I cam in disguise. Should I tell my new partner I moonlight as a cam girl?

[Deleted member 57880]

I currently cam on a very part time basis (5-10 hours per week often alternate weeks only). I have two part time vanilla jobs. Recently I have met someone I really really like and he also has told me he sees a future together. I cam in a disguise, and though I would definitely be recognised by voice and facial features, if you were just skimming quickly, I have been told you wouldn't recognise me (my wig is a very different hair colour to my natural, distinctive colour).

I do not want to stop camming as I enjoy it. Plus my vanilla jobs are freelance, and dependent upon client bookings, so my finances vary, and cam is a perfect back up alongside these.
I like not worrying about money, quite frankly.

I am interested in mens' as well as other cam girls' opinions here.
Tell my new partner (we have been dating 2 months) or wait a little longer to see if the relationship has legs before revealing I also am a cam girl?
I am in two minds. I love honesty as it's great not hiding things, but at the same time I feel like I don't yet know him that well and it isn't really any of his business. But then again, I feel like I am deceiving him.

Any responses gratefully received; thank you.

 

[Brit]

You could always bring up something related to sex work and gauge his reaction to it. OnlyFans is still a pretty hot topic and there's plenty to discuss there considering even celebs have joined it. If you wait too long to discuss it, then you both could end up getting more hurt (if the relationship ends) because you've invested so much time into each other.

 

[Deleted member 57880]

You could always bring up something related to sex work and gauge his reaction to it. OnlyFans is still a pretty hot topic and there's plenty to discuss there considering even celebs have joined it. If you wait too long to discuss it, then you both could end up getting more hurt (if the relationship ends) because you've invested so much time into each other.

This is a good point! And OF is a good way to gauge his reaction. The longer I don't say anything, the more it's going to be an issue when he does find out, even if he just feels I hid something and he's cool with the cam aspect. I know he values honesty as much as I do, so I am going to have to bite the bullet soon. Better to find out his reaction sooner. Thank you so much for your reply x

 

[StoneyDog]

This is a good point! And OF is a good way to gauge his reaction. The longer I don't say anything, the more it's going to be an issue when he does find out, even if he just feels I hid something and he's cool with the cam aspect. I know he values honesty as much as I do, so I am going to have to bite the bullet soon. Better to find out his reaction sooner. Thank you so much for your reply x

Exactly. The longer you sit on it the bigger deal it is.

I don’t think it would bother me, especially in the beginning of a relationship

 

[StoneyDog]

I’m past the edit window. So double post. But I’ve been thinking about this.

I think the only thing that I’d be concerned about dating a cam girl would be work hours. Depending on your camming schedule, I can see a time were the girl wants to work and I want to go do something at night. Girl picks work (cam site members) over going out with me to do whatever.

that’s the conflict I’m imagining popping up. I don’t think I’d get jealous of other guys looking on cams.

 

[Deleted member 57880]

I’m past the edit window. So double post. But I’ve been thinking about this.

I think the only thing that I’d be concerned about dating a cam girl would be work hours. Depending on your camming schedule, I can see a time were the girl wants to work and I want to go do something at night. Girl picks work (cam site members) over going out with me to do whatever.

that’s the conflict I’m imagining popping up. I don’t think I’d get jealous of other guys looking on cams.

This is really helpful to know; thank you! Cam wouldn't interfere with me seeing him, luckily. I work days only as a cam girl here in the UK (which is often night/early mirning in the US and that works well on a particular site). I get up so early (5.30 am) and am way more productive in the days so it makes sense to cam then. Also I see my new partner every other weekend as he has particular commitments, so that means I can cam alternate weekends.

It is good to know that you think sooner rather than later also.

I am seeing him this weekend so I think it's good to tell him then.
thanks so much!

 

[skyebird]

This is a good point! And OF is a good way to gauge his reaction. The longer I don't say anything, the more it's going to be an issue when he does find out, even if he just feels I hid something and he's cool with the cam aspect. I know he values honesty as much as I do, so I am going to have to bite the bullet soon. Better to find out his reaction sooner. Thank you so much for your reply x

OF is a good place to start! I had an ex who didn't even approve of me getting tasteful nudes done, privately! He was weird about me getting photographed by another guy. So sadly, some guys are just the jealous type, and it's a red line for them.

Hope things go well with your guy! Sounds like you're into him, so hopefully he's the understanding type. Maybe some day he'll join you on camera lol.

 

[Deleted member 59611]

This is really helpful to know; thank you! Cam wouldn't interfere with me seeing him, luckily. I work days only as a cam girl here in the UK (which is often night/early mirning in the US and that works well on a particular site). I get up so early (5.30 am) and am way more productive in the days so it makes sense to cam then. Also I see my new partner every other weekend as he has particular commitments, so that means I can cam alternate weekends.

It is good to know that you think sooner rather than later also.

I am seeing him this weekend so I think it's good to tell him then.
thanks so much!

I think its definitely right to tell him sooner rather than later. Having said that I think you need to be prepared for a possible ultimatum. A lot of guys are insecure and he may not be able to see past the cam girl stereotype that you're just there for other men's gratification. Does he seem insecure to you as yet? Is there a possibility he may say 'it's me or camming'. Obviously that won't be a nice situation to be in but it's possible unfortunately.

 

[thealixlynx]

I currently cam on a very part time basis (5-10 hours per week often alternate weeks only). I have two part time vanilla jobs. Recently I have met someone I really really like and he also has told me he sees a future together. I cam in a disguise, and though I would definitely be recognised by voice and facial features, if you were just skimming quickly, I have been told you wouldn't recognise me (my wig is a very different hair colour to my natural, distinctive colour).

I do not want to stop camming as I enjoy it. Plus my vanilla jobs are freelance, and dependent upon client bookings, so my finances vary, and cam is a perfect back up alongside these.
I like not worrying about money, quite frankly.

I am interested in mens' as well as other cam girls' opinions here.
Tell my new partner (we have been dating 2 months) or wait a little longer to see if the relationship has legs before revealing I also am a cam girl?
I am in two minds. I love honesty as it's great not hiding things, but at the same time I feel like I don't yet know him that well and it isn't really any of his business. But then again, I feel like I am deceiving him.

Any responses gratefully received; thank you.

I would DEFINITELY bring this up...in my experience I've found that the way in which you deliver the news can make all the difference. Like, if you make a big deal out of it, and act apologetic (this is just an example), etc. people can get weird about it. If however you're casual and all, "so yeah I just wanted to let you know about this because I think it's super important to be transparent with you, I do this as well. Let me know if you have any questions, I'm an open book." It's taken far better.

Keep in mind this, too...worst case scenario, he won't be about it at all and will leave. Absolute worst case, right? People tend to already have certain viewpoints on adult work and can't be changed unless they actually know someone who's an adult entertainer. So...if you feel like he knows you well enough, tell him. If not, wait a couple weeks. See how things go. Just focus on letting him get to know you and how awesome YOU are, so he can differentiate YOU in real life vs. what you do for a living on cam. But I wouldn't wait any longer than that.

I hope that makes sense. In a nutshell, I've found that being straightforward and chill about it, not making it a THING, is always received well. And, if not, thank u, next! There are PLENTY of good men out there who are emotionally intelligent enough and are also overall chill about their partners doing adult work.

 

[Deleted member 57880]

I would DEFINITELY bring this up...in my experience I've found that the way in which you deliver the news can make all the difference. Like, if you make a big deal out of it, and act apologetic (this is just an example), etc. people can get weird about it. If however you're casual and all, "so yeah I just wanted to let you know about this because I think it's super important to be transparent with you, I do this as well. Let me know if you have any questions, I'm an open book." It's taken far better.

Keep in mind this, too...worst case scenario, he won't be about it at all and will leave. Absolute worst case, right? People tend to already have certain viewpoints on adult work and can't be changed unless they actually know someone who's an adult entertainer. So...if you feel like he knows you well enough, tell him. If not, wait a couple weeks. See how things go. Just focus on letting him get to know you and how awesome YOU are, so he can differentiate YOU in real life vs. what you do for a living on cam. But I wouldn't wait any longer than that.

I hope that makes sense. In a nutshell, I've found that being straightforward and chill about it, not making it a THING, is always received well. And, if not, thank u, next! There are PLENTY of good men out there who are emotionally intelligent enough and are also overall chill about their partners doing adult work.

Thank you so much! I know he really likes me, and I know he seems open minded. We've discussed porn viewing before etc...I was definitely thinking the more 'hey, I want to tell you this because we know each other better and it's just something I do, but doesn't change anything between us, nor should it ever do', instead of me trying to apologise or make out I am only doing it out of desperation etc.

I am hoping he thinks it's kinda cool in a way (because I am almost 40 and I am proud to be an older woman and able to cam, and he is very appreciative of my lingerie collection, ha ha)....but if he doesn't, well, he doesn't, and like you say, that's the worst case scenario, so I have to accept that. Also, it is part of who I am now (almost 2 years camming), so I would like him to know and hopefully accept it.

If he can't accept it, then I will be fine! I was happily single for over a year anyway and only decided to allow this guy into my life because we get on so well. Otherwise, I would happily remain single forever and just have the odd fling here and there

Anyway, thank you for your response! I appreciate it so much!

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

'hey, I want to tell you this because we know each other better and it's just something I do, but doesn't change anything between us, nor should it ever do', instead of me trying to apologise or make out I am only doing it out of desperation etc.

I think you're on the right track. Honesty is the best policy, and I hope he takes it well when you discuss it with him! Good luck!

 

[InannahQoH]

You could just drop hints or something..
Like when he phones you, ask for his credit card and 60 tokens a minute.

Sorry / Stirring
Id guess I'd favour sooner rather than later..

 

[Deleted member 57880]

I think you're on the right track. Honesty is the best policy, and I hope he takes it well when you discuss it with him! Good luck!

Thank you! Hopefully it all works out!

 

[Deleted member 57880]

You could just drop hints or something..
Like when he phones you, ask for his credit card and 60 tokens a minute.

Sorry / Stirring
Id guess I'd favour sooner rather than later..

Oh my god I am very temted because he knows how much I hate texting and being on the phone, and it's a running joke between us.....I could always say next time he calls: 'Normally I would charge £1.49 per minute to voice chat over the phone, but for you darling, I'll knock 50% off just this once!' and see if he twigs

 

[InannahQoH]

Oh my god I am very temted because he knows how much I hate texting and being on the phone, and it's a running joke between us.....I could always say next time he calls: 'Normally I would charge £1.49 per minute to voice chat over the phone, but for you darling, I'll knock 50% off just this once!' and see if he twigs

Sounds like the safe path.. What could go wrong?

Sorry, worked 6am to 10/11pm = 16/17 hours..
And 12 hours overdue for a lunch break..
So in a shit stirring mood, to try and unwind. : )

Wish you the best, and would suggest tell him sooner rather than later.
Hugs.

 

[StoneyDog]

i think the key is how you present it. Don’t make it feel so heavy. When you do it, make sure he realizes your strength and confidence in your personal sexual identity is something he’s going to really enjoy.....and that there are things you don’t do on cam, but you are looking forward to experiencing with him, since he special to you

 

[Deleted member 57880]

Sounds like the safe path.. What could go wrong?

Sorry, worked 6am to 10/11pm = 16/17 hours..
And 12 hours overdue for a lunch break..
So in a shit stirring mood, to try and unwind. : )

Wish you the best, and would suggest tell him sooner rather than later.
Hugs.

Bloody hell, you need a lunch break!! Wow, that is a hell of a shift. Hats off and thanks; your posts made me smile!

 

[Deleted member 57880]

I think its definitely right to tell him sooner rather than later. Having said that I think you need to be prepared for a possible ultimatum. A lot of guys are insecure and he may not be able to see past the cam girl stereotype that you're just there for other men's gratification. Does he seem insecure to you as yet? Is there a possibility he may say 'it's me or camming'. Obviously that won't be a nice situation to be in but it's possible unfortunately.

I think the truth will out and I am terrible at keeping secrets so it will come out eventually....He is traditional so I am also expecting him to be in shock. I am mentally preparing myself to text it and get it other with! Thanks so much for your reply x

 

[Deleted member 57880]

OF is a good place to start! I had an ex who didn't even approve of me getting tasteful nudes done, privately! He was weird about me getting photographed by another guy. So sadly, some guys are just the jealous type, and it's a red line for them.

Hope things go well with your guy! Sounds like you're into him, so hopefully he's the understanding type. Maybe some day he'll join you on camera lol.

I guess this is why he is an ex now. I totally understand that there are just some no nos for all of us and if it's a no no for him, that's something I will need to respect and just accept....and move on. I hope he is going to understand! Thanks x

 

[Deleted member 59611]

I think the truth will out and I am terrible at keeping secrets so it will come out eventually....He is traditional so I am also expecting him to be in shock. I am mentally preparing myself to text it and get it other with! Thanks so much for your reply x

Sorry. I don't mean to pry (feel free to tell me to sod off) but are you telling him by text? I'm thinking maybe in person would be better. A million times harder I appreciate but more personable and respectful maybe? I got dumped by text once. Hurts more than in person.
I don't know. Just throwing that out there.

 

[Lure0001]

In my opinion , you should tell him the truth as you did it here . Some men can accept dating a cam girl , some men won't do it . I do know what kind of man he's .... But Better telling him the aabout your camming Job & see what will happen . It's better than waiting & waiting & at the end when u'll tell him , he'd be disappointed by this & angry may be about not knowing that u cam from the start .

 

[Deleted member 57880]

Update: Thanks everyone for your lovely and helpful replies and thoughts. They have helped me so much and I decided honesty and acting soon was indeed the best policy, so I sent a text to him, explaining that I occasionally moonlight as a cam girl, that he is welcome to ask me anything and that I see it as work, I enjoy it, and it has helped me financially (especially during the pandemic).

He replied asking exactly what things I 'have to do on cam'.
I replied honestly saying anything I like/agree to and that it includes nudity as well as play.

He has replied: 'I don't think I can handle this' and now is not talking to me for the time being. I totally accept he doesn't like it and am not going to push him at all, as we all have things we are are and aren't able to accept in a partner. It is a shame if he ultimately is going to walk away due to my camming, but I already feel lighter for having divulged, and early on.

Thank you all, I knew it needed to be said and just needed to hear this!
Appreciate your replies so much! x

 

[Deleted member 59611]

Update: Thanks everyone for your lovely and helpful replies and thoughts. They have helped me so much and I decided honesty and acting soon was indeed the best policy, so I sent a text to him, explaining that I occasionally moonlight as a cam girl, that he is welcome to ask me anything and that I see it as work, I enjoy it, and it has helped me financially (especially during the pandemic).

He replied asking exactly what things I 'have to do on cam'.
I replied honestly saying anything I like/agree to and that it includes nudity as well as play.

He has replied: 'I don't think I can handle this' and now is not talking to me for the time being. I totally accept he doesn't like it and am not going to push him at all, as we all have things we are are and aren't able to accept in a partner. It is a shame if he ultimately is going to walk away due to my camming, but I already feel lighter for having divulged, and early on.

Thank you all, I knew it needed to be said and just needed to hear this!
Appreciate your replies so much! x

I'm really sorry to hear that but well done you for being open and honest with him . Hopefully, when he's had time to digest it he'll come round.
In the meantime, keep your head up and keep being awesome!

 

[AudriTwo]

I'm sorry to hear that he's giving you the cold shoulder. But it's good that you told him now than later.

In the future. Never share you camming profiles or tell boyfriends what sites you work to anybody you are dating in case the relationship goes sour and he fully outs or dox you.

 

[StoneyDog]

“I don’t think” is a honest and reasoned response.

he didn’t react emotionally. He just simply said he doesn’t think. Which to me implies he will think about it and contemplate his emotions and what they mean to him on the topic

 

[Deleted member 57880]

I'm really sorry to hear that but well done you for being open and honest with him . Hopefully, when he's had time to digest it he'll come round.
In the meantime, keep your head up and keep being awesome!

Thank you! I decided not to wait to do it in person because I don't drive and would be stranded over the weekend with no way to get home at his house if things went badly face to face. He lives quite far from me. You just don't know how someone will react and I was worried I could be kicked out of his house and be stuck. I decided text would let him digest it and also ensure I am safely in the confines of my own house (slobbing about in my PJs today ). Let's hope he does come round but if not, life goes on and summer is on the way . Anyway thank you, lovely!

 

[Deleted member 57880]

I'm sorry to hear that he's giving you the cold shoulder. But it's good that you told him now than later.

In the future. Never share you camming profiles or tell boyfriends what sites you work to anybody you are dating in case the relationship goes sour and he fully outs or dox you.

Thank you lovely! Good advice for sure. I will definitely never tell anyone I am dating where I cam/my cam name etc. Absolutely no way. I also did not tell this guy, thank god! Luckily my family all know and are very supportive (my mum even is happy I do it as I am much less stressed and unhappy than when I was teaching full time. I mentioned recently that I occasionally miss teaching and would reconsider returning but she told me I would be mad to go back to that). However, I know the likelihood of returning to my previous profession is almost nil due to the possibility of being found out, so there's that...

But yes, sound advice, and thank you x

 

[Trixxi_Love]

I currently cam on a very part time basis (5-10 hours per week often alternate weeks only). I have two part time vanilla jobs. Recently I have met someone I really really like and he also has told me he sees a future together. I cam in a disguise, and though I would definitely be recognised by voice and facial features, if you were just skimming quickly, I have been told you wouldn't recognise me (my wig is a very different hair colour to my natural, distinctive colour).

I do not want to stop camming as I enjoy it. Plus my vanilla jobs are freelance, and dependent upon client bookings, so my finances vary, and cam is a perfect back up alongside these.
I like not worrying about money, quite frankly.

I am interested in mens' as well as other cam girls' opinions here.
Tell my new partner (we have been dating 2 months) or wait a little longer to see if the relationship has legs before revealing I also am a cam girl?
I am in two minds. I love honesty as it's great not hiding things, but at the same time I feel like I don't yet know him that well and it isn't really any of his business. But then again, I feel like I am deceiving him.

Any responses gratefully received; thank you.

I recently told a woman I was dating with similar thoughts and situation as you and she completely ghosted me. So I will never tell a potential partner again, it’s my life. It’s your life, not theirs to judge how they feel.

 

[Deleted member 57880]

“I don’t think” is a honest and reasoned response.

he didn’t react emotionally. He just simply said he doesn’t think. Which to me implies he will think about it and contemplate his emotions and what they mean to him on the topic

Yes, he is a lovely guy, and I know he will be thinking about it (and probably feeling very torn). I also think he'll be weighing it up very much.

 

[Deleted member 57880]

I recently told a woman I was dating with similar thoughts and situation as you and she completely ghosted me. So I will never tell a potential partner again, it’s my life. It’s your life, not theirs to judge how they feel.

Sorry to hear this. Ghosting is always horrible to experience. I guess for some people they just cannot accept things once they hear 'sex work'. But I was feeling like the protagonist in Edgar Allan Poe's The Tell Tale Heart...it was wighing so heavily upon me every day. I can't carry secrets at all and I knew that it would come out at some point....my family all know (and are cool with it), and all it would take was one slip at a family do, because they can't keep secrets either, lol....and then that would be it. Then I would have the double whammy of explaining why I didnt tell him/hid it and the shock of the scales falling from his eyes when he sees that I have a double life of sorts.

x