AmberCutie's Forum
An adult community for cam models and members to discuss all the things!
Jokes - post em' if ya got em'
- Thread starter WildFingers
- Start date
-
** WARNING - ACF CONTAINS ADULT CONTENT **Only persons aged 18 or over may read or post to the forums, without regard to whether an adult actually owns the registration or parental/guardian permission. AmberCutie's Forum (ACF) is for use by adults only and contains adult content. By continuing to use this site you are confirming that you are at least 18 years of age.
- Status
This is the one joke I can pull off the top of my head at any time... And is in terrible taste.
A necrophiliac, a murderer, a pyromaniac, a sadist, a masochist, and a zoophile walk into a bar.
"I think I want to have sex with a cat... " the zoophile says.
"Cool, as long as we torture it after." Says the sadist.
"Alright, but let's kill the cat when we are done." Suggests the murderer.
"OK. But I want to have sex with it before we throw it out." The necrophile quickly states.
"Fuck throwing it out. Light the cat on fire when we are done." Adds the pyromaniac.
A necrophiliac, a murderer, a pyromaniac, a sadist, a masochist, and a zoophile walk into a bar.
"I think I want to have sex with a cat... " the zoophile says.
"Cool, as long as we torture it after." Says the sadist.
"Alright, but let's kill the cat when we are done." Suggests the murderer.
"OK. But I want to have sex with it before we throw it out." The necrophile quickly states.
"Fuck throwing it out. Light the cat on fire when we are done." Adds the pyromaniac.
"Meow" Mewed the masochist.
A lonely woman checked into a resort and decided to call one of the numbers she'd seen advertising regarding male escort services and sensual massages.
She flipped through the phone book, found an ad with a picture of a particularly strapping young man and picked up the phone.
"Hello?" a male voice answered. "How may I help you?"
"I hear you give a great massage, and I'd really like to experience one," the woman said.
"Well, actually, I should just be straight with you. I'm in town, I'm all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring toys, rubber, leather, whips and everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night. Tie me up and cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream. I want to do it all. How does that sound?"
"That sounds great," the man replied, "but you need to press 9 to make an outside call... this is Hotel Reception"
She flipped through the phone book, found an ad with a picture of a particularly strapping young man and picked up the phone.
"Hello?" a male voice answered. "How may I help you?"
"I hear you give a great massage, and I'd really like to experience one," the woman said.
"Well, actually, I should just be straight with you. I'm in town, I'm all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring toys, rubber, leather, whips and everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night. Tie me up and cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream. I want to do it all. How does that sound?"
"That sounds great," the man replied, "but you need to press 9 to make an outside call... this is Hotel Reception"
The inventor of the anagram has died.
May be "erect a penis".
May be "erect a penis".
VeronicaChaos
Cam Model
- Nov 30, 2011
- 6,638
- 65,023
- 793
- Twitter Username
- @Veronicachaos
- Tumblr Username
- Veronicachaos
- MFC Username
- Veronicachaos
Because I heard a rape joke the other day...
Who's up for a little rape?
No?
That's the spirit!
No?
That's the spirit!
Young guy goes into a confessional.
"Father, I have sinned. Yesterday, I met a beautiful model. I went home with her and we made love.
Then, her roommate came home, and she is also a model. I made love to her too. Then, all three of us had sex together."
The priest then says, "My son, fornication is a terrible sin. Go drink a big glass full of lemon juice."
"Will that absolve me of my sins?" asks the man.
"No," says the priest, "but it will wipe that fucking smirk off your face."
"Father, I have sinned. Yesterday, I met a beautiful model. I went home with her and we made love.
Then, her roommate came home, and she is also a model. I made love to her too. Then, all three of us had sex together."
The priest then says, "My son, fornication is a terrible sin. Go drink a big glass full of lemon juice."
"Will that absolve me of my sins?" asks the man.
"No," says the priest, "but it will wipe that fucking smirk off your face."
A farmer was standing in his field when he was approached by a young man. The man asks the farmer, "I saw you had milkweed in your field, would you mind if I go get a bucket of milk?" The farmer replies, "Son, you can't get milk from milk weed. But, sure, go ahead." The farmer laughed as the young man walked toward the field. Later, the man comes back carrying a bucket full of sweet milk. The farmer is shocked. Then, the young man says, "I noticed you have a lot of honeysuckle growing over there. Would you mind if I go and get some honey?" The farmer says, "You can't get honey from honeysuckle. But, I guess you can go try." The young man walks toward the honeysuckle. Later, the young man comes back with a bucket full of honey. The farmer is shocked and amazed. Then, the young man says to the farmer, "I noticed you had Pussy Willow growing down by your creek." The farmer interrupts the young man and says, "Hang on. Let me get my coat and I'll go with you."
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.
A cell phone sitting on bench rings and one one the Men answers and begins to talk on speaker phone function.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me . Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the Shopping mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up.
The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turns and asks,
"Anyone know whose phone this is?" :mrgreen:
A cell phone sitting on bench rings and one one the Men answers and begins to talk on speaker phone function.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me . Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the Shopping mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up.
The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turns and asks,
"Anyone know whose phone this is?" :mrgreen:
I find it really difficult using Google.
I searched for cigarette lighters and it came back with 15,000 matches.
I searched for cigarette lighters and it came back with 15,000 matches.
- Aug 17, 2011
- 664
- 992
- 193
- Twitter Username
- @WildFingers1
- Tumblr Username
- wildfingers1
- MFC Username
- ACs_Fingahs
Navy retirement bonus!
The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early
retirement bonus.
They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of
$1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in
his body.
The officer got to choose what those two points would be. The first
officer who accepted, asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be
measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a non-officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked
where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my weenie to my testicles."
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider,
explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received.
But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer. The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em," which he did.
The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's
weenie and began to work back. "My God!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"
The old Chief calmly replied . "In Vietnam!".
The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early
retirement bonus.
They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of
$1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in
his body.
The officer got to choose what those two points would be. The first
officer who accepted, asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be
measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a non-officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked
where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my weenie to my testicles."
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider,
explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received.
But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer. The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em," which he did.
The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's
weenie and began to work back. "My God!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"
The old Chief calmly replied . "In Vietnam!".
Two deaf people get married and during the first week of
marriage they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom
with the lights out since they can't see each other signing, or read lips
After several nights of fumbling around and many
misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution.
She writes:
'Honey, why don't we agree on some simple signals? For
instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and
squeeze my left breast one time.
If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my
right breast two times.'
The husband thinks this is a great idea.
He writes back
to his wife if she wants to have sex with him, reach over and pull on
his penis one time.
If she doesn't want to have sex, pull on his penis two hundred and fifty times!
marriage they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom
with the lights out since they can't see each other signing, or read lips
After several nights of fumbling around and many
misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution.
She writes:
'Honey, why don't we agree on some simple signals? For
instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and
squeeze my left breast one time.
If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my
right breast two times.'
The husband thinks this is a great idea.
He writes back
to his wife if she wants to have sex with him, reach over and pull on
his penis one time.
If she doesn't want to have sex, pull on his penis two hundred and fifty times!
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no dick?
Still no fucking eye deer.
No eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no dick?
Still no fucking eye deer.
An unnamed weatherman has reacted angrily after being fired due to his cold and gloomy forecasts.
No more mist and ice guy.
No more mist and ice guy.
A long time ago in a faraway kingdom the queen was a huge slut.
One day the king had to go for a year long expedition, and knew his queen was going to have sex with everyone through the county, so he turned to his court magistrate for help.
The court magistrate showed the king a pair of metal panties, with a hole in the middle.
"Why, doesn't that just defeat the whole purpose?" asked the King, and the magistrate promptly picked a pencil off his desk and inserted it into the hole.
"SNAP!", the pencil had cleanly sliced into two! "Anything that enters the hole will be sliced off, sire", said the magistrate.
Thoroughly impressed, the King instructed the Queen to wear it for the entire year and left for his expedition. Upon his return, the King called for a meeting of all his country folk.
They were all instructed to drop their pants, and the King made his rounds noticing that many were missing fingers as well as their most vital part. Then, he saw the quiet knight Sir Xavier, fingers and all still intact.
"Xavier, the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!"
But alas, Sir Xavier was speechless.
One day the king had to go for a year long expedition, and knew his queen was going to have sex with everyone through the county, so he turned to his court magistrate for help.
The court magistrate showed the king a pair of metal panties, with a hole in the middle.
"Why, doesn't that just defeat the whole purpose?" asked the King, and the magistrate promptly picked a pencil off his desk and inserted it into the hole.
"SNAP!", the pencil had cleanly sliced into two! "Anything that enters the hole will be sliced off, sire", said the magistrate.
Thoroughly impressed, the King instructed the Queen to wear it for the entire year and left for his expedition. Upon his return, the King called for a meeting of all his country folk.
They were all instructed to drop their pants, and the King made his rounds noticing that many were missing fingers as well as their most vital part. Then, he saw the quiet knight Sir Xavier, fingers and all still intact.
"Xavier, the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!"
But alas, Sir Xavier was speechless.
My new girlfriend's car got a flat tyre as we were driving to my parents house. I called them up and said "Sorry Mum, we're going to be late. My girlfriend has a puncture."
"Oh Misono!" she sighed. "I thought you had a real one this time."
"Oh Misono!" she sighed. "I thought you had a real one this time."
I couldn't help but over-hear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at a bar.
One of the guys says to his buddy, "Man you look tired."
His buddy says, "Dude I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. I just don't know what to do."
A fellow about age 65, sitting a couple of stools down had also over-heard the conversation. He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says, "Marry her... That'll put a stop to that shit!"
One of the guys says to his buddy, "Man you look tired."
His buddy says, "Dude I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. I just don't know what to do."
A fellow about age 65, sitting a couple of stools down had also over-heard the conversation. He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says, "Marry her... That'll put a stop to that shit!"
- Aug 17, 2011
- 664
- 992
- 193
- Twitter Username
- @WildFingers1
- Tumblr Username
- wildfingers1
- MFC Username
- ACs_Fingahs
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me, officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. "Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my backyard is next to a golf course. A lot of golfers come and pee through a knothole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off... kills the flowers, you
know. Then I thought, 'Why not make the best of it?' So now, I stand behind the fence by the knothole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers and every time some guy sticks his "thing" through my fence, I grab hold of it and say, "OK,
buddy! Give me $20 or off it comes!"
"That seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me, officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. "Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my backyard is next to a golf course. A lot of golfers come and pee through a knothole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off... kills the flowers, you
know. Then I thought, 'Why not make the best of it?' So now, I stand behind the fence by the knothole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers and every time some guy sticks his "thing" through my fence, I grab hold of it and say, "OK,
buddy! Give me $20 or off it comes!"
"That seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
- Aug 17, 2011
- 664
- 992
- 193
- Twitter Username
- @WildFingers1
- Tumblr Username
- wildfingers1
- MFC Username
- ACs_Fingahs
Rye Bread
Two old guys, one 75 and one 80, were sitting on a park bench.
The 80-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.
The 75-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have
so much energy.
The 80-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your
energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home the 75-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around,
the sales lady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want five loaves."
She said, "My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."
He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this shit but me."
Two old guys, one 75 and one 80, were sitting on a park bench.
The 80-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.
The 75-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have
so much energy.
The 80-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your
energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home the 75-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around,
the sales lady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want five loaves."
She said, "My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."
He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this shit but me."
A man walks into a fine restaurant to have some dinner. After being seated, he begins looking at the menu and then notices a very attractive woman sitting at the next table.
Suddenly the woman sneezes violently causing her glass eye to pop out towards him. Instinctively, he jumps up and grabs the glass eye on the first bounce then steps over to the woman's table to hand it back to her.
Thanking him and admitting she's very embarrassed about the whole situation, she offers to buy him dinner which he accepts.
They sit and eat dinner, talking and talking, and getting comfortable with each other's company. They laugh, they share thoughts and ideas about life and have a great dinner.
After paying the check, the woman invites the man back to her house for drinks. At her house, they laugh and talk until late, then she invites him to stay the night.
She makes wild passionate love to him all night. In the morning, he awakens to see her standing there, nude, with a tray of food for his breakfast.
The man is in awe of this beautiful woman. As he sits there eating his breakfast in bed, he says, "I'm just a plain, ordinary kind of guy and you're such an intelligent, beautiful woman. What reason could have possibly made you decide to bring me home with you last night?"
"Well..." the woman said, "You just caught my eye!"
Suddenly the woman sneezes violently causing her glass eye to pop out towards him. Instinctively, he jumps up and grabs the glass eye on the first bounce then steps over to the woman's table to hand it back to her.
Thanking him and admitting she's very embarrassed about the whole situation, she offers to buy him dinner which he accepts.
They sit and eat dinner, talking and talking, and getting comfortable with each other's company. They laugh, they share thoughts and ideas about life and have a great dinner.
After paying the check, the woman invites the man back to her house for drinks. At her house, they laugh and talk until late, then she invites him to stay the night.
She makes wild passionate love to him all night. In the morning, he awakens to see her standing there, nude, with a tray of food for his breakfast.
The man is in awe of this beautiful woman. As he sits there eating his breakfast in bed, he says, "I'm just a plain, ordinary kind of guy and you're such an intelligent, beautiful woman. What reason could have possibly made you decide to bring me home with you last night?"
"Well..." the woman said, "You just caught my eye!"
A woman goes into discount fishing supplies to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just picks one and goes over to the counter. The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades.
She says "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says "Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes".
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb test line. It's a good all-around combination, and it's actually on sale this week for $44".
She says "That's amazing that you can tell all that, just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. "Oh, that sounds like a Visa card" he says.
As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts. At first she's really embarrassed, but then realises there is no way the blind salesman would tell exactly who had farted.
The man rings up the sale and says "That'll be $58.50 please". The woman is totally confused by this and asks "Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $44. How did you get $58.50?"
"The duck caller is $11 and the fish bait is $3.50". :mrgreen:
She says "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says "Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes".
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb test line. It's a good all-around combination, and it's actually on sale this week for $44".
She says "That's amazing that you can tell all that, just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. "Oh, that sounds like a Visa card" he says.
As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts. At first she's really embarrassed, but then realises there is no way the blind salesman would tell exactly who had farted.
The man rings up the sale and says "That'll be $58.50 please". The woman is totally confused by this and asks "Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $44. How did you get $58.50?"
"The duck caller is $11 and the fish bait is $3.50". :mrgreen:
A pirate walks into bar and sits down. The bartender notices that he has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over one eye.
The pirate orders a beer, and while he's pouring it the bartender asks "So what's the story with the leg?"
"Well it were many a year ago," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard, and a shark swum up and bit me leg clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a peg leg that very night."
"That's terrible," says the bartender. "What about the hand?"
"Well it were the very next day," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard again, and a whale came up and bit me hand clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a hook that very night."
"Wow," says the bartender. "So what about the eye?"
"Well it were the very next day," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship, and I were lookin out fer rogue waves, and a seagull flew over and shit right in me eye!"
"Oh man," says the bartender. "And that blinded you?"
"Well no," says the pirate. "But it were me first day with the hook."
The pirate orders a beer, and while he's pouring it the bartender asks "So what's the story with the leg?"
"Well it were many a year ago," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard, and a shark swum up and bit me leg clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a peg leg that very night."
"That's terrible," says the bartender. "What about the hand?"
"Well it were the very next day," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard again, and a whale came up and bit me hand clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a hook that very night."
"Wow," says the bartender. "So what about the eye?"
"Well it were the very next day," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship, and I were lookin out fer rogue waves, and a seagull flew over and shit right in me eye!"
"Oh man," says the bartender. "And that blinded you?"
"Well no," says the pirate. "But it were me first day with the hook."
I went to the pet store to buy some breeding birds.
The cashier said to me "Have you got a store card?"
I replied "No, but I did get a budgie excited once."
The cashier said to me "Have you got a store card?"
I replied "No, but I did get a budgie excited once."
A farmer writes to his son in jail where his shenanigans have landed him. He tells his son how disappointed he is, and wonders how a boy with such good upbringing and 20 years as a responsible adult, had ended up getting 6 month in jail? He also tells his son he had not only let himself down, but that he has let him down - No one else to help get the land tilled, at 71 he only managed 1 of the 4 parcels. He told him he loved him, but that his lack of responsibility might just lose the farm for them.
Four days later there was a return letter with 10 X postage and marked urgent front and back. The letter read,
"I am so sorry dad. I have done lots of bad things, but I have learned my lesson. Dad Do whatever you have to to save the farm, but don't dig up any more of the farm, I have buried guns, stolen items, and other things that would put me away for life. I'll take care of it when I get out, but don't plow any more of the farm, not an inch, it's all over in them back 3 parcels. Love John."
A letter a week later to John read, "Boy I'm sorry but I didn't raise no criminal, and for your own good I took your letter to the police. They been out here for three days now searching everywhere, digging up the whole damn place, but haven't found nothing. What gives boy? Love Dad."
A letter from John a week later just said, "Best I could do from here dad. Love John."
Four days later there was a return letter with 10 X postage and marked urgent front and back. The letter read,
"I am so sorry dad. I have done lots of bad things, but I have learned my lesson. Dad Do whatever you have to to save the farm, but don't dig up any more of the farm, I have buried guns, stolen items, and other things that would put me away for life. I'll take care of it when I get out, but don't plow any more of the farm, not an inch, it's all over in them back 3 parcels. Love John."
A letter a week later to John read, "Boy I'm sorry but I didn't raise no criminal, and for your own good I took your letter to the police. They been out here for three days now searching everywhere, digging up the whole damn place, but haven't found nothing. What gives boy? Love Dad."
A letter from John a week later just said, "Best I could do from here dad. Love John."
There once was a powerful Japanese emperor who needed a new chief samurai.
So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world that he was searching for a chief.
A year passed, and only three people applied for the very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai.
The emperor asked the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai.
The Japanese samurai opened a matchbox, and out popped a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword. The bumblebee dropped dead, chopped in half.
The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive! "The emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be chosen.
The Chinese samurai also opened a matchbox and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! The fly dropped dead, chopped into four small pieces.
The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!" Now the emperor turned to the Jewish samurai, and asked him to demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai.
The Jewish Samurai opened a matchbox, and out flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh! But the gnat was still alive and flying around.
The emperor, obviously disappointed, said, "Very ambitious, but why is that gnat not dead?" The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said, "Circumcision is not meant to kill."
So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world that he was searching for a chief.
A year passed, and only three people applied for the very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai.
The emperor asked the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai.
The Japanese samurai opened a matchbox, and out popped a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword. The bumblebee dropped dead, chopped in half.
The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive! "The emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be chosen.
The Chinese samurai also opened a matchbox and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! The fly dropped dead, chopped into four small pieces.
The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!" Now the emperor turned to the Jewish samurai, and asked him to demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai.
The Jewish Samurai opened a matchbox, and out flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh! But the gnat was still alive and flying around.
The emperor, obviously disappointed, said, "Very ambitious, but why is that gnat not dead?" The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said, "Circumcision is not meant to kill."
Sad to report that the inventor of predictive text has passed away.
His funfair will be hello on Sundial.
His funfair will be hello on Sundial.
Tried uploading my sextape to Pornhub earlier.
They suggested I try Vine instead.
They suggested I try Vine instead.
- Status
Similar threads
- Locked
