Friendship between a model and a member

[Deleted member 70347]

I have developed a relationship with a model. I've known her around 2 years now, pretty serious for the last year. It's hard to define of course. I have her real name and real email address (yes I know it is real). We message each other often. We talk about families, our dogs/cats, share vacation and general life stories and pics, learn about each other and our countries (she's in Bucharest and I'm in the US). She has always been strict with boundaries, but has stretched beyond with me. I respect her time online and don't overdo my free chat visits. When i do visit her room I don't stay too long unless she is not busy. I'll get out of the way if potential customers show up. We do share exclusive time, at least once a week, and enjoy our sexual interactions as well as just talking. We have even Zoomed recently and really enjoyed that (just talking) and will be doing that again soon.

I will be traveling to Europe this spring and have asked her to meet me there on part of my trip....public places only. She knows she can trust me, but I understand her apprehension as well. She has not made a final decision and I don't pressure her. We enjoy what we have for now, don't really know where it may be headed, but it has lasted. I'm in my 50s and she's in her 30s, so its not practical for something real or long term to happen. Doesn't mean we can't have fun and enjoy each other's company though. I'm fit and young for my age and she is mature and independent.

I've read the experiences of people on here. She seems to be honest and sincere and has never, in 2 years, asked me for anything. I do give her gifts or flowers from time to time (birthday, Valentine's Day, Martisor) and she is genuinely appreciative. We really enjoy each other's company and are mature and honest about it and how we feel about each other. We just seem to have really connected. Just wanted to share my experience so far and especially point out that not all Romanian cam models are gold diggers.

 

[misterical]

I have developed a relationship with a model. I've known her around 2 years now, pretty serious for the last year. It's hard to define of course. I have her real name and real email address (yes I know it is real). We message each other often. We talk about families, our dogs/cats, share vacation and general life stories and pics, learn about each other and our countries (she's in Bucharest and I'm in the US). She has always been strict with boundaries, but has stretched beyond with me. I respect her time online and don't overdo my free chat visits. When i do visit her room I don't stay too long unless she is not busy. I'll get out of the way if potential customers show up. We do share exclusive time, at least once a week, and enjoy our sexual interactions as well as just talking. We have even Zoomed recently and really enjoyed that (just talking) and will be doing that again soon.

I will be traveling to Europe this spring and have asked her to meet me there on part of my trip....public places only. She knows she can trust me, but I understand her apprehension as well. She has not made a final decision and I don't pressure her. We enjoy what we have for now, don't really know where it may be headed, but it has lasted. I'm in my 50s and she's in her 30s, so its not practical for something real or long term to happen. Doesn't mean we can't have fun and enjoy each other's company though. I'm fit and young for my age and she is mature and independent.

I've read the experiences of people on here. She seems to be honest and sincere and has never, in 2 years, asked me for anything. I do give her gifts or flowers from time to time (birthday, Valentine's Day, Martisor) and she is genuinely appreciative. We really enjoy each other's company and are mature and honest about it and how we feel about each other. We just seem to have really connected. Just wanted to share my experience so far and especially point out that not all Romanian cam models are gold diggers.

Hey Bill. I'm conscious that nobody replied to your post. I hope you are continuing to be careful and wary.

 

[Deleted member 70347]

Hey Bill. I'm conscious that nobody replied to your post. I hope you are continuing to be careful and wary.

Appreciate it. I'm wary. We zoomed again yesterday. She doesn't have to do that...my idea. She was in sweats with no makeup and we just talked for 45 minutes. 2 years and never asked me for anything. If she's grooming me for a scam, that is a lot of patience. We just seem to enjoy each other's company.

 

[Lilly_____]

Appreciate it. I'm wary. We zoomed again yesterday. She doesn't have to do that...my idea. She was in sweats with no makeup and we just talked for 45 minutes. 2 years and never asked me for anything. If she's grooming me for a scam, that is a lot of patience. We just seem to enjoy each other's company.

I don't really see what the point of stating that is, really.

 

[Deleted member 70347]

It's a forum, for discussion. We are discussing.

 

[misterical]

Appreciate it. I'm wary. We zoomed again yesterday. She doesn't have to do that...my idea. She was in sweats with no makeup and we just talked for 45 minutes. 2 years and never asked me for anything. If she's grooming me for a scam, that is a lot of patience. We just seem to enjoy each other's company.

I asked the question in light of another post from a guy quoting a similar story to you. Again, he was asked for nothing in particular, although granted the timeframe was smaller. He still discovered it was a scam and got the "girl" to admit to it. The upshot of that post was that these extra long scams can and do happen, with multiple guys, all at various stages in the timeline of the scam. I hope your case is different but I'd suggest reading the other thread here on the off chance that you see any similarities :- https://www.ambercutie.com/forums/threads/is-it-a-scam.45705/

 

[Deleted member 70347]

Yeah, I read through it. Definitely more warning signs there than in my case. I came here to read through others experiences to be aware of the warning signs, etc. My "friend" is going through a tough time right now. Even though she is offline for a bit, we still communicate often. I'm giving her my support and positive thoughts. I figure if she were going to attempt to cash in a scam, now would be the time. So far, so good. She seems to be who and what she says she is and has shown me much of her life and who she is outside of camming. Nonetheless, I am keeping my eyes open. Thanks for your thoughts.

 

[Sashacurves]

@BillH when I read through the many many posts of stories like yours that come up on this forum, I don' think "is she truly his friend, or is she trying to play a long-game love scam". Whilst there's no denying either extreme does happen, I find it far more plausible that the majority of these cases are somewhere in the middle. And that is that the models in question are simply not very good at setting boundaries for themselves.

Nothing against these models, but reading these stories, they are typically (not always) less well-off than their member "friends", usually from less economically developed countries, possibly newer to the camming industry and therefore less able to say no to situations like these where they're offering their time (if not necessarily sexual services) for free. It does make me think about when I first started and used to entertain hours and hours of free messaging on snapchat, making "friends" with members who had taken me for privates or tipped me big, in the hopes of keeping them coming back for more. Only in hindsight can I look back and realise that giving so much for free is entirely unnecessary for maintaining income, and that the types of regulars who required this level of effort were usually not big spenders, and the types to bring trouble somewhere down the line. I have stronger boundaries now and never entertain casual chat like you describe for free, even for regulars who I consider my "friends" (though that word has a very different meaning for me in this world to the real world).

Nothing against the members directly either. Whilst I do believe that members who have these sorts of friendships are taking advantage of the situation, I don't believe it's necessarily intentional or malicious - the frequency of these kinds of posts supports that it's likely a misunderstanding issue on both sides. Take the fact that she doesn't want to meet you as an example. If she's zoom calling with you and chatting with you for free because she believes it's keeping you coming back for your weekly paid sessions (which it sounds like is exactly the case), but she won't meet you; that to me sounds like she's willing to let you push her boundaries so far, but that she does have limits.

Try to see yourself and your behaviour through her eyes and think about how you might behave if you were in her position.

 

[misterical]

Yeah, I read through it. Definitely more warning signs there than in my case. I came here to read through others experiences to be aware of the warning signs, etc. My "friend" is going through a tough time right now. Even though she is offline for a bit, we still communicate often. I'm giving her my support and positive thoughts. I figure if she were going to attempt to cash in a scam, now would be the time. So far, so good. She seems to be who and what she says she is and has shown me much of her life and who she is outside of camming. Nonetheless, I am keeping my eyes open. Thanks for your thoughts.

I think the key to this is to sit down and ask yourself some difficult questions and answer them honestly. What does a 20 something Romanian cam model really want from a 50 something year old American man? You don't have her address, she won't commit to meeting you? Why would that be? I suspect Sashacurves is right. She will open herself up to you enough for you to keep coming back for your weekly private. That's enough return on her time investment to make it worth her while. It doesn't mean you aren't friends and it doesn't mean she is scamming you either. If you are paying for a service and she is giving you that service then she's not scamming you. I think where you might be going wrong is in pushing the meetup thing. I doubt this will ever morph into an in person relationship and I doubt that she wants it to either.

Your situation is not that dissimilar to mine. I'm about 6 months into a very nice relationship with a model but it didn't continue in free chat alone. Sheer financial reality meant that it became a business transaction as well as a friendship. I don't pay for her time all of the time, but I take her private more or less weekly for a good length of time. Again, that's not me being scammed. That's me receiving a service and paying a fair rate for the service I receive. I think that's fair and I don't feel that it taints things at all. If anything it makes it easier because I don't feel the need to apologise for taking up her time. We chat on Whatsapp daily, I've sent gifts to her home for her and her housemates (also cam models) and we tell each other that we love each other (although with the clear and deliberate use of the platonic meaning). It doesn't mean that either of us is in love or even remotely entertains the idea of meeting up. We've been clear on that from the start.

I don't think you are in a romantic relationship with her, although I sense that you wish you could be. I think once you remove the romantic angle from your mind you'll be in a better position to see it for what it actually is. You'll also be less likely to fall for any scam if it does materialise. You are on very friendly terms with a cam model and it seems like there are some benefits for both of you. Where it will all go to shit is if you pursue her romantically. My advice would be to just let it be what it is and be content with that and if you're not content with that then it's time to get out in my opinion because the chances of it ever becoming more are millions to one against.

 

[misterical]

And I also think that maybe everyone here could also be right and that we guys are scamming ourselves by thinking we anything more than "preferred regulars". The thing is, once you take the romantic angle away, it doesn't really matter. As long as everyone is laughing, getting paid and having sexy time then who cares what you call it. There are so many relationships in all of our daily lives that could be equally as transactional and we never give them a second thought. So until such time as she messages you saying her cat has to get a wooden leg and asks you to pay for it then you're good I guess. Just don't fall in love.

 

[Deleted member 70347]

Thanks for the time and the thoughtful responses. As Misterical put it in another post, i can't exactly talk about this with the people around me IRL.

To clarify a couple of things... she is 36 and has been camming for 10 years or so, so not a noob at it, and is a mature person. She does just well enough to pay the bills, but not much more than that. She doesn't do anything outside of SM, like IG or OF, to build a following. I believe she is an honest and sincere person and I believe what she tells me. She has shared much with me, including very personal things and feelings. Like me here, she doesn't have many people she can share work related things with. Her family doesn't know what she does, so she talks to me and i listen.

I think that some of what you observe is accurate, and some of what I observe is accurate. I believe that I mean something to her, but that you are correct in that it is likely tied to her wanting to keep me as a regular client. I have asked her if she would keep in touch with me if she quits camming...she says yes, but to what level, who really knows?

I have said all along (to her) that I wish to just enjoy what we have, continue to get to know her better, and have low expectations. I'll continue that way with my eyes open and no expectations beyond that. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts and experiences.

 

[misterical]

Thanks for the time and the thoughtful responses. As Misterical put it in another post, i can't exactly talk about this with the people around me IRL.

To clarify a couple of things... she is 36 and has been camming for 10 years or so, so not a noob at it, and is a mature person. She does just well enough to pay the bills, but not much more than that. She doesn't do anything outside of SM, like IG or OF, to build a following. I believe she is an honest and sincere person and I believe what she tells me. She has shared much with me, including very personal things and feelings. Like me here, she doesn't have many people she can share work related things with. Her family doesn't know what she does, so she talks to me and i listen.

I think that some of what you observe is accurate, and some of what I observe is accurate. I believe that I mean something to her, but that you are correct in that it is likely tied to her wanting to keep me as a regular client. I have asked her if she would keep in touch with me if she quits camming...she says yes, but to what level, who really knows?

I have said all along (to her) that I wish to just enjoy what we have, continue to get to know her better, and have low expectations. I'll continue that way with my eyes open and no expectations beyond that. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts and experiences.

Seems like a balanced enough approach. I started this thread as a bit of a dreamer like you, but over the time it's been active I've absorbed and come round to a few of the alternative viewpoints presented to me here. I've come to accept that when sex and money is involved, nothing is ever going to be completely genuine and straightforward - from both the model and the member's perspective. It is what it is. Either you pay money and accept that it will always leave you questioning how genuine the friendship is, or you don't pay money and feel guilty that your presence is getting in the way of her make money. I think taking the option where she is not financially impacted by your presence is the right thing to do.

I think most people on here would agree that we can't overstate the "don't fall in love" rule enough though. There's an entire chain of threads here that shows what a fucking disaster things become when that happens. Don't do it.

And just remember, it will end anyway, regardless of whether you want it to or not. She'll get sick of you hanging around her room and start paying you less attention or you'll look at your bank balance one day and decide you can't maintain that level of outgoings - or indeed for any number of reasons. The only certainty is that it WILL end and not in a wedding chapel in Las Vegas either.

 

[cbhours]

The only certainty is that it WILL end and not in a wedding chapel in Las Vegas either.

Of course it won't end in the chapel......

.....she has to wait 3+ years after that for citizenship before ending it.

 

[misterical]

Of course it won't end in the chapel......

.....she has to wait 3+ years after that for citizenship before ending it.

Oh, you absolute cynic....

 

[InannahQoH]

I can't exactly talk about this with the people around me IRL.

Up to you.

I do, I don't give a xxxx

Parents , brothers - sisters , wife (Seperated), children (Living with wife not at home and who are old enough) ..
Are fully aware of the GF and all details. including her job etc.
Wife has GF's phone number and address , GF has wife's phone number (for emergency contact)

My work, a couple of managers I report to, HR department, my staff, etc.. (Are aware of all details and her job)
And I got work to write in into my employment paperwork that I can work anywhere in the world I want / to allow for visiting the GF 3 months at a time..
Work just asked me... When you go visiting for 3 months.. please do not officially tell work, because it makes a mess legally.

Arranged with work, that in future when they fly me around.. they can detour the planes to Colombia on the way home.
And I'll pay the difference in flight costs.

Etc.

 

[AudriTwo]

i recommend every person who watches streams regularly may it be sexual in nature, or for the company watch this fully.

 

[MarieElise]

One of the more off-putting threads I’ve been a part of here, if I’m being honest.

I have to agree here. Just because this is too emotional a topic (for me personally) to be able to discuss objectively. So I waaaaaaas staying away from it. I don't like the reality that lonely people get exploited and hurt, I don't like the reality that models get exploited and hurt. Just like it bothers me that men might come here, read all this, and use it as an excuse to maybe back up distorted beliefs and perhaps unhealthy behaviors. Not to mention how many posts in this topic basically encourage guys to hang out for hours at a person's work, taking their time and attention, and not compensating them for that. It's just too fucking weird for me.

I don't doubt, and I know for a fact some genuine friendships do form. But is this really the place and context to be discussing that in detail, or should that remain more of a private matter? I get it some people need a journal, but why a public one? Who exactly is this thread serving?

Sidenote; new person to watch on Twitch = Ludwig. I respect the way he communicated that. Cool.

 

[AudriTwo]

Sidenote; new person to watch on Twitch = Ludwig. I respect the way he communicated that. Cool.

he's on youtube now!

 

[Deleted member 70347]

Well some of you may not appreciate the subject matter. You have the right to scroll on. I appreciate the opportunity to share experiences and discuss it. Thank you to those who were thoughtful enough to add to the discussion in a helpful way.

 

[MarieElise]

Well some of you may not appreciate the subject matter. You have the right to scroll on. I appreciate the opportunity to share experiences and discuss it. Thank you to those who were thoughtful enough to add to the discussion in a helpful way.

Just like you get to air your views, we do too. And it doesn't have to be in a rude way. "Discussions" don't just work one way Honey. This isn't an echo chamber/ source of free attention for you and your pals. This is an open forum. I don't particularly appreciate the gatekeeping attempt. Also, this isn't your thread, you've merely tacked on. There are plenty of people, myself included, who have added on in a helpful and genuine way. If you don't like that, or appreciate that for what it is, that's clearly a you problem You should probably scroll on yourself Sweetheart

 

[AudriTwo]

Well some of you may not appreciate the subject matter. You have the right to scroll on. I appreciate the opportunity to share experiences and discuss it. Thank you to those who were thoughtful enough to add to the discussion in a helpful way.

And same could be said for the people who are in favor. We are discussing our opinions and experience on the subject. Sorry you dont appreciate we are pointing out the cons. Just because you didnt like the responses doesnt mean we weren't trying to be helpful by offering our opposing views.


I believe majority of us here dont want people being taken advantage. Also dont want you dudes to have zero friends and not trying to dismiss your very real feelings. We understand how important they are to you. Again.

 

[Ozzie_]

Well some of you may not appreciate the subject matter. You have the right to scroll on. I appreciate the opportunity to share experiences and discuss it. Thank you to those who were thoughtful enough to add to the discussion in a helpful way.

I think all responses to this thread have ben helpful. When we discuss things we don always get opinions we agree with or like

 

[Deleted member 70347]

No problem with the cons. Thank you.

 

[ArcticKitty]

Well some of you may not appreciate the subject matter. You have the right to scroll on. I appreciate the opportunity to share experiences and discuss it. Thank you to those who were thoughtful enough to add to the discussion in a helpful way.

Please don't patronise. This thread Is about models and models shared their experiences and thoughts on the matter. It's insulting, really.

 

[ArcticKitty]

I have to agree here. Just because this is too emotional a topic (for me personally) to be able to discuss objectively. So I waaaaaaas staying away from it. I don't like the reality that lonely people get exploited and hurt, I don't like the reality that models get exploited and hurt. Just like it bothers me that men might come here, read all this, and use it as an excuse to maybe back up distorted beliefs and perhaps unhealthy behaviors. Not to mention how many posts in this topic basically encourage guys to hang out for hours at a person's work, taking their time and attention, and not compensating them for that. It's just too fucking weird for me.

I don't doubt, and I know for a fact some genuine friendships do form. But is this really the place and context to be discussing that in detail, or should that remain more of a private matter? I get it some people need a journal, but why a public one? Who exactly is this thread serving?

Sidenote; new person to watch on Twitch = Ludwig. I respect the way he communicated that. Cool.

Maybe it's just me but I think that everyone in this thread who has ovaries pointed out drawbacks and red flags and that this response was not well-received.

 

[MarieElise]

Maybe it's just me but I think that everyone in this thread who has ovaries pointed out drawbacks and red flags and that this response was not well-received.

Yeah, honestly, I have not read it all. The subject matter is a bit bizarro to me. And as I've pointed out, I'm not sure I quite get the honest or true motivations behind the thread, or if they've even been fully and honestly articulated at any point. Although I definitely have my own suspicions. However I decided to keep my full opinion on the matter to myself weeks ago. So my lips are sealed in this public context hehe. And what I shared earlier although a true partial take, wasn't my full, complete take. That shall remain a mystery

 

[Smoothie]

I have to agree here. Just because this is too emotional a topic (for me personally) to be able to discuss objectively. So I waaaaaaas staying away from it. I don't like the reality that lonely people get exploited and hurt, I don't like the reality that models get exploited and hurt. Just like it bothers me that men might come here, read all this, and use it as an excuse to maybe back up distorted beliefs and perhaps unhealthy behaviors. Not to mention how many posts in this topic basically encourage guys to hang out for hours at a person's work, taking their time and attention, and not compensating them for that. It's just too fucking weird for me.

I don't doubt, and I know for a fact some genuine friendships do form. But is this really the place and context to be discussing that in detail, or should that remain more of a private matter? I get it some people need a journal, but why a public one? Who exactly is this thread serving?

I absolutely agree with this.

Maybe it's just me but I think that everyone in this thread who has ovaries pointed out drawbacks and red flags and that this response was not well-received.

To be fair, let’s not ignore the men on ACF that also speak up about the red flags pretty regularly. This has been one of my main problems with the tone of this thread.

I’ve seen plenty of similar threads on this forum that did a great job of pointing out “drawbacks and red flags.” In most cases, it’s almost unanimous, models and members alike, helping talk sense into people. It’s one of the things I have enjoyed most about ACF.

This thread did some of that, for sure. But it also got a little carried away with generalizations, in my opinion.

There are a lot of members who need to be actively, explicitly discouraged from misusing cam sites and pursuing anything other than an on-platform paid show from a model. We all know this.

Maybe they’re just confused and lonely. Or maybe, as is probably often the case, they’re legit weirdos. But it’s not as simple as “everyone with a dick” or “anyone who made a friend on a cam site is probably a creep.” That’s the vibe I was starting to get here, and the reason I found it off-putting.

 

[ArcticKitty]

To be fair, let’s not ignore the men on ACF that also speak up about the red flags pretty regularly. This has been one of my main problems with the tone of this thread.

I’ve seen plenty of similar threads on this forum that did a great job of pointing out “drawbacks and red flags.” In most cases, it’s almost unanimous, models and members alike, helping talk sense into people. It’s one of the things I have enjoyed most about ACF.

This thread did some of that, for sure. But it also got a little carried away with generalizations, in my opinion.

There are a lot of members who need to be actively, explicitly discouraged from misusing cam sites and pursuing anything other than an on-platform paid show from a model. We all know this.

Maybe they’re just confused and lonely. Or maybe, as is probably often the case, they’re legit weirdos. But it’s not as simple as “everyone with a dick” or “anyone who made a friend on a cam site is probably a creep.” That’s the vibe I was starting to get here, and the reason I found it off-putting.

I do realise that men in ACF try to talk sense about issues and speak up to confused or worse people, I am talking about this particular thread right here, not the forum. I think it is telling that in a thread with this title, actual models are saying what they don't want and yet the "discussion" still goes on.

Look, I'm sorry if you read a vibe of “everyone with a dick” or “anyone who made a friend on a cam site is probably a creep”, especially since I'm easily the harshest person posting in this thread. FWIW I did deliberately try to say that that was not the case. It was way back in this thread though.

 

[Nienna]

I have to agree here. Just because this is too emotional a topic (for me personally) to be able to discuss objectively. So I waaaaaaas staying away from it. I don't like the reality that lonely people get exploited and hurt, I don't like the reality that models get exploited and hurt. Just like it bothers me that men might come here, read all this, and use it as an excuse to maybe back up distorted beliefs and perhaps unhealthy behaviors. Not to mention how many posts in this topic basically encourage guys to hang out for hours at a person's work, taking their time and attention, and not compensating them for that. It's just too fucking weird for me.

I don't doubt, and I know for a fact some genuine friendships do form. But is this really the place and context to be discussing that in detail, or should that remain more of a private matter? I get it some people need a journal, but why a public one? Who exactly is this thread serving?

Sidenote; new person to watch on Twitch = Ludwig. I respect the way he communicated that. Cool.

I can't "like" this post enough. Very, very well said.

 

[AudriTwo]

No problem with the cons. Thank you.

If you did there would be no need to post a passive aggressive response telling the people who disagree to scroll on. Thank you.