Fell for a Model and need advice

[Mike1988]

Hi, this is gonna be somewhat of a long post so bear with me. I'm pretty submissive and into many bdsm fetishes that I've never lived out other then online and have been thinking of scheduling a visit with a pro domme but have yet to do it. About 2 months ago I met a cam girl through her personal website and bought a cam show from her. I told her about my fetishes and she lives only about an hour away and mentioned that she's been thinking of doing RT domination. I told her I was very interested and after a few weeks of texting we finally set something up and met up for a "session". She was pretty nervous about meeting me and brought a friend that lives in my area that I actually turned out to know personally (yes that was very awkward for me when I saw them walk up to me together). We didn't end up sessioning or anything like that, just met at a club and partied for a few hours but we had fun and kept on texting after meeting up. I didn't see her for about 2 weeks after our initial meet up but have now hung out with her every weekend since then and we have actually shared hotel rooms and spent full days together (haven't hooked up or anything). A couple of weeks ago she finally asked me (when I was drunk as hell) what I wanted and why I'm here, I told her that I really like her and that I want to be with her but she turned me down saying that I don't really know her and that we should just be friends for now but purposely didn't totally turn me down and said that in the future she may be ready to settle down and that she likes to spend time with me. She obviously knows about my submissive tendencies since that's how we met and after that weekend she started calling me her slave and I guess that's where we are right now, me being her slave. I pay for everything when we are together and recently she started asking me to bring her presents each time we see each other. I really like this girl but I'm starting to not be able to shake the feeling that I'm just being played because she knows about these submissive tendencies I have and how I feel about her, which put together mean I pretty much do whatever she wants. I need some advice on how to proceed, in the end I know nobody here can tell me how she really feels but if possible I'd love to get some insight into my situation from both models and customers. I like doing things for her and me being her slave is pretty much what I've always wanted but now that I got it I realized that what I really want is a relationship with a dominant and in charge female and not to just be a girls whipping boy that does whatever she wants without getting anything in return, both emotionally and intimately. I've been thinking I should just stop seeing her but I hate the idea of being without her and am willing to wait if she's serious. I keep on making excuses for why she won't be with me like how we met was a little shady so I need to prove myself to her more then I would if I had met her normally but I'm starting to think that I'm just so into her that I'll find an excuse for whatever she does and says and I'm just fooling myself. I know this post is a little jumbled and all over the place so thank you to anybody that read it and would love to hear any advice you can give me.

 

[JickyJuly]

I think when you're asking someone that you are feeling emotions for to take the next step with you, yes means yes and anything else means no. Between that and the loosely defined domme/sub relationship you have going, you might be setting yourself up for some sadness.

 

[mynameisbob84]

It sounds like she enjoys the domme/sub relationship you have and is happy to let you pay for days out and presents and bills and whatever else, but nothing you've said here suggests she wants anything more than that. If you're happy with that dynamic being the summit of your relationship then there's no harm in carrying on with it, but it sounds like you're not, and I get the impression that the more time you spend with her, the more you're going to want what you can't have. At least not with her. I'd recommend moving on and maybe trying your luck with a dating site (I think Fetlife is a fetish-based dating site though I might be wrong about that).

 

[Phoenix4987]

I pay for everything when we are together and recently she started asking me to bring her presents each time we see each other.

Red flag. Abort, abort, abort. Any girl demanding presents from you each time you meet, dom or not, is not interested in you as a person.

 

[JickyJuly]

Red flag. Abort, abort, abort. Any girl demanding presents from you each time you meet, dom or not, is not interested in you as a person.

I don't think this is necessarily true. If she believes his sharing of feelings was part of him domme/sub fantasy and not real, she could just be proceeding with business as usual. Demanding money and gifts is pretty standard.

 

[Phoenix4987]

I dunno, it sounded like she understood these we're real feelings he had. If it's payment for the whole act, I agree. No different than tipping a girl or sending her a gift for her time. But if it's separate, then I think it's a little deceiving.

 

[jujoji]

Mike, my advice is that you need to talk to her and the two of you need to establish a separation between sub/domme time and friendship/relationship time. It's okay to occasionally bring a gift; but she should not expect it every time. I hesitate to say "protect yourself"; but you may need to protect yourself, financially, and emotionally. Take things slow, get to know each other, and if you are her slave then I hope you have yellow/pause, and red/safety words. If she really cares about you, as your domme she will care to clarify what things are. If she doesn't show that care and concern, then she is not for you. Sub/dom is about safe/safe/consensual/and caring

 

[oxoxvictoriarose]

i agree with what most everyone said! talk to her, explain your feelings, and if she still doesn't want to be in a relationship i would suggest moving on. its honestly crazy the good things that can come out of a bad thing