Need model advice stuck between a rock and a hard place

[MarieElise]

It's all good, and the discussion is intriguing on why we do the things we do.

Ahh, the Eurythmics. Definitely brings back some memories, and that video reminded me of Peter Gabriel's "Big Time" with the stop motion.

Thanks, I will check it out. I'm in a total rockin out mood tonight

 

[CanadianCowboy]

Yeah, just to chime in on this part, if it were me, I would be giving you space, out of consideration. I have had several regulars message me about leaving over the years, and I always wanna support them in that, by not putting a temptation out there, so I try not to bother them too much.

I also know some people, use camsites when single, but then not when starting a new relationship, so I try to pretty much leave old regulars alone too, out of respect of not potentially causing trouble in any relationship they may be building. Different relationships being different, in what they consider being unfaithful and all, and I wanna support them in whatever they are doing for themselves, which brings them happiness. If it makes you feel any better, I had a regular for years who I absolutely adored, and I never messaged him once, after he stopped getting shows. I literally cried (privately) on and off for months missing him though, and not in a sexual way, just interacting with him, after shows via message and such, because I thought he was such a fucking cool dude. But I want to respect the fact he chose to leave, and I could never know for sure, what his reasons really were (he told me he was joining the seminary, which may or may not have been true, technically not my business at all though). He always paid fairly, but him leaving had no ultimate effect on my bottom line, however, it did and does still affect my emotions. I never once saw the guy, I only ever heard his voice, and got to know his personality.

So Idk but some models could have a similar thought process, and be trying not to bother you/ encroach upon your personal mental, social, and emotional space.

This is a very interesting point to me, I felt an immeasurable amount of guilt after leaving the job, which to be completely honest I hated with an absolute passion. I didn't feel any guilt necessarily that I left. I felt guilty that I was now able to be less help to her financially because I put my health and more importantly to me, my happiness of walking away from a life style and job I never really enjoyed before her needs. And I almost felt as though I had no right to put myself before her

 

[MarieElise]

This is a very interesting point to me, I felt an immeasurable amount of guilt after leaving the job, which to be completely honest I hated with an absolute passion. I didn't feel any guilt necessarily that I left. I felt guilty that I was now able to be less help to her financially because I put my health and more importantly to me, my happiness of walking away from a life style and job I never really enjoyed before her needs. And I almost felt as though I had no right to put myself before her

It is VERY, VERY good that you left the job. It sounds like you are the type that will make a really great boyfriend to some lucky woman. However, it also sounds like you are going to have to protect your sweetness and self sacrificing/ selfless tendencies (and huge heart), from those who will not appreciate them, nor see them for what they are. It is very, very good that you left the job though, I repeat VERY, VERY good . You have definitely done the right thing, and I hope that you are not hurting as much/ worrying/ feeling guilty, about her?

 

[MarieElise]

Let’s not jump to conclusions.. we don’t know how the conversation went or what exactly was said. It could have been a miscommunication. It would explain the ban and deletion.
I had a member I loved who supported me for years like this leave. But guess what? In the email he sent me he said my show had become boring to him and he wanted to make way for people who would be more excited. He then proceeded to express gratitude for my stream over the years, it was a warm and nice farewell couple of paragraphs and I could have replied but honestly calling my show boring and telling me he is not interested in it anymore felt like a cold dagger and I never replied. Sometimes I wonder where he is and how he is doing but I would never contact him after that email. A part of me thinks maybe he didn’t feel that way and was simply using it as an excuse to protect his ego (several reasons for that conclusion too long to post here) but the fact remains that he hurt my feelings and I didn’t ban him but I could have

I feel ya, I had a similar incident happen w a short term regular (which to me is a few months or less of spending an average amount). Out of nowhere he messaged me, and said "I just want to let you know that I am going, it's time I cared more for myself. I want to put my money into things that will actually make myself happy." I just messaged back a one word response of "Bye". To put this in perspective, this guy was a fair spender, but not a huge spender, and every show he got was super, SUPER dirty and exhausting. He never once mentioned feelings, or anything that would lead me to believe he was doing anything other than having fun whacking it to me (we used to C2C, so he wasn't sitting writing poetry about me, and crying into his pillow, while he was enjoying the show, I can assure you! visually verified!), and presumably other chicks too. So i was really insulted about the implied "I do so much for you". Tbh he pestered me during my off hours, wanting to know when I would be on, his shows were long, and physically draining (never once anything conversational and unrelated to hardcore dildo action). But supposedly he did so much for me? I could have been being over sensitive, as I do have a tendency to be that way (and to read too much into things), but I have never looked back once, since that guy left, (other than to wonder why he didn't just ghost me, and felt the need to be obnoxious about leaving), which (ghosting) would have been my preference in his case. So a lot has to do with how things were perceived on both sides, and how they are worded.

It sounds like Canadian Cowboy is not this type though.

But it's true, there are always 2 sides to a story.

 

[CanadianCowboy]

It is VERY, VERY good that you left the job. It sounds like you are the type that will make a really great boyfriend to some lucky woman. However, it also sounds like you are going to have to protect your sweetness and self sacrificing/ selfless tendencies (and huge heart), from those who will not appreciate them, nor see them for what they are. It is very, very good that you left the job though, I repeat VERY, VERY good . You have definitely done the right thing, and I hope that you are not hurting as much/ worrying/ feeling guilty, about her?

I really, really appreciate the kind words. I still feel immense amounts of guilt about walking away, simply because I feel as though it's somehow my responsibility to pay for her rent, student loans etc... I've always been one to put others needs and wants leaps and bounds in front of my own, it's something I've believed in my entire life. Again I really appreciate the kind words and hopefully I can accept the fact that her well being shouldn't have to solely rely on me and I can move on.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

I really, really appreciate the kind words. I still feel immense amounts of guilt about walking away, simply because I feel as though it's somehow my responsibility to pay for her rent, student loans etc... I've always been one to put others needs and wants leaps and bounds in front of my own, it's something I've believed in my entire life. Again I really appreciate the kind words and hopefully I can accept the fact that her well being shouldn't have to solely rely on me and I can move on.

Why do you think it is your responsibility? You weren’t in a relationship with her.

Not being an ass, it is genuine curiosity

 

[CanadianCowboy]

Why do you think it is your responsibility? You weren’t in a relationship with her.

Not being an ass, it is genuine curiosity

I honestly wish I knew, something I genuinely can't explain. Wish I could though.

 

[MarieElise]

I really, really appreciate the kind words. I still feel immense amounts of guilt about walking away, simply because I feel as though it's somehow my responsibility to pay for her rent, student loans etc... I've always been one to put others needs and wants leaps and bounds in front of my own, it's something I've believed in my entire life. Again I really appreciate the kind words and hopefully I can accept the fact that her well being shouldn't have to solely rely on me and I can move on.

Well it's been nearly a month, so that seems normal to me, that you would still be feeling a sense of grief. It sounds like you have lost a connection/ attachment which was really important to you. With someone you obviously cared for. If it goes on for a disproportionate amount of time though, you may want to talk to a therapist. Because sometimes extended grief and guilt reactions, can be a symptom of depression. I think it's still too early to worry about that, but it's worth knowing that info. incase these feelings don't pass within a reasonable amount of time. It does sound like you are coping with a lot, overall, in your life w your health and all. Which I hope has improved somewhat since you left the job? Hugs.

ETA; Also on the blocking, she could have completely freaked out and felt guilty, and be trying to block you for your own good. I know it's not necessarily nice (and seems cold), but at times I block customers, if I feel like it has turned into an addiction, and could be potentially causing them pain or problems in their lives. Because that kills me to think it has gone beyond fun for them, and that I could be causing them emotional pain or serious financial trouble. It's a bit of a tough love approach though, but overall I sometimes (in certain situations) feel it is justified, for their own long term good. Or she could just be an self centered gold-digger. Idk.

 

[CanadianCowboy]

Well it's been nearly a month, so that seems normal to me, that you would still be feeling a sense of grief. It sounds like you have lost a connection/ attachment which was really important to you. With someone you obviously cared for. If it goes on for a disproportionate amount of time though, you may want to talk to a therapist. Because sometimes extended grief and guilt reactions, can be a symptom of depression. I think it's still too early to worry about that, but it's worth knowing that info. incase these feelings don't pass within a reasonable amount of time. It does sound like you are coping with a lot, overall, in your life w your health and all. Which I hope has improved somewhat since you left the job? Hugs.

ETA; Also on the blocking, she could have completely freaked out and felt guilty, and be trying to block you for your own good. I know it's not necessarily nice (and seems cold), but at times I block customers, if I feel like it has turned into an addiction, and could be potentially causing them pain or problems in their lives. Because that kills me to think it has gone beyond fun for them, and that I could be causing them emotional pain or serious financial trouble. It's a bit of a tough love approach though, but overall I sometimes (in certain situations) feel it is justified, for their own long term good. Or she could just be an self centered gold-digger. Idk.

It never crossed my mind but maybe she did it for my own good, it almost was like an addiction to me. While I was doing well for myself I also spent money on her rather than doing anything for myself

 

[Finchomatic]

It never crossed my mind but maybe she did it for my own good, it almost was like an addiction to me. While I was doing well for myself I also spent money on her rather than doing anything for myself

You are not the only one to experience this. I left a message two weeks ago about addictions and thanking someone for giving me the boot. I was not addicted to the person, I was addicted to the room persona and my own persona in the room and the fantasy of it. Strange how it happens.

 

[MarieElise]

It has happened to me on the other side of things too. When I first started, and was single, there was a customer that I developed WAY too much of an attachment/ almost an addiction to. I just thought he looked really hot, had great equipment, and was like my fantasy "dream" guy. It can happen. It was getting in the way of my progress in life, so it was good that it was ended, although not perhaps in the most friendly, outright caring way. It had no practical future, that would have brought happiness on both sides. You never know for sure, what a person feels on the inside, that they may not be expressing though, and what they could be nervous about, or struggling with. Especially if they tend to feel a sense of duty in "doing the right thing", and potentially be nervous about conflict or an argument.

 

[CanadianCowboy]

You are not the only one to experience this. I left a message two weeks ago about addictions and thanking someone for giving me the boot. I was not addicted to the person, I was addicted to the room persona and my own persona in the room and the fantasy of it. Strange how it happens.

Looking at it now I think it almost was an addiction to me, I've always been a philanthropist of sorts, which I don't necessarily believe is a bad thing but I was absolutely putting her above what was best for me

 

[CanadianCowboy]

It has happened to me on the other side of things too. When I first started, and was single, there was a customer that I developed WAY too much of an attachment/ almost an addiction to. I just thought he looked really hot, had great equipment, and was like my fantasy "dream" guy. It can happen. It was getting in the way of my progress in life, so it was good that it was ended, although not perhaps in the most friendly, outright caring way. It had no practical future, that would have brought happiness on both sides. You never know for sure, what a person feels on the inside, that they may not be expressing though, and what they could be nervous about, or struggling with. Especially if they tend to feel a sense of duty in "doing the right thing", and potentially be nervous about conflict or an argument.

I'm almost glad it's all but over now, looking back it feels like an addiction to me, I'm sure one day I may go back and buy content from her, I just need to understand that it's not my responsibility to pay all of her bills and put my own best interests first. I'm very happy to know that models do actually care about members and what is best for us.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

Looking at it now I think it almost was an addiction to me, I've always been a philanthropist of sorts, which I don't necessarily believe is a bad thing but I was absolutely putting her above what was best for me

This is the fault many have with a strong desire to help others. They tend to disregard their own safety and needs because they get distracted with wanting to help the other.

Think of it like trying to rescue a drowning swimmer. You don't swim out to get them, it's: reach, throw, row. This keeps you safe from them dragging you under, or hitting you causing you to now be rescued as well. Or, worse, a recovery.

I'm almost glad it's all but over now, looking back it feels like an addiction to me, I'm sure one day I may go back and buy content from her, I just need to understand that it's not my responsibility to pay all of her bills and put my own best interests first. I'm very happy to know that models do actually care about members and what is best for us.

As someone who has dealt with strong addictions before, I would highly advise you to think about this. Completely disassociate yourself from the situation and especially the emotions. Take a step back, and then another 50 back and seriously think about it. Can you afford to put yourself back into proximity of her? I'm not talking just financially. But, emotionally and everything else.

It's a bitch breaking a habit. But, it only takes a second to find yourself right back at it without even thinking.

 

[CanadianCowboy]

This is the fault many have with a strong desire to help others. They tend to disregard their own safety and needs because they get distracted with wanting to help the other.

Think of it like trying to rescue a drowning swimmer. You don't swim out to get them, it's: reach, throw, row. This keeps you safe from them dragging you under, or hitting you causing you to now be rescued as well. Or, worse, a recovery.




As someone who has dealt with strong addictions before, I would highly advise you to think about this. Completely disassociate yourself from the situation and especially the emotions. Take a step back, and then another 50 back and seriously think about it. Can you afford to put yourself back into proximity of her? I'm not talking just financially. But, emotionally and everything else.

It's a bitch breaking a habit. But, it only takes a second to find yourself right back at it without even thinking.

I've completely stepped away as of right now, I actually went to a therapist and she attributed it mostly to the fact that I already was struggling with addiction (cocaine) while working in the oil fields and I seen now supporting her instead of doing that almost as an escape route, which looking back it definitely wasn't.