User is telling me he now 'loves me' and wants to be with me.

[GraysonDrake]

not arguing here, this is correct, imho below quote from the OP

"I like the man. I would even consider him an (online) friend. I just don't know how to tell him no."

was worth an attempt, and that all the pavlov reactions to just block and move on did not help her to solve this situation.

Actually, they did. Because he's blocked now.

What OP was struggling with was trying to be fair to someone who was being abusive and unfair towards her, and the fair thing to do when dealing with someone toxic who refuses to listen is actually the banhammer. It's also not like her ban came out of nowhere, as it's clear she's been trying to talk some sense into this guy for a while.

You know that Pavlovian responses are learned from being repeatedly exposed to the same situation, right? Everyone saying "nah, block" has been in similar situations and learned the hard way that trying to JADE (Justify, Argue, Debate, or Explain) to people who pull this kind of shit is not only worthless, it's extremely emotionally exhausting and can potentially be a bit traumatic depending on the response.

So yeah, a quiet block is completely justified in this situation.

 

[englishmuffins]

Actually I see this several times a month, there is nothing rare about this situation at all.

I see no indication that model actually told him no yet, I only see that the user was testing the waters.

I don't normally participate in these types of posts I only responded because the first response was that she should immediately block him without saying anything. The thought of suggesting that every colombian immediately block every single tipper that offers to marry her and take her away is just crazy talk and thats just a regular user, this is a user shes had for 4 years making up 30% of her income. Let me put it this way, if you repeated this scenario amongst a bunch of colombian models and suggested to just instantly block him on all platforms without saying anything they would look at you like you were crazy because again its not uncommon at all.

I don't disagree at all with the idea of just flat out saying no and then blocking him if he continues , I only disagree with blocking without saying anything.

Testing the waters??? Even after her updates?!

It’s better to recognize the behavior in advance and block before it escalates. It is up to the model wether she explains why she is saying no. But that’s a lot of time and energy trying to explain my rejection when I could be raking in more money.

Even if a model explains their rejection and doesn’t block, many members go overboard and it becomes an emotional drain on the model to the point of where they don’t want go online. That costs a lot more than 30% I’d say.

I get that you would prefer models to have a rational conversation with a member as to why she is saying no and explain it, but more often than not, those types of members are incapable of understanding the rationale behind it and that’s where it becomes burdensome to cammodels and members start to really push and violate our boundaries.

 

[cbhours]

Testing the waters??? Even after her updates?!

Yes im looking at it from the possibility that he noticed her being less responsive and distant so he was testing the waters to see how much it bothered her that he said those things. She never actually mentioned that she told him no so she may have just giggled about it and brushed it off. If she did then yeah absolutely block him, there was probably never any wife and kid to begin with.

 

[AudriTwo]

Random thought I had while doing the dishes.

If a member is being pushy, pronounces their undying love, and/or acts like captain save-a-hoe and the model isn't bothered by it, like it's not making them uncomfortable or unable to work, by all means, keep hustling.

OP clearly is uncomfortable with how this member was behaving.

 

[englishmuffins]

Yes im looking at it from the possibility that he noticed her being less responsive and distant so he was testing the waters to see how much it bothered her that he said those things. She never actually mentioned that she told him no so she may have just giggled about it and brushed it off. If she did then yeah absolutely block him, there was probably never any wife and kid to begin with.

Ummmm what??? You’re assuming her interaction at this point. She never stated if she was being less interactive with him. She did state that she had a regular session with him and then after he went nutters and spammed her.

Again, it’s up to her if she wants to say no, explain or just outright block without any explanation.

If at any point a model feels uncomfortable about an interaction that they are having with a member, they are not obligated to keeping that member around and do not need to explain themselves.

If anything this probably serves as a good lesson for the OP to be more firm with boundaries in future interactions with members as to avoid and repeat situations such as the one she just experienced.

 

[cbhours]

Ummmm what??? You’re assuming her interaction at this point. She never stated if she was being less interactive with him. She did state that she had a regular session with him and then after he went nutters and spammed her.

Again, it’s up to her if she wants to say no, explain or just outright block without any explanation.

If at any point a model feels uncomfortable about an interaction that they are having with a member, they are not obligated to keeping that member around and do not need to explain themselves.

If anything this probably serves as a good lesson for the OP to be more firm with boundaries in future interactions with members as to avoid and repeat situations such as the one she just experienced.

Well yeah because he obviously wasn't doing a genuine apology since he went nutters in the morning right, so I was just looking at it from the possibility he noticed some change and decided to do that fake apology when he clearly didnt mean it.

I agree with you 100%.

 

[AudriTwo]

I agree with you 100%.

if you agree, stop. please stop trying to argue with advice that is given for models' emotional wellbeing and safety. all your points are pretty moot.

 

[cbhours]

if you agree, stop. please stop trying to argue with advice that is given for models' emotional wellbeing and safety. all your points are pretty moot.

The only thing I argued with was the post to block without saying anything, thats it, remember the op was already given that advice she came looking for alternatives.

Sorry if I missed it but did you state what you would have done in that scenario? You mentioned the guy that was half your income constantly crossing boundaries so you did establish those boundaries with the guy first but after that experience you just block them immediately now?

 

[englishmuffins]

Well yeah because he obviously wasn't doing a genuine apology since he went nutters in the morning right, so I was just looking at it from the possibility he noticed some change and decided to do that fake apology when he clearly didnt mean it.

I agree with you 100%.

I don’t think the hypothetical assumptions/situations (edit: about OP’s interactions with the member) are necessary for this particular thread since OP gave us details and information as needed and was looking for help for her situation. Which is the main focus.

Maybe in a different or new thread there can be discussion about how various members and model interactions can lead to different results. But I don’t think it’s necessary for this thread, that’s just my honest opinion.

 

[AudriTwo]

Sorry if I missed it but did you state what you would have done in that scenario? You mentioned the guy that was half your income constantly crossing boundaries so you did establish those boundaries with the guy first but after that experience you just block them immediately now?

i no longer depend on one member for large amounts of consistent income so i would never again have to be put in a situation where i feel trapt. i tried to establish boundaries, but he refused to respect any. he would also gaslight me that our interaction was alright because he spends. he's not like those awful freeloaders. im not gonna go into details of how he was crossing boundaries, just know he very triggering and gross.

after dealing with that, i block. my audience now knows my boundaries because they are always clearly layed out. i dont give a fuck what amount someone has spent, when they are crossing lines, i dont deal, because it aint worth it. my emotional well-being is more important.

 

[MarieElise]

Also, don't let the 30% make that big of an impression. A model could still be making good income then have a whale who tips a ton extra even above that regularly. It would still sound like an impressive percentage, but in reality, they could have been earning just plenty before too. We dont know. Dont let the 30% trip you up or seem like a huger deal than it possibly is.I've had whales that make up a big percentage of my income that has come and gone (although not nutters/ boundary-crossing like this guy). When they go my income has dropped by whatever percentage they were regularly paying, but its still been a good income. It never affected me much, because I never got to the point where I rely solely on 1 or 2 of them (and I was lucky that they were not the abusive type that tried to get me to rely on just them by pushing boundaries), their money was just extra. I hope you see what I mean math-wise, and that makes sense.

I think in a way some of these whales that get abusive want the model to rely on only their money, so they can have the power over them to control and abuse, and get away with it. So they probably want the model to stop working with others as much so said crazy whale can dominate them and control their finances completely.

 

[MiaSarah]

Nothing to report on. I worked last night and I do not believe that he came back into my room. Just other regulars and spam. Unless he came in as a anonymous. Deleted email and snap and made new ones. I download the emails he sent to keep just in case I need them.

I do want to apologize. I have been reading what everyone has been writing. English comprehension reading is still not very strong for me. I can not keep the different conversations strait. Even after re-reading a number of times. Sorry.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

@MiaSarah hoping things stay calm and cool for you, this kind of added stress is shit we shouldn't have to deal with when we are just trying to work. Fingers crossed that the boundary ignoring member stays gone.

 

[MiaSarah]

I hope this will be the last update. Wednesday I would normally private with him, and I was sure he would come into my room last night with a new name and start to bother me. If he was in the room and any point he did not write anything. Hopefully he got the hint and moved on.

 

[Tinydickman]

Honestly just tell him the truth and say your married.

he sounds like he wants to help you and in his strange world thinks he will be a hero taking you away from the cam world.

 

[Diana_Devil]

Honestly just tell him the truth and say your married.

he sounds like he wants to help you and in his strange world thinks he will be a hero taking you away from the cam world.

that will be worst he will think that her husband its trafficing her lol. I had one of these members that knew from the beggining i was married and at some point he started to threaten me he will kiddnapt me and my children and kill my husband , to learn us to be respectable humans . in my case he even sent me a vid how he break an furniture door with his punches to show me how strong he is and how he will beat up my husband to death .

This white knights with their fantasy of saving women from pornografic / caming industry are having a real issue , there is not something to play with .

 

[MarieElise]

in my case he even sent me a vid how he break an furniture door with his punches to show me how strong he is and how he will beat up my husband to death .

Holy shit! So sorry this happened to you, that's insane.

I would be so tempted after that to send a clip back of me at the shooting range... but I'm Italian Scottish...
What a fucking shit!

 

[Diana_Devil]

Holy shit! So sorry this happened to you, that's insane.

I would be so tempted after that to send a clip back of me at the shooting range... but I'm Italian Scottish...
What a fucking shit!

I was too also tempted to do that haha but i was afraid that will affect me more than him . So i banned , blocked , and changed all my account and to not be enough i have changed my cam style and everything so i totally rebranded .

He is still sniching at my ass now on one platform but he never says anything or tips me , i know its him because he has the same nickname . He spys on me since i banned him 1 year and a half ago .

But he is so creep that choosed the same nickname , because he knew i will notice , so its his way to tell me that he is still watchig me .

As long as he does not interact or say a word i will not ban him now because he will see it like an provocation and will start with his shit again . I just do my show like i never noticed or saw him , like he does not exist .

 

[rockin_rod]

As long as he does not interact or say a word i will not ban him now because he will see it like an provocation and will start with his shit again . I just do my show like i never noticed or saw him , like he does not exist .

All credit to you for this approach