Exactly what constitutes an ex?

[eyeteach]

Is there a given time measure that defines when a person is an ex? I get, "Oh we were married and then got a divorce" but how would you define the time period that two people dated that decides actual "ex" status?

Did that make sense?

I ask because earlier this week I ran into this particular girl, right? Anyway last year we went out for like three weeks, went out on dates, sex, I met her five year old daughter, etc. But earlier this week she introduced me to cousin of her's as "my ex"...I never considered that we were an official dating couple, apparently she did. So now I'm confused; did we actually date and break up making us an "ex" of the other or did we just go out those few times and then went our separate ways?

Y'all help me. Thanks!

 

[DeezNA]

Everything is subjective.

My guess is she either felt stronger about the short-lived relationship than you did or she wanted to avoid any kind of awkward "yeah, well we dated for a bit" conversation arising by nipping it in the bud. Labels can be messy, that's why communication is such a crucial thing in interpersonal relationships... may have been a factor in why the relationship was not long for this world, I don't know, just shooting in the dark here.

If you don't feel comfortable with her referring to you as an "ex" to other people, then just have a little honest one-on-one with her about it and explain your reasoning.

Hope my feverish, sleep-deprived, pseudo-intellectual reflection on the matter helps. :handgestures-salute:

 

[Deleted member 16664]

Is there a given time measure that defines when a person is an ex? I get, "Oh we were married and then got a divorce" but how would you define the time period that two people dated that decides actual "ex" status?

Did that make sense?

I ask because earlier this week I ran into this particular girl, right? Anyway last year we went out for like three weeks, went out on dates, sex, I met her five year old daughter, etc. But earlier this week she introduced me to cousin of her's as "my ex"...I never considered that we were an official dating couple, apparently she did. So now I'm confused; did we actually date and break up making us an "ex" of the other or did we just go out those few times and then went our separate ways?

Y'all help me. Thanks!

I think this just depends on who you ask. I maybe say from what you said, that in my life you would have been considered someone I just briefly dated, but didn't get serious with….but you did have sex. So you never know if she considered you someone potentially serious (she has a daughter, so I hope she takes dating more seriously).

I once talked with a guy on the phone in high school before and he acted like we had dated when I spoke to him years later. We never even went on a date. People categorize people to however that makes sense to them.

It's good usually to clarify in dating what's going on so both of you are on the same page. If you are any type of friend, I'd just ask her.

 

[EmilyConrad]

To me it sounds like maybe she just didn't want to go into the full details of the situation to her cousin, like Deez said. And if you look at the term "ex" it can mean a lot of different things like ex-friend, ex-lover, ex-boy/girlfriend, ex-husband/wife, etc. Most people think of ex in terms of a relationship but it can be used for other situations. I have a couple guys I ~almost~ was in a relationship with and those situations are always weird label-wise because we were more than just a fling but were also never official bf/gf. In most cases I'll just say we used to date instead of putting an actual label on it.

 

[Sevrin]

The MFC homepage is littered with my future exes.

 

[eyeteach]

To me it sounds like maybe she just didn't want to go into the full details of the situation to her cousin, like Deez said. And if you look at the term "ex" it can mean a lot of different things like ex-friend, ex-lover, ex-boy/girlfriend, ex-husband/wife, etc. Most people think of ex in terms of a relationship but it can be used for other situations. I have a couple guys I ~almost~ was in a relationship with and those situations are always weird label-wise because we were more than just a fling but were also never official bf/gf. In most cases I'll just say we used to date instead of putting an actual label on it.

See that's just it, the label part. I never considered that we were a dating couple per se, just that we went out with each other for a couple or three weeks. In the grand scheme of things I've never lost sleep wondering what to call what we did, it really never crossed my mind to. Some of the times we'd go out to eat, to a movie, bowling (as best as I could), just different stuff. Other times I'd pick her up (she was divorced and lived with her mother, free baby sitting) and then come back to my house where we'd eat or watch a movie or just spend time together. It never got overly serious and after we stopped seeing each other I just never thought that we were exclusive so when she introduced me as an ex I was somewhat taken aback. Just one of life's mysteries I guess.

 

[Red7227]

A girl who tells you they love Twilight or 50 Shades of Grey

 

[Sansa]

It's pretty subjective.

If she doesn't date or have sex with very many people she may have called you that for that reason perhaps. Personally I wouldn't unless there was a girlfriend or boyfriend title to begin with, but that's just me. Some people are just awkward with words, she probably should have said, "we dated each other a while ago" and not, "this is my ex."

 

[Nordling]

Or maybe, not reference a relationship at all. "Hi Ted! Bob, this is Ted, Ted, Bob."

 

[Zoomer]

You put too much emphasis upon the word "ex" and are getting caught up in it. Congratulations - you boned someone once. Don't get too hung up on the idea that they may simply call you "ex" when explaining the "here's how I know them" line. To me it seems like a fairly simple way of basically saying there was romantic involvement and that's how you knew each other. Perhaps you were friends for years - but friends usually keep in touch or behave different to those that have fucked each other at some point (leave the definition of fucked entirely up to the reader ). Saying "ex" to someone probably prevents other friend-type questions occurring as they know how you know each other and may therefore guess what topics of questions/conversations are/aren't appropriate! Seems fairly simple to me

So rather than introducing you as "this is a guy that I fucked for a few weeks a couple of years ago" - what would their other options be?

"This is a friend I don't actually have friendship with - but i know them."
"This is some guy i knew for like 3 weeks. Once. Or something."
"We went to school together..."
"He's an ex of mine"

The last is the simplest, most 'user friendly' way to give someone a generalised quick idea of how people know each other as well as indicate where/what sort of convo people can proceed with

I'm fairly surprised it's a question.

 

[VeronicaChaos]

I have way more exes than I've had boyfriends...so....I'm probably not much help here. :lol:

 

[JerryBoBerry]

 

[RogueWarrior]

Don't get hung up on semantics. Technically, you are an "ex". "Ex" whatever, it doesn't matter. An ex stunt cock, an ex lover, an ex spouse, an ex math tutor, an ex rodeo clown.

More important things to use your energy on.