Honest question

[HonestQuestion]

Hello

First I would like to say how much I appreciate and respect the work that webcam models do.

Now my question, I am posting this to ask for some advice. Before I post it I have browsed these forums a lot and seen some of the major points that people appear to bring up in these situations

1. Assume that it is a real friendship (please don't assume that I am lost and confused about the nature of webcam chat)
2. I am posting this to get advice not a torrent of "how dumb are you?" type posts, please treat this as you would a real question

I have been logging in to see the same model for a little over a year now. We get a long great and she trusts me with all aspects of her online experience. She also tells me a lot about her offline life, the good and the bad. We have talked over a variety of platforms offline (not all of them at my request) I have shared a lot myself and it has grown into a great friendship (remember we are assuming here) There is also another member that has been there longer than myself and also holds this models trust. I have read about models keeping "pets" which this could be, but it doesn't feel that way. I am not naive and realize that this is an entertainment industry, full of fantasy and making the experience fun. I am writing this because I have developed real feelings for this model. We have gotten to know a lot about each other. I am asking this community what I should do? I broached the subject a little over a month ago and there was nothing definitive. I realize that even being a friend to an online model is a huge feat, but I am at a loss at what I should do. I spend a decent amount in her
room. I do not expect anything for the credits that I spend, I am NOT in the mindset that spending credits on anyone buys me love. I don't profess love at every opportunity and I don't berate or belittle anyone else in the room. I honestly didn't realize this was happening until the holidays. Not the lonely aspect of the holidays, more the sit and think about what you are lucky for having when so many people have so little. As I said before there is another member that is close to her which is another reason I haven't fully expressed my feelings. Some of you will know the reason why, some of you have cared for friends and wondered if it was worth risking the friendship. I am at that impasse, I realize now the amount of time I spend with this person, and wonder whether I should be doing so? Am I a bad person for wanting to know where I stand? Would I be a bad person for leaving if there was nothing there beyond a chatroom friendship? I will answer any questions I have not already answered in the post. Thank you all

 

[Evvie]

I am at that impasse, I realize now the amount of time I spend with this person, and wonder whether I should be doing so?

You are an adult; you can spend your time as you please. Do you feel that the amount of time you spend with this woman is unhealthy?

Am I a bad person for wanting to know where I stand?

No.

Would I be a bad person for leaving if there was nothing there beyond a chatroom friendship?

No.

I broached the subject a little over a month ago and there was nothing definitive.

What did she say?

 

[Jupiter551]

I read this on my camgirl and is this the true.

 

[HonestQuestion]

I read this on my camgirl and is this the true.

I don't know what that is

 

[Evvie]

I read this on my camgirl and is this the true.

I don't know what that is

I think ol' Jup there is letting his cat walk on his keyboard again.

 

[Jupiter551]

I read this on my camgirl and is this the true.

I don't know what that is

I think ol' Jup there is letting his cat walk on his keyboard again.

it's just my passive-aggressive way of expressing that we need a "I've fallen in love/friendship with a camgirl" first poster FAQ or subforum.

 

[HonestQuestion]

I read this on my camgirl and is this the true.

I don't know what that is

I think ol' Jup there is letting his cat walk on his keyboard again.

it's just my passive-aggressive way of expressing that we need a "I've fallen in love/friendship with a camgirl" first poster FAQ or subforum.

Thank you for your support in reading my entire post, I never said I was in love. This clearly is an issue which doesn't appear to be going away anytime soon. I do suggest that a forum be put up for just this very issue. BTW Developing feelings for someone is different than falling in love.

 

[Shaun__]

I was going to give you advice, then I realized how incompetent I am with women and started laughing at myself instead. This is really something you may need to talk to the model about instead of us.

 

[HonestQuestion]

I understand, just as a player needs a little pep talk before a game I was looking for a little experienced advice.

 

[AprilCarroll]

I broached the subject a little over a month ago and there was nothing definitive.

If you've already brought up your feelings with her and she didn't respond with, "OMG I feel the same way!" I think you know your answer.

The question is whether you're okay with that answer. If you can adjust your feelings and enjoy the entertainment she provides without being too emotionally involved, fantastic. If not, that's okay too. Explain your feelings to her and move on.

Brace yourself for her reaction if you decide to explain your feelings to her again, though. Honestly, when members get too attached and start to entertain ideas about us meeting and dating, I'm usually relieved when they decide to move on. Trying to keep someone's feelings at bay while maintaining a fun fantasy for the rest of the room is a difficult and tiring balance, and no one wants to feel responsible for (or to feel unable to prevent) someone else's heartbreak.

Camming is a lonely business. Most of us don't tell our friends and families, and aside from forums like ACF, we don't have water cooler talk with fellow models. Based off of what you've said, my hunch is that she simply enjoys your friendship.

 

[HonestQuestion]

Once emotionally involved its impossible to go back. I don't really have an answer, it was vague at best. I posted above, I understand that its lonely and that friendship with a cam model is a sacred thing. However everything involving feelings it isn't something that you can control. I'm not out for special treatment as I have already received it, I don't patrol her room and don't sulk I am an adult after all. Another reason I want a final answer, we can both move forward with one thing or another. It will break my heart and I think hers for me to leave.

 

[victor0021]

If you've already broached the subject with her and she didn't respond in kind you already have your answer. With the "relationship" members and models normally have you probably won't get a definitive answer that she wants you to go away or anything. If you are still being nice to her and tipping her it will probably be hard for her to ever break it off. Nice good tippers are rare. If you guys talk outside MFC a lot she obviously likes you as a friend but unfortunately you are also a source of income for her, it's just the way MFC works.

If you are worried these feelings you have will lead to your heartbreak you should probably walk away. I'd explain it to her before I left and let her know it just can't work for you this way. If you can adjust your expectations and feelings to fit within the confines of your current situation and can be happy with it then be all means do that. Sometimes these feelings happen because in the MFC world we can put a model we really like on a pedestal because you only see the "good" side of them they portray on the site. It's more an infatuation then actual love I know what you mean there. You are the only one that can decide what's best for you though.

 

[Jupiter551]

Thank you for your support in reading my entire post, I never said I was in love. This clearly is an issue which doesn't appear to be going away anytime soon. I do suggest that a forum be put up for just this very issue. BTW Developing feelings for someone is different than falling in love.

Okay well you've "developed feelings for her", my mistake.

Let's say your chances of having mutual "feelings" with an attractive female friend are 50/50.

Are you geographically remote? If so then your chances just halved. Are you of a considerably different age? If so halve them again. Does she seem visually attracted to you? Add or subtract from your chances as you deem fit.

Take your total and then halve it again from the realisation that she's paid to be sexy and interesting, and you met her while she was working, and has guys "develop feelings" for her alllll the time.

All in all though, if you really believe you have feelings for her then tell her - without pressure and without being creepily over-the-top, and if you want to keep her friendship then ensure you're ready to deal gracefully with a negative answer, and then never bring the topic up again.

 

[HiGirlsRHot]

Thank you for your support in reading my entire post, I never said I was in love. This clearly is an issue which doesn't appear to be going away anytime soon. I do suggest that a forum be put up for just this very issue. BTW Developing feelings for someone is different than falling in love.

Okay well you've "developed feelings for her", my mistake.

Let's say your chances of having mutual "feelings" with an attractive female friend are 50/50.

Are you geographically remote? If so then your chances just halved. Are you of a considerably different age? If so halve them again. Does she seem visually attracted to you? Add or subtract from your chances as you deem fit.

Take your total and then halve it again from the realisation that she's paid to be sexy and interesting, and you met her while she was working, and has guys "develop feelings" for her alllll the time.

All in all though, if you really believe you have feelings for her then tell her - without pressure and without being creepily over-the-top, and if you want to keep her friendship then ensure you're ready to deal gracefully with a negative answer, and then never bring the topic up again.

I think Jupiter's advice is quite good. I'd add does she have a boyfriend, and if the answer is no are you really sure? It would be pretty unusual for young attractive woman not to have a boyfriend for a whole year.

It does sound like you really are in the "shit or get off the pot" stage and I think that makes sense. If the answer is no and as Jupiter's math suggests odds are good it is no, what is the next step? To me it would be pretty awkward to be in a room where you asked the model to meet you in real life and she says no. Another answer you may have already gotten is a definitive "maybe". The maybe could mean yes I really do like you, but I am uncomfortable taking it to the next level. Or the maybe could mean, as guys on cam site go you are really nice, but what I really love is you tip me generously. and I know if I say no, you are leaving.

Now there are probably guys smart and wise enough in the ways of woman to figure out the first "maybe" compared to the second "maybe" but I know I'm not.

 

[ComicOzzie]

Ask yourself this:

"If I met this women in real life, is there any realistic chance that we would have hit it off?"

If the answer is "probably not", then I don't think it is meant to be.



:twocents-02cents:

 

[SatanJonez]

Damn, there's a lot of threads like this.

 

[Shutterbuck]

Stop it, dude.

If you genuinely care about this broad, forget about your feelings for a moment and look at the situation from her side. Consider how awkward she might be made to feel if you start expressing your mushy ass feelings and shit.
While I'm certain that a lot of girls and members develop what may appear to be genuine friendships, those friendships exist within the parameters of a defined member/model community. You likely wouldn't be chatting with her in real life under different circumstances.

I'm sure we all have "friends" in the real world that we would not associate with under different social situations... we call them close acquaintances. Perhaps you got a buddy at work that you like to sit and bullshit with during lunch... You talk about women and family and personal shit but you don't exactly hang out every weekend. You probably know more than most about his wife's drinking habits and his thoughts of leaving her for the girl at the deli than most of his friends but you ain't goin' over to his house for a BBQ. Why? Because he hasn't invited you over... Because you're just the fence post he talks to when he can't talk to anyone closer to the situation.
Consider your camgirl the same kind of friend, my man. Chat her up and enjoy it for what it is... chatting.

Reading your post, you seem to be a level headed dude so consider this: If this girl felt a desire to pursue a relationship with you (in any manner) outside of the cam-world, I bet she'd be the one to bring it up first. Consider that she may be uncomfortable with you expressing your feelings.
If you're not ready to leave her room then consider the embarrassment for both of you if your feelings aren't reciprocated.
Don't go making things all weird and shit by dumping your heart out all over her front porch.
If you can't continue with the status quo then move on.

tl;dr?

I broached the subject a little over a month ago and there was nothing definitive.

Well, there's your answer.

 

[curvyredhead]

I think you already know your answer buddy.

 

[jackie_O]

Damn, there's a lot of threads like this.

At least weekly.

 

[sweetiebatman]

The problem with these threads is, that an absolute shitload of good advice is given but is (politely or otherwise) ignored because it is not the answer they wanted.

So these threads never seem to end!

 

[AmberCutie]

The problem with these threads is, that an absolute shitload of good advice is given but is (politely or otherwise) ignored because it is not the answer they wanted.

So these threads never seem to end!

Maybe this one will be different. He will heed our advice and just discuss it honestly with her, and let us know what happens.

So far I think we are like 0/25 on that happening, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for this one.

 

[Jupiter551]

The problem with these threads is, that an absolute shitload of good advice is given but is (politely or otherwise) ignored because it is not the answer they wanted.

So these threads never seem to end!

Maybe this one will be different. He will heed our advice and just discuss it honestly with her, and let us know what happens.

So far I think we are like 0/25 on that happening, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for this one.

Statistically, there will be one eventually but (like tech support forums) as if anyone comes back to give closure to the thread - they get rejected (or fix their computer) and never return to share how they succeeded or failed.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

If a model is interested in you, SHE'LL make it known. Most models are aware that meeting a member and developing a relationship is usually in our court. If she knows you're single and hasn't said something along the lines of, "We should get together sometime." She's probably not interested.
I just don't understand what guys expect to hear for advice on this. I mean, really. Are they hoping someone says, "Don't give up! You guys are obviously soulmates. True love on porn sites exists and if she says no, just continue bugging her." What did you want to hear????

 

[mynameisbob84]

I think you just have to assume that it's not gonna happen.

Nothing in your post suggests that she thinks of you as anything more than a friend.

Then there's the stuff that applies to any (well, most) cam girl/member relationships - you see a beautiful, sexy, independent woman handing out boners like candy at Halloween on a nightly basis; she sees words on a screen. To you, meeting your favourite cam girl is something that you'd likely love to do; for her, meeting members is probably something she goes to great lengths to avoid ever having to do.

Realistically, if you're gonna get to know this chick properly, to see if you have any chance of making it as a couple, you're gonna have to get to know her in the real world. So, how are you gonna do this? Are you gonna go to her? is she gonna come to you? Who's gonna pay? How much is it gonna cost? How often are you gonna meet up? Are you prepared to move for her? Get a new job? A new home? Is she willing to do the same? It's a logistical shitfield.

Then there's stuff to consider regarding your relationship with this girl as it stands - if you tell her how you feel, is it going to affect your relationship? (the answer is likely 'yes'). If she doesn't feel the same way about you as you do her (which is likely) then are you going to be able to hang out in her room again without it being awkward?

If you've taken all this into account already and you still think it's worth coming clean about how you feel, then that's what you should do. But my advice would be to assume it's not gonna end how you might hope because it likely won't.
That's not to say that it can't happen, but just keep things in perspective, yeah?

 

[AprilCarroll]

If a model is interested in you, SHE'LL make it known. Most models are aware that meeting a member and developing a relationship is usually in our court. If she knows you're single and hasn't said something along the lines of, "We should get together sometime." She's probably not interested.
I just don't understand what guys expect to hear for advice on this. I mean, really. Are they hoping someone says, "Don't give up! You guys are obviously soulmates. True love on porn sites exists and if she says no, just continue bugging her." What did you want to hear????

Preach!

 

[Jupiter551]

If a model is interested in you, SHE'LL make it known. Most models are aware that meeting a member and developing a relationship is usually in our court.

I'm sorry Megan, I only like you as a friend :whistle:

 

[PlayboyMegan]

If a model is interested in you, SHE'LL make it known. Most models are aware that meeting a member and developing a relationship is usually in our court.

I'm sorry Megan, I only like you as a friend :whistle:

I sent you that love letter in confidence, you jerk!!!

 

[Jessi]

Sounds like she likes you as a friend. Shutterbuck hit the nail on the head- think about how she is going to feel.

Its EXTREMELY uncomfy and awkward to have a guy express feelings for you that you don't return. Now add the burden of being a camgirl and having to keep a certain image. Demanding a "Yes I like you/No I dont like you" out of her is just alienating and stressful. I really doubt she's going to tell you to fuck off, because she doesn't want to hurt you and does like you (just not in the way that you want). It is 99% unlikely that you will ever have more than a friendship, but if you push you could just have nothing.

 

[Jupiter551]

I sent you that love letter in confidence, you jerk!!!

I thought it was an erotic story :shock:

 

[Poker_Babe]

I have to say that the responses on this thread have some of the best advice on this subject I've seen so far. Everyone is hitting the nail right on the head. Listen to what's been said here and take their advice. You've been given pearls here.