Fan wants me to be virtual dom--has anyone done this?

[dani98]

Hi everyone! I've been camming for three weeks and I had a fan yesterday who is into the dom/slave thing. He wants to send me a $250 giftrocket per month to tell him to do humiliating things, tell him what to wear, boss him around, generally be mean to him, etc. This would all be done through kik or snap securely. I have no experience with domming but I'm sure I could learn and I've asked him what he wants specifically and what his expectations are. Has anyone done "extra-curricular" things like this with a fan? I am generally wary of these arrangements, but this seems like a pretty easy one for some extra cash. Any other factors I should consider?
Thanks so much!

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

Hi everyone! I've been camming for three weeks and I had a fan yesterday who is into the dom/slave thing. He wants to send me a $250 giftrocket per month to tell him to do humiliating things, tell him what to wear, boss him around, generally be mean to him, etc. This would all be done through kik or snap securely. I have no experience with domming but I'm sure I could learn and I've asked him what he wants specifically and what his expectations are. Has anyone done "extra-curricular" things like this with a fan? I am generally wary of these arrangements, but this seems like a pretty easy one for some extra cash. Any other factors I should consider?
Thanks so much!

You need to set how often you are going to talk to him, tell him what to do, give him a humiliating task, etc. He needs to be paying you by the session and telling someone what to do is a session. $250 isn't anything compared to the amount of time that 99% of subs will try to get out of you.

 

[BiancaBaker]

I agree w everything aria said, also I would charge $25- $100 a day or more (depending on interaction) so $250 per month is not enough to talk to him for however many hours he wants. I would draw up a contract and send it as an email stating you can be contacted from say 10 am till 4pm (or whatever times) so you're not receiving texts all hours of the night or early when you're sleeping. I would also be clear about how often he can contact you - some subs can be very needy and want you're full attention so be clear that he needs to text in moderation and to be considerate of you're time. Also make sure the giftrocket clears (takes 3-5 days) before you give him any attention. Once it's in you're bank account then start.

 

[dani98]

Thank you both so much for your input! That is all very helpful, I had no idea what the going rate is for things like this, so good to know I should be charging more.

 

[MFCuser]

some subs can be very needy and want you're full attention

lol, ive never understood this about the dom/sub thing. isnt being needy and demanding attention pretty much the opposite of being submissive?

 

[Serenity_Tam]

O.O That's my deal rate for two consecutive sessions. O.O
However, since you have no idea what you're doing it seems reasonable. As you learn you should up your rate, but for now I would say asking for more is going to be overcharging since you admitted not having any idea what you are doing. Its easy for those of us who have been doing this for a while to say we'd charge more, but thats because we are experienced, our service can be valued at more.


You need to be the one setting boundaries, as has been mentioned. If he can't be bothered to tell you up front what he is looking for you tell him what you are comfortable doing. If you're interacting via email and all he can afford is the 250 I would limit interactions to once to twice a week email only. If the fella does well and completes a task or assignment in the given time you can always reward him with a photo of your pretty face. or whatever. That way you can keep your personal time for you and you aren't working more than it's worth, and you can do your research. Don't think being in a top role means you can waste this guys money. Do your research and set your plans for tasks in advance to make sure you can do this and are capable. You can send a single email with tasks for the entire week and give recognition and new tasks at the end of the week. The MO section has further domination and task ideas.

@MFCuser It's an exchange of services. They are people. Just like "regular" users they can be needy as fuck. Some are less needy, some just want to be ignored. Being a submissive doesn't mean it's free reign to abuse them and ignore them (if that's not what they're consenting to). Think of gals who engage in "kitten" or pet play or DDLG. I have never met more needy creatures than submissively inclined folks in that "scene"

 

[BiancaBaker]

lol, ive never understood this about the dom/sub thing. isnt being needy and demanding attention pretty much the opposite of being submissive?

Not necessarily- I have been doing online and prodomme work for 4 years and I have found that not all sub's but some will send you a ton of emails/messages a day and can be very needy. I have had to stop communication with sub's due to them being needy or trying to send me a million messages a day. Just because somebody is submissive doesn't mean they can't be a pain in the ass.

 

[MFCuser]

I have found that not all sub's but some will send you a ton of emails/messages a day and can be very needy.

I didnt intend to thread jack, but i would argue thats the opposite of being submissive. They are trying to get you to act in the way that they want, rather than bending to what you want as the "dominant" person in the relationship.

 

[mynameisbob84]

I didnt intend to thread jack, but i would argue thats the opposite of being submissive. They are trying to get you to act in the way that they want, rather than bending to what you want as the "dominant" person in the relationship.

I would think it's different for every for every dom/sub relationship though. For every submissive that wants only to do exactly what their dom tells them to do and wants only to serve them, putting their dom's needs and wants before their own, there's likely another who simply wants to be treated in a specific way in exchange for money. I don't see anything wrong with that necessarily, so long as everyone involved is on the same page and everyone's boundaries are respected. "Please cater to my fantasies of being dominated and humiliated by you and I'll pay you" seems as fair as "Please cater to my fantasies of seeing you fuck yourself while you moan my name and I'll pay you". Seems a little unfair to suggest that someone who is submissive shouldn't be able to orchestrate a mutually consensual situation in which the focus is on their kinks being catered to so long as they're paying for it.

 

[MFCuser]

I would think it's different for every for every dom/sub relationship though. For every submissive that wants only to do exactly what their dom tells them to do and wants only to serve them, putting their dom's needs and wants before their own, there's likely another who simply wants to be treated in a specific way in exchange for money. I don't see anything wrong with that necessarily, so long as everyone involved is on the same page and everyone's boundaries are respected. "Please cater to my fantasies of being dominated and humiliated by you and I'll pay you" seems as fair as "Please cater to my fantasies of seeing you fuck yourself while you moan my name and I'll pay you". Seems a little unfair to suggest that someone who is submissive shouldn't be able to orchestrate a mutually consensual situation in which the focus is on their kinks being catered to so long as they're paying for it.

that makes sense. i guess i'm thinking of a more literal definition of submissive, but i see what you are saying

 

[SaffronBurke]

They are trying to get you to act in the way that they want, rather than bending to what you want as the "dominant" person in the relationship.

Aka "topping from the bottom". Very common from people who are submissive because it gives them sexual gratification.

 

[BiancaBaker]

I didnt intend to thread jack, but i would argue thats the opposite of being submissive. They are trying to get you to act in the way that they want, rather than bending to what you want as the "dominant" person in the relationship.

You can argue it all you want but it's not the reality of how some sub's act. Being submissive or dominant or vanilla or whatever you are doesn't mean you can't be needy and want 24/7 contact. Some guys don't understand that there's a lot that goes on with this job and I have had guys expect a lot of interaction. I'm not going to respond much more because you seem very fixated on the fact that a submissive can not be needy and that's just not reality.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

Just a reminder if you're starting out and new at this to make sure you negotiate, and get his consent for everything you do. A safeword can be helpful simply to help him communicate to you if you're out of bounds.

as far as rates/experience etc goes.. I think a good way to to manage it is to make sure you know how much you want to earn per hour say.. and then track your time closely. If he's going over the limit, respond less (setting office hours can help) or directly let him know he'll need to pay more to cover time.

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

I think a lot of subs think they aren't asking for much. Telling them what to do, having them send us humiliating photos and giving them tasks should be hilarious and fun for us so even though they are submissive they understand paying for our time even less than others do. Surely that is more fun and easy for us than what the typical customers are asking, right? That just depends on the girl but I really think that is their thought process. This is especially true for MFC guys who are more likely not to be deep into the femdom world and don't know the basics. As a virtual Domme you get a lot of guys saying they will pay you by doing something humiliating and sending you a video. That is absolutely no different than a vanilla guy saying he will pay you by sending a video of himself jacking off. Obviously that is only some subs and there are more amazing ones who understand the value of our time. Some who want to pay for an experience and some who want to pay because they are submissive and their fetish tells them they need to and don't deserve anything in return. Anyway I would just advise to be prepared that there are a lot of guys out there with kinky fetishes who think they don't need to pay very much because their kinky fetish and you getting to take part in it is payment in itself.

The advice in this thread applies to everything though. If someone wants to pay a certain amount for a month of kik, snapchat, a ddlg arrangement, etc. It is so, so important that you set rules up before hand. A snapchat subscriber can just as easily get needy and pissed if they aren't aware beforehand that you don't use the chat feature or a daddy who thinks he can sext you at all hours of the day and get your undivided attention. So the advice to make a specific arrangement has nothing to do with the fact that this guy wants you to be his Domme, it has to do with the fact that this guy wants anything from you at all. I did a D/s arrangement on MFC only once and I just did what he wanted as long as he consistently tipped. I would pm with him during my shows if he was tipping, if he tipped xxxx tokens I would kik him for two hours after my show. It wasn't a complex contract and it wasn't even a set amount of money. I would do what he wanted when I felt he had paid enough for it to be worth my time, very simple

If you decided to say yes you will do this and give him some limits or whatever I would highly, highly recommend that you say it's a one month trial period. You could get to the end of the month and think damn that was the easiest money I ever made or think holy shit, that was exhausting and I should have charged so much more. Putting a trial period on anything like this really protects you.

 

[MFCuser]

You can argue it all you want but it's not the reality of how some sub's act. Being submissive or dominant or vanilla or whatever you are doesn't mean you can't be needy and want 24/7 contact. Some guys don't understand that there's a lot that goes on with this job and I have had guys expect a lot of interaction. I'm not going to respond much more because you seem very fixated on the fact that a submissive can not be needy and that's just not reality.

just to be clear, i am not criticizing women who work as dommes. I am criticizing guys who say they are submissive, but use that line as a way of manipulating women to act in a way they want.

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

Submissive people can be manipulative! It doesn't mean it's just a line

 

[subgavin]

Aka "topping from the bottom". Very common from people who are submissive because it gives them sexual gratification.

Submissive people can be manipulative! It doesn't mean it's just a line

I struggle a bit to see how that would really work. As a total non-expert it always seemed to be that to be a true submissive you've actually got to have a pretty good level of self-confidence - not necessarily in any boisterous sense but you've at least got to feel passably comfortable with yourself and your place in the scheme of things to be able properly to hand over control or set yourself up to be in any way humiliated.

(And I'm now hoping I've not been more needy and manipulative than I've realised in such interactions as I've had with dominas.)

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

I struggle a bit to see how that would really work. As a total non-expert it always seemed to be that to be a true submissive you've actually got to have a pretty good level of self-confidence - not necessarily in any boisterous sense but you've at least got to feel passably comfortable with yourself and your place in the scheme of things to be able properly to hand over control or set yourself up to be in any way humiliated.

(And I'm now hoping I've not been more needy and manipulative than I've realised in such interactions as I've had with dominas.)

What you are describing is certainly the ideal but plenty of people participate in a fetish aren't deeply into the psychology of said fetish. Some people are looking for a quick jack off and being dominated gives that to them. Not everyone who enjoys being humiliated is into it as a lifestyle. What you're describing is certainly the ideal but someone doesn't need to be to that point to enjoy what a Domme has to offer.

There are so many men out there who enjoy submissive play, so we refer to them as subs, but aren't perhaps true submissives. Guys who will try to get a little more bang for their buck, will push boundaries in a non sexy and playful way but to truly try and get more out of someone, who will lead a woman to act a certain way because that is what suits them. This is especially the kind of situation and guy that new girls with no Domme experience will attract. It's very typical when a girl first gets on MFC or starts making clips that guys will find her and say "you should make this video", "you should offer x, y or z". They'll instinctively say what needs to be said to convince the new and not yet confident girl that she should be doing whatever it is that they want her to do. Perhaps these men aren't true submissives if you will but that doesn't mean they aren't thoroughly enjoying D/s play. The OP obviously doesn't sound like a "true" Domme but that doesn't mean she won't be good at offering this or enjoying it.

The topping from the bottom thing is so very common. Even good subs will sometimes do it and just need to be put back in their place. They have needs too and a healthy arrangement involves both needs being met in my opinion. I think a lot of people just take the BDSM scene very seriously and I am all for that but it's important to remember that not everyone does.

 

[SaffronBurke]

I struggle a bit to see how that would really work. As a total non-expert it always seemed to be that to be a true submissive you've actually got to have a pretty good level of self-confidence - not necessarily in any boisterous sense but you've at least got to feel passably comfortable with yourself and your place in the scheme of things to be able properly to hand over control or set yourself up to be in any way humiliated.

(And I'm now hoping I've not been more needy and manipulative than I've realised in such interactions as I've had with dominas.)

Submissives are still people. Some people are needy and particular. It has less to do with whether you're sub or dom and more to do with how particular you are about your fetish.

It's not too different from other fetishes, really. Some guys will order a custom clip with two sentences, for example "wear red lipstick and black lingerie. slowly strip and tease, then masturbate until orgasm, moaning my name", pay, and be perfectly happy with their video as long as those things are included. Other guys will want the same thing, but will send a four-page essay detailing every motion and camera angle, the exact shade of red that the lipstick should be, the particular fabric and cut that they want the lingerie to be, and outline exactly what to say at what point in the video, and then they'll email the model constantly asking if it's done even though she told him she has a 3-day turnaround for customs and it's only been 1.5 days.

Some subs are the first guy, and some are the second. Doesn't mean that they're not submissive, it just means that their brain is very particular about how their fetish is satisfied.

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

@Gavin71
I wouldn't worry though about being needy or manipulative and not realizing it. I consider myself pretty strict and I always warn people when they act in a way that isn't appropriate. So if you have been doing something wrong, I'm sure you would have heard about it.

 

[subgavin]

@Gavin71
I wouldn't worry though about being needy or manipulative and not realizing it. I consider myself pretty strict and I always warn people when they act in a way that isn't appropriate. So if you have been doing something wrong, I'm sure you would have heard about it.

Yeah, probably. I honestly don't think I've been bad that way, but it's a potential aspect of the dynamic that I'd not even been particularly conscious of.

 

[SylvySinclair]

Hi everyone! I've been camming for three weeks and I had a fan yesterday who is into the dom/slave thing. He wants to send me a $250 giftrocket per month to tell him to do humiliating things, tell him what to wear, boss him around, generally be mean to him, etc. This would all be done through kik or snap securely. I have no experience with domming but I'm sure I could learn and I've asked him what he wants specifically and what his expectations are. Has anyone done "extra-curricular" things like this with a fan? I am generally wary of these arrangements, but this seems like a pretty easy one for some extra cash. Any other factors I should consider?
Thanks so much!

Hello,
as domme camgirl myself, first of all draw a contract with everything that this relationship would have.
How many hs u will dedicate to him for the xxx amount, what are his tasks to do per week, month and so on. He hs to prove that he has done what u asked or it will be pointless to have a contract. Real slaves are hard to find, most say they are, but they are not willing to go that extra mile, so test him and if he doesnt do the things u expect him to, and if he doesnt pay u in time, forget it.
If u have questions, please send me a message and i will gladly help.
xoxo