A model seeking love and a future with a client? Or a manipulative romance scammer? One year anniversary! Ideas and impressions sought, please.

[Derek_Zoolander]

Which is again why I think it's odd for a model to initiate discussions about dating, romance, visits, futures together. I mean, I hear all the admonition to the members who might fall for such a thing. But maybe the websites should post warning labels or something? Or have a code of conduct? Just a thought...

You do realize camming is illegal in Russia? If the websites were to have a code of conduct, you wouldn't have even met a Russian model.

 

[Marceline]

But maybe the websites should post warning labels or something? Or have a code of conduct?

How would those warning labels look?

“Warning: Models who tell you they love you probably don’t actually have feelings for you and just want your money. Enter at own risk.”

That would be silly. I’d say most guys going to cam sites understand the exact nature of what camming is and they go there for entertainment, to chat or to get off. For those guys, warnings like that would be incredibly off putting and it wouldn’t do anything positive for a cam site, in my opinion.

Most sites have it in their code of conduct now that you’re not supposed to talk about meeting offsite ever since FOSTA/SESTA. But how would they word not leading on members? There’s a lot of models who offer gfe and members who want that. Obviously, gfe is not the same as leading someone on. Both parties are aware it’s a service that the member is paying for and the model is providing and that it’s a fantasy. But, what if they had something like what you’re wanting in their tos? A member could get angry at a model providing the gfe for whatever reason or just want to try to get his money back, claim she was “leading him on” and the model could potentially get in trouble for just providing an agreed upon service.

 

[JohnOfC]

How would those warning labels look?

“Warning: Models who tell you they love you probably don’t actually have feelings for you and just want your money. Enter at own risk.”

That would be silly. I’d say most guys going to cam sites understand the exact nature of what camming is and they go there for entertainment, to chat or to get off. For those guys, warnings like that would be incredibly off putting and it wouldn’t do anything positive for a cam site, in my opinion.

that would indeed be a huge turn-off, what would that be like with all those stalkers?
Warning: those girls don't want to meet you so don't stalk them and respect their privacy.
Actually such people like George make the camming world sick....

 

[Danigirl]

Clearly warning signs on sites would do zero good. Look at all the dudes coming here posting obvious scams and they still don't want to believe it or blame everything on the model while taking zero accountability for using a site as it's not intended. If tons of actual models are shouting that it's a scam and they still continue to believe, what the f would warning labels do?

 

[yummybrownfox]

Without even reading the first posts in these type of threads, I can already tell this stuff happens most on token sites. Where there's more of the "building relationships" aspect than it is on private-based sites.
On private-based sites like Streamate and ImLive models aren't even allowed to mention Twitter or be telling you other ways to contact them off-site.

Warning labels...lol. Warning labels didn't stop teenagers from doing the "Benadryl challenge" on TikTok...and other ridiculolus TikTok challenges.....

Cam sites could have it spelled out on their home page in all caps "THIS IS NOT TINDER. THESE MODELS AREN'T GONNA MEET YOUR ASS IN PERSON. THEY'RE HERE TO MAKE MONEY," and there would still be dudes trying to be the rare exception because "Well I'm different...Well I'm not like these other guys...Well I'm a nice guy...Well she called me 'baby' and PMs me, and she doesn't do that with other members..." Don't let all of the smiles and cute giggles at your jokes, extra attention given to you, or even the L word fool you into believing that you two will be meeting up face to face. Sorry.

 

[ArcticKitty]

Which is again why I think it's odd for a model to initiate discussions about dating, romance, visits, futures together. I mean, I hear all the admonition to the members who might fall for such a thing. But maybe the websites should post warning labels or something? Or have a code of conduct? Just a thought...

In case you forgot, you're posting this on a board for models that was founded and owned by a model where users are regularly warned about "I'm in love with a model" and repeatedly ignore the warnings and argue with people who know what they are talking about.

Aside from the insinuation that cam sites are just seething with "con models" regularly preying on poor innocent users, your idea is silly on the face of it, which is evident from your own post.

Thinking really isn't something you're very good at, is it honey?

 

[ArcticKitty]

And I see now that others said the same thing re warning labels. And of course he's going to come back with a lecture about how we don't get it.

 

[Finchomatic]

I wonder what the demographic is of the guys that fall for these things?

 

[NotLikeAnApe]

Have you considered stop paying and seeing if the love and affection continues?
If it truly is love, then you shouldn't have to pay for her time.

 

[Omne35]

I wonder what the demographic is of the guys that fall for these things?

I don't think there really is one. I think the common factor is social isolation due to an inability to form/maintain normal relationships in real life. They construct a fantasy relationship that is safe for them. It doesn't have any of the messiness of real relationships such as arguments, responsibilities or risk. It does allow the drama though which many seek. Since the model is always adapting on the other end they can make sure that the fantasy stays comfortable for the person and makes sure to reinforce the positive things like being a protector and being special. Needless to say their confidence and self-esteem are not very strong.

I would guess there are a lot of users that would be vulnerable to this but don't run across it.

 

[rockin_rod]

I wonder what the demographic is of the guys that fall for these things?

Doubt there's any real pattern, other than perhaps IMHO two things in common:
First seems to be a strong conviction that despite all the other similar stories and red flags, their own situation somehow is different to all the others.
Second seems to be self-awareness of some social aspects of their lives not going well.
I actually find this interesting, because we tend to encourage optimism and discourage pessimism, but this is a great example of where optimism can be misdirected.

 

[Finchomatic]

Doubt there's any real pattern, other than perhaps IMHO two things in common:
First seems to be a strong conviction that despite all the other similar stories and red flags, their own situation somehow is different to all the others.
Second seems to be self-awareness of some social aspects of their lives not going well.
I actually find this interesting, because we tend to encourage optimism and discourage pessimism, but this is a great example of where optimism can be misdirected.

I don't think there really is one. I think the common factor is social isolation due to an inability to form/maintain normal relationships in real life. They construct a fantasy relationship that is safe for them. It doesn't have any of the messiness of real relationships such as arguments, responsibilities or risk. It does allow the drama though which many seek. Since the model is always adapting on the other end they can make sure that the fantasy stays comfortable for the person and makes sure to reinforce the positive things like being a protector and being special. Needless to say their confidence and self-esteem are not very strong.

I would guess there are a lot of users that would be vulnerable to this but don't run across it.

To me this is interesting.
It could happen to anyone depending on who they are as a person. If they have gone through some life altering experience that they put attachment to online only out of fear. Or they just don't have time in their real lives for actual in person intimacy that the online has become their intimacy.

 

[Omne35]

To me this is interesting.
It could happen to anyone depending on who they are as a person. If they have gone through some life altering experience that they put attachment to online only out of fear. Or they just don't have time in their real lives for actual in person intimacy that the online has become their intimacy.

I think the people without time would cover the usual user but I don't know if they would necessarily be more susceptible to a love con. The fear would be a factor.

 

[JohnOfC]

I think the people without time would cover the usual user but I don't know if they would necessarily be more susceptible to a love con. The fear would be a factor.

I think it has to do with the upbringing of some men, some are very naive who let themselves be sold a wreck at a car dealer because the car dealer was so nice.
But it is also in the genes, if I have drunk alcohol I trust almost nobody, other people think everyone is their best friend.

 

[GeorgeSpelvin]

On private-based sites like Streamate and ImLive models aren't even allowed to mention Twitter or be telling you other ways to contact them off-site.

Well, for whatever it's worth, this model is most active on StripChat, SecretFriends, and LiveJasmin. Though her account on LiveJasmin has been in a temporary suspension for the last 2 weeks and she said it was a "misunderstanding" about something. Her profile was also permanently removed from MFC at an earlier point in our communication and she always said she didn't know why. Not sure what that was about. But she mostly communicates with me on Skype.

I'm also curious as to how these sites feel about a model taking money directly from me, offsite, into her own account. Which she has said she has to be careful about. But I thought models have lists for gifts, Amazon cards, things like that? Doesn't seem much different.

 

[GeorgeSpelvin]

To me this is interesting.
It could happen to anyone depending on who they are as a person. If they have gone through some life altering experience that they put attachment to online only out of fear. Or they just don't have time in their real lives for actual in person intimacy that the online has become their intimacy.

Well, to comment on some of the conjecture...I'm not a social misfit or desperado. And actually, I'm not even typically gullible. So if anyone is actually interested (and not just trying to get comic relief out of another idiot wasting time and money or getting duped): The situation began in a low-key way but I was probably more vulnerable to going down the rabbit hole because of situational factors in my life at the time. But also, not to minimize: I enjoyed talking to this woman; we had many good conversations about a lot of topics. Suspicions kicked in once she began to introduce the "romance" angle but you know...it's not always that easy to accept someone is feigning their feelings after some time has passed. And things that are red flags in hindsight...well, sometimes you're puzzled at the time but want to lean towards believing. It's funny that some of the people responding act like a guy would have to be really pathological to fall prey. I think the pathological part would be valid if I were digging in and arguing that the situation was real.

 

[GeorgeSpelvin]

If it truly is love, then you shouldn't have to pay for her time.

I have and I already began to get comments from her about it would be nice to get help with things that come up from time to time, or gifts, because how is that any different than a relationship in real life.

 

[yummybrownfox]

I'm also curious as to how these sites feel about a model taking money directly from me, offsite, into her own account. Which she has said she has to be careful about. But I thought models have lists for gifts, Amazon cards, things like that? Doesn't seem much different.

I've explained this in the previous post. Cam sites don't want models using their platform to be asking members to pay them off-site. The cam sites don't get any cut of that money if a model is accepting Amazon gift cards for a Skype show. If she's gonna advertise that, she should be doing that on her Twitter account. Not while she's live streaming on the cam site. When I cam on MyFreeCams, and these guys in public chat are asking for a Skype show (and ask to pay via PayPal or CashApp), I tell them they can tip me MyFreeCams tokens for a Skype show.

If a site has a section where models are allowed to post their wish list, obviously that's fine. But there are some cam sites where that's not allowed, and for the model's sake it's best to check to make sure that's 100% okay before she does it, and possibly risks getting suspended or banned. However on a model's Twitter feed she's free to post the link to her wish list.

 

[GeorgeSpelvin]

where users are regularly warned

I didn't know about this site or read those messages until recently. I wish I had read them a long time ago.

the insinuation that cam sites are just seething with "con models"

I've never made that insinuation. And I wouldn't even be able to make guesses because I've had so few interactions with other models. Not sure why the defensiveness. I never implied anything about the camming industry or models in general. I even asked if this seemed to be uncommon.

 

[yummybrownfox]

I have and I already began to get comments from her about it would be nice to get help with things that come up from time to time, or gifts, because how is that any different than a relationship in real life.

If you're already following her on Twitter and you two are as close as you claim, you can have conversations on Twitter about the gifts you want to send her. If she's following you back on Twitter, you two can even direct message other on there to have private one-on-one conversations about it.

 

[ArcticKitty]

I think the people without time would cover the usual user but I don't know if they would necessarily be more susceptible to a love con. The fear would be a factor.

...Or they just don't have time in their real lives for actual in person intimacy that the online has become their intimacy.

Well, women who see female escorts most often don't have the time (or ability or interest) in a lesbian relationship and just want an evening of pleasure. Kind of like a spa day massage.

I think that men who see models and are susceptible to catfishing are different. I agree that they are more likely to be lonely and socially limited. I suspect also that they often don't have a great deal of discretionary funds so that when they get taken, it's for more than they can really afford.

 

[JohnOfC]

I have and I already began to get comments from her about it would be nice to get help with things that come up from time to time, or gifts, because how is that any different than a relationship in real life.

The joke is, you decide if you want to pay for that, its your choice.
And if she does love-conn on multiple sides then that can end quickly, even myfreecams hates that, they get a bad name from that and possibly lose new customers.
She does this a few times, but it always goes wrong and ends with banned accounts ...
The problem remains that new customers can fall in, and new girls with new accounts arrive.

 

[JohnOfC]

George I think that you are protecting her, and that is the effect of that love-conn.
But I still don't know her model name, I can't judge anything, so my opinion in the middle remains both guilty.

 

[MarieElise]

I'm always wary with this type of thing because some features of narcissism are 1) thinking that the rules that apply to everyone else don't apply to you, and 2) not taking responsibility for one's role in anything. Not saying OP is a narcissist, but narcissists would be especially vulnerable to love cons due to the nature of their personality disorders. Wanted to highlight this information, and make sure it got aired too. Again, not trying to interact w OP, just sharing info on an open forum.

I believe lovecons are sociopathic on the studio or models part. But there's a lot more to this kind of stuff in many cases, than simple black-and-white thinking.

I also like that Rod pointed out the toxic positivity angle. I like to try and foster realism, and avoid the extremes of optimism and pessism. But it's nuanced, and a lot of people don't think into it thoroughly or ironically, realistically, enough. Which can also be a feature of age, experience and maturity.

 

[JohnOfC]

I believe lovecons are sociopathic. But there's a lot more to this kind of stuff in many cases, than simple black and white thinking.

So that's exactly what I suspect, we only hear one side of the story, which I think is a very big problem

 

[MarieElise]

So that's exactly what I suspect, we only hear one side of the story, which I think is a very big problem

There have been some cases on this forum, where I've suspected maybe the model was interested in more, but then the user started to exhibit very obvious and blatant red flag warning signs as very poor relationship material, and so in my opinion it's likely (in some of these cases) the model simply back tracked and wanted an out. Which is allowed. People are allowed to change their minds and leave relationships! But like you said; 2 sides to a story. Although there are definitely a lot of genuine love conners out there, and according to a statistic shared on here last year; romance cons are on the rise, and big "business". Which is really sad. I would love to believe your average person was immune to that kind of trickery, but apparently not.

I would like to see Members using the sites as intended, and models, studios and affiliates being kicked from the major sites if they advertise on dating sites or try to blatantly misrepresent themselves, However, again, that turns into a very nuanced, and legal territory.

 

[GeorgeSpelvin]

George I think that you are protecting her, and that is the effect of that love-con.

Well, maybe. This is a person I like, or at least - I liked who I thought she was. I suppose if I was 100 percent convinced that this was all a heartless scam, I would act differently. Or even if it is a heartless scam, she presumably is doing these things for a need of money; maybe there is even pressure from the studio (as others said). I also think that at least some of what she told me about her background is true, and if it is true, she dealt with a lot of things in life. And maybe life in Russia is hard too, for someone from her background. I don't have the answers. I wish I hadn't let myself get immersed in the situation; that's my fault.

But I still don't know her model name

Is stating her model name here allowed? Or even appropriate?

my opinion in the middle remains both guilty.

I certainly feel guilty of a lapse in judgement, being unrealistic, letting myself get drawn into something that I wanted to believe (even in spite of doubts coming into my mind early on). As I said, I began expressing doubts to her, too - this usually led to big quarrels and even more reassuring letters proclaiming a desire to meet, have a future together, and so on. But as I said, there were also many things that even at the time, I felt like were inconsistencies and red flags. The whole idea she pushes that it is "real" and she is looking forward...it's like a trail of bread crumbs. And it remained very important for her to continue to get money from me, which she attributed to the notion that "support" - emotional and financial - is part of the deal. Of course, I used to say that in real life, you normally develop the relationship first in person, before obligating oneself to financially assisting or supporting a partner! I could have done things differently early on, and it probably would have revealed the truth much sooner. But...that's on me. Maybe I enjoyed temporary insanity.

 

[Ozzie_]

Is stating her model name here allowed? Or even appropriate?

I would say: not appropriate.

 

[JohnOfC]

George, I think you learned a lot from this, life in some countries is damn hard....
You better protect the girls, she didn't want to hurt you she probably had to from the studio bosses.
Maybe you want to visit her online again that will do you good i think, you look at it differently now.
Just be nice to each other, give it a rest then you will get over it faster.
It's the best thing you can do for each other I think.

I do know what kind of girl it is, they really need the money.
Sometimes I play sucker, and just give them money, but that's because I'm having fun with the girl.
It's not like I have the Illusion that she really wants me or something.

 

[ArcticKitty]

Maybe I'm harsh this way but I just don't feel sympathy for the OPs in these model/love threads. Especially when it's obvious that they have issues from their replies to their own thread. And even just getting their side of the story, I've often been able to put it together and have a fair idea of the real story. And I'm far from the only one here who does.

And while I really do hate lovecons, and I'm sure that many victims really are innocent and vulnerable and were ruthlessly preyed upon, I also can't help thinking that many other victims are assholes themselves.