Is it a scam?

[Tarkin1021]

BLUF: didn't meet on a camsite. I don't give her money or watch her shows. Does she actually like me or is it a scam?

I know what you're thinking. Here we go again. Another guy has fallen for the love con. Here's why I think I'm different. We met on a dating app. She claims to be local (though originally from Colombia) has a corporate job. After a day or two of chatting she said she needed to confess that she was a cam model too. She invited me to a private show on imlive and after heavy resistance I gave in. No offense to anyone here, but that's not for me.

We've been talking on IG and telegram ever since. I told her I wasn't interested in camming and have been to her site or given her any money since. I'm starting to really like her. We seem to have a lot in common. Even if it's a ruse, she's atleast knowledgeable in my areas of interests. It makes talking to her fun. She's been giving me the standard lines of how she really likes me and how I'm different and how she left in abusive boyfriend in Colombia and how she takes care of her aunt here in the US and so on.

So now I'm confused. I figured once I said I wasn't going to give her any money, she'd move on and talk to other people. So why is she still talking to me? Does she really mean it when she says she wants to date? I made it pretty clear I'm a devout Christian. I even was a missionary and have a seminary degree. I recognize she's just person but how do I know if she's genuine? I do like her and I enjoy our conversations, but I want to be sure she isn't thinking she'll play the long game, because I'm never going to her camsite or giving her any money.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

Yeah this is a common ruse. She is playing long game (or more than likely someone else who is not her is who you're talking to). Sometimes the biggest spenders are the types that fall in love and want to "rescue us" from having to cam. Your beliefs would make you an easy mark for that type of scam.

When models get on dating sites to actually meet people we dont send them our cam links. Often we are VERY careful about it as dating sites would be linked to our real identity and its dangerous to have people find that.

It is VERY common to be hit up on dating sites and then after some chat be sent an invite to a cam show. These are not legit. Just stop replying.

 

[Sabrinarey_]

It is a scam. I live in Colombia and a lot of those situations are fake. Maybe if you look on internet you will find all those news about tourists dying here because they meet girls on dating apps. Or maybe they don´t die but the girls drug the guys to steal all their things, this happens almost each week. Between tourists they ALWAYS advice to do not use dating apps here.

Edit. I found an example https://www.eltiempo.com/colombia/m...-despues-de-aceptar-una-cita-en-tinder-717363

 

[inertvolcano]

It is a scam. I live in Colombia and a lot of those situations are fake. Maybe if you look on internet you will find all those news about tourists dying here because they meet girls on dating apps, then they drug the guys to steal all their things, this happens almost each week. Between tourists they ALWAYS advice to do not use dating apps here.

Edit. I found an example https://www.eltiempo.com/colombia/m...-despues-de-aceptar-una-cita-en-tinder-717363

I don't believe OP is in Colombia.

 

[Tarkin1021]

Yeah this is a common ruse. She is playing long game (or more than likely someone else who is not her is who you're talking to). Sometimes the biggest spenders are the types that fall in love and want to "rescue us" from having to cam. Your beliefs would make you an easy mark for that type of scam.

When models get on dating sites to actually meet people we dont send them our cam links. Often we are VERY careful about it as dating sites would be linked to our real identity and its dangerous to have people find that.

It is VERY common to be hit up on dating sites and then after some chat be sent an invite to a cam show. These are not legit. Just stop

Yeah this is a common ruse. She is playing long game (or more than likely someone else who is not her is who you're talking to). Sometimes the biggest spenders are the types that fall in love and want to "rescue us" from having to cam. Your beliefs would make you an easy mark for that type of scam.

When models get on dating sites to actually meet people we dont send them our cam links. Often we are VERY careful about it as dating sites would be linked to our real identity and its dangerous to have people find that.

It is VERY common to be hit up on dating sites and then after some chat be sent an invite to a cam show. These are not legit. Just stop replying.

Okay thank you. I've matched with lots of cam models and other sex workers on dating apps, but she's the first to engage me in conversation for any length of time. She says she's local so maybe I'll try and meet. If not then I'll know for sure.

 

[InannahQoH]

BLUF: didn't meet on a camsite. I don't give her money or watch her shows. Does she actually like me or is it a scam?

My GF's a Colombian cam-model, who i met online while she was broadcasting ~2 years ago... when i was looking for a voice actor for a project..
I got distracted, and partnered with her, took over management of her (From the agency she was in) live with her 3 months a year / etc etc..

Anyway sounds like a long scam..
Even with the GF one of the several traffic flows is ... Advertising -> Instagram/Telegram -> Platforms + Fanclubs
And the goal to progress people through that process.

And advertising includes dating apps / video apps .. And ranging through to youtube / tiktok / + 101 other places
To be clear by advertising I don't mean "I'm a cam-model come watch me" I mean "I'm a sexy available girl"

I'd doubt she is in USA
She probably lists herself as being in USA to target the USA $$'s.
Why look for high spending new clientele in Colombia where the economy sucks.. ? And dating apps are probably geo targeted.
Set VPN, set country to the same. etc

 

[Tarkin1021]

I don't believe OP is in Colombia.

That's correct. I Live in the USA and the girl claims to live in a small town about 50 miles away.

 

[misterical]

OP, it should be easy enough to determine whether she is in the USA. A few simple questions about her local area etc would be enough to suss her out. I mean it's only 50 miles from where you are. If she lives there then she'll know stuff about the place and the surrounding area. I'm not saying that she still won't be scamming you, even if she does live in the states but if she isn't there then it will be plainly obvious. As other posters have suggested, I suspect she is somewhere else.

 

[inertvolcano]

It is very likely a scam to drive traffic to the cam site like everyone has said. Trying to meet in person would prove it one way or another, but you'd probably be wasting time and energy as she comes up with last minute reasons why she can't meet ("I have to work overtime at my busy corporate job!" or "My aunt is sick!") I guess if you have nothing better to do you could try anyway but after the first bullshit excuse it's time to move on.

But it's really a foregone conclusion. As @Miss_Lollipop said it is extremely, extremely unlikely someone would share their cam site over a dating site.

 

[Tarkin1021]

It is very likely a scam to drive traffic to the cam site like everyone has said. Trying to meet in person would prove it one way or another, but you'd probably be wasting time and energy as she comes up with last minute reasons why she can't meet ("I have to work overtime at my busy corporate job!" or "My aunt is sick!") I guess if you have nothing better to do you could try anyway but after the first bullshit excuse it's time to move on.

But it's really a foregone conclusion. As @Miss_Lollipop said it is extremely, extremely unlikely someone would share their cam site over a dating site.

Okay that's what I figured. I'm honestly surprised at how far this person has the gone. 100s of messages just to drum up advertising. I'm certain I'm talking to a human as I actually have experience in AI research. I don't think I'm talking to a chatbot. Do you suppose there is any harm in continuing the conversation? I mean eventually they'll stop talking after realizing it's not profitable right?

 

[AmberCutie]

I'm certain I'm talking to a human as I actually have experience in AI research. I don't think I'm talking to a chatbot.

The suggestion was that it's likely a studio agent you're speaking to if not actually the model. If she's in a studio-heavy area (outside of the US) it's quite possible.


As stated, when you see someone outright say they're a cam model or OF creator on a dating site/app, it's most likely to "drum up advertising". People who actually want to use a dating app for normal relationships are more likely not to mention their job until they know and trust a potential partner, as we value our privacy and safety in those situations.

 

[Tarkin1021]

The suggestion was that it's likely a studio agent you're speaking to if not actually the model. If she's in a studio-heavy area (outside of the US) it's quite possible.


As stated, when you see someone outright say they're a cam model or OF creator on a dating site/app, it's most likely to "drum up advertising". People who actually want to use a dating app for normal relationships are more likely not to mention their job until they know and trust a potential partner, as we value our privacy and safety in those situations.

Yes I understood that. What I'm considering is that it's fun to chat with whoever I'm chatting with. Whether it's the model or a rep or a different rep every day. Is there any harm in continuing the illusion? It doesn't cost me anything and I don't share any private information. I figure they'll keep going, thinking I'm falling for them and I'll get practice communicating with people.

 

[inertvolcano]

Do you suppose there is any harm in continuing the conversation? I mean eventually they'll stop talking after realizing it's not profitable right?

I mean if you're that bored, and keep yourself safe, why not. Some people have fun stringing along phone scammers.

 

[AmberCutie]

Yes I understood that. What I'm considering is that it's fun to chat with whoever I'm chatting with.

OH sorry, your post made it seem like you misunderstood the replies to suggest it was AI or some sort of bot.

 

[Tarkin1021]

I mean if you're that bored, and keep yourself safe, why not. Some people have fun stringing along phone scammers.

Unfortunately, I am that bored haha. I don't think I'll be stringing them along though. I made it clear I'm not giving away any money.

 

[Tarkin1021]

OH sorry, your post made it seem like you misunderstood the replies to suggest it was AI or some sort of bot.

Oh yes, I see how my post could have been interpretted that way. The truth is, I'm so bored I do actually chat with chatbots. I tell myself it's for research but I no longer work in AI. It's really just because I'm bored and lonely. What I meant is that this scammer, model, rep or whatever provides better communication than any AI I've worked with.

 

[Marceline]

Have the two of you actually met in person or has it just been talking online?

Either way, I'd say it's more than likely a scam, but if you two haven't met in person at all then I'd say it's definitely a scam.

Going off of my own experiences with using dating sites as an adult performer, I would NEVER give anyone I just met who knows some of my personal information any sort of information related to my job. Not the sites I'm on or my performer name. I definitely wouldn't invite any of them to have a private show with me either. Think about it like this, is it normal when trying to meet someone to potentially date to have them spend money on you before you even meet? It's not.

And, you wanted to know if she was genuine or not when she says she really like you and wants to date. If she really only lived 50 miles away, she would have made the effort to meet you in person. From my own experience and the experiences of the people I know who use dating sites, if you're interested in someone you're going to try to meet fairly soon. With me, if I start talking to someone and click with them, we usually end up meeting up within the first few days of talking. Longest I spent talking to someone before meeting them was two weeks, and there was some other circumstances going on with that situation.

And, it's not uncommon for some models to use dating sites to promote themselves. I personally think it's a terrible way to market yourself, but that's just my opinion.

Anyway, if you know you're not going to get sucked into a love con and spend money, by all means, keep on talking to her if that's what you want. I personally don't think it's a good idea just because you already have some feelings invested in this and you could end up getting your feelings hurt in the long run even if you don't spend any money. Plus, you were on a dating site for a reason. The time you spend chatting with someone unavailable is time you could spend getting to know someone who is available and who you can potentially date.

 

[Tarkin1021]

Have the two of you actually met in person or has it just been talking online?

Either way, I'd say it's more than likely a scam, but if you two haven't met in person at all then I'd say it's definitely a scam.

Going off of my own experiences with using dating sites as an adult performer, I would NEVER give anyone I just met who knows some of my personal information any sort of information related to my job. Not the sites I'm on or my performer name. I definitely wouldn't invite any of them to have a private show with me either. Think about it like this, is it normal when trying to meet someone to potentially date to have them spend money on you before you even meet? It's not.

And, you wanted to know if she was genuine or not when she says she really like you and wants to date. If she really only lived 50 miles away, she would have made the effort to meet you in person. From my own experience and the experiences of the people I know who use dating sites, if you're interested in someone you're going to try to meet fairly soon. With me, if I start talking to someone and click with them, we usually end up meeting up within the first few days of talking. Longest I spent talking to someone before meeting them was two weeks, and there was some other circumstances going on with that situation.

And, it's not uncommon for some models to use dating sites to promote themselves. I personally think it's a terrible way to market yourself, but that's just my opinion.

Anyway, if you know you're not going to get sucked into a love con and spend money, by all means, keep on talking to her if that's what you want. I personally don't think it's a good idea just because you already have some feelings invested in this and you could end up getting your feelings hurt in the long run even if you don't spend any money. Plus, you were on a dating site for a reason. The time you spend chatting with someone unavailable is time you could spend getting to know someone who is available and who you can potentially date.

Wow! Thanks for taking the time for such a thoughtful response. No, we haven't met in person. You're right of course. My logical brain has been telling me all along. And you're probably right about my feelings getting tied up in it too. I fell for the "I don't normally do this" "you're different" trap. I thought to myself maybe it's true. I mean how many mormon rocket scientists could she know? But alas, we're all just people and more alike than I give credit for.

I've been on dating sites for over 6 months and all I get is adult performers (I don't mean that negatively, they're just not available) it's hard to let go of even the illusion of a friend.

 

[MarieElise]

. The time you spend chatting with someone unavailable is time you could spend getting to know someone who is available and who you can potentially date.

All of it but especially this ^^^^^.

 

[inertvolcano]

I fell for the "I don't normally do this" "you're different" trap. I thought to myself maybe it's true. I mean how many mormon rocket scientists could she know? But alas, we're all just people and more alike than I give credit for.

This is where it helps to be a pervert who hangs out in cam rooms. I've heard "I don't normally do this" and "you're different" from three different Colombian models in the last two weeks.

 

[Tarkin1021]

This is where it helps to be a pervert who hangs out in cam rooms. I've heard "I don't normally do this" and "you're different" from three different Colombian models in the last two weeks.

Ha! See I don't know if I'm just naive or if I have a big ego, but I would believe it. I better stay away from those cam rooms it sounds like

 

[Danigirl]

Desperate people do desperate things. She's desperate for money, you're desperate for a relationship. She's targeting your desperation to fulfill hers. It's a scam.

 

[Tarkin1021]

Desperate people do desperate things. She's desperate for money, you're desperate for a relationship. She's targeting your desperation to fulfill hers. It's a scam.

Yes you're right. I wish it didn't have to be this way.

 

[inertvolcano]

I mean, here's the thing. I have known Colombian cam models to also try to line up relationships with American guys who seem like they're decent and make good money by way of their jobs as cam models. Colombia's a rough country (an understatement) and the dollar goes a long way there, and they think if they can get an American guy to move there or get him to move them to America, then their lives will be much, much better. So there's always the chance she's angling for that which is why you saying you won't send money isn't fazing her. Maybe she's hoping you'll fall in love with her. Is that a scam? I personally don't feel comfortable making that judgment, but what I can say is that most of the time it ends up as financially and emotionally costly as if it had been a scam.

So this is not encouragement. I'm saying this to say that you shouldn't beat yourself up, and to explain why much of what she's doing may seem sincere and explain why it seems like she isn't trying to get your money. She might be working on a much longer timeline than that. But I am almost positive she doesn't live 50 miles away from you with her aunt, and who knows if that's all.

 

[Tarkin1021]

I mean, here's the thing. I have known Colombian cam models to also try to line up relationships with American guys who seem like they're decent and make good money by way of their jobs as cam models. Colombia's a rough country (an understatement) and the dollar goes a long way there, and they think if they can get an American guy to move there or get him to move them to America, then their lives will be much, much better. So there's always the chance she's angling for that which is why you saying you won't send money isn't fazing her. Maybe she's hoping you'll fall in love with her. Is that a scam? I personally don't feel comfortable making that judgment, but what I can say is that most of the time it ends up as financially and emotionally costly as if it had been a scam.

So this is not encouragement. I'm saying this to say that you shouldn't beat yourself up, and to explain why much of what she's doing may seem sincere and explain why it seems like she isn't trying to get your money. She might be working on a much longer timeline than that. But I am almost positive she doesn't live 50 miles away from you with her aunt, and who knows if that's all.

Well she started messaging me again and I tried to break it off. I'm also now near certain that she doesn't live 50 miles away. I just can't bring myself to stop talking to her. Don't worry I won't fall in love. I don't tolerate lies either so as soon as I have definitive proof it will all be over.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

Well she started messaging me again and I tried to break it off. I'm also now near certain that she doesn't live 50 miles away. I just can't bring myself to stop talking to her. Don't worry I won't fall in love. I don't tolerate lies either so as soon as I have definitive proof it will all be over.

You are wasting your energy. You're worth morw than that.

 

[Tarkin1021]

You are wasting your energy. You're worth morw than that.

I'm glad you think so, but I'm afraid you're the only one haha. But alas, I've been chatting with her for the last hour and it's just not as fun. I've done all I can to find a relationship. I think I'll just disappear now

 

[blayze_noir]

I saw a documentary today called A Cam Life and in one segment they talked to some studio owners about how they train their models to make more money. One of the tactics they talked about was to join dating sites to meet guys to bring to the cam sites

 

[misterical]

Wow! Thanks for taking the time for such a thoughtful response. No, we haven't met in person. You're right of course. My logical brain has been telling me all along. And you're probably right about my feelings getting tied up in it too. I fell for the "I don't normally do this" "you're different" trap. I thought to myself maybe it's true. I mean how many mormon rocket scientists could she know? But alas, we're all just people and more alike than I give credit for.

I've been on dating sites for over 6 months and all I get is adult performers (I don't mean that negatively, they're just not available) it's hard to let go of even the illusion of a friend.

I think you probably need to consider the risks of continuing to chat, even without money changing hands. If you are starting to like her then you are only going to end up liking her more. It's whether you feel you can cope with the heartbreak when it eventually does go wrong. I think the longer you drag it out then the worse it could be for you. Then again, I also think that there's nothing wrong with having a friend to chat to so long as you can avoid falling in love. Unfortunately the latter part is difficult to do.

I think you already know, based on what you just found out about her location, that there are lies underpinning the whole thing. In the cam world, that's not as critical as it sounds. By the very nature of camming and visiting cam sites, models and members often stretch, change or omit information for any number of reasons - usually to protect themselves or portray a persona. However, your interaction isn't really in the cam world. Your interaction is on a dating site where you'd think that honesty would be a stronger currency.

You need to do whatever is best for you but as others pointed out, if you're already on a dating site anyway then you could spend time there finding someone real to talk to.

 

[Brit]

And advertising includes dating apps / video apps .. And ranging through to youtube / tiktok / + 101 other places
To be clear by advertising I don't mean "I'm a cam-model come watch me" I mean "I'm a sexy available girl"

I feel that this type of advertising is extremely unethical. You are part of the reason why people like OP get scammed and hurt.