Boyfriend/Fiance/Husband Support Group?

[AllisonWilder]

Now I need a support group because my support group is not being supportive enough.

I'm sorry. Maybe I'm a bit too old to understand all this touchy-feely crap. If you're not man enough

...to realize your human, with human feelings, you need a reality check.

Support groups are for learning coping mechanisms for real life issues. If you need a coping mechanism to feel okay with how your partner makes a living, they aren't the partner for you. It has nothing to do with getting in touch with your emotions or humanity. Your emotions are your own and you have a right to them. You don't, however, have a right to put them on the person you're with if they are happy with who they are and what they do.

It all depends on if your job is who you are, or if you are simply a worker. I am simply a sex worker. My job is not who I am and does not define me. If my partner isn't fully okay with everything in my job, it oes not make him the right person for me. If he is uncomfortable with something and we are partners, which for me me means one person, I make it so that we are both comfortable. Meet half way. If he wanted to seek out other guys to talk to in a uplifting way and feel as though he is not alone, I would be all for it.

I agree with this. My boyfriend wasn't comfortable with me texting a bunch of members or doing anything off-site other than social networking, so he came to me and we worked out what worked best for us. I keep him in the loop and he voices his opinions on everything. We come to an agreement on everything before I do it. I might be a solo cam model, but the business is a partnership.

 

[bob]

I'm supposed to be his partner and everything that entails. I'm supposed to be his support group.

bingo :thumbleft:
and if....hypothetically....the "support group" of your relationship wasn't enough for him -i.e., his insecurity/uncertainty about the nature of the job and the role of the guys you interact with there found no peace in your relationship- some other support group might serve as a crutch to help him limp through his life with you....but i can't see it helping in any other way.

whether a crutch might be construed to be a "coping mechanism" is this situation depends on the individual, i suppose...for myself, i say no, as it's not really an aid to any kind of growth or understanding, but an instrument of self protection....

and i can see why you, as his SO, would be hurt by that.

 

[mynameisbob84]

First world problems, eh?

 

[LadyLuna]

First world problems, eh?

Wait, does Romania count as first world?

---

I can't really participate in this. My partner is not the type to explore support groups anyway, so if he were to need to do it for this, I'd feel very confused. x.x

The type of man that I am attracted to is the type of man that comes to me with his issues regarding me, so that we can work on them together (read: figure out if I need to change something or he needs to deal with it). But I still kinda think it's good to have for those who like to use them. Kinda like TV- I don't personally own one, but am fine with the idea of other people having them.

 

[Nordling]

First world problems, eh?

Wait, does Romania count as first world?

---

I can't really participate in this. My partner is not the type to explore support groups anyway, so if he were to need to do it for this, I'd feel very confused. x.x

The type of man that I am attracted to is the type of man that comes to me with his issues regarding me, so that we can work on them together (read: figure out if I need to change something or he needs to deal with it). But I still kinda think it's good to have for those who like to use them. Kinda like TV- I don't personally own one, but am fine with the idea of other people having them.

Good question! Romania is horribly poor, but is getting better. As a member of the European Union, that kind of puts them in the "First World." Also, their GDP is orders of magnitude higher compared to Third World. I don't know, maybe they're "Second World." lol

 

[RedHerby]

First world problems, eh?

Wait, does Romania count as first world?

I don't know, maybe they're "Second World." lol

indeed, the Rommies are Commies and therefore considered to be part of the Second World
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_World

 

[Evvie]

Hmm. Now I know in the past I've said, "If a man wanted me to quit camming because he couldn't handle it, well fuck him," (essentially), but I'm starting to rethink that.

Do I think a 'support group' is a good idea? Not in this context. It would have to be online, with the men (or partners) communicating long-distance over the Internet with no mediator. I agree that it would probably not be "I see that you're a brother-in-arms and we should work together to become more accepting of the cam world," but rather, "let's bring our fears together to reinforce them."

Here on ACF us models like to "circle the wagons" ( :lol: ) and agree about a lot of things. If all our dissatisfied men banded together, might they not do the same thing?

If my partner had an issue which was actually an underlying problem ("Even though I understand sex work I believe it is a sin and humiliating to me as a man that my girlfriend does it," "I understand the boundaries you set but I refuse to let you speak to other men," et cetera), well, it would be an indication to me that overall, this person and I have differences of opinion that are so important to my life that I would not want to be with them.

Would I really not be with someone if they think camming is disgusting? Nope, I would not. I do not believe sexuality or sex work are degrading, filthy, or shameful. This is such an important part of my life view that I would not even associate with someone who thought otherwise, forget about dating them.

If my partner had an issue because he did not understand what was going on, had misconceptions, or was being stubborn and just wanted things 'his way', that is something that can be worked on and resolved. To further that end, I think couple's counseling or therapy would be a great idea. I think sitting down and having regular discussions is a great idea, too.

Is there any case where it is appropriate to say, "I don't care what he thinks; this is what I'm doing and he can get over it"? I think there is. But I do not think they represent the majority of cases and I don't think it's good for models to hastily adopt this point of view.

 

[RogueWarrior]

Now I need a support group because my support group is not being supportive enough.

I'm sorry. Maybe I'm a bit too old to understand all this touchy-feely crap. If you're not man enough

...to realize your human, with human feelings, you need a reality check.

Oh yes, I realize I'm human with human feelings. However, I do not portend that wallowing in a human pity party is a healthy way to confront these feelings that the OP expressed. It all just seems silly to me.

I can just imagine the scenarios. And yes they would all be caricaturistic in nature.

I was being sarcastic in my original post. I see the value in support groups for those overcoming alcoholism, drug addiction, sexual abuse, etc. But for a guy who can't deal with his girl being a cam model (or sex worker, or whatever you want to term it) then it falls more into the category of couples counseling than a support group.

Maybe the guy could benefit from individual therapy, because there has to be some self-esteem issues at work here. I have never understood the guys who get upset because someone is checking out their lady. That should be a compliment.

To me, this issue is all about insecurity. But that's just my opinion. Take it for what you will.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

Now I need a support group because my support group is not being supportive enough.

I'm sorry. Maybe I'm a bit too old to understand all this touchy-feely crap. If you're not man enough

...to realize your human, with human feelings, you need a reality check.

Oh yes, I realize I'm human with human feelings. However, I do not portend that wallowing in a human pity party is a healthy way to confront these feelings that the OP expressed. It all just seems silly to me.

I can just imagine the scenarios. And yes they would all be caricaturistic in nature.

I was being sarcastic in my original post. I see the value in support groups for those overcoming alcoholism, drug addiction, sexual abuse, etc. But for a guy who can't deal with his girl being a cam model (or sex worker, or whatever you want to term it) then it falls more into the category of couples counseling than a support group.

Maybe the guy could benefit from individual therapy, because there has to be some self-esteem issues at work here. I have never understood the guys who get upset because someone is checking out their lady. That should be a compliment.

To me, this issue is all about insecurity. But that's just my opinion. Take it for what you will.

We'll just have to agree, to disagree.

 

[bob]

First world problems, eh?

:lol:

to a degree, sure....
certainly the vocabulary pinpoints it's location :whistle:

but in the end, no.....it's pretty universal...i know eastern european models who are dealing with the same stuff in their SO relationships.....while their motivations for camming are fundamentally the same as ($), their view of it's meaning in their lives are -in my limited experience- different

 

[SoTxBob]

First world problems, eh?

Wait, does Romania count as first world?

I don't know, maybe they're "Second World." lol

indeed, the Rommies are Commies and therefore considered to be part of the Second World
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_World

Romania hasn't been under communist rule since 1989... your map label even states the time it was current.. [Cold_War_alliances_mid-1975.] While things are still very economically poor, they are attempting to remedy their plight to some extent. Also, they are trying to gain a foothold in the world scientific community as well.
"World’s most powerful laser coming soon to Romania in EUR 180 mln research center"

http://www.romania-insider.com/worlds-m ... ter/65369/

 

[LadyLuna]

So...

First World = Democracy/Republic
Second World = Communist
Third World = Tribal/monarchy/everything else

???

Or is it more along the lines of economy?

First World = Free Market
Second World = Communist
Third World = barter system

???

 

[AllisonWilder]

I think the idea behind this sort of thing is great, but it's just worded wrong. If it was more of a discussion community, much like this one, it would be different.

 

[Nordling]

So...

First World = Democracy/Republic
Second World = Communist
Third World = Tribal/monarchy/everything else

???

Or is it more along the lines of economy?

First World = Free Market
Second World = Communist
Third World = barter system

???

With the fall of the Soviet Union along with nearly all communist regimes (China, IMHO is Commie in name only), I'd say those terms probably should be updated. Economic, yes, but maybe more like "Affluent," "Middlin'," and "Church Mice."

 

[Evvie]

So...

First World = Democracy/Republic
Second World = Communist
Third World = Tribal/monarchy/everything else

???

Or is it more along the lines of economy?

First World = Free Market
Second World = Communist
Third World = barter system

???

First world = Us
Second world = Them
Third world = People we're supposed to feel sorry for

 

[sweetiebatman]

So...

First World = Democracy/Republic
Second World = Communist
Third World = Tribal/monarchy/everything else

???

Or is it more along the lines of economy?

First World = Free Market
Second World = Communist
Third World = barter system

???

From my understanding "First World" refers to so called developed, capitalist, industrial countries, based roughly on the Allied powers after WW2, which is when the term was first coined, Think USA, UK, Australia etc

"Second World" refers to Communist or former Communist countries, Most of Eastern Europe, Russia China etc

"Third World" refers to developing nations, typically less advanced and more dependant on developed states. Almost always poor, and with unstable Governments

There is also a "Fourth World" which whist irrelevent to this conversation is interesting nontheless, It refers to indigenous people strew out across modern day boundaries, which have been socially excluded from modern day society (by this i mena have no "home country") The best example being the indigenous Americans but there are others like the Kurds, Pashtoons, The Basque in Spain, The Romani


FINALLY my degree has been of some use! :lol:

 

[RedHerby]

So...

First World = Democracy/Republic
Second World = Communist
Third World = Tribal/monarchy/everything else

???

Or is it more along the lines of economy?

First World = Free Market
Second World = Communist
Third World = barter system

???

I think there are 2 things, origin and current popular usage:

The origin of these terms, then it is:

- First World: the United States and its allies.
- Second World: the Soviet Union, China, and their allies.
- Third World: neutral and non-aligned countries.

Finland & Switzerland are Third World in this definition

Popular usage now, multiple definitions possible, I think it's something like:

- First world: The Western developed world
- Second world: Not really used anymore, communism is almost dead, only some countries left, not a world-force anymore.
- Third world: Non-Western , Poor, Undeveloped

I like Evvie's definition to

 

[RedHerby]

indeed, the Rommies are Commies and therefore considered to be part of the Second World

Romania hasn't been under communist rule since 1989... your map label even states the time it was current... [Cold_War_alliances_mid-1975.]

I know, watch this movie http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0809407/ for a funny view of 1989 in Romania. 1989 is the most important year for Europe after the Word War II

You can discuss if communism was really gone after 1989. Romania is currently in a political crises, and the ghosts of the communism period is part of this crises. Or at least the argument is still used that some political parties have the origin in the original communist party.

 

[HarmlessSquirrel]

Since we're pretty far off topic anyway...

How about a support group for guys who don't have a beautiful cam girl to come home to?

 

[Nordling]

indeed, the Rommies are Commies and therefore considered to be part of the Second World

Romania hasn't been under communist rule since 1989... your map label even states the time it was current... [Cold_War_alliances_mid-1975.]

I know, watch this movie http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0809407/ for a funny view of 1989 in Romania. 1989 is the most important year for Europe after the Word War II

You can discuss if communism was really gone after 1989. Romania is currently in a political crises, and the ghosts of the communism period is part of this crises. Or at least the argument is still used that some political parties have the origin in the original communist party.

I had a Romanian couple in my store once. This was just a few years after the fall of the Soviet Union. I asked how often they go home to visit relatives, etc. They said never because of the political situation. I said something like, "but I thought Ceausescu was gone and dead now."

The husband walked up to the counter (I had been talking to the wife) and said, "No, nothing's changed. Old Romanian saying--'If you kill the dog, you must also kill the pups.' And that hasn't happened."

 

[Shaun__]

Since we're pretty far off topic anyway...

How about a support group for guys who don't have a beautiful cam girl to come home to?

I thought that is what MFC was.

 

[RogueWarrior]

Since we're pretty far off topic anyway...

How about a support group for guys who don't have a beautiful cam girl to come home to?

I thought that is what MFC was.

My bad, I thought that was why we were all here at ACF.

 

[Shaun__]

My bad, I thought that was why we were all here at ACF.

I actually considered that, but I think of this place as more of a support group for all my other support groups. It is nice to have a place you can talk about MFC when you want to.

 

[NewFlesh]

My gf has been camming for 2+ years, and my ex did a mix of camming and escorting. Honestly, it's not a huge deal... Other than having to deal with a disproportionately large collection of poor quality dildos.

Support group? Eh... I don't feel like that's really necessary. Sex work is a job, though a job with certain social stigmas attached. How is a support group supposed to eliminate that stigma? To me, it makes more sense to work as an ally of sex worker rights groups and try to do something productive. I don't see why there's a big difference between being a cam model and other service jobs based on tips/commission. They're just building a client base, working to retain them, and establishing business relationships.

I dunno... I feel like it's a loaded topic. There's a lot of BS associated with camming, and certainly that plays a role in any relationship. But... I feel like it's better to have that discussion with your partner, because every cam model is unique and faces unique challenges. That said... So does every person in any job. Are there lawyer partner support groups? Marketing specialist partner support groups? The idea of a cam model partner support group just seems to just reinforce negative stereotypes about sex workers, as if being a partner who is a cam model is something to be endured. It just doesn't make sense to me, I guess...