There's a model I really like. As a model she's amazing. She's also a really awesome person. We're starting to become friends. I want to do this right. I want to have a healthy friendship with her. Do you have any advice on what I can do to be a good friend to her? Any advice on what I can do for myself so as not to get too carried away?
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is it possible to have a "healthy" relationship with a model?
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Friends pay more.
It's how we know you want to friend.
It's how we know you want to friend.
Take a look at your finances and set a healthy budget for spending on her with your discretionary income. Don't go over it.
It is difficult but having friends, especially in different countries can be a great and worthwhile experience.
If you want it to work, be honest with each other and with yourself. Respect her, her work and her boundaries. Don't try too hard, if a friendship develops it will, if it doesn't nothing is lost. Don't confuse love with lust. Above all enjoy each others company and have fun.
I have been lucky and have made a great friendship, but there are also plenty of posts here of how things ended up in car wrecks.
If you want it to work, be honest with each other and with yourself. Respect her, her work and her boundaries. Don't try too hard, if a friendship develops it will, if it doesn't nothing is lost. Don't confuse love with lust. Above all enjoy each others company and have fun.
I have been lucky and have made a great friendship, but there are also plenty of posts here of how things ended up in car wrecks.
First understand that friendly =/= friendship. Remember that this is still a business situation at all times. The sign that the relationship has changed is when money begins to leave the situation.
Unfortunately you have to wait for her to make the first move because she's the only person that knows where the fantasy and reality begin in this situation. Also be cautious when a model asks anything more of you as you can leave yourself open to manipulation.
tl;dr It's not real unless she's doing it for free. It can happen, but don't be prey.
This is the biggest lie anyone has ever told you. I really don't know where this misconception came from. Whether it's because sex work isn't considered legit or what. like. wut.
Relationships all cost money. If a friend entered my place of business while I was working and expected free shit I would friend dump them. It's the biggest disrespect. Like don't go to a business asking for free shit from your friends, that shows how much you don't respect them and straight up entitlement. A cam girls business is entertainment and essentially her time and emotional labour. You wouldn't ask your shirt making bud for free shirts .. because ... you're friends so no money should be involved? I imagine when you go out with friends you may occasionally pay for lunch for them or drinks, you can't do that for a long distance cam lady friend so showing support for her business can be the next best thing since that is how you met her.
Real advice to OP instead of my facetious post:
If you're happy with your relationship with her things don't need to change just because you are friends. As has been mentioned set boundaries for yourself and like just continue on enjoying your time together bro.
Keep in mind most of us put up a cam self because people don't like who we really are, and by that I mean most of us don't display our bad days, struggles, foul habits, or flaws to the public. You see our happy faces. You see our joy and our positives. The person you know is the cam girl person. That isn't to say that cam girl lady isn't real- it's just to say you see the best parts of us. Like every time you see a girl on her "first date behaviour" is what many (not all) of us try to display. Seriously, just enjoy what you have.
I'm confused. Are you portable or not? Carrying you away is the whole point of being portable.
As for the other thing, think of a cam model as a really nice bartender or server. You may get along, you might get a free drink now and then, but never think you don't have to pay your tab and remember that person interacts with a lot of people they might like just as much as they like you.
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much agree but everything in the post minus that one line felt right on point to me.
You can still get things for free and still be prey. It's called an investment of illusion. IE: Skype time with a regular could be a perk to such predators to keep instilled in their mind how "special" they are or other such nonsense.
The psychological predators, the good ones, are extremely well at blending in with the rest of the crowd. They excel at the art of subtle manipulation. What can be just a good deed to an honest model is just a subtle weapon of control for the predatory types.
The only way you uncover the good from the bad is exposure and reputation. And if the predator is one that operates on a "divide & conquer" strategy, then likely you can't really dig for useful information from the other members in the room as they're probably fearful of the consequences if they're outed. You'll just have to come to your own conclusion after enough events have happened that you can make a sound judgement.
To stay on topic, the OP just needs to treat camming like every other business. The strip club, the restaurant, the convenient store. Customer service is a form of professionalism and politeness. Just because the waitress is cute and flirty doesn't necessarily mean she wants you, she's just meeting the expectations of the job and her employer. It doesn't pay to be a bitch in the service industry. So if she wants something more, she'll inform you. Just keep your wits about you, that's all.
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Worship Jaclyn
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I think the fact that you're aware you could get carried away already shows good judgement.
I am probably wrong, but, I think a good regular is a person that tips when they are in a room and garners attention that way. It may not be every day but I it seems pretty "regular" in how they approach their favorite model. They seem to be around every day and help with making the model's life easier financially as well as socially on the site.
A "friend" is one of those people that you really like to talk with because you have tons of stuff in common (or not) and their style is something you enjoy (or not). There just seems to be something there that encourages communication besides cash. I think a lot of the models here are probably friends in this sense. I've seen it with Models and members but usually after significant amount of tipping. I think everyone has seemingly adopted the "facebook" concept of friend and that is now an acceptable norm for the word. When I was a kid, a "friend" was someone you told your life and dreams to and talked about weird stuff with confidence that they would never betray you (even though they eventually did) and you were around with a good word or hard advice with them just because you were friends. A lot of kinship trying to figure out this thing called life. It wasn't always that heavy but it was a certain understanding dictated more by a good feeling than money (and often would be ruined when a friend wanted to borrow some cash and would pay you back later).
The "friend" thing is hard for me to describe. I don't think I do my concept of friendship justice. I suppose I think it depends on the model and the member. But, like Sevrin mentioned, it is more realistic treating these relationships like a patron talking to a beautiful Female bartender and getting bits of her life. Not trying to harsh anyone's mellow...
Everyone's responses have been helpful. I have no intention of ever getting anything for free from her. I tip her well and believe that she should be compensated for her time. She seems to be happy with the way things are going. I'm the one who is starting to be cautious, hence this post. We shared some details with each other. I don't get the impression she has anything to hide. I shared some details about my past with her. Then I started to get cold feet, like maybe I shouldn't have said all that. I sent her a message saying maybe I got to personal and that we should just have fun from now on. Her response was that she was happy with the way things were going and she doesn't want anything to change. I guess I'm trying to navigate the boundary between a customer who just tips for the service vs. a close friendship as well. I'm kind of in uncharted territory here. Also, I don't have any intention (at this time) of meeting in real life. I've had real relationships before. I know how hard they can be. I'm really looking for where to draw the line as far as how friendly I should get. I sent her a message asking her how she feels. I'm hoping to get some feedback from her.
Yes, but I think you have to be realistic and accept from the offset that the type of friendship that a cam girl (or anyone whose primary interactions with you will a) be online and b) come at a price) can realistically offer you will be different to the types of friendship you routinely encounter in the real world.
There are exceptions obviously, but generally speaking, you have to accept that the very nature of camming makes it much more difficult (and dangerous) for models to share certain aspects of themselves and their lives that would be shared freely in other friendships. While you might enjoy sharing every detail of your own life with her, she will likely be guarded in what she shares with you. Some aspects of her life will be omitted, some will be embellished, some will be entirely fictitious. While she gets to know the real you, there's a good chance you'll never get to know the real her.
Furthermore, this is her job. She offers entertainment and depending on what type of model she is, varying degrees of companionship. For a price. This means that, unless she states otherwise, you will always be expected to compensate her for her time. Additionally, as harsh as it may sound and as bitter a pill as it may be to swallow, there is always the chance that her interest in you is purely monetary and any perceived friendship is just a carefully cultivated illusion designed you keep you tipping.
If you can accept all that though, then there's no reason you can't have a healthy friendship with a cam girl.
There are exceptions obviously, but generally speaking, you have to accept that the very nature of camming makes it much more difficult (and dangerous) for models to share certain aspects of themselves and their lives that would be shared freely in other friendships. While you might enjoy sharing every detail of your own life with her, she will likely be guarded in what she shares with you. Some aspects of her life will be omitted, some will be embellished, some will be entirely fictitious. While she gets to know the real you, there's a good chance you'll never get to know the real her.
Furthermore, this is her job. She offers entertainment and depending on what type of model she is, varying degrees of companionship. For a price. This means that, unless she states otherwise, you will always be expected to compensate her for her time. Additionally, as harsh as it may sound and as bitter a pill as it may be to swallow, there is always the chance that her interest in you is purely monetary and any perceived friendship is just a carefully cultivated illusion designed you keep you tipping.
If you can accept all that though, then there's no reason you can't have a healthy friendship with a cam girl.
Carmita Bonita
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I think the only way it can become unhealthy is if...
-- You emotionally unload on her about your issues in life / not get help for your serious problems and vent to her constantly because you are friends
(no matter how much of a friend I was with a regular this was always very annoying and exhausting. Even if camgirls are friends we're not emotional dumpsters people can unload loads of baggage and be expected to give advice and fix it all)
-- You want her to give more personal info because you are friends
-- You get jaded about the idea of "paying for friendship" if you pay her for her time online when she is performing
(One of my ex-closest regular of mine became very disgruntled over this & after knowing eachother for over a year it really stressed me out and hurt my feelings when he would make me feel guilty for working)
-- You dig yourself into a financial hole all while expecting some sort of friendship to form from your spendings
It sounds like your heart is in the right place @portablejohn and it's very considerate of you to even ask this question as it indicates you already respect and care about the model you're talking about. Remain understanding,level headed, have fun and stay realistic about the friendship.
-- You emotionally unload on her about your issues in life / not get help for your serious problems and vent to her constantly because you are friends
(no matter how much of a friend I was with a regular this was always very annoying and exhausting. Even if camgirls are friends we're not emotional dumpsters people can unload loads of baggage and be expected to give advice and fix it all)
-- You want her to give more personal info because you are friends
-- You get jaded about the idea of "paying for friendship" if you pay her for her time online when she is performing
(One of my ex-closest regular of mine became very disgruntled over this & after knowing eachother for over a year it really stressed me out and hurt my feelings when he would make me feel guilty for working)
-- You dig yourself into a financial hole all while expecting some sort of friendship to form from your spendings
It sounds like your heart is in the right place @portablejohn and it's very considerate of you to even ask this question as it indicates you already respect and care about the model you're talking about. Remain understanding,level headed, have fun and stay realistic about the friendship.
Interesting topic.
Decline personnal life question and don't ask about her's.
Take with distance what she says.
Don't make waste her time or her energy while she's working.
Know your/her limits.
Last year a model's proposed me online friendship she told me that i was polite and appreciated my conversation. (entertain me when there is slow traffic but no personnal life). On my side i was taking her private (livejasmin) when i could and voting her.
Best business relationship ever
Decline personnal life question and don't ask about her's.
Take with distance what she says.
Don't make waste her time or her energy while she's working.
Know your/her limits.
Last year a model's proposed me online friendship she told me that i was polite and appreciated my conversation. (entertain me when there is slow traffic but no personnal life). On my side i was taking her private (livejasmin) when i could and voting her.
Best business relationship ever
My friends have been scamming me for fucking years if this is true. Buncha cheap assholes. Drunks too! Kidding. I think I get what you were trying to say.
The only advice I'd offer to the op is to not take things too seriously. Use the internet as a peaceful break from reality and have fun. Tip well also, will make the camsite experience much more enjoyable for all involved.
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Hope your friends aren't actually like that...I agree to not overthink things making everything negative, but also don't be a doormat. How I took what @Serenity_Tam said was "friends" who expect people to be there for them or do things for/with them without anything in return are not friends but selfish and taking advantage.
Whether or not a relationship is 'Healthy' must be decided by you. If spending time with a person benefits your self-esteem, inspires you to better yourself, or gives you a form of stress relief, these are all examples of a healthy relationship. The time you spend with a model should leave you feeling better than before you arrived.
With that said, I try to create a healthy environment in my cam room by:
1. --- Focusing on the sexual release. It may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I derive a lot of self-esteem and satisfaction from feeling sexy and making people cum. I focus my energy on making sure my regulars 'get off' while they are with me. I feel good about doing that, and it feels natural to be paid to do that.
2. --- I do not keep contact with people that stress me out. Sometimes a tipper comes along that pays me a lot but I don't enjoy their personality or their particular kinks. I learned the hard way that keeping contact with that person ultimately drains me and sours my mood for cam. I cut it off and from now on, I don't let someone immediately buy their way into my life. Their interactions must leave me feeling better and more turned on.
3. --- I keep most access to me limited. The bread and butter of my camming experience happens live on the site. Interacting with me and getting to know me all happens within the 4 hours that I am broadcasting. I do not talk on the phone, text, do personal skypes, etc. This means that when I do chat with someone off of the site it is because I genuinely want to be talking to them. I do not feel obligated. This is all to make sure I don't burn out. I want to bring joy while I am online and in order to do that I have to feel excited to be there. I don't think I would if I was dealing with members and their emotional problems nonstop offline.
This is how I have kept a healthy attitude towards the entire thing. It can be emotionally confusing for both models and members but fleshing out what it is that brings you joy is a good first step. Once you know what makes you happy, then you can figure out how interacting with a camgirl can provide that for you. If you discover that a camgirl can't bring you the joy you seek, however, then you need to look elsewhere for your joy.
With that said, I try to create a healthy environment in my cam room by:
1. --- Focusing on the sexual release. It may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I derive a lot of self-esteem and satisfaction from feeling sexy and making people cum. I focus my energy on making sure my regulars 'get off' while they are with me. I feel good about doing that, and it feels natural to be paid to do that.
2. --- I do not keep contact with people that stress me out. Sometimes a tipper comes along that pays me a lot but I don't enjoy their personality or their particular kinks. I learned the hard way that keeping contact with that person ultimately drains me and sours my mood for cam. I cut it off and from now on, I don't let someone immediately buy their way into my life. Their interactions must leave me feeling better and more turned on.
3. --- I keep most access to me limited. The bread and butter of my camming experience happens live on the site. Interacting with me and getting to know me all happens within the 4 hours that I am broadcasting. I do not talk on the phone, text, do personal skypes, etc. This means that when I do chat with someone off of the site it is because I genuinely want to be talking to them. I do not feel obligated. This is all to make sure I don't burn out. I want to bring joy while I am online and in order to do that I have to feel excited to be there. I don't think I would if I was dealing with members and their emotional problems nonstop offline.
This is how I have kept a healthy attitude towards the entire thing. It can be emotionally confusing for both models and members but fleshing out what it is that brings you joy is a good first step. Once you know what makes you happy, then you can figure out how interacting with a camgirl can provide that for you. If you discover that a camgirl can't bring you the joy you seek, however, then you need to look elsewhere for your joy.
But that's a friend turning up at your work and different from just general friendship.
What if a friend just wanted to come over and hang out or go out for something to eat or a few beers? Would you only allow them your time if they bought all the dinners or the drinks? If thats the case then that would make you (you in the general sense not you personally) a pretty shitty friend. If someone is a real friend then they should want to spend time with you just because they like you, no payment required or question of what they are getting in return. My friendships don't cost me any money, other than what we might spend on doing things but it doesn't cost a single penny just for them to be my friends.
The problem with being friends with a camgirl is that you met her in her work place. So in most cases you are only ever at best a good customer who she is friendly with as long as money is still changing hands there will always be the question of whether she would drop you as soon as the money stopped flowing. Whenever you see her you are expected to tip, and rightly so, because you're in her chatroom.
Until the point is reached that you are there for her and she for you with nothing to be gained in return other then the enjoyment of speaking to each other you're not real friends IMO.
But if you accept that you are just friendly and you're paying for that friendship then there is no reason that both people can't enjoy whatever time you spend talking to each other.
Mila_
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I don't believe it is possible to form a friendship with a camgirl in the context of a camsite. Any interaction there is shaped by all the expectations on both sides. Camgirls will expect compensation (and rightfully so). Members will expect a sexual interaction. On top of it if the model you are talking to is any good you wont be talking to her real self, but a fantasy she is creating for her customers. It is very difficult to establish a true friendship like this.
What about taking the relationship to a different context? Maybe... But even then... will it truly be a friendship? How many friends of yours have you seen naked and masturbated with? Wont feelings get hurt when you don't want to pay her anymore for her time or when she doesn't want to do anything sexual with you ever again now that you two are friends?
But why anyone would want to have a friendship with a camgirl? There are tons of people in real life you can be friends with. A relationship with a camgirl might not be a friendship in the traditional sense but it is great in it's own way: everyone knows what the expectations are of the other person, everyone leaves in a better place than they were.
What about taking the relationship to a different context? Maybe... But even then... will it truly be a friendship? How many friends of yours have you seen naked and masturbated with? Wont feelings get hurt when you don't want to pay her anymore for her time or when she doesn't want to do anything sexual with you ever again now that you two are friends?
But why anyone would want to have a friendship with a camgirl? There are tons of people in real life you can be friends with. A relationship with a camgirl might not be a friendship in the traditional sense but it is great in it's own way: everyone knows what the expectations are of the other person, everyone leaves in a better place than they were.
I have plenty of models I would consider I have a healthy friendly relationship with
I don't know if I would consider them friends however, well, they're friends within the boundaries of the MFC model/member bubble
I think most model/member relationships become unhealthy when instead of just being a nice little part of the members life, the models becomes their whole life and it gets needy and suffocating
Just stay within the boundaries, don't ask for anything outside the bubble (unless offered) and don't be needy, possessive, bossy, entitled or any of those other troublesome characteristics
I don't know if I would consider them friends however, well, they're friends within the boundaries of the MFC model/member bubble
I think most model/member relationships become unhealthy when instead of just being a nice little part of the members life, the models becomes their whole life and it gets needy and suffocating
Just stay within the boundaries, don't ask for anything outside the bubble (unless offered) and don't be needy, possessive, bossy, entitled or any of those other troublesome characteristics
Was just a bad joke. I was only then learning that I was supposed to be charging for friendship and grew increasingly angry with friends as I went on. Not just a bad joke but a confusing one as well. An all around poor attempt at humor in retrospect. A pretty decent argument could even be made that it was downright selfish. I didn't seem to give two shits about what I could possibly owe once the news got to me. I took her comments the same way you did mostly. I also appreciate the concern but being the doormat type isn't something that I have ever had much success with.
Friendship is pretty simple, you enjoy the other's company and consider their interests before doing anything to hurt them. (It doesn't mean you won't say no or hurt their feelings on occasion, but you won't do it recklessly.)
Being a friend to a model is super easy, having that friendship reciprocated very complicated, but not impossible. For example, it will always be difficult to trust the friendship of someone you pay for a service.
If you want to express friendship, I am sure the models here can give a list of things that may make their work life on cam easier (https://www.ambercutie.com/forums/threads/tips-for-premium-mfc-members-how-to-be-great.5544/). I would start here.
For example: Taking her work time attention without spending on her isn't what a friend would do.
Personally, I would not want your friend dependent on you, that would be bad for any friendship. I would not want the friendship to disrupt the model in doing well at work. I would not want for you to see the friendship through 'rose colored glasses' in some ways it is likely to be limited/ have restrictions.
As a member finding the right spending balance on this model friend will be challenging. I strongly advise that you trust your instinct, it is usually right in the long term.
Being a friend to a model is super easy, having that friendship reciprocated very complicated, but not impossible. For example, it will always be difficult to trust the friendship of someone you pay for a service.
If you want to express friendship, I am sure the models here can give a list of things that may make their work life on cam easier (https://www.ambercutie.com/forums/threads/tips-for-premium-mfc-members-how-to-be-great.5544/). I would start here.
For example: Taking her work time attention without spending on her isn't what a friend would do.
Personally, I would not want your friend dependent on you, that would be bad for any friendship. I would not want the friendship to disrupt the model in doing well at work. I would not want for you to see the friendship through 'rose colored glasses' in some ways it is likely to be limited/ have restrictions.
As a member finding the right spending balance on this model friend will be challenging. I strongly advise that you trust your instinct, it is usually right in the long term.
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