I cam in disguise. Should I tell my new partner I moonlight as a cam girl?

[Deleted member 57880]

In best Joey from Friends voice, 'How you doin?'

 

[HarlowGolde]

Hello! Fellow wig-on-cam-enthusiast here. I just need to be annoying and say this, but based on everything I've ever read here and anywhere else regarding this industry....eventually, somebody will recognize you and you will be outed in one way or another, wig or not, so in my opinion, it's good to emotionally prepare for when that happens, including your worst-case scenario. It hasn't happened to me, (yet - that I'm aware of anyway), but the important people in my life know about it. This includes my partners, my best friends, and most of my family...Based on what you've shared, though, it doesn't look like that will land you in trouble with your family, and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders for sex work in general. Despite knowing that my SW life will likely bleed into my vanilla life at some point, I like the tiny amount of security I feel from changing my look enough to not be immediately recognizable if you're skimming a website LOL. For me, my wigs and makeup I use while camming also gives me a sense of separation that I really appreciate between my work and my vanilla life. I get the feeling that we like wigs for some of the same reasons.

I commend you for being honest with him, but I'm sorry to read his disappointing reaction to everything. Sigh. I have to agree with Brit - the way you are handling this is very mature and refreshing. I mentioned the people in my life who know and are supportive of me, not to be a jerk and show off, but to be an example of the fact that there are people who will support this work, and you, that exist. I am very lucky that I have these people - they can be hard to find - but they're out there. I don't know you - but I'm really proud of you for not settling and putting an end to that dude's abusive behavior. You are a boundary queen.

 

[Deleted member 57880]

Hello! Fellow wig-on-cam-enthusiast here. I just need to be annoying and say this, but based on everything I've ever read here and anywhere else regarding this industry....eventually, somebody will recognize you and you will be outed in one way or another, wig or not, so in my opinion, it's good to emotionally prepare for when that happens, including your worst-case scenario. It hasn't happened to me, (yet - that I'm aware of anyway), but the important people in my life know about it. This includes my partners, my best friends, and most of my family...Based on what you've shared, though, it doesn't look like that will land you in trouble with your family, and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders for sex work in general. Despite knowing that my SW life will likely bleed into my vanilla life at some point, I like the tiny amount of security I feel from changing my look enough to not be immediately recognizable if you're skimming a website LOL. For me, my wigs and makeup I use while camming also gives me a sense of separation that I really appreciate between my work and my vanilla life. I get the feeling that we like wigs for some of the same reasons.

I commend you for being honest with him, but I'm sorry to read his disappointing reaction to everything. Sigh. I have to agree with Brit - the way you are handling this is very mature and refreshing. I mentioned the people in my life who know and are supportive of me, not to be a jerk and show off, but to be an example of the fact that there are people who will support this work, and you, that exist. I am very lucky that I have these people - they can be hard to find - but they're out there. I don't know you - but I'm really proud of you for not settling and putting an end to that dude's abusive behavior. You are a boundary queen.

Hello fellow wig enthusiast! And can I just say I absolutely love your cam name! love, love, love. Makes me think of Jean Harlow. Yes indeed, the wig does deflect recognition when skimming and I definitely like that added sense of security and separation from it. I think we do indeed like using wigs for the same reasons .

I guess this is a learning curve; I have steadfastly stayed single for so long now, and not told anyone I have gotten close to romantically ( apart from a date and someone on Tinder, sure, but I knew I wasn't going to begin anything with them seriously). Now I have learnt that for some people sex work is just a line that they cannot cross, and therefore it's best for all parties concerned that I let them know early on. Oh to be in pre-pandemic days when I was travelling and meeting people on the road for flings and then moving on. Seemed to suit this type of work well. I hopefully can resume this lifestyle soon enough!

And I am glad you have supportive friends and family too. It really helps not having to hide things, and being able to be open. I hate keeping secrets. The only caveat for me possibly in future is how long working in this industry is sustainable, but I am hoping at least ten more years!

Thanks for your lovely reply x

 

[Deleted member 55529]

He sounds stupid on text. Not the one. I would never date a guy who feels uncomfortable with me doing sex work.

 

[Deleted member 55529]

Am I the only one who never had an issue finding a partner who supports SW? Maybe I date too open-minded guys.

 

[Deleted member 57880]

He sounds stupid on text. Not the one. I would never date a guy who feels uncomfortable with me doing sex work.

Am I the only one who never had an issue finding a partner who supports SW? Maybe I date too open-minded guys.

Where do you find partners? Maybe I need to look in different places. But yes his texts aren't great, are they? However, he was lovely and really funny in person and I had thought he would be fine with my doing sex work.

 

[Deleted member 55529]

Where do you find partners? Maybe I need to look in different places. But yes his texts aren't great, are they? However, he was lovely and really funny in person and I had thought he would be fine with my doing sex work.

I don't know. I had boyfriends even doing real-life sex work without an issue. I present it as a normal job and they respect it. I only had a boyfriend who was an asshole about it. I recently got into a relationship with a guy who is really supportive and even helps me by giving me ideas for shows. I met him on Instagram. I had a boyfriend doing contact sex work before the pandemic who helped me taking pictures for ads and was a nice guy. I met him on social media. The boyfriend who didn't support it was very conservative and non-respectful of sex work. He was a fucking asshole and even consumed sex work on a regular basis.

Younger guys can't take it. The ones who are +30 plus accept it better. I dated casually other guys who were cool about it. My breakup with my last bf wasn't related to the job.

I tell it on the first date. I don't care about being doxxed or that stuff people say here. My peace of mind it's more important than leading a double life. No one cares at the end of the day what you do.

 

[Deleted member 57880]

I don't know. I had boyfriends even doing real-life sex work without an issue. I present it as a normal job and they respect it. I only had a boyfriend who was an asshole about it. I recently got into a relationship with a guy who is really supportive and even helps me by giving me ideas for shows. I met him on Instagram. I had a boyfriend doing contact sex work before the pandemic who helped me taking pictures for ads and was a nice guy. I met him on social media. The boyfriend who didn't support it was very conservative and non-respectful of sex work. He was a fucking asshole and even consumed sex work on a regular basis.

Younger guys can't take it. The ones who are +30 plus accept it better. I dated casually other guys who were cool about it. My breakup with my last bf wasn't related to the job.

I tell it on the first date. I don't care about being doxxed or that stuff people say here. My peace of mind it's more important than leading a double life. No one cares at the end of the day what you do.

This is so refreshing to see. I am really happy your current guy is so supportive and helps with shows too. That is awesome! From now on I am going to put it out there straightaway in the chat/messages. I don't have social media, so I think just dating apps will have to suffice for now. When it comes to doxxing I have nothing to lose at this point in my life. I am divorced, infertile, pushing 40, own my own home, have lived all over the world, and all my family and friends support what I do. I have always been the 'mad/quirky/free spirit/calamity Jane' one so no one was surprised at all that I took up camming. I am very lucky though that I am in this situation, and I know that this is not the case for other models. As long as I don't go back into mainstream working in particular fields, or marry into a conservative family (though I promised myself I would never marry again), I will be fine. I mean, I am genuinely happier single but just enjoy the odd dalliance to give life a bit of flavour.

 

[Trixxi_Love]

This may not be your interest at all but I have truly enjoyed the Speed Dating I have done both in person and virtually. You can look for speed dating in your area and usually a minimal fee but gives you a chance to meet several different people in person ... if you want more details I am happy to share I just wanted you to consider an alternative to dating apps. I personally have not had success dating men or women on apps and oddly enough when I used to use them I wanted to set up naughty zoom with my dates before I even started camming.
Even though I didn’t meet my person or get a good date from the speed dating I loved being able to devote say 2 hours a week to dating instead of constantly corresponding on apps.

 

[Deleted member 59611]

The only caveat for me possibly in future is how long working in this industry is sustainable, but I am hoping at least ten more years!

Give over! Keep going as long as you bloody well like. I'm going to cliché hell for using this one but age is just a number. If you're still enjoying it in 10 years time then keep doing it.
I also turn 40 this year so I'll be your growing old buddy if you like. But with your devastating vocabulary and come to bed eyes I don't think you'll need any help at all

 

[HarlowGolde]

This is so refreshing to see. I am really happy your current guy is so supportive and helps with shows too. That is awesome! From now on I am going to put it out there straightaway in the chat/messages. I don't have social media, so I think just dating apps will have to suffice for now. When it comes to doxxing I have nothing to lose at this point in my life. I am divorced, infertile, pushing 40, own my own home, have lived all over the world, and all my family and friends support what I do. I have always been the 'mad/quirky/free spirit/calamity Jane' one so no one was surprised at all that I took up camming. I am very lucky though that I am in this situation, and I know that this is not the case for other models. As long as I don't go back into mainstream working in particular fields, or marry into a conservative family (though I promised myself I would never marry again), I will be fine. I mean, I am genuinely happier single but just enjoy the odd dalliance to give life a bit of flavour.

I'm not sure if it means anything, but I'm queer - both of my partners are AFAB - I have found better luck finding AFAB individuals who are okay with sex work than cisgender men, but I know those are out there too. Most of my social circles also consist of drag and burlesque performers, which I'm sure is a factor as well for having the support network that I do. Most of my friends and I are used to living in the outlines of what's considered acceptable where I'm from. That being said, I've been blindsided by AFAB dates or love interests before when it turns out they really aren't as okay with the industry as I thought (in these cases they were shitty about sex work in general and they're not in my life in any capacity now), and I've also experienced the opposite - where people, including cisgender dudes who I've been quick to dismiss before - who I assumed would have an issue, did not. It can get confusing. And annoying. But it's been eye-opening for sure.

I use Tinder, Bumble, and OkCupid to look for partners. I don't outright say that I'm a sex worker, but I do have stuff about being for sex work and other issues on my profiles to try and attract like-minded people. Even then...people don't always read them. :') I'm sorry it's been hard to find supportive humans. That's one of many reasons why I'm happy this forum exists.

 

[Emberblaze]

The dramatics in his texts. Wow.
You dodged a bullet here. This man really reacted like you told him you cut off dicks in your free time.

"My heart was pounding"
"I feel like I've been punched"

Bro... It's been a couple months settle the fuck down.

 

[Deleted member 57880]

Give over! Keep going as long as you bloody well like. I'm going to cliché hell for using this one but age is just a number. If you're still enjoying it in 10 years time then keep doing it.
I also turn 40 this year so I'll be your growing old buddy if you like. But with your devastating vocabulary and come to bed eyes I don't think you'll need any help at all

Hey! Yes! Can we be like camming Golden Girls who drink cocktails and have a riotous time? Sounds like an awesome sitcom idea lol. But seriously you're turning 40 too? Hell yeah; I cannot wait to be in my forties. Definitely let's be buddies.

 

[Deleted member 57880]

The dramatics in his texts. Wow.
You dodged a bullet here. This man really reacted like you told him you cut off dicks in your free time.

"My heart was pounding"
"I feel like I've been punched"

Bro... It's been a couple months settle the fuck down.

Yeah it was like we'd been married years and I had said I was shagging his best mate behind his back, or something heinous. We've seen each other on 7 occasions. That is all. It was just the beginning.

The irony is he is 43, had just revealed he is so broke he's moving in with his parents, plus admitted he has an alcohol problem; the weekend before this past one he'd drank 5,Yes 5, small/medium bottles of vodka alone in his house. I was horrifed. Apparently one wasn't enough but he didn't want to buy a big bottle (because then he couldn't delude himself) so he kept going back to the shop to buy more small bottles once he'd finished. To me, that is far far far bigger an issue than the fact I get naked online. That is an alcohol problem.

At first he even said 'I have a problem with alcohol; I hold my hands up to that.' But when I asked: 'Well what are you going to do about it; what's your plan in regards to your finances and this drinking?' He got extremely defensive and kept trying to negate how serious it was, saying "But they were small bottles! Brad (his best mate) says I don't even drink as much as him anyway."

Erm, no, dude. No. Good god I really did dodge a bullet didn't I?

 

[Deleted member 59611]

Yeah it was like we'd been married years and I had said I was shagging his best mate behind his back, or something heinous. We've seen each other on 7 occasions. That is all. It was just the beginning.

The irony is he is 43, had just revealed he is so broke he's moving in with his parents, plus admitted he has an alcohol problem; the weekend before this past one he'd drank 5,Yes 5, small/medium bottles of vodka alone in his house. I was horrifed. Apparently one wasn't enough but he didn't want to buy a big bottle (because then he couldn't delude himself) so he kept going back to the shop to buy more small bottles once he'd finished. To me, that is far far far bigger an issue than the fact I get naked online. That is an alcohol problem.

At first he even said 'I have a problem with alcohol; I hold my hands up to that.' But when I asked: 'Well what are you going to do about it; what's your plan in regards to your finances and this drinking?' He got extremely defensive and kept trying to negate how serious it was, saying "But they were small bottles! Brad (his best mate) says I don't even drink as much as him anyway."

Erm, no, dude. No. Good god I really did dodge a bullet didn't I?

Wow. Just.....wow.
Did this guy fit your brief (dark-haired, creative)? I think we need to elaborate on this brief somewhat and filter out the morons....dark-haired, creative, not a twat?

 

[Deleted member 59611]

Hey! Yes! Can we be like camming Golden Girls who drink cocktails and have a riotous time? Sounds like an awesome sitcom idea lol. But seriously you're turning 40 too? Hell yeah; I cannot wait to be in my forties. Definitely let's be buddies.

hell yeah. Always up for a riotous time. .
Yes. I do indeed turn 40 this year. December to be precise. Glinging onto my 30s for dear life at the moment. To best honest though I'm also looking forward to my forties. My 30s didn't really live up to the hype .
Plans for your 40th?

 

[Deleted member 57880]

Wow. Just.....wow.
Did this guy fit your brief (dark-haired, creative)? I think we need to elaborate on this brief somewhat and filter out the morons....dark-haired, creative, not a twat?

At this point I think I am best just holding off until I am free to travel again and can meet people on the road organically. Always worked well and handy tour guide thrown in! I never end up with decent men in the UK for some reason. I always attract the addicts and control freaks on my home turf. This one really had seemed nice/normal but lo and behold..... Anyway, I am just going to throw myself even more into camming, start producing content (never sold videos before but want to start doing that). Affairs of the heart are off the menu for now!

 

[Deleted member 57880]

hell yeah. Always up for a riotous time. .
Yes. I do indeed turn 40 this year. December to be precise. Glinging onto my 30s for dear life at the moment. To best honest though I'm also looking forward to my forties. My 30s didn't really live up to the hype .
Plans for your 40th?

Was meant to be spending it in Oz/Asia fingers crossed....or seeing some family in Florida (my Aunt moved out there years ago). All depends on travel restrictions. I usally don't celebrate my birthday much though, usually just family and close friends if I am forced to . Ah I turn 40 in August. I moved to Asia days before turning 30 and it has been a wild decade of travel, divorce (this was liberating though), flings, moving to multiple countries etc etc. I am hoping the next decade will continue to be fun and as interesting. My twenties were just absolutely rubbish. My thirties have been way more fun. I think your forties will be way better than your thirties!

 

[EvaRomania]

View attachment 87818

I am sure he sit down and wank on other women as all men does for pleasure too.
I told my bf when we met and started talking about my job ,before we was together. And I told him that I will never change my job for a guy because I like what I do and salaries here are so small,I earn good as cam girl for Romania. He was ok with it from start and is the best way to start a relationship. Tell him from beginning ,is the easiest way. We even did videos for sale together and he want more lol

 

[Deleted member 57880]

I am sure he sit down and wank on other women as all men does for pleasure too.
I told my bf when we met and started talking about my job ,before we was together. And I told him that I will never change my job for a guy because I like what I do and salaries here are so small,I earn good as cam girl for Romania. He was ok with it from start and is the best way to start a relationship. Tell him from beginning ,is the easiest way. We even did videos for sale together and he want more lol

I love this! I would love my partner to make videos with me one day as well . For now I will stay single and just devote myself to work, and maybe after summer I will consider dating again! And I will tell them immediately now! Thanks for your reply x

 

[Deleted member 57880]

I'm not sure if it means anything, but I'm queer - both of my partners are AFAB - I have found better luck finding AFAB individuals who are okay with sex work than cisgender men, but I know those are out there too. Most of my social circles also consist of drag and burlesque performers, which I'm sure is a factor as well for having the support network that I do. Most of my friends and I are used to living in the outlines of what's considered acceptable where I'm from. That being said, I've been blindsided by AFAB dates or love interests before when it turns out they really aren't as okay with the industry as I thought (in these cases they were shitty about sex work in general and they're not in my life in any capacity now), and I've also experienced the opposite - where people, including cisgender dudes who I've been quick to dismiss before - who I assumed would have an issue, did not. It can get confusing. And annoying. But it's been eye-opening for sure.

I use Tinder, Bumble, and OkCupid to look for partners. I don't outright say that I'm a sex worker, but I do have stuff about being for sex work and other issues on my profiles to try and attract like-minded people. Even then...people don't always read them. :') I'm sorry it's been hard to find supportive humans. That's one of many reasons why I'm happy this forum exists.

People always surprise us. I guess you just never know until you find out by tellign them. I love the sound of your social circle! I love this forum too- it's like finding kindred spirits and incredibly supportive. My only form of social media in fact . I have to now google AFAB as I don't know the acronym! I lived abroad so long that upon my return I have found so many terms/acronyms to familarise myself with. Thanks so much for your lovely reply x

 

[Chojin]

I've only just seen this thread, but I would have advised you to keep it under your hat mate. Just do the whole Bruce Wayne / Batman thing. If turned out he was worth his salt, you could have just stopped at your leisure. He probably has secrets he'll never reveal to you and you shouldn't feel that you have to reveal escapades that don't involve actual intercourse with other men.

With any luck, he won't try anything to hurt you socially after your reveal.

This is my take on it. For the record, this is not a come on.

I don't see camming as a bad thing. In fact, it would spice up a relationship. If a woman was to reveal she was on the game, then I would have reacted the same as him, but I see camming as just clean fun.

It's a very nice kink. I'd honestly have a massive wank if I viewed one of gf's shows. I wouldn't want her to hold back, knowing that I maybe watching.

He missed out IMO.

What a dickhead.

Women are like flowers. Treat them good and they bloom. They just want to have fun. Don't we all?

 

[darcyduke]

I am so late to the party here, but I feel your pain. I was seeing a guy once, and I brought up sex work. I mentioned modelling first, and his response was 'well, at least you're not one of those slut cam girls.' I ran a bloody mile. It was actually quite hurtful too, because I didn't think he was like that. When i first started camming, my boyfriend at the time said that there must be something wrong with me mentally to be able to cam. Foolishly, I stuck around. It's a tricky one, and I have never managed to find someone who accepted it...

 

[Deleted member 57880]

I am so late to the party here, but I feel your pain. I was seeing a guy once, and I brought up sex work. I mentioned modelling first, and his response was 'well, at least you're not one of those slut cam girls.' I ran a bloody mile. It was actually quite hurtful too, because I didn't think he was like that. When i first started camming, my boyfriend at the time said that there must be something wrong with me mentally to be able to cam. Foolishly, I stuck around. It's a tricky one, and I have never managed to find someone who accepte

I am so late to the party here, but I feel your pain. I was seeing a guy once, and I brought up sex work. I mentioned modelling first, and his response was 'well, at least you're not one of those slut cam girls.' I ran a bloody mile. It was actually quite hurtful too, because I didn't think he was like that. When i first started camming, my boyfriend at the time said that there must be something wrong with me mentally to be able to cam. Foolishly, I stuck around. It's a tricky one, and I have never managed to find someone who accepted it...

Oh wow, your ex's response...in fact both of their responses...incredibly misogynistic. I am sorry to hear that no one has accepted it. I was talking to a regular on cam about developing an app that allows sex workers to meet fellow sex workers or others who want to date one another. Has anyone created this already?!

 

[EleanorGee]

I've only just seen this thread, but I would have advised you to keep it under your hat mate. Just do the whole Bruce Wayne / Batman thing. If turned out he was worth his salt, you could have just stopped at your leisure. He probably has secrets he'll never reveal to you and you shouldn't feel that you have to reveal escapades that don't involve actual intercourse with other men.

Yikes, this is bad advice. OP you did the right thing. Hopefully he levels out once the shock wears off. If not onward to people who will accept all aspects of yourself

 

[Chojin]

Not really as she's not cheating plus she cams in a disguise.

 

[EleanorGee]

Not really as she's not cheating plus she cams in a disguise.

Is that a reply to me? I didn't say she was...?

 

[Chojin]

I was saying that I don't think a cam model has to reveal what she does in a relationship. You said it was bad advice, but I disagree. I see it as a harmless secret. It would be dangerous as they could use it against you if you broke up. I don't mean that camming is a bad thing. I just mean if the wrong people knew about it, they could cause trouble for you.

People can be spiteful. Especially after a break up.

 

[Notjustmetoo]

I havent read the whole thread in detail althouhg i saw some of the guys replies about funding you to stop camming if i'm not mistaking which is wrong in many ways.

I feel like being a cammodel still too much of a mystery and very niche for an everyday person to understand and accept it. I fully understand his reaction being blown away by the reveal and cam models like myself fully understand this reaction out of a 'privilidged' perspective. Would i have reacted in a way my world fell apart before i started camming of i heard it of the person i'm dating? Likely yes. Would I now? Totally not.

But this goes with all sorts of work in a way in different ways. Think about med people or engineers being nerds, sportspeople being flirts/less intelegent people, influencers being cheap lowlifers, ... I'm not saying we all have prejudice but we all might have wrong ideos about other professions, hobbies, interests,..

I'll not take his side however i feel like I can understand his world falling apart kinda at first

 

[Chojin]

I might be wrong actually. It would be better to disclose it as you would be deceiving your partner if they had issues with it. Most cam models don't wear disguises and must get occasionally recognised. Nothing to be ashamed of. If it was me I would keep it a secret if I wore a disguise awhile camming, but each to their own.