Dating a cam-girl advice?

[LittleRooster]

Hi, guys, i posted a topic a couple of months ago saying i needed help with a relationship with a cam girl, and almost all of the advice i got was to move on and forget her, but i went the opposite way. We spoke one night and agreed that we would talk again and see what happens. I am fine with keeping it casual and we are currently planning a date where we can meet one another for the first time.

Let me start by saying that i do not approve of her profession (sorry, girls, i'm just not entirely comfortable with my potential girlfriend taking off her clothes on the internet), i do agree with her motives and reasons for working as a cam girl, she needs money and in her current situation, camming is the best way to do that. Simple. We spoke one night and she told me that although she does not see herself camming in a couple of years time, right now she is perfectly content with her job, and i can accept that. The male side of me wants her to quit camming tomorrow and only i will see her, but the realistic view is that i cannot financially support us both (and she does not want that) and the money is a great benefit to her, if she were to quit she would be thrown into poverty.

We both knew the risks of talking to one another as we both have feelings for each other and although i cannot say that i love her (after all we have not met yet), i definitely care for her. We spoke and agreed that we would keep it casual and not brand our relationship until we meet. I have told her that i don't like what she does and she sympathizes. She does not like it either, but she does like the money!

Here is the difficulty, she has been struggling at work recently and she has been trying some new things (Skyping, twitter, raffles, etc.) and it's affecting me, i mean, if she is publicizing herself, more people will go and watch her, and i don't really like that (sorry to be selfish)! I completely understand that she needs to make money so i keep my feelings to myself, but because she is so fixated on work, i am second fiddle. I can't complain about that because she openly told me that her work is more important than me and it dented my pride, but i appreciate that she told me the truth.

Anyway, we was talking about how we can balance work and our potential relationship. We are both extremely excited about meeting one another as we both know that our lives could change if things go well, but for now things have to remain the same. She has already stopped doing cum shows altogether, and although i did not ask her to do it, i really appreciate it and it has put my mind at ease massively. I understand that cum shows play a big part in the income generated by cam girls and i am very grateful that she has stopped doing them and hasn't done one for many months, shortly after we first spoke.

We both want this to work so we have to remain civil until we meet, therefore i am asking what can i do to make us both happy? If it were up to me, she would just cam and sit and smile for her customers and keep her shirt on, and get tipped for it, but that is completely unrealistic! I know that i have to accept a lot from this as i'm sure any guy would find it hard.

I do feel guilty asking her to stop certain things and i do not want to effect her income too much and seem controlling, but there are some things that i am really not comfortable with and i would prefer if she stopped or kept to a minimum. I understand completely that she cannot stop all of the things i am not comfortable with, and i'm sure she does not want to do them and would rather get tipped for just sitting there. I am willing to cope with a lot but i believe that we both will have to compromise, as it was her suggestion to discuss this. Again, i do not want to come across as controlling or whatever, but she can tell when i am upset and she openly asked me if there is anything that she could do to help. I'm struggling because i don't want her to do certain things but at the same time she has to make money...

So, what i want to know is, for those of you who do have husbands or boyfriends, do you have any rules or mutual agreements regarding your job? And where do you draw the line and consider that a major hindrance to your job? Do you communicate with your loved ones and discuss your work or do you keep home life and work separate? I would really appreciate any feedback as i really like this girl and would like for us to meet, but i do not want her job to effect our relationship too much. Is there anything that she could possibly do to help me? And can i do anything to help her?

Thank you in advance for your feedback

 

[CharlotteLace]

...seriously?

 

[ScarletVixen]

Wow...um...I'm confused. :?

 

[KayleePond]

"Hey guys! I decided to completely disregard your advice last time, even though you took a lot of time to help me and also have way more personal experience in these matters, but I would love for you to go ahead and give me more advice so I can ignore it again. THANKS!!! xoxoxox "

 

[LittleRooster]

ok sorry disregard this post.

 

[Shawn_Parker]

 

[NoelleBright]

Also,

 

[Mott_]

LittleRooster, if I was standing next to you I'd be holding this sign :withstupid:

 

[LilyEvans]

"Hey guys! I decided to completely disregard your advice last time, even though you took a lot of time to help me and also have way more personal experience in these matters, but I would love for you to go ahead and give me more advice so I can ignore it again. THANKS!!! xoxoxox "

"Also I think this job is slutty and you're all whores. No offense."

 

[Mott_]

Amber I have a suggestion. Can we change LittleRooster's name to GiantCock....?

 

[MsAllyCat]

I don't think this is a trollish post, and I think the OP has guts to be so open and post.

I dunno dude. Life, love and relationships are complex things. I recently dated a man who wasn't comfortable with camming and those being his feelings, well that is OK. It's ok to have differing opinions and views! Like you, the cum show or intimate skypes were something he struggled with.

I can't offer any good advice, sitting here tapping it out on my phone.

But just keep openly communicating with your friend, be open minded, but acknowledge it is okay not to be comfortable with certain things. But don't think you have the control to change them.

I dunno what I'm trying to say. Just that yeah, life is complex and I thi I you deserved more tha. A "you're a dick" response.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

I have advice for you- stop dating a cam girl when you're totally not cool with it!!! Oh and also you've never even met her!! Go to a bar/club/match.com and find a woman who doesn't cam! There are thousands of them who live locally to you!

Yes of course camgirls make compromises when they're with their longterm partners, but these are small compromises that are there for more reasons than the guy wanting the girls body all to himself. Men who date camgirls and aren't cool with her profession end up suffering, it causes a lot of grief and they always fail. Either you are willing to accept she will cam for at least the next few years (and FYI, very few camgirls see themselves camming in 2 years time... though most continue), and you allow her to cam in whatever way she wants and don't get involved. Or you break up with her. You met online, neither of you are going to move to anothers country, your friends and family already don't accept her, meaning her visiting would be very awkward for her, even if you meet up this won't be a long term thing.

My advice: Seeing as you're almost completely retarded and have wasted all this time obsessing over this girl you clearly need to meet her for closure. Meet her, go to Romania, meet her family, see what her life is like, see how it goes. If you do that maybe you'll love it and will really want to be with her, but chances are even if you enjoy your trip you'll get over it pretty quickly as she'll become a reality rather than a perfect internet character.

Fact is, for you this is clearly all just a joke. You're enjoying stressing over having a relationship with this girl, and you're enjoying trying to stop her camming. If you didn't enjoy it then you would have stopped speaking to her a while ago. She probably enjoys you trying to control her too, though she's clearly getting tired of it as it's starting to effect her life. Unfortunately your little bit of obsessive control could really fuck up her life.

 

[BigElectricCat]

Be nice, models.

The original poster sounds like he's more in love with the idea of being with a camgirl than the reality thereof. If that's the case, the two of them should remain on their respective sides of the camera. I certainly don't buy the part about how he thinks she "does not want to do [certain things models do] and would rather get tipped for just sitting there." A girl just sitting there isn't going to get much money, no matter how beautiful she is. While there are exceptions, I get the impression most cam models do what they do because they enjoy creating and indulging fantasies, both their patrons' and their own. They enjoy the rush from knowing they can make dozens or even hundreds of men cum by simply enjoying their own bodies, and I'm glad they do.

Not just any man can join the ranks of the camgirl HAB's (Husbands and Boyfriends). Those that can have to be confident enough in their own sexuality not to be jealous. They can't be so possessive that they're not willing to share their significant others' sexuality. I don't think the OP is capable of that. Hell, I'm fairly open-minded, and I would have trouble being romantically involved with a model, even if there wasn't the Atlantic Ocean between us.

Isabella_deL has a point, LittleRooster. If you like watching her cam, watch her cam and be supportive of her. If you want to talk, talk. Have some private fun if you're so inclined. If you think you're in love, that's ok as long as it doesn't bother her and you're not full-on creepy about it. Don't, however, be a perv, yet expect her to give it up just to be with you even though you haven't met. Stop deluding her and yourself before you both end up getting hurt.

 

[MrRodry]

Is there anything that she could possibly do to help me?

Dump your insecure ass.

And can i do anything to help her?

Let her do whatever she wants and, after she dumps your insecure ass, stop being an insecure ass.

Thank you in advance for your feedback

:thumbleft:

 

[CharlotteLace]

For clarification, this dude previously made an entire thread asking for relationship advice, got pages and pages of responses, and then today posted a new thread asking almost exactly the same thing.

He fails at forum etiquette. That's why nobody really wants to help this guy again.

 

[AmberCutie]

Girls who are open minded enough to get naked on the internet deserve to date/marry/be with a partner who is open minded enough to understand it.

Selfish and closed-minded folks should not lust after open-minded folks unless they are ready to open themselves up a little bit.

I don't think you're ready.

To answer your question:

So, what i want to know is, for those of you who do have husbands or boyfriends, do you have any rules or mutual agreements regarding your job? And where do you draw the line and consider that a major hindrance to your job? Do you communicate with your loved ones and discuss your work or do you keep home life and work separate?

Rules: don't tell my members every single detail of our personal life (we deserve some privacy), and don't go falling in love with anyone. Dur. On weekends and days off of cam, I make sure to not spend every waking minute following up with cam stuff. We spend off-time together and pay attention to each other.

Hindrance? No, it's pretty easy. I make friends but keep within boundaries.

Communication: we talk about EVERYTHING. He knows my regular members names and a little about them, I even pass on jokes that they've told me. He helps me plan out my special shows and events. We're partners and best friends, it just works out.

 

[mynameisbob84]

Hey guys :hello2:

I previously asked for advice in a different thread that I started in order to get some advice on a personal matter. A lot of you took the time to give me your advice and I read through what you had to say and then decided to do the opposite of what you recommended.

Now I'm starting another thread to ask essentially the same question but I'd like to get some answers and advice that validate my choices this time please. Essentially I'm looking for different answers to the same question as before. Ultimately it won't matter how you answer cos I've pretty much made up my mind about what I'm gonna do anyway and if I don't get the responses I'm hoping for, I can always just start another thread and reword the same question until you people validate my viewpoint.

Kthnxbai :hello2:

 

[yossarian]

Oh God...my eyes. The sheer cluelessness...it burns.

 

[BigElectricCat]

Thank you for taking the high road, Amber. Even though the OP did bring this up before (as a search revealed), the other participants' responses (models and pervs alike) have been, on the whole, callow.

 

[ScarletVixen]

This is the original 4-page topic that Rooster posted and already got a lot of posts/advice/info on: https://www.ambercutie.com/forums/viewt ... 28&t=14544

I'm adding it here because I believe the information within it is very important to the givers of any advice regarding this new post. It helps to get the full(er) story and see what him and his potential-Significant-Other have been going through before today.

Also, for the folks that are getting the impression that people are being too harsh, this should clarify things a bit.

 

[BigElectricCat]

Also, for the folks that are getting the impression that people are being too harsh, this should clarify things a bit.

An appropriate response would have been to ask Amber to delete the thread or merge it into the previous one. As she has seen fit to allow it to continue in its current form, I stand by what I said previously.

 

[ScarletVixen]

Also, for the folks that are getting the impression that people are being too harsh, this should clarify things a bit.

An appropriate response would have been to ask Amber to delete the thread or merge it into the previous one. As she has seen fit to allow it to continue in its current form, I stand by what I said previously.

Thanks for letting me know what an "appropriate response" should have been. If you wish for that to be stated, feel free to state it for yourself, not for me.

 

[yossarian]

Thank you for taking the high road, Amber. Even though the OP did bring this up before (as a search revealed), the other participants' responses (models and pervs alike) have been, on the whole, callow.

Did you read the whole fucking thing? When people ask for advice, receive it, ignore it, and then ask FOR THE SAME ADVICE again, people tend to get justifiably pissed, especially when he tells them to their faces that he doesn't respect what they do.

He's not asking because he wants advice. He's fishing around for somebody who will tell him what he wants to hear, which is that he should force her to quit being a nasty, slutty camgirl so they can be happy together in a meadow full of rainbows and unicorns and shit.

And for some strange reason, a forum full of girls who cam isn't giving him that advice. Go figure. So he persists in wasting everyone's time...

 

[zippypinhead]

The story this guy has written in his head is pure fiction. He's most certainly omitting facts in this matter because they do not gel with the narrative that he has formed. I doubt very much that this girl hates her job. She could be telling him something that he wants to hear, but I suspect that he's actually not really hearing the things that she's telling him. He's already displayed a savant's penchant for selective listening. I also suspect that there's a financial component, here, that he's not letting on.

No advice is going to help him, because he's not looking for advice. He's looking for confirmation of his story. He's looking for someone to tell him that he's right, and she's lucky to have him there to save her. It's typical white knight bullshit. He's textbook. And when it goes sour because of his passive aggressive abuse, he'll decide that she's a bitch and a whore, and lament the fact that he's too nice, and women only want assholes.

Confidential to LittleRooster:

If you really cared about this girl -- which you don't -- you'd leave her the fuck alone. But you're too selfish and deluded to do such a thing, so she's going to have to put up with you and your stupid shit until whatever money you're giving her but conveniently omitting from this fable you're weaving for us runs out, or that money just ends up not being worth dealing with you anymore. And if you're not giving her money? Start. She fucking deserve getting a paycheck from you. Hell, just reading your posts here leaves me tempted to bill you for my time.

 

[BigElectricCat]

He's not asking because he wants advice. He's fishing around for somebody who will tell him what he wants to hear [...]

Calling the OP out for attention whoring is playing straight into his hands.

 

[AmberCutie]

He's not asking because he wants advice. He's fishing around for somebody who will tell him what he wants to hear [...]

Calling the OP out for attention whoring is playing straight into his hands.

That's not what he's saying. He's saying that OP wants justification for his irrational behavior and feelings. He won't get those here. Attention? Sure. Advice he'll actually listen to? No.

 

[JerryBoBerry]

He's not asking because he wants advice. He's fishing around for somebody who will tell him what he wants to hear [...]

Calling the OP out for attention whoring is playing straight into his hands.

That's not what he's saying. He's saying that OP wants justification for his irrational behavior and feelings. He won't get those here. Attention? Sure. Advice he'll actually listen to? No.

We could always hijack this thread with ponies! ...no, he'd just start another one. Darnit.

 

[Gen]

I read through most of the first post, and this one.

Apparently it's falling on deaf ears, but you're asking her to sacrifice so much, and offering so little in terms of what you're sacrificing -- like okay, you haven't outright said "no more camming" but you might be better off doing that then saying you're okay with it and then making her feel guilty for doing it.

Not everyone wants to date a camgirl, not everyone is comfortable with their partner being naked on the internet - fine! You don't have to be, but if you are going to date a camgirl, absolutely you have to be comfortable with it. I can't even imagine how tedious it is for her to work and then have to apologize/be made to feel bad for it to you afterwards.

If you can't get past her camming, or your jealousy and insecurity, then the relationship doesn't work. There is no secret that any of us can tell you as to how our relationships work, because typically camgirls either don't date jealous, insecure guys in the first place, but the only option if you do wind up dating is either for the guy to amend his feelings and get over it, or for the girl to stop camming, or for them to break up. Seems like you can't amend your feelings, she doesn't want to quit camming (you said she does, but you also said that she stated her job is more important to her than you are, so I think you have your answer).

I mean, for goodness sake, she's trying to increase her business and you're worried about how that will affect YOU. That's completely selfish and not at all a good base for a relationship.

As for my relationship, my partner and I broke up because of distance but when we were together, he was completely okay with camming and offered to help with my videos. I would talk to him about some of my regulars and he'd say "that guy sounds cool" and be done with it. I could complain about work without ever feeling like he'd take that as an indication that I wanted to quit. He was supportive, understanding, and thought it was pretty cool that I was able to make money on my own. From what I've read on these boards, most camgirls have partners who support what they do. I can't imagine dating someone who didn't.

Again, I think it's fine if you aren't comfortable with dating a camgirl -- not everyone has to be (I wouldn't date guys of certain professions), but stop trying to force a square peg into a round hole. It's not working, you probably can't be friends.

 

[PunkInDrublic]

 

[Just Me]

Hi, guys, i posted a topic a couple of months ago saying i needed help

I read this far, and came to the conclusion you are deluded. It has barely been one month since you started this same topic. :roll: