Partners in cam rooms

[inertvolcano]

So I thought this was an interesting topic and I wanted to give it its own thread so it had room to breathe outside the most recent horror show of an "I fell in love with a cam girl" thread. It's also relevant to me because, and I'm hesitant to disclose this because I really, really, REALLY don't want to be associated with the other would-be cam model boyfriends with mental problems who show up here and would just generally prefer to be known as "friendly cam model enthusiast" and not "cam model boyfriend," but I am dating a cam model and the topic is something we're having issues with right now. Yes we've met in person, no I'm not getting a back tattoo. We did meet on a cam site but the catching feelings was accidental both ways and now we're just taking it day by day and seeing what happens. We've known each other a year and have been dating for half that.

So, after we started dating and spending time together in person, the amount of time I spent in her room tapered off. There's a few reasons (none of them are sexual jealousy) but she has expressed disappointment about this and occasionally applies soft pressure to get me to come to her room.

My reasons for not wanting to spend time in her room:

• She has an on-camera persona that is quite different from her actual personality, and when I'm in her room she will slip into interacting with me as that persona which I find, for reasons I can't really explain, incredibly uncomfortable.
• It is frustrating to be in the middle of a really good conversation with her and have her get pulled into a private. In general I'd rather interact outside of the cam site where we have each other's undivided attention.
• Her shows are 4-6 hours long. I have other things I need to do.

Her reasons for wanting me in her room:

• The one I sympathize with the most is that when she's working she feels confident and sexy and flirty, and she wants to engage with me when she's in that mode. She wants to impress me, and when she's camming she feels like she's at her best. Offline and in person she has some insecurities about her physical appearance that she gets hung up on and they go away when she's on camera.
• Her shows are based on elaborate outfits that take her 3-4 hours to prepare before she even turns her cam on, and she likes having me see it and give her my feedback (or, more accurately, my glowing praise.)
• She wants company when the room is slow.
• She is incredibly smart and a fantastic performer with a solid following, but she is self-taught on computer skills and I'm a tech professional, and she likes having me available for questions, help, and advice. And in general she doesn't have people in her life to talk about her work with. I've been an outlet for her to talk about these things, and sometimes I collaborate with her and help her plan.

I've tried to compromise by showing up for her show for half an hour or so, tell her she looks great, chat for a little bit, and then leave, but there's always a mild guilt trip when I do.

So I was wondering how you folks (cam models and anyone who has dated cam models) handled this. I know some folks are very strongly THIS ABSOLUTELY SHOULD NOT HAPPEN but others do have their significant others in their cam rooms sometimes. I'm not necessarily looking for advice on my specific circumstances (though that's welcome if you want to give it) but just curious about your experiences, if there were compromises or negotiations that needed to be made, and how it worked out.

 

[WarmWaters]

I have never dated a cam girl but from an unbiased point of view I stand on your side that I personally wouldn’t be interested in viewing her streams either because it’s WORK. It’s just her job. In the same way I’m not interested in hanging around my gfs office and getting super involved in her excel projects - or if she was a pilot go snooping around the cockpit - or if she was a doctor go snooping around the operating room. Yes I am interested in her work, if she is happy, getting to know her favorite coworkers and keeping up with the drama surrounding her not-so-favorite but when it comes to the job (boring) itself - the nerdy stuff, I don’t care. I’m your boyfriend not your coworker in the same field as you so you shouldn’t expect me to be as passionate about the field as you. In the same way I don’t expect her to care about my work projects. It’s work - yes it’s fine to vent or talk about it since it plays a significant role in our day to day lives but it’s not the most interesting thing to talk about. And quite frankly I’d say you’ve been supporting her with her job enough, more than I most likely would.

Also another point that I stand by but you didn’t touch on too much is that this is a FANTASY. The fact that you 2 have established a real relationship beyond that in itself would make me lose interest in viewing her rooms quite honestly because you have developed a real relationship and the fantasy has been destroyed. I think this tends to hit women a little harder than men but sometimes I feel like they have trouble understanding why we sometimes prefer the fantasy side of things even if they’re not “real” over the real thing. Like why we sometimes prefer to just jack off and go to sleep than go through the work of having sex. The real thing is just a lot more complicated - real people and real things have their shortfalls and drama and real world problems. Humans are not perfect. Sometimes it’s just fun to escape yourself in a fantasy even if it’s not real, it’s still fun to get lost in it.

 

[Deleted member 64633]

I think your compromise with visiting for a little bit is quite good. And I'm so glad you're not one of those psychotic guys who see red if their model gf even smiles nicely at someone's compliment.

From my experience I would definitely let whoever I was on a date with, first date, straight away know what I do for work and see what they think about it. If I sensed even a tiny bit of possible jealousy or controlling behaviour, bye bye.

I know it might sound very harsh and strict but I am not going to let anyone influence my work and act like a jealous asshole when I'm trying to earn money ( or more like, when I'm paying absolutely everything for them except their phone bill, for them to live with me and all they do is cause me stress).

I would definitely not tell them my cam sites, name, or anything that they could look up and find me online.

1) because I do not trust anyone anymore to not out me
2) I don't want the hassle of thinking and dealing with them while at work
3) sometimes I say and do things I really wouldn't IRL and I don't want that to cause trouble or create unrealistic expectations in my personal intimate life
4) having to pretend I don't know them so that I could keep up my single persona is just too exhausting, even just thinking about it
5) not pretending I don't know them and telling everyone that's a partner of mine could lose me a lot of customers that love the idea I'm single( I am now, but you know what I mean) and would be devastated finding out I'm dating given the GFE experiences I provide for them
6) if the relationship fell apart all I would ever be able to think of every time I log in is "is he watching me?".. And its really a yucky feeling

I'm sure there's plenty of models who have their partners actively helping and even tipping and interacting with members, and I'm so proud of them and that they're able to work it out so all is good for them, but it's not something for me. I can't see myself letting someone in that much ever again.

 

[AudriTwo]

boundaries are sexy, and its obvious you want to establish them. you not wanting to be in her camroom while she's working is totally valid. it's sus that she wants you in her camroom quite frequently and not respecting you dont want to be in her camroom all the time.

The one I sympathize with the most is that when she's working she feels confident and sexy and flirty, and she wants to engage with me when she's in that mode. She wants to impress me, and when she's camming she feels like she's at her best. Offline and in person she has some insecurities about her physical appearance that she gets hung up on and they go away when she's on camera.

im trying REALLY hard not to be harsh, but you sound like an emotional support animal not a boyfriend here. it's one thing to offer your partner support for their insecurities, but it's not your responsibility to cope her.

Her shows are based on elaborate outfits that take her 3-4 hours to prepare before she even turns her cam on, and she likes having me see it and give her my feedback (or, more accurately, my glowing praise.)

cant you hang out in a discord/skype call while she gets ready? spend those 3-4 hours hyping her up and giving your glowing praise then? maybe you do some chores too. i was in an LDR with my husband and we would get ready in the mornings together on skype or talk on the speaker phone.

She wants company when the room is slow.

again, that's not your responsibility to entertain her when it's slow. every camroom experiences slowtimes. again really trying super hard not to sound mean but are you a boyfriend or emotional support animal? what other job is it appropriate to expect your significant other to give them attention when they have slow periods? sure maybe once and a while.

She is incredibly smart and a fantastic performer with a solid following, but she is self-taught on computer skills and I'm a tech professional, and she likes having me available for questions, help, and advice.

im sounding like a broken record, but it's also not your responsibility to be her standby geeksquad. lots of us have partners that are more techsavy. she obviously has the ability to learn computer skills. this is like the beginning of weaponized incompetence.

And in general she doesn't have people in her life to talk about her work with. I've been an outlet for her to talk about these things, and sometimes I collaborate with her and help her plan.

this job is very isolating and that is wonderful you are there for her to share this aspect of her life with you. a lot of us cammodels can relate. obviously keep being support, but also encourage her to get additional support. maybe encourage her to post more in cammodel spaces or recommend pineapplesupport.org to help deal with her insecurities.

 

[MarieElise]

I'm starting to feel like there's something wrong w us. My boyfriend never comes into my room or wants to talk about my work. And I don't want him there in the slightest. Tbh I'm not even sure he knows what my new name is (I told him, but I don't think he'd remember something like that).

I guess if you guys have a long-distance relationship, it complicates things w spending time together. From a time management perspective - there are only so many hours in the day. However, I'm a pretty strong supporter of standing ground w boundaries in relationships. If you don't want to do it, I wouldn't do it. Because what's next i.e it might set up a precedent of you being constantly pressured into stuff, you don't want to be doing. I think it's 100% understandable that it would be confusing to interact w her cam persona, and then be trying to build a relationship w the real her.

 

[yummybrownfox]

I'm starting to feel like there's something wrong w us. My boyfriend never comes into my room or wants to talk about my work. And I don't want him there in the slightest. Tbh I'm not even sure he knows what my new name is (I told him, but I don't think he'd remember something like that).

Nothing wrong with you at all. I feel the same way as you and Lexi on this issue, and Lexi hit the nail on the head with the reasons that she stated. That trainwreck "Can a model appear to be AWAY or offline for just one specific user?" thread with that unhinged guy is disturbing to me, and even though I don't believe for a second that model is even his girlfriend...the fact remains that a man like that (IF he actually does know her name and personal info about her life) has the ability to put a model's privacy/safety at risk if given too much access to her life. I've seen how nasty and spiteful some men can be when you break up with them or tell them no.

 

[Marceline]

Boundaries are incredibly important to have, and it’s just as important to have a partner who respects those boundaries and doesn’t try to pressure you or guilt you into doing something you’re not comfortable with.

What I’ve learned with boundaries is that you need to make them clear and also there needs to be consequences when someone blatantly ignores or violates them. Tell her the reasons why you would rather not spend that much time in her camroom and that while you’re okay with spending a little bit of time visiting her chat (if you really are okay with that, if you’re not then be honest about it), you don’t want to spend hours hanging out in her cam room. The consequence for her trying to guilt you or pressure you into going to her cam room or staying longer despite that not being what you want could be you no longer visiting her room at all. After all, tolerating negative behavior, especially in relationships, just breeds more negative behavior and problems.

She has an on-camera persona that is quite different from her actual personality, and when I'm in her room she will slip into interacting with me as that persona which I find, for reasons I can't really explain, incredibly uncomfortable.

As far as personal experiences go, this is a huge reason why I wouldn’t want someone I’m dating to see my content. Aside from safety reasons and stuff of that sort.

I only create content now, but the way I act in my videos is completely different from how I am in real life scenarios. I feel like it would be incredibly jarring for someone who knows me personally (and intimately) to see my content creator persona.

Granted, I’ve only really dated two people since I got into the industry years ago and both those situations were completely different with how they reacted to me being in the adult work industry.

 

[inertvolcano]

I have never dated a cam girl but from an unbiased point of view I stand on your side that I personally wouldn’t be interested in viewing her streams either because it’s WORK. It’s just her job. In the same way I’m not interested in hanging around my gfs office and getting super involved in her excel projects - or if she was a pilot go snooping around the cockpit - or if she was a doctor go snooping around the operating room. Yes I am interested in her work, if she is happy, getting to know her favorite coworkers and keeping up with the drama surrounding her not-so-favorite but when it comes to the job (boring) itself - the nerdy stuff, I don’t care. I’m your boyfriend not your coworker in the same field as you so you shouldn’t expect me to be as passionate about the field as you. In the same way I don’t expect her to care about my work projects. It’s work - yes it’s fine to vent or talk about it since it plays a significant role in our day to day lives but it’s not the most interesting thing to talk about. And quite frankly I’d say you’ve been supporting her with her job enough, more than I most likely would.

I think the difference is that she sees what she's doing as more performance/art than job, and me going to her shows is more like if she were in a band and I went to her gigs to support her. And I do love what she does and I'm incredibly impressed by her. I mean, this all started because I was a fan and supporter of her work. But even still I did date an artist once and I was happy to go to her gallery openings with her, but she didn't have 3-4 gallery openings a week.

Also another point that I stand by but you didn’t touch on too much is that this is a FANTASY. The fact that you 2 have established a real relationship beyond that in itself would make me lose interest in viewing her rooms quite honestly because you have developed a real relationship and the fantasy has been destroyed. I think this tends to hit women a little harder than men but sometimes I feel like they have trouble understanding why we sometimes prefer the fantasy side of things even if they’re not “real” over the real thing. Like why we sometimes prefer to just jack off and go to sleep than go through the work of having sex. The real thing is just a lot more complicated - real people and real things have their shortfalls and drama and real world problems. Humans are not perfect. Sometimes it’s just fun to escape yourself in a fantasy even if it’s not real, it’s still fun to get lost in it.

I think I touched on it indirectly with what I said about her having a persona, and how it makes me uncomfortable to have her interact with me as her cam room "character" and I think you nailed why and helped me to put it into words. I was a fan of the persona but I fell in love with the person.

There's also the fact that when we began dating for real, we had to have something of a reckoning and a sifting of fantasy from reality. And to be fair it wasn't just her, I was being a fantasy version of myself too, but there was a period of time where there had to be an accounting of what we had said before that we meant, and what we had said that we didn't mean. And I don't want to return to the fantasy. I don't want to have to worry about whether she's saying something she means or not.

 

[inertvolcano]

I think your compromise with visiting for a little bit is quite good. And I'm so glad you're not one of those psychotic guys who see red if their model gf even smiles nicely at someone's compliment.

I find it absolutely insane how many guys who are like that enter into relationships with cam models or sex workers of any kind, but then again if they had any self awareness at all then they probably wouldn't be psychotic rage monsters.

I feel kind of blessed sometimes to be someone who's not really sexually jealous. I do get jealous, I think everyone does and it just manifests differently for each person. For me it's like the little social meter that Sims have. It goes down over time, and you fill it up by spending time with me. If it depletes completely, I start to get grumpy.

And all the other things you said about safety make perfect sense to me. Dating as a woman can be unsafe. Being a sex worker can be unsafe. It's scary. I actually worry about my girlfriend a lot, and I have scolded her sometimes for her lack of safety with me. Our first time ever meeting, I asked her if she let family or friends know where she was and who she was with. She hadn't. I said please, if we ever break up, you HAVE to do that when meeting some guy you only know on the internet.

I know it might sound very harsh and strict but I am not going to let anyone influence my work and act like a jealous asshole when I'm trying to earn money ( or more like, when I'm paying absolutely everything for them except their phone bill, for them to live with me and all they do is cause me stress).

This isn't strict or harsh. This is 100% reasonable and sane. Everything you've said is.

6) if the relationship fell apart all I would ever be able to think of every time I log in is "is he watching me?".. And its really a yucky feeling

Oof, I hadn't thought of that. Thanks for saying this. I'm going keep it in mind if things ever do end and make sure that no matter what, I am not doing that so I am not that person.

I'm sure there's plenty of models who have their partners actively helping and even tipping and interacting with members, and I'm so proud of them and that they're able to work it out so all is good for them, but it's not something for me. I can't see myself letting someone in that much ever again.

Hugs, Lexi. Thanks for opening up about all this with me.

 

[inertvolcano]

boundaries are sexy, and its obvious you want to establish them. you not wanting to be in her camroom while she's working is totally valid. it's sus that she wants you in her camroom quite frequently and not respecting you dont want to be in her camroom all the time.

Well like I said it is soft pressure, and it hasn't nor do I think it will escalate to the level of fight. I'm communicating with her about what I need and asking her to communicate with me about it and I'm optimistic we'll find something that will work out.

And I think this is only really an issue because we're not currently cohabitating and is how she's struggling with it. Once I'm there in person I can see the outfits, help with the computer shit, all that. In the meantime, though, hopefully we can find a compromise that works for us both. If not, well, sometimes things just don't work out.

im trying REALLY hard not to be harsh, but you sound like an emotional support animal not a boyfriend here. it's one thing to offer your partner support for their insecurities, but it's not your responsibility to cope her.

You're not harsh at all, or maybe you are but I appreciate it. Are you familiar with the concept of a heruka in Tibetan Buddhism? They're wrathful buddhas - enlightened beings who help others understand the true nature of reality by compassionately punching them in the face (in a sense). Many of my most valued friends have been people who told me what I didn't want to hear in ways I didn't want to hear it, but that came from a place of love and compassion. And I did need to hear this. I was in a relationship previously with someone who, over time, slowly transferred all of their adult responsibilities over to me and adopted this mentality of complete helplessness until I felt like I didn't have a partner - I felt like I was caring for an adult child. I would sooner chew off all my limbs than be in that position again. It hadn't occurred to me that I might be repeating that over again. So thank you Audri, sincerely.

cant you hang out in a discord/skype call while she gets ready? spend those 3-4 hours hyping her up and giving your glowing praise then? maybe you do some chores too. i was in an LDR with my husband and we would get ready in the mornings together on skype or talk on the speaker phone

Yes! We've done this before but it was a long time ago. She would do her makeup while I was going for my evening walk. I'll suggest that again. Thank you.

again, that's not your responsibility to entertain her when it's slow. every camroom experiences slowtimes. again really trying super hard not to sound mean but are you a boyfriend or emotional support animal? what other job is it appropriate to expect your significant other to give them attention when they have slow periods? sure maybe once and a while.

Right! And it's also extremely unfair. When it's slow we talk but when it's busy I'm just kind of dangling there uselessly while she's PMing other people or fulfilling tip requests.

this job is very isolating and that is wonderful you are there for her to share this aspect of her life with you. a lot of us cammodels can relate. obviously keep being support, but also encourage her to get additional support. maybe encourage her to post more in cammodel spaces or recommend pineapplesupport.org to help deal with her insecurities.

Thanks again Audri. And I want to make it clear that I may have painted a worse picture than is accurate. One of the things I love about her is that she is extremely self sufficient. She's become a financially self-supporting cam model all by herself, and in her personal life has overcome challenges that I can't dream of. We all have insecurities and sore spots, but as you wisely said she can't make them my responsibility and I can't let her make them my responsibility. Your advice is sincerely appreciated.

 

[inertvolcano]

I'm starting to feel like there's something wrong w us. My boyfriend never comes into my room or wants to talk about my work. And I don't want him there in the slightest. Tbh I'm not even sure he knows what my new name is (I told him, but I don't think he'd remember something like that).

Nope. I totally get it. I don't think I'm quite like that but it makes perfect sense to me why you would be.

I guess if you guys have a long-distance relationship, it complicates things w spending time together. From a time management perspective - there are only so many hours in the day. However, I'm a pretty strong supporter of standing ground w boundaries in relationships. If you don't want to do it, I wouldn't do it. Because what's next i.e it might set up a precedent of you being constantly pressured into stuff, you don't want to be doing. I think it's 100% understandable that it would be confusing to interact w her cam persona, and then be trying to build a relationship w the real her.

Yeah, it's something like that. We both have time consuming obligations that mean we don't get to spend as much time in person with each other as we'd like, and when she's camming it's the slice of her day that is purely her time so I think that's a factor. But unfortunately my schedule isn't her schedule.

And you're right about standing ground with boundaries. I have in the past been a self-sacrificing pushover to the point where it nearly ruined my life. I try to be vigilant, but it sneaks up on me. So thank you.

 

[inertvolcano]

Nothing wrong with you at all. I feel the same way as you and Lexi on this issue, and Lexi hit the nail on the head with the reasons that she stated. That trainwreck "Can a model appear to be AWAY or offline for just one specific user?" thread with that unhinged guy is disturbing to me, and even though I don't believe for a second that model is even his girlfriend...the fact remains that a man like that (IF he actually does know her name and personal info about her life) has the ability to put a model's privacy/safety at risk if given too much access to her life. I've seen how nasty and spiteful some men can be when you break up with them or tell them no.

My god, that man. You're right and I hope and pray that model isn't actually trying to have a relationship with him. I think ArcticKitty said it, he clearly has delusions of being some enlightened beneficent being but it's clear the moment his ego is bruised he becomes dangerous and evil. I'm sorry you've had to deal with that shit.

 

[inertvolcano]

Boundaries are incredibly important to have, and it’s just as important to have a partner who respects those boundaries and doesn’t try to pressure you or guilt you into doing something you’re not comfortable with.

What I’ve learned with boundaries is that you need to make them clear and also there needs to be consequences when someone blatantly ignores or violates them. Tell her the reasons why you would rather not spend that much time in her camroom and that while you’re okay with spending a little bit of time visiting her chat (if you really are okay with that, if you’re not then be honest about it), you don’t want to spend hours hanging out in her cam room. The consequence for her trying to guilt you or pressure you into going to her cam room or staying longer despite that not being what you want could be you no longer visiting her room at all. After all, tolerating negative behavior, especially in relationships, just breeds more negative behavior and problems.

It's a little embarrassing how obvious it is to you all that I have trouble enforcing boundaries. But clearly I need to hear exactly this kind of advice, so thank you Marceline.

As far as personal experiences go, this is a huge reason why I wouldn’t want someone I’m dating to see my content. Aside from safety reasons and stuff of that sort.

I only create content now, but the way I act in my videos is completely different from how I am in real life scenarios. I feel like it would be incredibly jarring for someone who knows me personally (and intimately) to see my content creator persona.

Granted, I’ve only really dated two people since I got into the industry years ago and both those situations were completely different with how they reacted to me being in the adult work industry.

It was extremely jarring when we met in person for the first time. Her cam persona is very cutesy, and in person she is very raw. Even though we had been corresponding as our "real" selves so I knew what to expect I was still not prepared lol. But it worked out. I knew from the beginning that the cam stuff was fantasy. But there was a difficult and sometimes painful process of transitioning from fantasy to reality, and if I somehow could have had a choice about it I would have skipped straight to knowing the real her from the beginning if I could have, so I hear you completely.

 

[MarieElise]

I have in the past been a self-sacrificing pushover to the point where it nearly ruined my life. I try to be vigilant, but it sneaks up on me. So thank you.

Don't be that Pisces
It won't do you any good in the long run. I know what you mean, but it's one of those things that it's god to be constantly mindful of, and to be constantly bringing into balance. Or people will take everything you gots.

 

[AudriTwo]

Well like I said it is soft pressure, and it hasn't nor do I think it will escalate to the level of fight. I'm communicating with her about what I need and asking her to communicate with me about it and I'm optimistic we'll find something that will work out.

it's still pressure no matter the amount. if you want her to stop after communicating your needs, you gotta stick to your boundaries.

Thanks again Audri. And I want to make it clear that I may have painted a worse picture than is accurate. One of the things I love about her is that she is extremely self sufficient. She's become a financially self-supporting cam model all by herself, and in her personal life has overcome challenges that I can't dream of. We all have insecurities and sore spots, but as you wisely said she can't make them my responsibility and I can't let her make them my responsibility. Your advice is sincerely appreciated.

oh no not at all! if anything comes across as a person who possibly thrives from the attention given by their SO, but might get a little codependent sometimes. that doesn't make her awful, but human. all guilty of it at times. when i say she's sus, im suggesting this might be a problem in the future if not properly now.

 

[rockin_rod]

Awesome advice here, and applicable to relationships outside of this industry too.
@bigvolcano I hope you guys can work it out. And apologies if you already mentioned it elsewhere, but can I ask how close you two are in age?

 

[inertvolcano]

Awesome advice here, and applicable to relationships outside of this industry too.
@bigvolcano I hope you guys can work it out. And apologies if I missed it elsewhere, but can I ask how close you two are in age?

Ugh, not that far apart but she looks a lot younger than she is and I'm prematurely gray so we get looks. It sucks.

 

[inertvolcano]

Actually I looked it up and technically I'm not prematurely gray, so I guess I just look old in general lol. We got asked by some teenagers if we were going to a daddy-daughter dance.

Why, do I seem like a sleezeball?

 

[rockin_rod]

Why, do I seem like a sleezeball?

No, not at all. Just curious in the broader context of the relationship dynamic.

 

[inertvolcano]

No, not at all. Just curious in the broader context of the relationship dynamic.

Well that's a relief.

I'm a little ahead of her on age, she's a little ahead of me in life experiences. Maybe a lot ahead of me. I feel intimidated by her sometimes.

 

[MarieElise]

I'm sorry if you already mentioned this (I'm crazy tired today, so probably not reading or retaining the best), but has she been camming a while, or is she pretty new to it?

 

[inertvolcano]

I'm sorry if you already mentioned this (I'm crazy tired today, so probably not reading or retaining the best), but has she been camming a while, or is she pretty new to it?

She's been at it for four years.

 

[ArcticKitty]

Well that's a relief.

I'm a little ahead of her on age, she's a little ahead of me in life experiences. Maybe a lot ahead of me. I feel intimidated by her sometimes.

You are so cool! Just wanted to say

 

[ArcticKitty]

For whatever it's worth, I think that comparmentalisation is the better way to go with sex work and a relationship with your partner. Speaking for myself, if I was with a model, I wouldn't want to have contact with her work. It's not because I would be jealous - I would trust her precisely because I know it's her work, if that makes sense. It's just that I think that I think it's preferable not to bring your work home with you in general, and I think that it's all around better in modeling. If your girlfriend is a straight up person as she seems to be, I think she would understand your feelings about things.


And I think I can relate to your girlfriend's feelings. Actually you mentioning that you dated an artist gives a good perspective. I first exhibited when I was a teen and was very shy and nervous and full of self-doubts and a boyfriend (or gf) would have been a welcome comfort. But today, I think that with anyone I was seeing, I might enjoy his presence at a showing but that's about it.

 

[inertvolcano]

Well, I got dumped. Not how I thought that would go, but it's for the best! Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm going to take a break from everything cam related for a while. Take care of yourselves.

 

[ArcticKitty]

Ah Damn. I'm sorry, Big..

 

[ericlafayet]

To join the chat room while she works will force you to see her as the person you want to date, but as a model you like to interact. And same for her, they will have to see you as a user that is part of the game, and do not as a guy who feel something.

If any of you or she can't do that, you should not join. And actually I would say that you should not join, there's no need.

If you're start dating and building a relationship, you should focus on that. What you can get is thousands better than joining her room. I would say that if I was on your position, I would not join camsites for a while, at least to focus on dating. Let her do their work, and spend your time doing whatever you like to do, so you both will have things to share when dating

I have to say that I posted on another thread about this topic, saying that feelings on camsites are not real. Your case makes me happy, hope everything goes well good luck dude.

For me it's like the little social meter that Sims have.

That made me laugh a lot hahah

I actually worry about my girlfriend a lot

So you already have a girlfriend, or do you mean the cammodel ?

 

[yummybrownfox]

@ericlafayet You should scroll up to read the op's latest post from Tuesday. He said that she broke up with him, and he's taking a break from cam sites for a while.

 

[inertvolcano]

I wanted to check back in for one thing briefly before returning to hiatus, because I realized I left something unclear and it didn't sit right with me to leave the potential for misunderstandings. We didn't break up because of camming or even because of the problem discussed in this thread, that was just the conversation that opened the door. We're both single parents, and the reason why I said earlier we developed feelings "on accident" is that neither of us thought that we were in a place to have a relationship right now. But we met on a cam site, started interacting on social media, and GFE turned into talking about real life and it developed from there. But after six months of "are things solid enough for us to introduce each other to our kids/introduce our kids to each other" and the answer being no we realized that our original feelings, that neither of us are ready for a relationship, were correct. Maybe somewhere down the road when the kids are more grown.

Anyway, that's it for me for now. I hope to come back someday because I really love this forum. Sorry for how self-indulgent this thread has become. I promise you I didn't mean to make a "volcano talks about his relationship problems" thread.

 

[Lou_King_]

Most people are sappy fans of love stories and are hopeful for the "and they lived happily ever after"...hahaha. At least, I am! So, I really enjoyed the thread... no need to say "sorry" . Sounds like you two took the best decision. Wish you wellness @inertvolcano

Hope to see you back on the forum, when the time is right