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banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change?

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Sep 7, 2012
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Hi! I'm new to forum, but i'm a long time MFC'er. I was talking with a model who is fairly new, and i helped get started, and i asked her if she wanted to skype (perhaps taboo but we have before). She said no, only tokens tonight, as tokens are her norm, after some further prodding she said she only wanted to be on MFC cam, which i told her was fine. I asked if she'd like to go private and she banned me. When asked why, she said because I asked first, and that I should just click if i want a private. I am a little confused, has etiquette changed? I was always told you ask before clicking the private/group button and let the model know what you would like, while giving the model a chance to decide 1 if it's worth it and 2 if they are even willing to private/group with you. Have I been wrong all this time? Was I being rude by asking first?
 
Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

Hello either she was just being bitchy or she thought you were a freeloader. Some guys can pm/mfc mail you about going prvt and want you to go into detail about what you will do so it gives them free wanking material. I prefer members to mfc mail me before a prvt but eh all models are different :twocents-02cents:
 
Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

Alexandra Cole said:
imspecial said:
...after some further prodding...

That.

While I agree with you, that would most likely be the cause of it, the model herself told him it was for asking first instead of hitting the button.

My suggestion is to read a model's profile before you do anything. If she doesn't say anything one way or the other about it, do what feels right, and if she bans you for it, then move on. Sometimes people just don't click.
 
Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

imspecial said:
and i helped get started :roll: after some further prodding :roll: she only wanted to be on MFC cam, which i told her was fine. :roll: banned :lol:
Asking for a private wasn't the problem, Mr. Special.
 
Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

She probably got irritated even before you started with the "further prodding" because you initially asked for Skype.
When a member comes in my room asking for Skype its the most irritating thing ever.
Can they not see that Im trying to work on MFC at the moment?

Not only that, frequent Skype inquirers usually are super cheap and are trying to either scam you or get it for next to nothing.
 
Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

imspecial said:
Hi! I'm new to forum, but i'm a long time MFC'er. I was talking with a model who is fairly new, and i helped get started, and i asked her if she wanted to skype (perhaps taboo but we have before). She said no, only tokens tonight, as tokens are her norm, after some further prodding she said she only wanted to be on MFC cam, which i told her was fine. I asked if she'd like to go private and she banned me. When asked why, she said because I asked first, and that I should just click if i want a private. I am a little confused, has etiquette changed? I was always told you ask before clicking the private/group button and let the model know what you would like, while giving the model a chance to decide 1 if it's worth it and 2 if they are even willing to private/group with you. Have I been wrong all this time? Was I being rude by asking first?



It's possible that she was a little annoyed with you for persisting she do a Skype show, and maybe she thought you were gonna be one of those difficult guys who are a bit pushy.

I don't know...I wouldn't have banned you that early on though. It SOUNDS like you're a nice guy who knew what he wanted right then and there, and that you weren't being a time-waster (or one of those "PayPal for Skype, bb?" guys...UGH)...lol. So she probably missed out on what could've been a cool private session.

Don't worry...you did the right thing by asking for a private session first. I encourage guys to do this, rather than just buzzing me for private when they feel like it.

By the way, welcome to the forum! :hello2:
 
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Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

JickyJuly said:
imspecial said:
and i helped get started :roll: after some further prodding :roll: she only wanted to be on MFC cam, which i told her was fine. :roll: banned :lol:
Asking for a private wasn't the problem, Mr. Special.
:) I see no flaws with your analysis. :lol:
 
Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

I prefer guys to ask me about Pvt before Pvt but guys who ask millions and millions of questions usually either do not go Pvt or do a very short waste of time Pvt, in my experience. The millions of questions guy wants to get the most personal interaction for nothing or almost nothing, IMO.

For example:

guy: hey bb you do squirt in pvt?
me: depends
guy: can you squirt while doing a handstand?
me: of course
guy: can you sing while you do a handstand in pvt?
me: yes, i can
guy: do you do naughty things on skype?
me: yes
guy: mmmm thats hot
(guys leaves)

Guys who spend money and know what he wants usually go straight to the point. Maybe not ban you but I would of been annoyed with you too.
 
Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

Jo_Bunny said:
guy: hey bb you do squirt in pvt?
me: depends
guy: can you squirt while doing a handstand?
me: of course
guy: can you sing while you do a handstand in pvt?
me: yes, i can
guy: do you do naughty things on skype?
me: yes
guy: mmmm thats hot
(guys leaves)
:lol: :lol: :lol: That needed more than a thank!
 
Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

imspecial said:
Hi! I'm new to forum, but i'm a long time MFC'er. I was talking with a model who is fairly new, and i helped get started, and i asked her if she wanted to skype (perhaps taboo but we have before). She said no, only tokens tonight, as tokens are her norm, after some further prodding she said she only wanted to be on MFC cam, which i told her was fine. I asked if she'd like to go private and she banned me. When asked why, she said because I asked first, and that I should just click if i want a private. I am a little confused, has etiquette changed? I was always told you ask before clicking the private/group button and let the model know what you would like, while giving the model a chance to decide 1 if it's worth it and 2 if they are even willing to private/group with you. Have I been wrong all this time? Was I being rude by asking first?

The only thing I see wrong here is the "after some further prodding".

Models don't like to be annoyed, nor do we like repeating ourselves. If I have to tell someone more than perhaps once, or twice, in more than one different way, "no"... Then that persons bitch ass is getting a swift ban. Usually faster than they can blink.

I think if you had asked her once if she wanted to Skype, she said no, then if you had said, okay well Private then...? You would have been okay.

Me personally... I require detailed chatting before a Private to make sure it's something I am/can/willing to do for the person... Among many other reasons.
 
Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

Jo_Bunny said:
guy: can you sing while you do a handstand in pvt?
me: yes, i can

That is actually a very rare thing. I have only gotten one model, whose voice I liked, to ever sing for me. It is even harder than getting someone to dance for some reason. Before I used MFC I never would have believed getting someone to masturbate would be easier than getting them to sing.
 
Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

SNATCH said:
The only thing I see wrong here is the "after some further prodding".
I dunno, I wouldn't mind prodding some of the bbs in this thread, and then "further prodding" :cool:
 
Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

Shaun__ said:
Jo_Bunny said:
guy: can you sing while you do a handstand in pvt?
me: yes, i can

That is actually a very rare thing. I have only gotten one model, whose voice I liked, to ever sing for me. It is even harder than getting someone to dance for some reason. Before I used MFC I never would have believed getting someone to masturbate would be easier than getting them to sing.

Models no dance? I ALWAYS dance. I can't help it. HAHAHA. I sing all the time, but if someone asked me to, I would probably feel really weird about it, all put on the spot like && extra self conscious.

Jupiter551 said:
SNATCH said:
The only thing I see wrong here is the "after some further prodding".
I dunno, I wouldn't mind prodding some of the bbs in this thread, and then "further prodding" :cool:

WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED? Lol. :)
 
Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

You were probably annoying her anyway, nothing to do with asking for a skype private etc.

From a members opinion you often think you're doing nothing wrong, but really sometimes during those shows or afterwards you can come across as very irritating. Maybe she felt that although you'd gone skype before you faffed around too much for it and didn't pay enough/let it drag on, maybe she just didn't like your personality. There are quite a few members who I talk to who really bug the shit out of me. Some of them I like anyway, but at certain times I just have to stop talking to them, and sometimes they bug me so much and it doesn't feel worth it to keep them around.

Technically you may have not have done anything wrong, so it'll be hard for you to see it. Maybe it was the prodding, she may have been trying to focus on getting new members etc and you were taking up too much of her time/energy. If a girl says she doesn't want to skype/go private that is the end of it, you do not need to prod. I don't know how much you spent on her, but also there's often cases that members think they're spending a lot more than they are. Spending $50+in a private is a fair bit of cash, but if you need to make more and you've got someone who doesn't spend that much but gets pushy/thinks he's your saviour then those 500 tokens stop being so interesting. A lot of models don't take privates for this reason. She's new, may be trying to warm up the room/get good at public chat, she's never going to do that if you keep badgering her for private.

Otherwise she could just be a bitch. The traffic on mfc is such that for the majority of models if a member leaves, another replaces them, so if a member is irritating us/bothering us enough then banning is completely in our interests.
I'd just move on, she doesn't seem interested.

I would also like to point out that although we have many white knights out there, taking a model skype a few times when she starts camming is helping yourself out not her. The relationship is mutually beneficial, so yes if you tip her tokens it helps her. But a pet peeve of mine is members spending on a more vulnerable model and thinking they've given her the world. Maybe you're not actually like that, I'm just reading inbetween the lines.
 
Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

Jo_Bunny said:
Maybe not ban you but I would of been annoyed with you too.

I'd have the same reaction. That said, I'm vaguely suspicious he's leaving out a few key details.

Imspecial - I'm in the minority here in that nobody needs to ask before they click "private," though some do. But because I focus on public chat and only check PM's periodically, when someone wants to get my attention, they say it in a tip note. Or they email me so I can give it my attention when I'm off-cam.

If you're genuinely concerned about etiquette, a tip note - to me - is the most respectful way to go. It separates you from the members who fill the PM window with hundreds of one-handed questions about a hypothetical private that will almost certainly never happen. And it's generous. And sweet. And polite.

The gesture goes a long way. With me, at least.
 
Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

Alexandra Cole said:
I'm vaguely suspicious he's leaving out a few key details.

You're not the only one, bb ;)

As others have already pointed out; the whole "further prodding" thing sets a few alarm bells ringing. Generally, when someone says 'no' to something, that's not an invitation to "prod" the shit out of them until they say 'yes'.
If the model banned you solely because you asked about a private show, then yeah, that's poopy and you'd be well served to not waste any more of your time and money on a person like that.
But there are things worth considering/questioning here;

How you asked her for this private - were you rude? pushy? obnoxious? did you try to get a cheeky discount?
What you asked for in this private - if you asked her to shove watermelons up her butt-butt or to ride a unicycle whilst juggling her boyfriend's balls for example, it's safe to assume that's why you were banned.
If the private was even the issue at all - could you have done/said something to annoy this girl to the point where she might use you asking about a private as an excuse to ban you?

Furthermore (and maybe I'm being completely unfair here, but here it is anyway :?) - through you choosing to describe this model as being a girl you "helped get started" and the fact that of alllllllllllllll the usernames in the world, you landed on "imspecial", I'm getting a certain vibe from you, ya know? There's a certain type of member who likes to think that they're somehow responsible for their favourite model's successes, and as a result, they convince themselves that they're entitled to more of that model's attention than they actually are. You wouldn't be one of those guys, would you? :?
 
Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

I think she just didnt wanna do a show, period. Since you worded it as you kept suggesting everything, instead of her saying "I don't want to get off MFC, but I'd do a private," I think she probably just wasn't in the mood to get all 1 on 1 sexy. I've been in this boat where I kinda beat around the bush as I don't wanna dissuade from future privates, but really don't wanna do one at the moment. Rookie mistake. Anyway, she probably banned you because she just didn't want to deal with a hypothetical private that she didn't want to do. Not a very wise choice as "I'm not in the mood right now" is a lot easier to take than a ban. But you said she's new and being new to camming is a pretty overwhelming thing in itself, aside from the whole internal debate of "do I do what's comfortable for me, or do I do what's lucrative?" :twocents-02cents:
 
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Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

SNATCH said:
WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED? Lol. :)
maybe because you and I did some virtual prodding of our own the other day ;)
 
Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

First of all, my username, implies i do/say stupid things, its a 'short bus,' 'window licker,' kind of special and implies i have a sense of humor. not that the world revolved around me, but i sure wish it did! :)

second, thank you to all the serious, considerate, and varied responses both assuming one way as well as the other as to the omitted details (which i left out for privacy). It's good to see as many models/members assuming the best for models/members one way and the other.

For those of you doubting the 'further prodding' in a nut shell it was "hey how've you been? 10 min skype?, no not for 10min, okay longer? how long?, only tokens, okay tokens?, silence, private?, banned" i was just readers digesting the conversation. the other part i left out for privacy was helping her figure out problems with her paypal which i helped her set up, apparently the only real miscommunication the model and i had happened here. She thought that by me being a nosy nerd and wanting to trouble shoot her problems that i was mad at her [aftermath].

To make a long thread shortish and after further talking to the model, who did initially say that it was because i asked first that she banned me, she then admitted that it was because she thought i was mad and was going to give out her personal info in the room/on this forum (like i said, i know her fairly well, and really helped/advised her getting started, not just took advantage of a newbie).

So this was an interesting first post and thank you everyone for the varying responses! I have to say i'm happy and even impressed with the thought and care that went in to many of the responses.

On a side note, this forum is a refreshing change from "hey bb, open bobs" and "fukc yuro ass F4 em diryt bytch bitch"
 
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Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

Jo_Bunny said:
guy: hey bb you do squirt in pvt?
me: depends
guy: can you squirt while doing a handstand?
me: of course
guy: can you sing while you do a handstand in pvt?
me: yes, i can
guy: do you do naughty things on skype?
me: yes
guy: mmmm thats hot
(guys leaves)

Ha!
I just saw this. I like the cut of your jib, bb :-D

ADDENDUM: I just saw that your favourite song is "Insatiable". Which makes you a bad-ass. I once made eye contact with Prince for like, three whole seconds! :-D
 
Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

imspecial said:
'further prodding' in a nut shell it was "hey how've you been? 10 min skype?, no not for 10min, okay longer? how long?, only tokens, okay tokens?, silence, private?, banned"

Yeah I think I'd ban you too lol. That sounds really annoying!

On another note I'm sure you weren't doing it maliciously or anything, but persuading a model to set up a paypal account so you don't have to give mfcs a share is not helping a new model out. In fact like you said she was scared you'd give her info out, that paypal says your real name is very dodgy, she could get kicked off mfcs or have her paypal account blocked and have her money stolen.
I'm sorry I just had to point this out, you're saying it like it's a totally ok thing, but its really not!
 
Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

Isabella_deL said:
but persuading a model to set up a paypal account so you don't have to give mfcs a share is not helping a new model out.


When I'm on MFC - or any cam site, for that matter - I DO NOT wanna hear the word 'PayPal'...lol.
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Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

If you did push her to get a paypal account that she didn't want, then shame on you!

If you were trying to help her set it up so paypal doesn't give out her real name (which isn't possible), kudos for trying!

If you were dissuading her from using paypal, AWESOMESAUCE!
 
Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

How to get private:

1. Unhide your reward points
2. Unhide your tokens
3. Act like you are serious about it.

Sounds like you did #3. I don't think you mentioned if you did steps 1 and 2, but these steps show you are serious with nothing to hide and not some idiot that wants to go private with 100 tokens. Even with low reward points, if she sees enough tokens, she might accept your request.

If you have questions about private that you don't want to ask publicly, I'd probably send an MFC mail if you can't PM. Common sense would seems to be that a model could add you to her PM for a minute to discuss the private and then just delete you, but for whatever reason, models don't like it so don't ask her to add you so you can talk about a possible private on PM. Just ask publicly or send the email. I've also put questions in a giant tip note available just to the model so for a few tokens, you can get her attention that way too.

As for a model banning you for asking if she is available before private, unless you were being a pain in the ass before, I see no reason for her to do that and would just move on to someone less bitchy. Models deal with lots of b.s. each day so I am sympathetic to their situation, but the models worth spending tokens on find a way of rising above it all and still being pleasant. They don't jump down your throat for not reading their profiles (which often have so many pictures and graphics that it is easy to miss things by the way). They don't attack you for asking the same question that a guy asked 2 minutes before you entered the room. And they don't ban you simply because you asked if it was a good time for a private.

By the way, you might want to take note of the fact that higher rated models don't ban a lot unless you are being an idiot in their rooms. My favorites are the ones that ban you for not saying hi within 60 seconds because, omg, maybe the phone rang just after you entered so you stepped away from your PC. Obviously, they prefer to have tokenless basics and guests instead of premiums who, even if just 20 points, showed that they are willing to at least actually spend some money. Whatever... just move on. Plenty of models have big smiles on their faces, are nice to deal with and are worthy of your tokens.
 
Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

Meh I'm pretty ban happy. Not for silly things, but if someone's being remotely rude or disruptive in my room i'll get rid, it'll only be a 60 day ban if they're seriously fucking about. Annoying questions, begging, trying to dirty talk to me in public, or really just being disrespectful, and obviously any kind of rude comment. Sometimes I'll ban someone if they take me in a really short private, but usually I see no point, they're already gone.

Having your tokens etc showing does help, although I'm no longer falling for that. So many members clearly go around with loads of tokens showing and have all those tokens because they take girls in seriously short privates.

In a room if someone is remotely wasting time/being irritating and it's actually effecting you then 6 hour ban definitely, jeeze, it's not the end of the world!
 
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Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

As to the adding to the "friend's list" for a quick before-private chat...

for one thing, deleting friends is hard.
for another, so many guys who want to talk about it in pm are just looking to get a free jack-off from the descriptions.

But some models do the whole pm before private thing.
 
Re: banned for asking before a private? did etiquette change

LadyLuna said:
so many guys who want to talk about it in pm are just looking to get a free jack-off from the descriptions.


Yeah, I should probably add that to the pet peeves thread. I get guys on ImLive too who come into free text chat asking "Can you go to free video chat so I can see you? I need to cum!" Or they'll ask "What all do you do in private?" It must drive them crazy when I respond with "What would you like to see?" :) LOL.

And they enter private just to abuse the stupid 20-seconds-of-private-for-free feature and demand I "get naked bb" within the first second they enter.
 
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