Yet another idiotic user.

[Purpleforest]

So I already know the answer is going to be "get a back tattoo" and it's probably correct but I'm a stubborn fool who needs his head beaten in sometimes. (Yes I've read the other threads)

Typical story, met a camgirl (Colombin and works in a studio, bad one too), had some fun, spent a lot of tkns (around $3000 worth) over the course of a few months.

I was already planning on visiting Colombia, so this came up eventually and we discussed meeting up.

This is where it's slightly different, Ive done a GFE or four before, so, being the lonely guy I am who doesn't mind spending some money offered the option of paying her weekly to spend a couple of hours with me each week.

She accepted, we agreed to $100 for 6 hours, we had fun, then she turned me down the next week and told me she didn't want me to send the money because she enjoyed hanging out.

After that and a couple of weeks of spending no money on her I decided to ask her out (shh I already said I'm lonely and a fool) and she accepted.

We've had a couple of privates and I did send her money directly once more (for a virtual date that I wanted to do but she refused because she couldn't afford) but it's nothing compared to the weekly pay I was willing to give.

Now, all sounds relatively ok, but there are a few things that have me concerned.

1. She wants me to keep visiting her room on CB. Admittedly she says this is because she likes talking to me instead of just being bored.

2. She still has me blocked on her personal IG.
This one probably requires a bit of explaining.

I accidentally found her personal IG while browsing her work IG. She had been tagged in some photos by a photographer with her work IG then another set had her work IG.

She blocked me before we started dating and I've only asked her about adding it once. (And she told me she blocked me for stalking her, but wasn't mad)

3. This is the big one for me, because we'll, I'm a sucker who's fallen for this before, but she saif today she is worried she doesn't have enough money to feel herself this week.

It could be genuine, her room is pretty much dead most days and she said she hit her goal of 10k tokens one fortnight, which wouldn't be much even in Colombia after CB's cut and the studios.

So other than getting a back tattoo any advice?

 

[cbhours]

This is where it's slightly different, Ive done a GFE or four before, so, being the lonely guy I am who doesn't mind spending some money offered the option of paying her weekly to spend a couple of hours with me each week.

She accepted, we agreed to $100 for 6 hours, we had fun, then she turned me down the next week and told me she didn't want me to send the money because she enjoyed hanging out.

After that and a couple of weeks of spending no money on her I decided to ask her out (shh I already said I'm lonely and a fool) and she accepted.

think it would be useful to provide more clarification on this section. You paid her $100 usd for 6 hours but then she turned you down the next week saying she didnt want you to send her money......so are you saying she continued to give you those 6 hours a week for free?

 

[Purpleforest]

think it would be useful to provide more clarification on this section. You paid her $100 usd for 6 hours but then she turned you down the next week saying she didnt want you to send her money......so are you saying she continued to give you those 6 hours a week for free?

Yes she continued to give me the hours we were spending together for free. Which has been from day one more than six hours a week.
They were also never sexual in nature, I only wanted company, for anything sexual before it was on her cam page. (By my choice)

Now for anything sexual it depends on if she gets time without her family if not in the span of a week or two I'll pay for a small show or private that's 250-500 tokens.

 

[Life_Happens]

Even if it is all legit (which I don’t think it is) it will always end in heartbreak. I’ll let others point out all the red flags, but this kind of thing never works, bro.

Curious…what are your ages?

 

[Just_A_Guy]

any advice?

Date IRL and not online. If she has blocked you that means you should stop. You also sound quite stalkerish. This is not an offence, and don't take it personally, it's just the impression I got from you post. Just my 2 cents.

 

[Purpleforest]

Date IRL and not online. If she has blocked you that means you should stop. You also sound quite stalkerish. This is not an offence, and don't take it personally, it's just the impression I got from you post. Just my 2 cents.

She blocked me with an account we do not use for communication. On a platform we don't even talk on.

Yes I know it was a little stalkerish to find her personal IG. But wasn't something intended to do, simply came across it by accident while looking at her photos.

But point taken thanks.

Even if it is all legit (which I don’t think it is) it will always end in heartbreak. I’ll let others point out all the red flags, but this kind of thing never works, bro.

Curious…what are your ages?

Fair enough, I know it basically never works, I won't say I'm heavily invested yet but I'm getting to the stage where I either need to commit or back out because otherwise I'll be hurt.

She's 26 and I'm 33 so a bit of an age gap bit not huge.

 

[bbc003]

You're not dating. Don't go to cam sites or any streaming site to date people. Streamers, and cam models are there to make money and earn a living. Nothing more and nothing less. You claim to know what's going on but you still post here asking for....dating advice? Your answer is actually in your own words...if you are having fun spending money for this person's time, enjoy the time spent and the interaction. If you expect anything more you need to stop and go find a hobby or club where you can socialize with real people over shared interests.

 

[Just_A_Guy]

But point taken thanks.

Well, It's just my opinion.

She blocked me

Isn't that a sign, though, anyway?

 

[Lilly_____]

So I already know the answer is going to be "get a back tattoo"

Yes. There you go. The answer was already in you all along! credit roll

 

[Purpleforest]

Well, It's just my opinion.

Isn't that a sign, though, anyway?

It could be, she could just also block all members on her main account and I just accidentally found it. We didn't talk about the why.

But yes that on top of everything else is basically why I'm asking you guys to bash some sense into my head.

You're not dating. Don't go to cam sites or any streaming site to date people. Streamers, and cam models are there to make money and earn a living. Nothing more and nothing less. You claim to know what's going on but you still post here asking for....dating advice? Your answer is actually in your own words...if you are having fun spending money for this person's time, enjoy the time spent and the interaction. If you expect anything more you need to stop and go find a hobby or club where you can socialize with real people over shared interests.

I know they are there to earn a living and I offered just that professional relationship to her. She said she enjoyed being my friend and then accepted when I asked her to date me.

I'm not really asking for dating advice I guess. I'm just conflicted ad I'm obviously starting to become attached and that is causing conflict within me as I want it to be real.

Thus Ive come here because you all seem brutally honest, Im getting the answer I expected but obviously not the one I wanted.

Yes. There you go. The answer was already in you all along! credit roll

Lol yeah fair enough. I'll get the tattoo if someone pays for it XD

 

[Alde]

I was already planning on visiting Colombia, so this came up eventually and we discussed meeting up.

This is where I get confused: so did you already go to Colombia and meet her or did you only discuss this? If you only discussed this, what was her response?

 

[Purpleforest]

This is where I get confused: so did you already go to Colombia and meet her or did you only discuss this? If you only discussed this, what was her response?

I will be taking a vacation in Colombia in November. I had already booked everything in before I knew she lived there.

Her response to me mentioning this was to suggest we have a picnic together, this was before I asked her out. She has suggested one more date idea for my visit and I have suggested one, all three times she seemed excited and eager.

 

[cbhours]

Fair enough, I know it basically never works, I won't say I'm heavily invested yet but I'm getting to the stage where I either need to commit or back out because otherwise I'll be hurt.

I'm not really asking for dating advice I guess. I'm just conflicted ad I'm obviously starting to become attached and that is causing conflict within me as I want it to be real.

Commit or back out? why are those the only two options? think you probably do need some dating advice and that advice is dont over commit. You can consider that after youve spent months in colombia...in some apartment that probably doesnt have hot water or air conditioning.

The advice remains the same if you had originally met them in person too xD

 

[inertvolcano]

Generally speaking the young Colombian women in these scenarios see you as someone who can rescue them from their circumstances, and will say and do just about anything to make that happen. Pursue this only if you can handle the truth being slippery and the nature of your relationship being on a fundamental level a practical matter for her rather than a romantic one which I'm betting you don't have a lot of experience with. If you do meet her in person, expect to feel like you've been dropped into a cage with a hungry tiger who has no intention of letting you climb back out.

I think it's possible to punch through those challenges and make a relationship work but it's hard and most guys drive themselves crazy with paranoia and suspicion, not entirely unfounded, before getting very far.

But that isn't to say her feelings won't be on the line, so whatever you do be good to her. It sounds like she is already beginning to invest a lot of hope in you.

 

[AmberCutie]

I will be taking a vacation in Colombia in November. I had already booked everything in before I knew she lived there.

Uh, did you not already go? -

She accepted, we agreed to $100 for 6 hours, we had fun, then she turned me down the next week and told me she didn't want me to send the money because she enjoyed hanging out.

- because I inclined from this that you had already gone and hung out?

 

[AmberCutie]

Uh, did you not already go? -
- because I inclined from this that you had already gone and hung out?

I originally thought you might actually have a different story than most, but if you have not in fact already met her in person that leads me to suggest she's just conning you.

 

[AudriTwo]

1. She wants me to keep visiting her room on CB. Admittedly she says this is because she likes talking to me instead of just being bored.

what other job is it appropriate or allowed to have their boyfriend hanging out in case they get bored? the answer is not a single one because it's a distraction. slow periods are inevitable with camming. does she want you for the company? or does she want you there to help attract the revolving door of members entering her room? every cam model will tell you it's easier to attract an audience if you are engaging with your room.

2. She still has me blocked on her personal IG.

honestly, i dont see a problem in this with her being a sex worker. i see this as her being cautious. if i was single and just started dating someone, i'd have them blocked on private accounts if i wasn't out with the people in my life. there have been too many times scorned ex outs a sexworker. columbia is catholic, so it's safe to assume she has some devout relatives or acquaintances. not only does she worry about being socially outcasted, but the violence that may come with it. you already finding her social media through someone tagging her was scary enough. i wouldn't be surprised if she blocked every follower from her private ig after that.

also beware on using camsites like a dating site:

 

[Ozzie_]

I will be taking a vacation in Colombia in November. I had already booked everything in before I knew she lived there.

So you have not actually met? So you are not actually dating.

I have no problems with a genuine friendship with someone you have never actually met (and might never meet -- I consider it the modern version of pen-pals) But *dating* someone you have never met.? No, that is pure illusion.

 

[rockin_rod]

Ive done a GFE or four before

being the lonely guy I am who doesn't mind spending some money

I did send her money directly once

She wants me to keep visiting her room on CB

I'm a sucker who's fallen for this before

Does seeing it like this ^ help?
It sounds very much like you are looking for a relationship and will be sending out these signals (if not actually communicating that directly).
This makes you a much easier mark for a love con when using cam sites.
While that doesn't make you an idiot (as your thread title suggests) it does expose you to being manipulated the longer you're active online.
Have you tried dating in your local area?

 

[misterical]

Hmmm. Where to start. Getting friendly with a cam model is a conundrum for both the model and the user.

The model is there to make money during her working hours. The user is generally there during their leisure time. Immediately that creates a bit of a problem. Of course, your solution to solving that conundrum is to (quite rightly) pay for her time. However, for the user, this introduces another conundrum. Once you are paying money for your "relationship" it then becomes impossible to have trust in anything that is said or done subsequently. It's the nature of the beast. You are paying for her to want you because you want her.

I have some experience in this area myself because I've had a close friendship with a model for about 5 months now. But that's all it is. Just friends. And it's possible to be friends, pop in and say hello, drop some tips and offer support when they are having a bad day and then keep out of the way when they are busy. Hell, I've even sent her flowers to cheer her up. However, I'm under no illusions that it is anything more than a friendship. Nor do I want it to be anything more either. It's been tempestuous as well. We've had rows and gone weeks without speaking on more than one occasion and that's without the "love" element being in play. That's just being friends. When you start throwing around the idea of being in love, meeting up, planning a future together then it's going to be a hundred times more difficult.

As others have pointed out, cam sites aren't dating sites and if you go in there thinking that they are then you are going to get burned and hurt badly. You're going to end up a paranoid, jealous (and probably broke) mess who tortures yourself trying to read the lines between the lines. You're chasing an illusion. There's no harm in being friends with someone. There's no harm in paying for her time. And there is definitely no harm in caring for her and making sure she is ok. Life in Colombia is tough. It's when you cross the line into thinking it's a real love affair that you hit the skids. It's a dangerous game that will consume you and leave you disappointed. The only two possible outcomes to this scenario involve you being conned - either by her or more likely by yourself.

 

[misterical]

she is worried she doesn't have enough money to feel herself this week.

On a humorous note, isn't the whole point of a cam site that you send her money and then she feels herself?

 

[misterical]

I will be taking a vacation in Colombia in November. I had already booked everything in before I knew she lived there.

Just noticed this. Colombia isn't exactly a standard vacation destination. Maybe I'm cynical but this looks like a guy who was already going to Colombia with the intention of meeting models. Am I right? Can I change my name to Sherlock?

 

[Ozzie_]

Just noticed this. Colombia isn't exactly a standard vacation destination. Maybe I'm cynical but this looks like a guy who was already going to Colombia with the intention of meeting models. Am I right? Can I change my name to Sherlock?

It is not a non-standard destination either. Tourism is a large and growing industry. (For good reason, it is one of the most bio-diverse countries on the planet.)

 

[Nienna]

Hmmm. Where to start. Getting friendly with a cam model is a conundrum for both the model and the user.

The model is there to make money during her working hours. The user is generally there during their leisure time. Immediately that creates a bit of a problem. Of course, your solution to solving that conundrum is to (quite rightly) pay for her time. However, for the user, this introduces another conundrum. Once you are paying money for your "relationship" it then becomes impossible to have trust in anything that is said or done subsequently. It's the nature of the beast. You are paying for her to want you because you want her.

I have some experience in this area myself because I've had a close friendship with a model for about 5 months now. But that's all it is. Just friends. And it's possible to be friends, pop in and say hello, drop some tips and offer support when they are having a bad day and then keep out of the way when they are busy. Hell, I've even sent her flowers to cheer her up. However, I'm under no illusions that it is anything more than a friendship. Nor do I want it to be anything more either. It's been tempestuous as well. We've had rows and gone weeks without speaking on more than one occasion and that's without the "love" element being in play. That's just being friends. When you start throwing around the idea of being in love, meeting up, planning a future together then it's going to be a hundred times more difficult.

As others have pointed out, cam sites aren't dating sites and if you go in there thinking that they are then you are going to get burned and hurt badly. You're going to end up a paranoid, jealous (and probably broke) mess who tortures yourself trying to read the lines between the lines. You're chasing an illusion. There's no harm in being friends with someone. There's no harm in paying for her time. And there is definitely no harm in caring for her and making sure she is ok. Life in Colombia is tough. It's when you cross the line into thinking it's a real love affair that you hit the skids. It's a dangerous game that will consume you and leave you disappointed. The only two possible outcomes to this scenario involve you being conned - either by her or more likely by yourself.

Very, very well stated! Kudos to you, sir! You also pretty much just summed up my relationship with my model friend, the only difference being that we haven't had spats, and I get way too wrapped up in her work. I do it out of concern, but I have come to realize that it is really not my business, and there is nothing I can really do to help anyway. So, I have taken a step back. (Several steps )

As to the OP, I know you want to help, but I really think you should step back and rethink this. Please, for your own safety and hers, be careful!

 

[misterical]

It is not a non-standard destination either. Tourism is a large and growing industry. (For good reason, it is one of the most bio-diverse countries on the planet.)

True, but my spider senses were tingling when he mentioned it wasn't his first rodeo......

 

[misterical]

Very, very well stated! Kudos to you, sir! You also pretty much just summed up my relationship with my model friend, the only difference being that we haven't had spats, and I get way too wrapped up in her work. I do it out of concern, but I have come to realize that it is really not my business, and there is nothing I can really do to help anyway. So, I have taken a step back. (Several steps )

As to the OP, I know you want to help, but I really think you should step back and rethink this. Please, for your own safety and hers, be careful!

The spats that we've had probably wouldn't have happened were it not for the intensity and imbalance of a camming platform. One person is working, the other isn't. One person is visible, the other isn't. Add to that the fact that there is an underlying sexual purpose to the platform then it can easily happen.

There is another model who I've known for a while and it's not like that at all. We had a great conversation one day putting the world to rights, exchanged email addresses (at her request because we got on so well but there was no sexual spark) and stayed in touch. I never visited her room after that initial meeting but we've communicated via email ever since. Sometimes we can go a couple of weeks without being in touch. Our conversations are never sexual. All we talk about is our respective lives and respective cultures. Sometimes we offer each other advice and support on life issues. I have to say, that once the cam platform is out of the equation, it becomes much easier to communicate as human beings because you become equals on both a personal and technical level.

If you were to ask me which of the two is a healthier way to conduct an online friendship with a cam model, I'd say the latter.

The OP could already have reached the point where despite knowing and agreeing with all of the points being made here, his feelings might take control and prevent him from making the hard decisions. I hope not but there are plenty of threads on this forum that reflect that pattern of behaviour. An online romantic relationship with a cam model would be way more intense than an ordinary online romantic relationship. In an ordinary relationship you need to arrange times to have video calls etc. If you are "dating" a cam model then you would pretty much know their working hours. If you were in love with them then I can imagine that staying away would be difficult but of course, by returning time and time again, the hooks would just dig deeper.

 

[Just_A_Guy]

to bash some sense into my head.

Yeah, but I guess you need to make some room in your head, so that some sense can be talked into it, I suppose. Have you watched the 90 Day Fiancé episode about the American guy and the Colombian girl he had met on a chat? One of his friends tried to talk some sense into his head, but he wouldn't listen. Screenwriters have done a great job here. So basically, IIRC, he flew to Colombia only to find out she has 4-5 kids, all of them with differents fathers and her whole family live off her camming work, and, on top of that, while she was "in love" with the American guy, she even had time to have another kid with his actual boyfriend who btw happens to be in jail. I suggest you should go and watch it.

She blocked me before we started dating

If she really wanted to date you and get to know you, she would have her ass on a flight right now, and you would be taking her out for dinner this evening.

 

[Just_A_Guy]

$100 for 6 hours

Forgot to say. That's all you need to know to get a picture.

 

[inertvolcano]

If she really wanted to date you and get to know you, she would have her ass on a flight right now, and you would be taking her out for dinner this evening.

Just a point of clarification here, but it's much more difficult for Colombians to gain entry to the US than it is for Americans to gain entry to Colombia. If I want to see my family in Colombia all I need is a passport. If they wanted to come visit me they would need to go through a visa process that is more time consuming, more expensive, and has the potential to be denied based on their background and other factors.

 

[Just_A_Guy]

Just a point

Yeah, I assume you are right. Good point. Personally, I would take it as a sign that it was never meant to be anyway, so to speak.