If you were given a chance to start over....

[zippypinhead]

You're not that old yet! It has been around a very long time.
Jennicam was started in 1996. She's regarded as the first webcam model by a lot of people.

whew! hahaha. I can't imagine my internet back in 2004 handling a cam site, or the quality of a cam at that point, let alone in 1996!

Well Jennicam was a very different thing from MFC. It was still images that only updated once every few minutes. It was more like watching a security camera than anything, from what I remember.

Yep. Those were the days... back when it was more of an artsy social experiment than an erotic business.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

Ideally, in a relationship, there won't be a huge disparity in the couple's sex drives, but life isn't ideal. Life is messy. As long as both partners are happy and satisfied, there's no real problem with how they handle it. The problem comes when the wife only wants it twice a month, but doesn't want her husband to seek it outside of marriage and won't let him have her the twice a week he really needs.

I think in relationships part of it is making compromise and working with the other person's needs.

We do things all the time for people we love, and there can be enjoyment in that. In a relationship it's often not easy to find a time when you're both in the mood and have time for sex if you both lead busy lives, this can be worse if you have children.
You make that compromise and that decision when you get married. Everyone knows it's a risk they take, and go into it knowing that there may be parts where there'll be work.
I am addicted to sex, I often feel a need for it, but if I were only having sex with my boyfriend twice a month because he didn't have the time or energy for it more I wouldn't ever go and look to sleep with someone else. If this were the case I would find someone else.
Open relationships work for some people, but for most people being monogamous is the number 1 rule that they don't want broken.
I believe in monogamous relationships, I believe if you're horny, you're not going to fall apart and die if you don't get sex. And that's coming on from a sex addict. Some people go for years without having sex, which if it is that point in a relationship and the man has really tried then I am more sympathetic to him wanting to find another woman, though I still think it should never be done on the sly. But only having sex once every few weeks? That'd be pretty good going in a marriage. I'm sure many men would ideally love to have sex a few times a week, that doesn't justify them going out and cheating/buying a prostitute just because their wife/girlfriend doesn't want it that often.

If a couple gets to the point where they aren't satisfying each other then they have a problem. One that could be fixed by becoming open, or going to swingers parties, or just experimenting and changing tactics.

Also bear in mind that most men who cheat, whether with prostitutes or not, would be furious and upset if their wife/girlfriend cheated. The reason they haven't told their partner is because they want their cake and they want to eat it too. They want to be able to cheat but they don't want their partner to, and they also don't want anything to change in their comfortable life.
After speaking to quite a few married men considering cheating or who do cheat, I have noticed it's often nothing to do with the wife, or even how much sex they get. The man for some reason doesn't feel satisfied with one woman. That these men continue to choose to be in a monogamous relationship even though they know this, it's one of the worst things I think someone can do to another person (not including rape/abuse etc).
Everyone has a choice, and in a lot of these relationships that if the woman isn't having sex, it's not necessarily a "not having sex" issue, it's that when sex happens, chances are it's short, messy and not very enjoyable for the woman. If the man is going to a prostitute then he's thinking solely on his needs, on wanting to satisfy himself. If this is something he brings to his marriage bed... well, no wonder he's not getting a good fucking! Most women as massively sexual, just as much if not often more so than men, it's just our sexuality works differently, it's much more complex. A quick in, out, shake the bed experience can be fun, but generally it's going to be over just as we actually get in the mood enough to enjoy it.

I'm all for those who have open relationships and make them work, but I will never ever think that cheating as a regular part of your marriage or even at all, is ok.

 

[LadyLuna]

Well, I did say that it is a problem.

 

[pg240]

Back then the naive and idealistic me didn't realize that married sex is not as perfect as it sounds and that men seek out other avenues to fulfill their sexual void in their lives. Which begs the question: Is there truly a perfect soulmate or partner? How ironic is it that so many guys' fantasies have to be fulfilled by sex workers whom they will never see again instead of their significant other which they have spent so much love cultivating together. Then I realized that this was only possible because the role of the sex workers is to fulfill that specific niche in men's life that they do so well, whereas in a real life relationship there are many other factors such as children, mortgages, bills etc to take care of.

Remember though that although yes, there are plenty of men who do visit prostitutes, or have done at some point in their lives, those who visit prostitutes while married or on a regular basis are still a big minority.

Some people also shouldn't have been married in the first place. If you're visiting a prostitute then you are missing something big in your marriage. Sex is what defines the difference between a relationship and a friendship. In many marriages they become friends/no longer sexually attracted to each other, but because of children and such they want to stay together. Some men are just bastards and aren't willing to work on their sex life and would rather just go and pay for it, even though they are breaking their marriage vows.

Plenty of people who get married stay together for a long time and never cheat on each other. What is true though is a lot of people get together for fairly shallow reasons, looks, social reasons, current interests, success, for the sake of being with someone. Many couples fight/bicker right from the start, in fact we're taught watching films and reading books that this is a good thing and means you're in love, when really it's just to make fiction interesting. People get married all the time who shouldn't get married. So yes, it's no wonder that when the time comes that they're no longer satisfying each other sexually that when the man gets horny, it's fairly easy for him to hire a prostitute. But just because some men do this please don't mistake it with all men.
Not all men view camgirls, not even all men watch porn, not all men find girls 20 years younger than them attractive, not all men cheat, not all men go to prostitutes when they're horny, and not all men would have a one night stand with someone even if it were offered. Some men do these things, sure, but not all men do.
Real love does exist, as do relationships where you satisfy each others fantasies, sexual fetishes, and make sure you're both happy sexually.
Some women don't particularly like sex, and it's not surprising as most men (however good they think they are), are shit in bed. Women who tell them otherwise were just being nice. It's much harder to turn a woman on than a man, so it's harder for us to get out of sexual ruts, though in my opinion you just need to get on with it and have sex, kind of like jumping into a swimming pool, you'll enjoy it once you're in it. Because some women absolutely try to avoid sex at all measures... well, I do empathise with men in these situations, though the correct thing to do would be to totally open up to your wife/girlfriend and say there's a problem, that you need to have sex, and pretty much imply it's getting to the point you're tempted to cheat. Better to do that then to cheat and tell her after. At this point you either work on your issues and it either gets better, or you decide to break up. Either way, being in a relationship where you're forced to pay for sex outside it because you're not getting any in it is no relationship. And I think if the man is cheating and the woman isn't aware it's unfair, they should speak of having an open relationship, so the woman has rights to do the same.

There is absolutely no doubt that men or women who seek any kind of intimacy outside of the marital relationship are missing a great deal within it. But some people just aren't fortunate enough to reside in that ideal relationship that blends friendship, partnership and sexuality. It's a shame, because that's a magical part of life that all too many people miss out on. And, as you wisely point out, there are many reasons people get stuck in that situation -- even those who do put in a tremendous amount of effort to rectify the situation but just can't get there. But life can be good nonetheless, even richly rewarding in many areas.

I've never been with a prostitute while being married. Never had physical intimacy at all outside the marriage, but I do readily acknowledge that being here and visiting cam models is cheating on my wife. Much in the same way that models find camming to be a safe way of working in the sex industry, I suppose I find it a safe way to be a customer in it. I enjoy it, can afford it and have met some wonderful people. I have no regrets in that regard. However, I do wish I had that kind of real-world relationship you write about. I've been there in the past and know the joys of it. But life has a way of throwing curve balls now and again. You adapt. You make choices. And you live with them. And, seriously, life is good is oh so many ways.

 

[GemmaMarie]

I also wish I'd started earlier, and if I hadn't started earlier, I wish I'd have been more methodical & consistent at the beginning & well... throughout. That's the key and I could do a lot better if I'd been more consistent at start. I'm doing it now, but still. to have done it earlier would have been better.

 

[DaisyDameXO]

Two answers.

1) I would have done it earlier, at 18 when I was struggling to make ends meet and working retail.

2) I would have known what cam score was before I started...

 

[RoxieRed]

Although, I will likely have more regrets in the future. If camming ruins all my future career aspirations or something, I might feel differently, but right now it seems too recent to have any major regrets.

This is what I worry about sometimes.

I started camming at 24 (I think?), but I don't think I would have chosen camming beforehand even if I had known about it. I needed the experiences that I got working other jobs, as I use those experiences to deal with camming situations. Also, other parts of my life (housing and relationships, for example) needed to be sorted out before camming became an option.

My decision to cam was made rather quickly and somewhat illogically. I look back and realize how easily my decision could have been swayed, and it is possible I could have just chosen not to do it back then. However, I would have been missing out by not going for it. There are so many positive outcomes that the other ladies have already mentioned that you wouldn't expect.



Regrets: I wish I had done more research/ prep beforehand so I could have started with a higher level of success.

 

[Remykins]

If I could do it over, I'd have studied harder in highschool, got better grades, went to med school and cammed to pay for my better education. Fuck being an art major. Camming is great, but knowing what I know now, I'd have let the camming income set myself up for a different, more longterm career.

 

[Anonymous]

I'll go ahead and jump on the bandwagon of wishing I found it earlier.
I'm so into it, and I had SO much time and freedom to do it a year ago.

 

[nataliesmith]

You know I DON'T wish I had started earlier. I was very naive and immature at 18, I can't imagine how much I would have been scammed if I had started then not to mention how personally I would have taken comments from members.
If I could start again, I would go on each night with a plan. I would have also made some content, games to play, have an idea of what my style would be before I started. Oh and I would have relaxed a bit more.

 

[LadyLuna]

I've got it! Here's what would've made my experience so much better!

-I would've played around more with html on my profile, and gotten it as nice as it is now (though probably not exactly the same as now)

-I would've never done anything on camera that I'd never tried off-camera first.

-I would've mentioned on my profile "while I don't have much in the way of toys/outfits/undies/lingerie right now, because I've just gotten started, I plan to start collecting these things. Recommendations welcome!"

-I would have stuck to "pay first", even with the guys who had been good customers before, and even with the doms.

-I would've done the spankings from the beginning.

Honestly, I'm convinced that half the people who left did so because suddenly I was buying toys and outfits, and they liked how simple I had things before, or were scared I might actually go for piercings and tattoos. Suddenly changing things does not go over well with your regulars, even if it was something you always intended on being able to offer. They start doubting that other things might not change.

 

[Sevrin]

I've got it! Here's what would've made my experience so much better!

-I would've played around more with html on my profile, and gotten it as nice as it is now (though probably not exactly the same as now)

-I would've never done anything on camera that I'd never tried off-camera first.

-I would've mentioned on my profile "while I don't have much in the way of toys/outfits/undies/lingerie right now, because I've just gotten started, I plan to start collecting these things. Recommendations welcome!"

-I would have stuck to "pay first", even with the guys who had been good customers before, and even with the doms.

-I would've done the spankings from the beginning.

Honestly, I'm convinced that half the people who left did so because suddenly I was buying toys and outfits, and they liked how simple I had things before, or were scared I might actually go for piercings and tattoos. Suddenly changing things does not go over well with your regulars, even if it was something you always intended on being able to offer. They start doubting that other things might not change.

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”
― Albert Einstein

I find this to be about right about pervs and models, especially the first part.

 

[pg240]

As time marches on, is it possible that any societal stigma concerning a camming career will lessen to the point of being negligible? Just look at the rapid changes in the way society views certain things. In a relatively short period of time we've seen gays go from cowering in closets to marching down wedding aisles proud as they can be of who they are. Who would have believed that a generation or two ago? Miss Lollipop bares her camming soul, so to speak, in the New York Times, of all places, in a somewhat balanced report. How much more mainstream can you get than that? And a few minds are opened. And society evolves.

Maybe as you move on from this career, you'll find that what you left behind won't be a stigma. Maybe someone will recognize you for the entrepreneurs you actually are -- business women who ran successful and profitable operations, often against very long odds.

Neanderthals will remain. Probably always will. But perhaps their numbers will continue to shrink. Some people will continue to frown on nudity and sexual entertainment. But perhaps their impact won't preclude progressive people from being successful in their subsequent endeavors.

We can only hope.

Carry on.

 

[Sevrin]

Some people will continue to frown on nudity and sexual entertainment. But perhaps their impact won't preclude progressive people from being successful in their subsequent endeavors.

It is not likely that sex work will be free from stigma ever. Having to "pay for it" will never be cool.

 

[Akabu]

I couldn't have started earlier. My account on both MFC and Streamate were up and just waiting on age verification even before my birthday. I didn't have internet access for the first month and a half after, but I stoll started very close. I'm glad I did, and at this point I'm.planning to continue at least into my mid-twenties

Isabella, I just went and looked at the pictures on your MFC profile out of curiosity after reading your first page post. I'm probably not the first to say this, but I would LOVE to see you cosplay Megara from Hercules!

 

[pg240]

Some people will continue to frown on nudity and sexual entertainment. But perhaps their impact won't preclude progressive people from being successful in their subsequent endeavors.

It is not likely that sex work will be free from stigma ever. Having to "pay for it" will never be cool.

You're probably correct, but one never knows for sure. Perhaps the stigma should belong to the payers and not the payees. And a distinction may be in order for "non-contact sports."

But, by and large, you're no doubt correct. In the minds of some, the stigma will exist.

 

[CallMeWilliam]

Miss Lollipop bares her camming soul, so to speak, in the New York Times, of all places, in a somewhat balanced report. How much more mainstream can you get than that? And a few minds are opened. And society evolves.

Yeah but people never realize that it goes in both directions, there is always the possibility that more people become annoyed at things like this then society sees it as not good behaviour. Lets face it; bringing a site where under-age kids can watch sexual acts with zero policing into the main stream, yeah that's going to evolve society real fast...in the other direction.