscious on her part.
She'd have to be extremely savvy, and somewhat educated in psychology, to do all of that intentionally.

I think it's more likely that these event (trauma bonding etc) happened, but that she was just being her honest self, and didn't know enough about psychology, to realize the effect she would have. Not everyone has the best boundaries, especially when it comes to their trauma. That's not a planned, purposeful thing. I've had that happen chatting with other models before, model on model. It's just that some people have a lot of trauma, and they haven't learned or realized, how to contain it, and manage it socially.

Maybe she thought you were better equipped to handle it all emotionally, than what you are. Or maybe she just wasn't aware of how what she was sharing affects others.

Can I also just say, the armchair psychology on sex workers gets extremely old. I could google pretty much any personality disorder or mental illness, and find ways to make people I know fit into it. If I wanted to do that, but I wouldn't because that's prime asshole territory, and not fair on other people. Because that would be my own mind, bias and interpretations.

You are not a mental health expert, and even doing 50 hours on google, doesn't make up for the 1000s of hours, and dollars, people with mental health education invested.
It's become so common in our society to throw the word narcissist around, so flippantly.
It bothers me, it's not fair.
Leave it to the professionals, and focus on you, and healing from the experience you seem to have gone through, emotionally, and mentally.

Mental health professionals don't see people they are or have been involved with in any kind of personal relationship, and there is a reason for that. You are not objective to be googling and coming to these conslusions.

Sure there's a possibility your psychological conspiracy theories could be true, but it's not very likely.
The type of people who get into dark territory like that to con others, generally aren't that complicated or smart.

Ok thank you for your answer. You actually gave me some really good insight. It is hard to put my long, complicated and (to me) very emotional story into words.

I didn't mean she would be necessarily a covert narcissist, I just found out that that would be the most accurate description / pattern of what happened in my relationship with her of all the things I could find. I don't want to diagnose her. You are right, I should not do that and I am sorry. I used this term and the terms trauma-bonding / -dumping to describe what I think happened to me to some extend; to shorten my story and the whole process that happened. And I wanted to add: my research included reading books and talking to professionals, not only google and youtube, also because Im generally really interested in psychology even before that happened.

Some more info about her: She had a really, really bad childhood, father left early, no emotional nor financial support system and so on. She even told me that she has almost no memories of her childhood, she repressed it and many other memories. That was one of the reasons why I wanted to be good and supportive to her, but it also could explain her toxic behavior.

I just wanted to know if it could be a planned scam-system involving Tinder and real life dates/emotional closeness. Your answer is a good insight that helps me finding closure. I could not understand how she disposed me so quickly after I thought I was important to her and she was so important to me. And that is messing with my head a lot.

Thank you.

 

[Vixxen81]

Medellin is a known sex trafficking area...how dumb are you?

 

[Deleted member 85132]

Medellin is a known sex trafficking area...how dumb are you?

Pointing that out doesn't help but it was dumb, I agree and nobody should do it ever. Or are you implying that I was obviously scammed?

 

[MarieElise]

I could not understand how she disposed me so quickly after I thought I was important to her and she was so important to me. And that is messing with my head a lot.

Maybe she mistook things about you, based on her own past history w men, and it was a self-preservation move.
It's really hard to know, what has happened, as an outsider on a forum, reading the parts you've chosen to share.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you though. I really am
Remember there are also cultural differences in how the male gender role is viewed, across different cultures. I have no knowledge of Columbia, and how women view men there, in general.
There are lots of cultures where men are still looked at, as being supposed to be the primary bread winners, and money makers.

And in those cultures, men are supposed to court women, by spending lots of money, not going dutch.

There are things called Long Love Cons. I don't have personal experience with them, because I have no problem getting men to spend money for purely sexual NSA interactions online, so I really can't say how common that stuff is. But I know there are billboards up, in the city I live, warning guys about that stuff. I live in a really big city in the US, so for those to be getting put up, surely there is a lot of nefarious stuff happening. And I do know that somehow my personal cell number has been on the loose, and I get cold texts and calls from "beautiful women" all the time, thinking I'm a guy, and trying to hook me in. So you are correct, there are a lot of these types of scams out there. I just don't think they get as complicated and intelligent as you are thinking. I can't say for sure, but to go to those levels of intentional manipulation, is honestly way beyond the average criminal or unethical mind.

I would say to read some more around this forum. Use the top right search bar, and do some research here.

I would also encourage you to look into the stages of loss by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.

There are so many factors and things that could have been going on.
Just don't jump to the most severely, catastrophically negative, because you never really know the full story, and probably never will .

 

[MarieElise]

Also sorry to DP; but incase anyone wants to know how I got the almost daily calls and texts on my personal cell to stop completely; I texted back that I would love to meet up, but that I was currently a dude on Death Row, for a murder, "I actually did do, they got me good" lol. Then I continued chatting and sounding interested in what the scammer had to say, but they went really silent after that lol. Since that one day, they all completely stopped. I know it wasn't a nice thing to do or say, but it worked. Because people in prisons, do get cell phones smuggled in, fairly regularly.

That put a complete end to months, of cold texts and calls, that were all phishing type, or love con scams.
Not responding is also a good idea too hehe. But this worked faster

 

[Deleted member 85132]

Maybe she mistook things about you, based on her own past history w men, and it was a self-preservation move.
It's really hard to know, what has happened, as an outsider on a forum, reading the parts you've chosen to share.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you though. I really am
Remember there are also cultural differences in how the male gender role is viewed, across different cultures. I have no knowledge of Columbia, and how women view men there, in general.
There are lots of cultures where men are still looked at, as being supposed to be the primary bread winners, and money makers.

And in those cultures, men are supposed to court women, by spending lots of money, not going dutch.

There are things called Long Love Cons. I don't have personal experience with them, because I have no problem getting men to spend money for purely sexual NSA interactions online, so I really can't say how common that stuff is. But I know there are billboards up, in the city I live, warning guys about that stuff. I live in a really big city in the US, so for those to be getting put up, surely there is a lot of nefarious stuff happening. And I do know that somehow my personal cell number has been on the loose, and I get cold texts and calls from "beautiful women" all the time, thinking I'm a guy, and trying to hook me in. So you are correct, there are a lot of these types of scams out there. I just don't think they get as complicated and intelligent as you are thinking. I can't say for sure, but to go to those levels of intentional manipulation, is honestly way beyond the average criminal or unethical mind.

I would say to read some more around this forum. Use the top right search bar, and do some research here.

I would also encourage you to look into the stages of loss by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.

There are so many factors and things that could have been going on.
Just don't jump to the most severely, catastrophically negative, because you never really know the full story, and probably never will .

Thank you again. Almost everything you said comes with a "." period. So I can't add anything, I can just thank you so much for listening and answering!!

I will have a look at what you suggested me of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.

 

[cbhours]

It was Medellin and I know. Well, we were a group of Latin American girls and a friend all going out together. We checked

and they suggested tinder?

 

[AussieCosplay]

Very unlikely.
Why would you do that with your time when you can just log on and men give you money?
Scamming on tinder, surely only 1/1000 men would take the bait.
I really don't think it would be as financially viable as simply doing the job she already has.

But PLEASE don't engage in Sex Tourism....it's problematic on so many levels and dangerous to yourself as well.

 

[Deleted member 85132]

and they suggested tinder?

Well, I think the girls used bumble but the cam model i met also used bumble, so my situation is not necessarily connected to the use of tinder, maybe even more like dating there in general.

 

[Deleted member 85132]

Very unlikely.
Why would you do that with your time when you can just log on and men give you money?
Scamming on tinder, surely only 1/1000 men would take the bait.
I really don't think it would be as financially viable as simply doing the job she already has.

But PLEASE don't engage in Sex Tourism....it's problematic on so many levels and dangerous to yourself as well.

Thank you so much for your response! It's great to have many points of views.

Mmh the things to consider are:
- she doesn't really enjoy doing it and started out of necessity and the fact that other jobs there are more shitty and not well payed
- she "only" makes 500-750$ a month, she is not doing it too professional
- For her it would be a great opportunity to go out, getting a free meal (saving groceries) each date and having a fun time, while on the long run if her dates like me catch feelings she might can profit of it (maybe even thinking about a green card or something?). I mean guys trying to be the savior could probably be very profitable --> I talked to another Colombian model which told me girls there in general are doing something like this and are trying to profit on the long term, which I also thought would make sense and which worries me in my situation.

I actually kinda followed my travel group to Medellin (they planned everything) and the girls started dating right away - and did it a lot. So I had FOMO that everyone else was dating and I was sitting at home alone. I wasn't really aware of the sex tourism thing in that city until I started my research afterwards. I just knew that you have to be very careful with scopolamine and we were really cautious about that. And I didn't just want sex. I wanted a connection and a friendship. It's important to me to make the women enjoy themselves, to give warmth and joy. I was 100% direct and honest. I wanted to experience what it was like to be close to a Latina and to chat with her in Spanish. It was exciting from the start, the thought of not knowing how it would develop in the long term and maybe seeing her again at some point. Otherwise I would never have fallen in love. I'm certainly not innocent and I was naive but I wouldn't say I was a sex tourist in that sense. So you are right about sex-tourism, I have learned my lesson to completely stay away from it in that sense.

 

[cbhours]

I was 100% honest from the beginning, I was only short term there and I told her I wanted to be friends, but no long-distance relationship and I didn't want us to be needy for each other. I wanted her to date other men and I was worried that she might feel too much for me.

It was exciting from the start, the thought of not knowing how it would develop in the long term .

You lost me, I don't understand, ur visiting the land of friends with benefits, you basically said that's what you wanted, what long term?

 

[MarieElise]

Side note: none of the people who engage in sex tourism ever openly call themselves sex tourists. It’s an ego thing.

They always give it some other kind of spin. But what they describe here, on this forum is; sex tourism.

If anyone doesn’t believe me, put sex term tourism up in the search bar up in (top right).A bunch of stories will come up of people who “weren’t sex tourists” but were sex tourists.

 

[Deleted member 85132]

You lost me, I don't understand, ur visiting the land of friends with benefits, you basically said that's what you wanted, what long term?

long term staying friends without being needy for each other (like emotionally). But with a connection and benefiting from each other trough friend ship.

 

[Slapstick]

Very unlikely.
Why would you do that with your time when you can just log on and men give you money?

They may not want money, they may be after Green Cards (or equivalent if not US). This is a common (or at least not un-common) scam in Columbia. Having an American husband and baby really speeds up the green card process. These women are playing a long game as it will be years before they can dump their husbands without losing the green card. I thought we had a victim here in the past, but I can't find the post(s) now.

I hope the OP wore a condom he brought with him...

 

[Deleted member 85132]

Side note: none of the people who engage in sex tourism ever openly call themselves sex tourists. It’s an ego thing.

They always give it some other kind of spin. But what they describe here, on this forum is; sex tourism.

If anyone doesn’t believe me, put sex term tourism up in the search bar up in (top right).A bunch of stories will come up of people who “weren’t sex tourists” but were sex tourists.

I mean technically you can call it that, I agree. But basically, if you are on a trip an have sex, is that sex tourism? And why is having sex bad? Isn't it something both parties enjoy or is the bottom line that in a country like that if you have sex you will be exploited emotionally and it is only seen transactional and bad and it is ok if that happens?

 

[Deleted member 85132]

They may not want money, they may be after Green Cards (or equivalent if not US). This is a common (or at least not un-common) scam in Columbia. Having an American husband and baby really speeds up the green card process. These women are playing a long game as it will be years before they can dump their husbands without losing the green card. I thought we had a victim here in the past, but I can't find the post(s) now.

I hope the OP wore a condom he brought with him...

Thank you for your response. Yes, of course.

 

[MarieElise]

And why is having sex bad? Isn't it something both parties enjoy or is the bottom line that in a country like that if you have sex you will be exploited emotionally and it is only seen transactional and bad and it is ok if that happens?

Whoa hold on there… don’t put words in my mouth. I never made any kind of value judgement. Or said any of this stuff you are running on to say yourself.

The only thing I will say that you may not like, although I do have sympathy for your emotional entanglement. Is that you probably should’ve thought things through a little bit more, and not been so naive. I’m not saying that you are 100% to blame for what has happened, but I am saying that you do hold responsibility too. A lot of your posts seem to kind of want to push all the responsibility onto her. You definitely hold responsibilities in this situation, you clearly made very bad decisions.

Your very first post, that you backtracked on, seemed to be kind of like painting yourself as a victim, and her as a predator. And I think, when you look at the context of the whole situation, that is really unfair!

Also, the other thing I did want to say, that I didn’t have time to put in yesterday (because I was busy working), was that I don’t know what professionals you are talking to, but any professionals that tries to put a label or a diagnosis on someone they are not treating themselves, is an unethical professional. You can’t go to a counselor and complain about somebody, give your take on what happened with that person, and then hear a counselor say “oh well they’re probably a narcissist”. Then take that to be word. That’s an unethical thing for a professional to say or do. It happens, not every counselors is a good counselor, but it’s unethical af

I would really like to know, what professional, specifically, you were referring to when you told me that you had talked to professionals about it. Like not their name or anything, but their title. Or do you have someone in your family or some thing, you told about this? Who works since I’m kind kind of feel who gave you an offhand opinion, that you are taking to be a professional opinion?

 

[Deleted member 85132]

Whoa hold on there… don’t put words in my mouth. I never made any kind of value judgement. Or said any of this stuff you are running on to say yourself.

sorry again. I mean I already said several times that I know that it was a bad decision using tinder but other than that I don't see a big problem/mistake in dating there, other than the risk of being drugged. I will not do it again as I said. I was 100% direct and honest while dating. I was treating her really good. I was naive, so yes, some bad decisions.

A lot of your posts seem to kind of want to push all the responsibility onto her.

I mean I can tell more about it. But in general I poured a lot of love and attention into her. I could give more examples of what happened. I agree, it is always two sides. My intention of my post is to find out, if that could be a love scam or something else. I mean I was ready to give her anything (well, maybe not braindead sending money...), but it hurts when suddenly you are not good enough, you are being ignored for some days, you are breadcrummed with some little pieces of "love", getting more and more addicted until you get "discarded" as if the person never really cared. And she told me that she cares a lot, but it was only words. no actions. When I wanted something, like doing a video call (not sexual), it turned from being a good idea to a bad idea to a topic that is not even responded to, like ignored, within days.

painting yourself as a victim, and her as a predator.

She definitely suffers a lot. But she also hurt me a lot. She seemed to enjoy having control over my emotions. I am not here to point her out as the bad guy. I am here to find answers. And most answers are good and helpful. It is good to hear opinions about how it is in the cam-industry, how it is in Medellin and so on. I am trying to get closure. In my head I am talking to her every day and I try to move on and it gets better. It is just super hard. And it is not like with a regular heart break. It is a knot of "not understanding the situation" that I would like to resolve.

what professional specifically you were referring to

A therapist and a educator. I never specified what information I got from what source. So we talked about general behavior, not about narcissism. Some of the examples of what my therapist contact told me like 3 weeks after I have left Colombia: "She always creates one drama after the other for you to resolve" or "she always talks about that other guy she dated. If she does again, don't respond to it and see what she will do. It seems like she wants to trigger you somehow with it and uses you as the shoulder to cry on". And I always said "no it is just her being honest. we agreed on telling each other everything and I believe her. She was always honest".

One of the so far most helpful resources was the book Riemann - Grundformen der Angst [Basic Forms of Anxiety]

 

[MarieElise]

sorry again. I mean I already said several times that I know that it was a bad decision using tinder but other than that I don't see a big problem/mistake in dating there, other than the risk of being drugged. I will not do it again as I said. I was 100% direct and honest while dating. I was treating her really good. I was naive, so yes, some bad decisions.


I mean I can tell more about it. But in general I poured a lot of love and attention into her. I could give more examples of what happened. I agree, it is always two sides. My intention of my post is to find out, if that could be a love scam or something else. I mean I was ready to give her anything, but it hurts when suddenly you are not good enough, you are being ignored for some days, you are breadcrummed with some little pieces of "love", getting more and more addicted until you get "discarded" as if the person never really cared. And she told me that she cares a lot, but it was only words. no actions. When I wanted something, like doing a video call (not sexual), it turned from being a good idea to a bad idea to a topic that is not even responded to, like ignored, within days.


She definitely suffers a lot. But she also hurt me a lot. She seemed to enjoy having control over my emotions. I am not here to point her out as the bad guy. I am here to find answers. And most answers are good and helpful. It is good to hear opinions about how it is in the cam-industry, how it is in Medellin and so on. I am trying to get closure. In my head I am talking to her every day and I try to move on and it gets better. It is just super hard. And it is not like with a regular heart break. It is a knot of "not understanding the situation" that I would like to resolve.

A therapist and a educator. I never specified what information I got from what source. So we talked about general behavior, not about narcissism. Some of the examples of what my therapist contact told me like 3 weeks after I have left Colombia: "She always creates one drama after the other for you to resolve" or "she always talks about that other guy she dated. If she does again, don't respond to it and see what she will do. It seems like she wants to trigger you somehow with it and uses you as the shoulder to cry on". And I always said "no it is just her being honest. we agreed on telling each other everything and I believe her. She was always honest".

One of the so far most helpful resources was the book Riemann - Grundformen der Angst [Basic Forms of Anxiety]

Well I do feel bad you are suffering emotionally, and in pain. But it does seem there is a lot to this story.

In an ideal world what is the resolution you want from this? Just to be able to forget about her completely, and stop talking to her in your head?

The way I have taken a lot of your post is that you want us to confirm that she is the bad one, you’re the good one, and that is that. And human interactions are way more complicated than that. There’s probably a ton of different things going on at once, not just one thing. Hopefully moving on for you doesn’t mean that you need to demonize her.

I don’t know, man I’m just not comfortable with going into other cultures and projecting our cultural values onto them and our ways of doing things or thinking about things. I just don’t think that that’s fair. Seems very ethnocentric.

 

[Deleted member 85132]

Well I do feel bad you are suffering emotionally, and in pain. But it does seem there is a lot to this story.

In an ideal world what is the resolution you want from this? Just to be able to forget about her completely, and stop talking to her in your head?

The way I have taken a lot of your post is that you want us to confirm that she is the bad one, you’re the good one, and that is that. And human interactions are way more complicated than that. There’s probably a ton of different things going on at once, not just one thing. Hopefully moving on for you doesn’t mean that you need to demonize her.

I don’t know, man I’m just not comfortable with going into other cultures and projecting our cultural values onto them and our ways of doing things onto other cultures. I just don’t think that that’s fair. Seems very ethnocentric.

I wanted to know if it is a love scam. I wanted to know if trauma-bonding is something that some colombian cam models maybe "learn" as an advanced, maybe new love con tactic. I wanted to ask if it could be a love con system including real tinder dates.

But yes, of course it ended in a big discussion about many things but that is originally what I wanted to know and why I asked here.

Anyway thank you very much for everything, it is always good to talk about stuff. And i think it helped me.

 

[MarieElise]

I wanted to know if it is a love scam. I wanted to know if trauma-bonding is something that some colombian cam models maybe "learn" as an advanced, maybe new love con tactic. I wanted to ask if it could be a love con system including real tinder dates.

But yes, of course it ended in a big discussion about many things but that is originally what I wanted to know and why I asked here.

Anyway thank you very much for everything, it is always good to talk about stuff. And i think it helped me.

You never going to be able to get a definitive answer for that, we could not give you that. But I think that most people here have told you that that is unlikely in one way or another.

A scam might be likely or a long con who knows. But a trauma bonding complicated as hell scam, to ruin your emotions and pull you into the point where you need to go see a counselor. Nope. I personally do not think that is not as likely. It is so fucking easy to get money from man for anything to do with tits, vagina and ass. They really is no need for any of that shite.

ETA; Have I heard of cam models using Tinder? Yes I have. It seems like that would be a very desperate and unneeded tactic, though. I think it’s probably more likely she uses Tinder, or bumbler or grinder or fricken masher or whatever you kids use these days, in her personal time. But her professional stuff to do with cam modeling and surviving has crossed over into her romantic/ sex life too. It happens, I hear. Like I said could’ve started at one way, then turned into an opportunistic thing.

Remember peoples feelings do change. Maybe at one point she saw you one way, and then she changed the way she was looking at you based on some thing in her own head. Or some environmental circumstance, that came her way.

 

[misterical]

I know a few Medellin residents at this stage and all of them would agree that gringo sex tourists are a way bigger problem than latina scamsters and scopolamine. In fact, it's become such a huge problem with gringos and underage girls that the local authorities there have brought in special regulations for the likes of AirBnB rentals. I'm not suggesting the OP is engaging in anything illegal in any way, but a lot of the things that the gringos get up to there is immoral and downright shady.

 

[MarieElise]

I know a few Medellin residents at this stage and all of them would agree that gringo sex tourists are a way bigger problem than latina scamsters and scopolamine. In fact, it's become such a huge problem with gringos and underage girls that the local authorities there have brought in special regulations for the likes of AirBnB rentals. I'm not suggesting the OP is engaging in anything illegal in any way, but a lot of the things that the gringos get up to there is immoral and downright shady.

I’m glad you are saying this because I have heard the same from my boyfriend who lived illegally in Brazil, for seven years, and was a tour guide there. Groups of men show up to fucking party! And I mean fucking party!

I really don’t fully understand what’s going on with this specific poster, and he does seem like a nice person, and I do feel for him. But there is a problem with people going into other countries , exploiting, stirring up shit, then passing the buck.

 

[Deleted member 85132]

But there is a problem with people going into other countries and exploiting and then stirring up shit.

I agree. I hope you don't want say that I was exploiting. I was naive, yes. i was honest, I treated her very sensitive, and I cared for her. I asked her all the time if she feels well and that I can order an Uber as soon as she would want to go. Also, becoming sexual was at least as much motivated from her side then it was from my side. I always gave her room and space and she came to me and pushed it a little further. It was like she wanted to absorb my love and caring energy and enjoyed it during our dates. We were the almost the same age, optically on the same level (of course, my opinion...), and I didn't come with the intention to buy love or sex. "Nobody ever has treated me as good as you do" "I just love how you treat me" "you are a good person", her words during our dates... Reminding me of a meme

immoral and downright shady.

I can't agree more.