but how people can choose on ther free mind to get this work, i cant understand this and i dont want to understand and thats not what iam here for.
If you can't understand how someone can choose to do this, and aren't here to learn how someone can choose to do this, then maybe you need to look at some things... because there are two types of people here: the models, who choose to do it; and the members, who choose to pay the models to do it. These are the people you are talking to, and if you can't approach us with respect, you can't really expect us to respond to you well.
You say she doesn't choose to work there. Okay. I'll buy that she feels like she has no choice but to do this, and hates every minute of it. But she did choose it. There is another choice, means that there is another choice, doesn't mean that the other choice is good. If the choice is between letting the rapist have his way and death, that's still a choice. So, she chooses to work this so that she can support her family. To her, supporting her family is more important than the negative of camming. The choice of not supporting her family is not an option to her, but it is an option in the world. Don't get me wrong, I greatly respect that she refuses to leave her family hurting.
About the Christmas thing... it sounds like maybe you need to find out how important you are to her. It is hard, I know, but it's sounding like she doesn't feel for you the way you feel for her. This is the picture I'm getting about her from what you have been saying. Please don't feel like this is an attack on your relationship, or that you need to defend her or it. This is just a suggestion that you talk to her and tell her that she is hurting you.
As to how you can support her... well, the fact that you put rules down that might be problematic is one thing that is standing in the way. The fact that you resent her work is another. But it sounds like you already knew that. We can't make you feel something different. The only person in control of how you feel is you. Control your perspective, and you control how you feel about it.
So, here's a bit of perspective. Don't know if it will help you. I consider what I do to be interactive porn. That's what I call it. What it means, is that I am the actress, and the member is the actor in this private porn that we are creating just for him. The fact that we are in different rooms (an most likely, different buildings/towns/states... maybe even different countries) is keeping him from touching me physically, but it is still his porn. From the male's side, it's like going out and watching the movie being made the way that HE wants it made. If he has enough imagination, then he is picturing himself in my room with me. He imagines that my dildo is his dick, that it is his hand, not mind, massaging me.
That's the way I see what I do. It might help if you ask her how she sees what she does. How she feels about the members. If there were any members giving her problems. Here's the really really important bit. No matter how much her responses upset you, YOU CAN NOT HOLD IT AGAINST HER. Tell her how you feel about it, how her responses make her feel, but do your absolute best to do so calmly. Do not start defending yourself or attacking her (verbally, not physically).
The fact that you do not speak English was brought up in your defence. Not to bring you down further.
