Re: I appear to have fucked up and need a woman to tell me h
Shaun__ said:
I was visiting a model every time she came on and was a regular in her room. I did not talk much in the room conversations, because I was often uninterested in them. I would talk to the model but she would not respond to me about half the time. The same with tweets, most went unanswered. When I asked if she would be interested in doing something with me she would tell me no. If I said I enjoyed doing something she would tell she did it with one or two other people in the room but not extend the same chance to me. Even non-sexy stuff. I never begged for anything for free, except for a picture drawn on her whiteboard on my birthday like she did for someone else.
I sent her a MFC mail the other day and said I did not feel like I was fitting into her room and was not going to visit her everyday, but I would still drop by to say hello every so often. I also said it was my fault I was not fitting into her room. She took it very badly.
Should I have snuck away without saying anything? Should I have kept going to her room everyday and just lowered her volume?
I honestly do not even know why she cared I was leaving. She never wanted to do anything with me. I barely tipped her anything and she insisted I never talked.
What would you want someone in this circumstance to do to you?
After reading all posts, and re-reading the initial post, several things:
1. MFC is one of many internet forums where sometimes people who are socially awkward (for one reason or another) look to connect with others. With this in mind, I assume Shaun is one of these people. I myself am like this, albeit in a different way. Let's not all pretend we don't have our own problems.
2. Many such people are insecure for one reason or another, and being insecure isn't a reason to flame somebody. It's easier to pick on or make fun of them because of their human attributes, but flaming someone for those reasons
alone isn't ultimately justifiable. Not saying everybody did this, but some have.
3. I believe Shaun posted this thread because of his confusion regarding less than desirable experiences with OhMyStarz, among other models. By now the situation with Purp is common knowledge. The original question is basically asking 'what did I do wrong'. I can see why ACF seems like an appropriate place to discuss this since it's a forum about camgirls. Again, the methods he used to ask his questions reflect social awkwardness and a lack of ability to understand others and/or empathize with others and/or possessing a genuine problem maintaining a balanced perspective on interactions with others.
4. Shaun, it can be easy to become fixated on the fact that a relation with somebody isn't going as ideally as you'd it like to. I believe this is called codependency, and the fact that you are perpetually seeking reassurance from the members of ACF solidifies my opinion in this matter. I have also had issues with this. Saying "click next" may seem like a simple solution to many of us, but for somebody like Shaun it might seem egregious. "As adults, codependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in "toxic relationships", in other words with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy.
And the codependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationship without addressing their own needs or desires; setting themselves up for continued unfulfillment. Even when a codependent person encounters someone with healthy boundaries, the codependent person still operates in their own system; they're not likely to get too involved with people who have healthy boundaries. This of course creates problems that continue to recycle; if codependent people can't get involved with people who have healthy behaviors and coping skills, then the problems continue into each new relationship." source:
http://www.allaboutcounseling.com/codependency.htm
There is some good advice in the posts previous to mine, and you'll have to look carefully to find it, BUT it do you any good unless
you do some serious soul-searching to gain the personal insight needed to fix these problems you have repeatedly admitted you have. Working on this will help you both online and off. It's obvious the situation occurred
without both parties intending to make the other feel bad. This is important, and so is remembering that there are many variables which can cause unintended interpretations of yours and a model's speech and thought patterns. Shaun, if you truly want to change the quality of your relationships with other people you have to move beyond the first step: admitting responsibility. From reading the thread it seems that you are financially well-off enough to seek counseling, and there is nothing wrong with doing whatever you need to do (within reason of course) to become a well-adjusted adult. I know it's not always easy, but trust me, it DOES get easier if you really want to make it happen. Feel free to discuss this matter with me privately if you wish, you have my discretion.
Starz, I'm so sorry you are having to deal with so much stress at what is probably the most inconvenient time. Please accept my sincere wishes for your well-being and success. You have wonderful friends and we are all rooting for you!
