Need help with my gf

[Mr random guy3444]

So a little over 2 year ago I was on a work trip in russia. There I met this girl who really clicked with. So we had sex and all that stuff and spent 2 weeks together there. So after that we have been talking pretty much constantly for the past 2 years. Cus of corona I haven't been able to travel. But ok so we have gotten to the part where I love words have came and all that stuff. So we are in a exclusive long distance relationship. But so around a month ago she told me she had something she really needed to tell me. So she drops the bomb that she is a cam model. I must say that I was pretty shocked, but i really do love her so I told her that I needed some time to think. So ok I did think and found out that if this is something she wants to do then I will support her in that decision. But I told her that I want her to feel comfortable sharing with me about her work. She just flat out told me to kick rocks and she would never do that. She listed reasons for not doing it like. It will hurt you, it will ruin your mood and you will always think about it. I told her that her not beeing open about it would make me think not the other way around. Her not beeing open will hurt me. She replied with I don't want to talk about it and stop asking. So my question is how have you models dealt with relationships?

 

[yummybrownfox]

So a little over 2 year ago I was on a work trip in russia. There I met this girl who really clicked with. So we had sex and all that stuff and spent 2 weeks together there. So after that we have been talking pretty much constantly for the past 2 years. Cus of corona I haven't been able to travel. But ok so we have gotten to the part where I love words have came and all that stuff. So we are in a exclusive long distance relationship. But so around a month ago she told me she had something she really needed to tell me. So she drops the bomb that she is a cam model. I must say that I was pretty shocked, but i really do love her so I told her that I needed some time to think. So ok I did think and found out that if this is something she wants to do then I will support her in that decision. But I told her that I want her to feel comfortable sharing with me about her work. She just flat out told me to kick rocks and she would never do that. She listed reasons for not doing it like. It will hurt you, it will ruin your mood and you will always think about it. I told her that her not beeing open about it would make me think not the other way around. Her not beeing open will hurt me. She replied with I don't want to talk about it and stop asking. So my question is how have you models dealt with relationships?

I mean, you said that you "needed some time to think" after she was truthful with you about being a cam model. There's nothing wrong with what she's telling you, and I'd feel the exact same way as her and be annoyed with you too for continuously asking about it. She doesn't have to, at the end of her shift, give you explicit details of what happened on cam. With the way you're acting, you're gonna make her regret even telling you.

This is another reason that a lot of us don't even want to tell a new guy about camming, because some men don't know how to act when they learn this. Lol. Suddenly that's all they ever want to talk about...they see us as an "easy lay"...now every conversation with them has to turn sexual...and they'll start making comments like "You should let me get on there with you sometime, and do shows together."

Good thing I'm single, because I wouldn't be comfortable having to tell a boyfriend my cam model name and where to find me, and having him watch me on cam. I've made it a rule that anyone who knows my real name (and other personal info) doesn't need to know my exact camming info, and I wouldn't want them in my public chat anyway. I try to keep my Adult Industry World separate from my IRL World, like plenty of other models do. It's also a personal safety thing too, obviously.

Thank you, George Costanza, for teaching us about the Worlds Collide Theory.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

I can see your side and hers. She's hidden a huge part of herself from you for a long time and you may feel you need some real transparency to feel comfortable again.

Maybe there's a middle ground. You establish boundries - are there any things she might do on camera that would be not ok with you (developing relationships with big tippers outside of work hours, wearing things you bought her..etc). I think it's a good idea for you to have an open honest conversation about boundries.

When she says she doesn't want to share w u that's a boundry she has. Consider it took her a very long time to be brave enough to share it in the first place. Any sharing she may feel comfortable doing may need to be gradual. She tells you a small thing... she sees you respond positively... and then move on. Over time this will teach her she can be open.

Perhaps she's thinking you want all the gorey details. Instead maybe you could agree that she can share things like... if today was good or bad profit wise? If she's having tech issues? Long term business plans? These may be safer subjects that allow you to feel like she is being open without needing the details she's not comfy sharing. I don't need every detail of my partners job either. I like to know if they have a bad day or a good day. If they need help preparing for something. What their career goals are. The big stuff.

 

[EllaM]

I had 2 relationships ( one was 3 years long and other one 2 years ), my both ex-boyfriends knew about my work and they was completly understanding. One of them was even the jelous type but not about my work; they understand that personal life is something and what you do for money is something else.
I was always open to respond if they asked me something about my work, show them what I do, even my conversations but after few discutions they was not curious anymore.
You must understand that she don't undress in front of a cam for her pleasure but for money, at the end of the day is just a job.

 

[Eden Elizabeth]

I absolutely despise having my partners be involved with my work in any way. They never know how to act. They either get jealous and make it nearly impossible to work without them throwing a temper tantum, or they start trying to take control of it by telling me when I should work and what I should be doing while I'm on cam and prying into how much a made and what I did to make it. It starts feeling like having a pimp in a sense. Both are equally annoying. I definitely think 2 years was a long time to wait to tell you about her camming, but I can totally see how it happened. There's nothing worse than having a romantic relationship going well and then the entire vibe switches up because you tell them about your work. Plus, by the time she realized this was going to be long term thing and that she needed to tell you, it probably felt like she had already waited too long and that would make it even harder to disclose.
Also, responding that you "need time to think" probably set off some red flags for her as well. That implies that your initial reaction was not a positive one. My conclusion in that situation would also be that you're going to feel hurt and jealous if I allowed you to access my work so it would be better to just leave you out of it completely. If your support of her job is going to be conditional, the relationship probably isn't going to end up working out as long as she's still camming imo.

 

[MarieElise]

So a little over 2 year ago I was on a work trip in russia. There I met this girl who really clicked with. So we had sex and all that stuff and spent 2 weeks together there. So after that we have been talking pretty much constantly for the past 2 years. Cus of corona I haven't been able to travel. But ok so we have gotten to the part where I love words have came and all that stuff. So we are in a exclusive long distance relationship. But so around a month ago she told me she had something she really needed to tell me. So she drops the bomb that she is a cam model. I must say that I was pretty shocked, but i really do love her so I told her that I needed some time to think. So ok I did think and found out that if this is something she wants to do then I will support her in that decision. But I told her that I want her to feel comfortable sharing with me about her work. She just flat out told me to kick rocks and she would never do that. She listed reasons for not doing it like. It will hurt you, it will ruin your mood and you will always think about it. I told her that her not beeing open about it would make me think not the other way around. Her not beeing open will hurt me. She replied with I don't want to talk about it and stop asking. So my question is how have you models dealt with relationships?

My BF/ Fiance/ Common Law Husband doesn't ask and things are fine. Once in a while he'll hear something, about a fetish he doesn't understand, and he'll crack a joke. However he never asks me details of my sessions, or names or anything, and I would never tell that anyway, even if he did.

The only time I could see him getting pushy about something like that, would be if I was coming out of my cam office super visibly upset or something. But that never happens.

On the flip side, I never hid it from him ever. Although I do NOT advise starting out models to tell every person, right off the bat. He and I were coworkers and good friends for months, and then we started dating. I accidentally brought up my profile on my computer, when I was looking for a movie, our first date. He asked; "Um... who is EliMarie717?". So I told him, and there were no problems. We have lived together 5 years now, and have 2 children together. He never gets jealous about cam work or cam clients.

Once in a while he actually does get jealous if I talk a lot with female model friends though, but he has also been like that with close real town female friends too.
It's easy for me to get caught up talking too much.
He knows I will put a lot of emotional energy into other people if they are having a hard time, and I would say that is something he gets jealous of, but never camming.
He never gets like that with my close male friends though, so it's weird.

Long story short I think jealousy is normal within certain levels and should be discussed openly, but I also believe boundaries should always be respected.
I also don't necessarily agree with her hiding this from you for this long.
This is way into the catching feelings stage, and I don't see that as fair, and could totally understand if you have lost all/ most trust in her now.

 

[Mr random guy3444]

I mean, you said that you "needed some time to think" after she was truthful with you about being a cam model. There's nothing wrong with what she's telling you, and I'd feel the exact same way as her and be annoyed with you too for continuously asking about it. She doesn't have to, at the end of her shift, give you explicit details of what happened on cam. With the way you're acting, you're gonna make her regret even telling you.

This is another reason that a lot of us don't even want to tell a new guy about camming, because some men don't know how to act when they learn this. Lol. Suddenly that's all they ever want to talk about...they see us as an "easy lay"...now every conversation with them has to turn sexual...and they'll start making comments like "You should let me get on there with you sometime, and do shows together."

Good thing I'm single, because I wouldn't be comfortable having to tell a boyfriend my cam model name and where to find me, and having him watch me on cam. I've made it a rule that anyone who knows my real name (and other personal info) doesn't need to know my exact camming info, and I wouldn't want them in my public chat anyway. I try to keep my Adult Industry World separate from my IRL World, like plenty of other models do. It's also a personal safety thing too, obviously.

Thank you, George Costanza, for teaching us about the Worlds Collide Theory.

Oh I can see how what I wrote seems like I ask alot about it. I don't ask about it alot, and I do respect that she dont want me pushing on it. Wich is why I started googeling and ending up here. I mean I dont think it's weird that I got shocked and needed some time to process the information she gave me after 2 years. But I appreciate your feedback. Also I would never visit her on cam, im not a customer I am her BF. I don't want intimate details about what she does, I understand she does sexual work. I am ok with her doing that. What I don't understand is why she won't share with me how her day have been, if she had alot of traffic, if there was nice people. Stuff like that, I dont wanna hear about her watching other guys jerk of to her or strange fetishes they have and share. I just feel kinda left out from a big part of her life and I wish she wanted to include me. Hope that makes sense

 

[Mr random guy3444]

I can see your side and hers. She's hidden a huge part of herself from you for a long time and you may feel you need some real transparency to feel comfortable again.

Maybe there's a middle ground. You establish boundries - are there any things she might do on camera that would be not ok with you (developing relationships with big tippers outside of work hours, wearing things you bought her..etc). I think it's a good idea for you to have an open honest conversation about boundries.

When she says she doesn't want to share w u that's a boundry she has. Consider it took her a very long time to be brave enough to share it in the first place. Any sharing she may feel comfortable doing may need to be gradual. She tells you a small thing... she sees you respond positively... and then move on. Over time this will teach her she can be open.

Perhaps she's thinking you want all the gorey details. Instead maybe you could agree that she can share things like... if today was good or bad profit wise? If she's having tech issues? Long term business plans? These may be safer subjects that allow you to feel like she is being open without needing the details she's not comfy sharing. I don't need every detail of my partners job either. I like to know if they have a bad day or a good day. If they need help preparing for something. What their career goals are. The big stuff.

Yes I think your right, some part of me feel the need for transparency after hiding it for so long. I do wish that she would be open with me about if she is strictly cam or also outside site working. I mean I am all blank about her work, I guess thats why it bothers me. Again I do not want the gorey details.

 

[Mr random guy3444]

I had 2 relationships ( one was 3 years long and other one 2 years ), my both ex-boyfriends knew about my work and they was completly understanding. One of them was even the jelous type but not about my work; they understand that personal life is something and what you do for money is something else.
I was always open to respond if they asked me something about my work, show them what I do, even my conversations but after few discutions they was not curious anymore.
You must understand that she don't undress in front of a cam for her pleasure but for money, at the end of the day is just a job.

I can't say that I never get jealous, but instead of letting it build up. I tell her immidiatly when I feel jealous so we can sort it quick before it develops into something. Ye maybe if she was open with me I wouldn't care to ask anymore. I guess that her wanting it kept from me is making me more curious about it. I don't know it's nothing I ever had in my wildest dreams thought would happen to me. She tells me that she likes her work and enjoy doing it. But ye ofcourse it's for money foremost.

 

[Mr random guy3444]

I absolutely despise having my partners be involved with my work in any way. They never know how to act. They either get jealous and make it nearly impossible to work without them throwing a temper tantum, or they start trying to take control of it by telling me when I should work and what I should be doing while I'm on cam and prying into how much a made and what I did to make it. It starts feeling like having a pimp in a sense. Both are equally annoying. I definitely think 2 years was a long time to wait to tell you about her camming, but I can totally see how it happened. There's nothing worse than having a romantic relationship going well and then the entire vibe switches up because you tell them about your work. Plus, by the time she realized this was going to be long term thing and that she needed to tell you, it probably felt like she had already waited too long and that would make it even harder to disclose.
Also, responding that you "need time to think" probably set off some red flags for her as well. That implies that your initial reaction was not a positive one. My conclusion in that situation would also be that you're going to feel hurt and jealous if I allowed you to access my work so it would be better to just leave you out of it completely. If your support of her job is going to be conditional, the relationship probably isn't going to end up working out as long as she's still camming imo.

Oh don't misunderstand I do get jealous, but always upfront with her when I am getting that feeling. Why did me saying I need time to process/think set of red flags?. I don't want to control her work or become a on performer with her. She has expressed to me that even if she moves to me, she still wants to do this job. I am fine with that, and I will support her and what she wants to do. If I didn't then yes this would ofcourse never work out.

 

[Mr random guy3444]

My BF/ Fiance/ Common Law Husband doesn't ask and things are fine. Once in a while he'll hear something, about a fetish he doesn't understand, and he'll crack a joke. However he never asks me details of my sessions, or names or anything, and I would never tell that anyway, even if he did.

The only time I could see him getting pushy about something like that, would be if I was coming out of my cam office super visibly upset or something. But that never happens.

On the flip side, I never hid it from him ever. Although I do NOT advise starting out models to tell every person, right off the bat. He and I were coworkers and good friends for months, and then we started dating. I accidentally brought up my profile on my computer, when I was looking for a movie, our first date. He asked; "Um... who is EliMarie717?". So I told him, and there were no problems. We have lived together 5 years now, and have 2 children together. He never gets jealous about cam work or cam clients.

Once in a while he actually does get jealous if I talk a lot with female model friends though, but he has also been like that with close real town female friends too.
It's easy for me to get caught up talking too much.
He knows I will put a lot of emotional energy into other people if they are having a hard time, and I would say that is something he gets jealous of, but never camming.
He never gets like that with my close male friends though, so it's weird.

Long story short I think jealousy is normal within certain levels and should be discussed openly, but I also believe boundaries should always be respected.
I also don't necessarily agree with her hiding this from you for this long.
This is way into the catching feelings stage, and I don't see that as fair, and could totally understand if you have lost all/ most trust in her now.

Yes I understand your points, I guess that what I want is for her to feel comfortable enough to tell me if she had a shit day, why it's shit or why it's good etc. Not intimate details about her show or her clients. Yes it was quite a big shock after so long, but I do understand how hard it must have been for her aswell. I haven't lost all trust in her, her deciding to share it with me. Shows me that she is serious about us.

 

[piercedcock78]

I guess it has to do with how she thinks you'll react to it...maybe.

For me it is hard to say.


A few years ago, a friend of mine dared me to put out some videos which I was reluctant. I told her...I'm a bit past my prime here...lol...but I did it anyways.


I also told my wife about this (the videos..all solo stuff) and she was fine with it.

The next logical step was to become a cam model which I did a little over a year ago.

I also told my wife about this. She had some very mixed reactions and eventually we settled on a "don't ask/don't tell" policy. However, every now and again I will talk about it as casually as anyone else talks about any other job and sometimes she'll laugh other times she will say tmi and we'll leave it at that.

The reason though that it is hard for me to say is because my wife and I have been together twenty-one years and my life has been nothing if not a colorful one.

Of all of the various projects that I have done and things that I have been involved with, for most people, the porn stuff and the cam modeling would be the tame stuff lol.

Plus, I have had things published in magazines back in the day (letters in Playboy, Penthouse, and Hustler) most people who know me well would have actually been disappointed in me had I not made another step into the porn world lol.

That said, any aspect of my life has been very opened to those who know me well. At the end of the day, with me, there really are no secrets if you know me well enough.

By the same token I always try to be sincere and honest with anyone. That way there is no room for drama...there is no guess work with me. You heard it straight from the horses mouth if that makes sense.

I have also used all of the various controversial elements of my life as a litmus test for new people coming into my life. Kinda like...okay...if you can't handle this, we'll see ya later. As such I have been able to weed people out and keep only those who are supportive of me within my circle if that makes sense.

I hope that this helps.

*I should also note...like with anything else in my life, I didn't get into porn or cam modeling as an act of desperation. Rather just as a way to have some play money here and there and have some fun. Because it is something that I like to do. I think that also along with my open book policy makes it an easier go for me.

 

[MarieElise]

Yes I understand your points, I guess that what I want is for her to feel comfortable enough to tell me if she had a shit day, why it's shit or why it's good etc. Not intimate details about her show or her clients. Yes it was quite a big shock after so long, but I do understand how hard it must have been for her aswell. I haven't lost all trust in her, her deciding to share it with me. Shows me that she is serious about us.

Have you told her this clearly? Does she understand that you don't want intimate details, and that that is what you are asking for?
Make sure she understands honestly, why you would want to talk a little about things.

 

[SMuser69]

My only question would be if she lied about what she did for money verse avoided the question. Even if she kept you out of the loop till she trusted you the HOW is important as well.

If she was lying about it and you had no real knowledge or used any camsites till she told you, then I don't think it's right for her to put up walls at this point regarding your questions. It's up to her to gain YOUR trust back. You have right to feel hurt being lied to if you have been open yourself.

I would say if she's just been avoiding the question till now it's a little different as this is her opening up to you. While she still needs to explain WHAT being a camgirl might mean it's information that you must decide you're comfortable with. At the same time if you wish to pursue the relationship understand you'll have to trust she's operating in the interest of your relationship even if she doesn't give details.

Personally going by only what you wrote, two years after only meeting for two weeks sounds a bit desperate. I had to fly for work during covid, the airports were open the entire time and I went between 8 countries last year alone. If you couldn't take a two swaps in your nose in two years I don't know how committed either of you were to this. I miss having an entire row on a 747 or 777 all to myself on flights.

 

[Azor87]

Have you told her this clearly? Does she understand that you don't want intimate details, and that that is what you are asking for?

yes i told her that

 

[Derek_Zoolander]

Since you’ve been together for 2 years, she probably knows you pretty well. And something about you tells her she shouldn’t share any details of her job with you. Perhaps you should trust her decision.

 

[Azor87]

My only question would be if she lied about what she did for money verse avoided the question. Even if she kept you out of the loop till she trusted you the HOW is important as well.

If she was lying about it and you had no real knowledge or used any camsites till she told you, then I don't think it's right for her to put up walls at this point regarding your questions. It's up to her to gain YOUR trust back. You have right to feel hurt being lied to if you have been open yourself.

I would say if she's just been avoiding the question till now it's a little different as this is her opening up to you. While she still needs to explain WHAT being a camgirl might mean it's information that you must decide you're comfortable with. At the same time if you wish to pursue the relationship understand you'll have to trust she's operating in the interest of your relationship even if she doesn't give details.

Personally going by only what you wrote, two years after only meeting for two weeks sounds a bit desperate. I had to fly for work during covid, the airports were open the entire time and I went between 8 countries last year alone. If you couldn't take a two swaps in your nose in two years I don't know how committed either of you were to this. I miss having an entire row on a 747 or 777 all to myself on flights.

so traveling to Russia has been more or less closed from my country since corona started. i could have gone there but then i would be in quarantine when i get back home. i couldnt afford to possibly lose my job. it has nothing to do with not beeing comitted to meeting. the plan is for her to come here in january and stay for 3 months to see how it is living together for a longer period. im not sure why you call how we met and how the relationship has been desperate. sometimes you meet a person that you just know you want more with. its just how the cards have been delt. also yes i have no idea about cam work or what cam workers really do, in my country i have never heard about anyone beeing a cam model. so this is all new to me. i am not interested in exploring the cam world on my own. i only want to be part of her world, again not the gorey details.

 

[Azor87]

Since you’ve been together for 2 years, she probably knows you pretty well. And something about you tells her she shouldn’t share any details of her job with you. Perhaps you should trust her decision.

maybe you are right, but maybe your not. you are right she do know me very well. i have been open about everything about myself, my flaws and my insecurities.

 

[MarieElise]

Sorry to derail but why does OP have 2 different names in this thread? Are you the same person as Mr. randomguy 3444? 2 different names in one thread is a bit of a confusion.

ETA; WHo is this thread for Azor87 or Mr Randomguy3444, or are these both the same person who has 2 separate accounts on this forum?

 

[yummybrownfox]

Oh I can see how what I wrote seems like I ask alot about it. I don't ask about it alot, and I do respect that she dont want me pushing on it. Wich is why I started googeling and ending up here. I mean I dont think it's weird that I got shocked and needed some time to process the information she gave me after 2 years. But I appreciate your feedback. Also I would never visit her on cam, im not a customer I am her BF. I don't want intimate details about what she does, I understand she does sexual work. I am ok with her doing that. What I don't understand is why she won't share with me how her day have been, if she had alot of traffic, if there was nice people. Stuff like that, I dont wanna hear about her watching other guys jerk of to her or strange fetishes they have and share. I just feel kinda left out from a big part of her life and I wish she wanted to include me. Hope that makes sense

So if she were to answer your question with "Oh, man! It was rough. None of my regulars were on, and I made nowhere near my goal," and then she changed the subject to what she wants to eat for dinner, you'd be cool with that, right?

 

[Mr random guy3444]

Sorry to derail but why does OP have 2 different names in this thread? Are you the same person as Mr. randomguy 3444? 2 different names in one thread is a bit of a confusion.

I dont know who that azor87 guy is and why he is pretending to write as me. I'm sorry if that guy put a bad taste on my thread. Hope this don't stop you from beeing helpful. If it did I want to thank everyone for all the helpful advice.

 

[AmberCutie]

I dont know who that azor87 guy is and why he is pretending to write as me. I'm sorry if that guy put a bad taste on my thread. Hope this don't stop you from beeing helpful. If it did I want to thank everyone for all the helpful advice.

There's no need for you to have 2 accounts, which of these should I delete? @Azor87 or @Mr random guy3444

 

[Mr random guy3444]

There's no need for you to have 2 accounts, which of these should I delete? @Azor87 or @Mr random guy3444

Feel free to delete what u feel is right. I'm sorry it turned like this and I thank for the help I received.

 

[Eden Elizabeth]

Why did me saying I need time to process/think set of red flags?

Because you would not have responded that way had it been a different job. I'm not saying you're in the wrong for wanting that time, but from a cam girl's perspective it can be an early warning sign that camming is going to be a problem in the relationship.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

I feel like you probably would both benefit from a sex positive couples therapist - you can do digital sessions. It'd probably help you guys work through this.. every relationship is different. But it seems what you guys are struggling with is communication and boundries and transparency.

 

[AudriTwo]

i really want to believe ya OP, but its hard to not think this was all bullshit because you forgot which sock account you were logged into, and played just as smooth as the wizard of oz.

 

[yummybrownfox]

I dont know who that azor87 guy is and why he is pretending to write as me. I'm sorry if that guy put a bad taste on my thread. Hope this don't stop you from beeing helpful. If it did I want to thank everyone for all the helpful advice.

Don't forget to answer the question I asked you an hour ago, when you get a chance. Post #20 in this thread. I'm just curious.

 

[Mr random guy3444]

So if she were to answer your question with "Oh, man! It was rough. None of my regulars were on, and I made nowhere near my goal," and then she changed the subject to what she wants to eat for dinner, you'd be cool with that, right?

Well no I wouldn't be cool with it. I would feel bad fir her that she had a shitty night. Tell her that hopefully they can come next time so she makes more. And have a good work day

 

[yummybrownfox]

Well no I wouldn't be cool with it. I would feel bad fir her that she had a shitty night. Tell her that hopefully they can come next time so she makes more. And have a good work day

Lol. No, you're misunderstanding my post. I'm asking you if that was her response to your question, would you then let it be...and not keep pressing her about work? And let her just enjoy the rest of her day/evening? I would hope so.

 

[Mr random guy3444]

Lol. No, you're misunderstanding my post. I'm asking you if that was her response to your question, would you then let it be...and not keep pressing her about work? And let her just enjoy the rest of her day/evening? I would hope so.

Oh yes I did misunderstand, so ye I would leave her be. I just want her to be open with me. Beeing able to vent to me after a shitty day or be excited to share if she had a amazing day. I wouldn't keep pressing her no