Had a crisis moment

[Gogetem]

So, pretty much, I have a mental health condition. Sometimes this condition manifests in sexual deviances without thinking of the consequences and can last a matter of weeks. Anyway, I cammed a few times and was enjoying it really didn't give a shit about what would happen and then paranoia and panic struck and I knew i didn't want to do it. I know there will be videos and i think spending money on them being removed would be pointless. I just wanted to ask, if and when I may get outed, what can i say? I feel like I have real no justification and now feel quite ashamed. Everyone around me is so open minded and i'm close to a lot of people and I know my family wouldn't disown me, maybe not talk for a few weeks. But how do I get over the fear of being caught out by people I wouldn't necessarily want to or rising above horrible comments. I really respect the industry but I am totally not applicable for it and just don't think I have the guts.

 

[SaffronBurke]

I'd rehearse a response along the lines of "It sounded like a fun way to make money, so I tried it, but it wasn't for me". Knowing how you'll respond might help with the anxiety and stress a little.

 

[Gogetem]

I'd rehearse a response along the lines of "It sounded like a fun way to make money, so I tried it, but it wasn't for me". Knowing how you'll respond might help with the anxiety and stress a little.

Well thanks for your advice, is it less likely for someone to find out if I only did it a few times, or is it still pretty inevitable? Just frustrated as I had 2 choices, either politics or teaching and now neither is on the cards. shame really. I don't regret it. I felt pretty empowered for the money I did make I'm just terrified it will be shared on social media..

 

[EmiliaSong]

Well thanks for your advice, is it less likely for someone to find out if I only did it a few times, or is it still pretty inevitable? Just frustrated as I had 2 choices, either politics or teaching and now neither is on the cards. shame really. I don't regret it. I felt pretty empowered for the money I did make I'm just terrified it will be shared on social media..

If you only did it a few times, you probably won't get caught. I don't think that having a brief history of sex work should preclude you from working in politics, though. Running for office? Probably not the best idea, but you know there are other ways to push for the changes that you want to see.

 

[Gogetem]

Thank you so much for your help, I suppose I'm just pretty concerned about the future and what people might say.. but I guess I'll just have to get over it, their are worse things I could have done haha might have been a good way to get out of teaching as I will never really want to try haha I'll just have to raise my head high and be proud of myself no matter what the outcome. But mainly just trying not to stress about it anymore..

 

[SophiaSophia]

I wouldn't stress a ton- I lived in a small town when I was a lot younger and was a full time stripper for several years
I went on to later become an emt then paramedic for the town (paid not volunteer-though I volunteered a lot in that line of work too)

and everyone I worked with knew I was a stripper at one point- one nasty human being brought it up ONCE at work and my response was- ya, I made a lot of money working in a bar in my underwear, whats your point? everyone else laughed and it was never brought up again. a couple of things about that- It was easy to brush off because my boss was someone I had known since I was a kid so she knew about the stripping and knew what kind of person I was- and my attitude about it was very cavalier so even if it did bug me that someone would find judgement about it later I never let it show which made it a non-issue to everyone else. not note worthy, not reaction producing.

I think its unlikely you'll ever be found out- there are literally millions of videos online and with only a couple of vids its likely they'll get diluted in the masses and if you are..as was mentioned before- brush it off. People are a lot less interested in things when you have no reaction to it.