Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

[Stillhouse]

I'll start with some personal background.

I'm 41 years old and have Asperger's Syndrome, diagnosed at age 27. I'm a virgin, never had a girlfriend, been on a date, etc.

I stumbled on MFC a few years back and just stayed a basic for several months, hopping from one model to the next. Then I came across a model that really caught my attention and went premium. Long story short, after a while I found myself having genuine feelings for her, and foolishly let her know. I told her about my AS and let her know all I wanted/needed was to have an outlet for expressing the kind of feelings that I had had to keep to myself for most of my life. For about a year and a half things seemed OK. Then around this time last year I purchased a pair of panties from her which she never sent, and soon after that she was offline for a few months for health reasons. During that time I became frustrated over feeling like I had been cheated, but also concerned about her, and I left her an MFC mail saying how I was feeling and that I didn't know if we could be "friends" anymore. I regretted it as soon as I sent it and sent another right away apologizing.

Flash-forward a few months later and she's back on cam, but still hasn't read any of my messages(as far as I could tell, still marked Unread). I felt awkward not knowing how she might feel, so I tried PMing her and got no response. My feelings were hurt and I acted childish and tried to engage her in public chat. She finally responded that she would let me know were we stood later. She finally did, but her message was ambiguous. She said she didn't want me to have "false expectations." I asked her to clarify what she meant by that, but she has yet to elaborate.

I can't tell if she's indifferent or if she's tired of me or if she's hurt more than she's letting on. I hate feeling like I'm being a pest but I also hate being uncertain where I stand. I don't know if I should keep trying or just give up and move on.

What say you?

 

[PlayboyMegan]

Give up, move on.

 

[JimsX]

I have been you. I would walk away. Rightly or wrongly she feels creeped out and the more you try to engage her, especially in public chat (she will see you as passive aggressive), the more annoyed she will be. The model I went through this with did allow me back into her room, but all communication was cut off. I wish I had not gone back.

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

Hi there!

It sounds like this model is trying to distance herself and doesn't want the kind of relationship that the two of you used to have. I very much doubt that it is because she doesn't like you, is hurt, or anything like that. You said you wanted her to be an outlet for you and as someone who was also diagnosed with Aspergers as an adult, I truly can empathize. But that aren't what camgirls are there for. Maybe it was something she wanted to do at the time, or felt she could do and now she simply isn't interested anymore. Even just being an outlet to someone is a pretty significant role to have in someone'e life. I know I would never want to be that to someone because it sounds like a lot of pressure. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she felt the same way. Even if that isn't what you intended.

I absolutely think you should give up on this girl. It seems clear from what you have said that she doesn't have any interest in maintaining any kind of relationship with you.

:twocents-02cents:

 

[Stillhouse]

I have been you. I would walk away. Rightly or wrongly she feels creeped out and the more you try to engage her, especially in public chat (she will see you as passive aggressive), the more annoyed she will be. The model I went through this with did allow me back into her room, but all communication was cut off. I wish I had not gone back.

That's what I've been thinking, but didn't know if I was seeing things clearly or objectively. I also worried about her feelings, but at this point it seems like perhaps I shouldn't.

Hi there!

It sounds like this model is trying to distance herself and doesn't want the kind of relationship that the two of you used to have. I very much doubt that it is because she doesn't like you, is hurt, or anything like that. You said you wanted her to be an outlet for you and as someone who was also diagnosed with Aspergers as an adult, I truly can empathize. But that aren't what camgirls are there for. Maybe it was something she wanted to do at the time, or felt she could do and now she simply isn't interested anymore. Even just being an outlet to someone is a pretty significant role to have in someone'e life. I know I would never want to be that to someone because it sounds like a lot of pressure. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she felt the same way. Even if that isn't what you intended.

Again, I suspect she feel much the same. I just wish she would come out and tell me so. But then again, people in Hell wish for ice water.

I absolutely think you should give up on this girl. It seems clear from what you have said that she doesn't have any interest in maintaining any kind of relationship with you.

:twocents-02cents:

While she does say she still wants us to be "friends", she doesn't explain what changes she expects me to make to do so.

 

[mynameisbob84]

I'm 99.9% certain that by "false expectations" she means that while she's happy to maintain a non-romantic online relationship with you (call it friendship, call it paid interaction with an attractive woman, call it whatever you feel is appropriate), in no way, shape or form is she interested in anything past that - that means no real world meet-ups, no sex, no nada.

By the sounds of it though, I'd say it's gonna be best for all concerned if you move on. She's been unprofessional by not sending you items you paid for, and you've acted inappropriately too. And yes, it does sound as if you're probably unwittingly annoying her.

My advice would be to stop seeing this particular model, and instead of seeing one model regularly, maybe start visiting multiple models semi-regularly. By focusing all your energies on one model, it's inevitably gonna put a strain on the relationship when it falls short of what you expect it to be - and the more you see of someone, and the longer you've known them, the more you (we, me) start to expect from them. I think in camland, it's easy to expect too much. By maintaining more casual relationships with a number of different models though, you hopefully won't find yourself in a position where your enjoyment (or lack thereof) hinges on one model who no doubt has problems of her own to deal with.

 

[JimsX]

That's what I've been thinking, but didn't know if I was seeing things clearly or objectively. I also worried about her feelings, but at this point it seems like perhaps I shouldn't.

While she does say she still wants us to be "friends", she doesn't explain what changes she expects me to make to do so.

I feel bad saying that you are creeping her out or annoying her, but it sounds to me that this is what is happening, although you may not have intended it. When I went through this, I went out of my way to try to show I was NOT creepy and I really did just want friendship. Yeah ... the harder I defended myself, the worse it looked. Hindsight ... sigh

I would just leave her completely. If she really does want friendship with you she will contact you. Give her time. And if it does not happen, well, such is life. Not always fun or easy

 

[PlayboyMegan]

I have this song stuck in my head thanks to this thread.

 

[LilLitaRose]

I'm going to echo everyone, and say that you should move on. It sounds like this is a situation that is causing you, and her some harsh feelings.
It sucks that you lose that connection you have with a person, but sometimes the best thing to do is step away for yourself. Do what's best for you.
Hope things get better!

 

[RogueWarrior]

My advice would be to stop seeing this particular model, and instead of seeing one model regularly, maybe start visiting multiple models semi-regularly. By focusing all your energies on one model, it's inevitably gonna put a strain on the relationship when it falls short of what you expect it to be - and the more you see of someone, and the longer you've known them, the more you (we, me) start to expect from them. I think in camland, it's easy to expect too much. By maintaining more casual relationships with a number of different models though, you hopefully won't find yourself in a position where your enjoyment (or lack thereof) hinges on one model who no doubt has problems of her own to deal with.

Yeah, this. I've purposely never been a "regular" for any model. I'm semi-regular in a few rooms, an occasional visitor in some, and a drive-by tipper in some others. 99+% of the time emotional attachments end poorly.

 

[Ambers Troll]

Ignoring you, not reading your messages, saying that she doesn't want you to have 'false expectations', even perhaps not sending you the panties, she is trying to reject your deepening affection for her without getting any crazy reaction from you.
Move on. Find a model who deserves the best of you (your interests, conversation), who makes you smile when you leave her room, and who you want to see smiling.

I've purposely never been a "regular" for any model. I'm semi-regular in a few rooms, an occasional visitor in some, and a drive-by tipper in some others. 99+% of the time emotional attachments end poorly.

This is the best way to minimize getting too attached in future. Doesn't always work, there are some amazing women to visit.

 

[Myriads]

I told her about my AS and let her know all I wanted/needed was to have an outlet for expressing the kind of feelings that I had had to keep to myself for most of my life.

I pull this line out of your OP for a specific reason. It speaks to the structure that you were trying to impose on the relationship.

This is not a simple or trivial 'service' to ask of a person. It's a request for being seen and for being heard as an individual, which is a basic human desire. No one wants to be invisible. No one wants to not be able to express the feelings and thoughts they have if only to be assured they are ones others have also. What you asked for was understandable, but complicated, and not exactly in the description of a cam-girls job.

Given your AS, I understand that it's rare that you find a person that you are comfortable with in opening intimate dialog. You felt you found it in this model, and thus her 'value' to you grew. You worked to expand the relationship in order to be able to get the aspects that you felt you needed, and had no other outlets for. Eventually this got tangled up with other aspects of the cam-interaction model, and things jumped the tracks.

All signs indicate the model is unable to provide you with the level of interaction that you need, and has recognized this, and withdrawn. She has not been direct (as you so very much wish she would) because she also doesn't want to hurt your feelings with a rejection, or is avoiding action because she simply doesn't want to deal with it, and hopes it will go away.

My advice; Mark the case "Closed" you won't get answers that tie it up for you. Life is messy that way. There are few neat bows. It didn't work out. Not for the way you hoped.

But also know there are a lot of people out there who can and will understand the limitations that your condition presents, and you'll never know where you'll find them. Just keep trying, and being open about where you have specific problems in communication and interaction. Eventually you'll find people whom you can share with, and who see you.

 

[PinkRBelle]

Everything has an end. Seems for her it's already at that point so my opinion is let go and move on. :handgestures-salute: