Dating a camgirl and I need some advice

[justjoinedtopost]

Like and treat your woman like a Ho, and get off on the thought of other men jacking their cock to your old lady,,, Don't let her do it ! You will lose your mind and the person (s) you love! I truly think (and I'm really really not trying to be judgmental ) , but I truly think that any girl who does that shit, has absolutely No self respect and therefore will never ever respect you and you will lose any respect for her that you ever had. My life is a fucking shambles because of this business and me letting it happen!

Honest question; why do you give a shit what other men jack their cocks to?

Then later about 6 months until I found out she was doing private shows, etc. behind my back (if you don't know what a private show is) google it .

I understand people have different views on this. I think I remember reading @AmberCutie saying she doesn't feel comfortable with this (forgive me if I am wrong).

I am not putting anyone down for this, to each their own; but I am saying I don't grasp it. Just can't comprehend it. Explanations about intimacy have done nothing to make it clearer for me.

 

[AmberCutie]

I understand people have different views on this. I think I remember reading @AmberCutie saying she doesn't feel comfortable with this (forgive me if I am wrong).

I haven't been following this thread so I don't really know what you're referring to here.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

I haven't been following this thread so I don't really know what you're referring to here.

Subject of privates came up, in a 'cheating' context.

edit: shouldnt have tagged you there, didnt intend to try and drag you into it. More of an acknowledgment that greater than me hold the view I don't comprehend.

 

[AmberCutie]

Subject of privates came up, in a 'cheating' context.

Oh. It's not cheating unless you make it something more than it is.

I just don't do privates because it makes me too nervous. It's like going on a 1 on 1 date vs. a group date. The group environment puts less pressure on an individual to be entertaining or live up to certain expectations. Privates CAN be more intimate, and that's a factor too, but not in the sense that it's so intimate that it should be considered cheating.

 

[melanieoncam]

Several men in this thread have said "don't let her do it" referring to webcam. Are these women you are dating or children?

Sounds like you want a slave or a dependent wimp instead of a grown woman.


With that said, I wonder why do men even start relationships where a woman is doing a job they disapprove of? That's like me dating a doctor and telling him he needs to give up his lucrative career because I don't want to have to spend my weekends and holidays alone while he is working in the E.R. or delivering babies (actually when I worked in a women's hospital I have turned down a few dates with OB doctors because I know what would have been in store for me if it turned serious). Don't start a relationship with someone incompatible with what you want! Find someone who is already compatible with the lifestyle you want instead of trying to control someone and force them to change.

I get asked to meet every damn day even though it's clear on my profiles that I do not do this and would not consider it. Online fun only.

Also these camgirls who string men along and ask for money outside the site from western union give us all a bad name and hurt the industry as well as being completely stupid. You don't get repeat customers when you scam people and regulars are where most of the good money is. Some of these cammers you describe can't be too bright to destroy their business like that.

I don't understand why guys keep sending money outside the site and allowing themselves to be scammed. Use a legit payment service that is approved for adult use and avoid all that shady stuff. I want repeat customers. I provide exactly what I promise to keep my ratings high and keep my regulars coming back.

 

[Emberblaze]

I can't read all of the replies so my apologies if any of this has been said already.

1) Myself and 99 percent of camgirls don't manipulate anyone for money. We provide a service and people pay for it. Do you think your hair stylist or massage therapist manipulate people for money?

This idea is a huge root of your issue. Even if your rational brain says "This is job like any other" Deep down somewhere you have the mentality of sex work not being real work, as if your gf is not entitled to the money she receives from doing this because she offers a legit service..

2) Society really pushes us to see men as the caretakers and women as property. It's not as bad as it used to be but that is so ingrained in our belief system it's hard to shake. Rationally you know she doesn't belong to you but deep down somewhere that pussy belongs to you. Because society has taught you this fact subliminally your entire life. Not even just a gender issue either. Between any sexes we are taught we hold some ownership over our partners. It's portrayed every single day in the media, books, movies, television.

I really believe this is the root of how you are feeling. But you can challenge these ingrained beliefs and change them. Talk to other significant others of sex workers or see if any other them have written books about their experiences. Find a sex work positive therapist you can speak to. Maybe even speak to polyamorous people and ask advice on how to challenge these ownership views society forces on us (Fetlife probably has lots of local poly people in your area, I bet if you spoke to some and just asked advice on how they challenge those societal norms they might be willing to offer advice even if you are monogamous.)

 

[marvelb0y]

Some of you guys should just never date or marry a cam model. It will never work because of your personality. I know this is not a very satisfying answer but no degree of soul searching, understanding or forgiveness will make it last. Of course cam models are just so damn pretty, guys fall in love with their eyes and don't realize later on they can't emotionally cope.

 

[JoleneBrody]

A vast majority of camgirls are in very healthy relationships and marriages without all that crazy drama BS. The key to this is that the two people in the relationship are mature and honest individuals... like the recipe for every successful relationship.

Newsflash, if you do a bunch of dumb dishonest shit in order to create a relationship that was never actually there, you're gonna have a bad time.

 

[DasRouse]

A vast majority of camgirls are in very healthy relationships and marriages without all that crazy drama BS. The key to this is that the two people in the relationship are mature and honest individuals... like the recipe for every successful relationship.

Newsflash, if you do a bunch of dumb dishonest shit in order to create a relationship that was never actually there, you're gonna have a bad time.

This is the best answer. I have been dating a cam girl for a while now. I was having such a hard time at first, but we talked it out and things have gotten a whole lot better. It's true, it doesn't matter how secure you are, these feelings do come up. But after talking with her and after what she has done for me. I feel so much better.

My birthday was a couple weeks ago, she didn't buy me anything (I asked her not to plus I know she is saving up for a move). But she did have a cake with candles and she made a video for me. Not the kind of video she gets tipped for either. Just a sweet personal video with photos of us. Best present I have received in a very long time. The fact she put thought and effort into it is what made it special to me.

Back on topic, our open and honest communication is what steered us back on course.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

Wow, old thread... I am guessing the OP is long gone, I wonder what happened!

With that said, I wonder why do men even start relationships where a woman is doing a job they disapprove of?

I actually think meeting them through the job is part of the problem. If you meet a camgirl through her job then your experience with her job is her getting close to and falling for a member. What you experienced felt very real, so what's to say the same thing wouldn't happen?

I have never had any issues with jealousy in regards to camming and relationships. But none of my boyfriends have ever watched me on cam so there's never been a level where they've been able to literally see it. My sex life is very separate to my cam life. It's not that I say they're banned, if they wanted to they could, but I don't encourage it and it's always been acknowledged it could get weird. I also talk about it a fair amount and am totally open about my cam life and my cam friends, I talk about stuff that happened, stuff we talked about. I also have pretty strong boundaries between me and regulars. I become good friends with many, but the friendship boundary is always there, and none of my regulars have ever pushed for more than that. I am honest with people on both sides and it's all pretty chilled. I don't try to turn it into a big 3some, my boyfriends have always felt warmly towards my favourite regulars and really appreciated the support they've given me over the years, both in friendship, a friendly face in my room and in tokens.

Some people are naturally jealous or have trust issues from upbringing or other relationships. Some people are raised to be physically possessive and therefore have different relationship boundaries than others. Jealousy also comes from personal experiences. This might be if you're not a trustworthy person. People who cheat or have cheated seem to be way more possessive, my guess is that they expect everyone else to be the same as them. If you visit strip clubs or cam sites for sexual purposes you might feel it's sleazy and will have your own bias against it, over someone who's never watched anything more than porn.

People flirt in all sorts of jobs, I don't think you need to see it though. There's no need to see your partner working in the service industry having a flirt with the cute girl/guy. You trust them and are aware they flirt with the old dears as well as the hotties! While camming becomes more directly sexual, at the end of the day to us it's not much different to having a flirt with that guy who's ordering some cocktails. You have fun, enjoy the freedom to be a bit sexual and then move on. For me it's way less dangerous because camming comes with a load of inbuilt boundaries which working in the service industry wouldn't have. The more I do sex work the more I become attached to my partner and the less I notice anyone else. I guess because it satisfies the thrill and attention seeking part of me, and because I'm satisfied at home I'm not looking for anything else in my online interactions. If it were face to face though you'd be much more likely to come across natural chemistry.

What amazes me though, is why do guys watch their girlfriends on cam if they get jealous? Sounds like self torture! I did a girl girl show with a model who'd been camming for years, no problem. Her boyfriend was around and watched us hooking up in a group show from the other room and it obviously really hit him hard. I think they were ok in the end, and she continued camming, but it was all pretty upsetting at the time. However ok you are with something, it's hard to see it happening. I know a fair amount of people who have open relationships and very few of them are completely public and open with one another (and it's often ended in tears).

I honestly think if you start a relationship with a woman who's camming and find you're jealous then you either need to quickly find a way to get over it or move on. Because making her feel guilty enough to quit is harsh, will fuck up her income, she may not easily be able to walk into another job, even if she can find one which pays ok, it takes a while to get used to working for someone again.
Trust is trust, a little bit of trusting jealousy isn't the end of the world. By trusting jealousy I mean a situation where your partner is being charming and awesome and others are clearly noticing it and you get a tiny pang of jealousy that feels positive because at the same time you are warmed by trust and love for that person and know nothing is going to happen. But you're also reminded of your luck to have that person and will probably have great sex later on. But if that jealousy were consuming and causing you upset or pain, that's unhealthy and means you don't trust that person. There's no reason to feel pain if trust is there.

 

[DasRouse]

Wow, old thread... I am guessing the OP is long gone, I wonder what happened!


I actually think meeting them through the job is part of the problem. If you meet a camgirl through her job then your experience with her job is her getting close to and falling for a member. What you experienced felt very real, so what's to say the same thing wouldn't happen?

I have never had any issues with jealousy in regards to camming and relationships. But none of my boyfriends have ever watched me on cam so there's never been a level where they've been able to literally see it. My sex life is very separate to my cam life. It's not that I say they're banned, if they wanted to they could, but I don't encourage it and it's always been acknowledged it could get weird. I also talk about it a fair amount and am totally open about my cam life and my cam friends, I talk about stuff that happened, stuff we talked about. I also have pretty strong boundaries between me and regulars. I become good friends with many, but the friendship boundary is always there, and none of my regulars have ever pushed for more than that. I am honest with people on both sides and it's all pretty chilled. I don't try to turn it into a big 3some, my boyfriends have always felt warmly towards my favourite regulars and really appreciated the support they've given me over the years, both in friendship, a friendly face in my room and in tokens.

Some people are naturally jealous or have trust issues from upbringing or other relationships. Some people are raised to be physically possessive and therefore have different relationship boundaries than others. Jealousy also comes from personal experiences. This might be if you're not a trustworthy person. People who cheat or have cheated seem to be way more possessive, my guess is that they expect everyone else to be the same as them. If you visit strip clubs or cam sites for sexual purposes you might feel it's sleazy and will have your own bias against it, over someone who's never watched anything more than porn.

People flirt in all sorts of jobs, I don't think you need to see it though. There's no need to see your partner working in the service industry having a flirt with the cute girl/guy. You trust them and are aware they flirt with the old dears as well as the hotties! While camming becomes more directly sexual, at the end of the day to us it's not much different to having a flirt with that guy who's ordering some cocktails. You have fun, enjoy the freedom to be a bit sexual and then move on. For me it's way less dangerous because camming comes with a load of inbuilt boundaries which working in the service industry wouldn't have. The more I do sex work the more I become attached to my partner and the less I notice anyone else. I guess because it satisfies the thrill and attention seeking part of me, and because I'm satisfied at home I'm not looking for anything else in my online interactions. If it were face to face though you'd be much more likely to come across natural chemistry.

What amazes me though, is why do guys watch their girlfriends on cam if they get jealous? Sounds like self torture! I did a girl girl show with a model who'd been camming for years, no problem. Her boyfriend was around and watched us hooking up in a group show from the other room and it obviously really hit him hard. I think they were ok in the end, and she continued camming, but it was all pretty upsetting at the time. However ok you are with something, it's hard to see it happening. I know a fair amount of people who have open relationships and very few of them are completely public and open with one another (and it's often ended in tears).

I honestly think if you start a relationship with a woman who's camming and find you're jealous then you either need to quickly find a way to get over it or move on. Because making her feel guilty enough to quit is harsh, will fuck up her income, she may not easily be able to walk into another job, even if she can find one which pays ok, it takes a while to get used to working for someone again.
Trust is trust, a little bit of trusting jealousy isn't the end of the world. By trusting jealousy I mean a situation where your partner is being charming and awesome and others are clearly noticing it and you get a tiny pang of jealousy that feels positive because at the same time you are warmed by trust and love for that person and know nothing is going to happen. But you're also reminded of your luck to have that person and will probably have great sex later on. But if that jealousy were consuming and causing you upset or pain, that's unhealthy and means you don't trust that person. There's no reason to feel pain if trust is there.

Thanks for the input. I met my gf through her job. And like you said, the experience was her getting close and falling for me. I was falling for her as well but I was afraid of telling her. She was the one who came out and revealed her feelings first. I wasn't going to tell her. I'm know she hears it everyday from random guys at work. But when she told me, I had to tell her as well. Our biggest obstacle now is our distance. This is literally almost the longest distance you can get when it comes to long distance relationships. (I'm talking 13 hours time difference here) We both agree it sucks, but if we take it day by day, it helps.

We talk on What's App everyday, and yes I do go and see her online. Our time together is very limited and we want to always see each other. She tells me having me in the room makes her feel more comfortable . For the most part, some of the things guys say to her makes me laugh. I do not interact in the main chat at all. I did one time and some asshole was talking trash to me. She was going to ban him but then he started tipping (I know she needs the money badly so I swallowed my pride and told her not to ban him). To avoid this, I stay away from the main chat. She has a mod that I trust to I let him handle the riff raff.

As far as the jealousy is concerned, I was in a horrible relationship a few years ago where I was the victim. So I completely understand what you mean by someone's past relationships. And just remembering how jealous my ex was made me realize the error of my ways. We talk openly about our feelings and it does wonders for our relationship. I also do not drink when she is at work. As ones inhibitions are uncontrollable when intoxicated. I still drink, just not on Friday or Saturday nights.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

Thanks for the input. I met my gf through her job. And like you said, the experience was her getting close and falling for me. I was falling for her as well but I was afraid of telling her. She was the one who came out and revealed her feelings first. I wasn't going to tell her. I'm know she hears it everyday from random guys at work. But when she told me, I had to tell her as well. Our biggest obstacle now is our distance. This is literally almost the longest distance you can get when it comes to long distance relationships. (I'm talking 13 hours time difference here) We both agree it sucks, but if we take it day by day, it helps.

We talk on What's App everyday, and yes I do go and see her online. Our time together is very limited and we want to always see each other. She tells me having me in the room makes her feel more comfortable . For the most part, some of the things guys say to her makes me laugh. I do not interact in the main chat at all. I did one time and some asshole was talking trash to me. She was going to ban him but then he started tipping (I know she needs the money badly so I swallowed my pride and told her not to ban him). To avoid this, I stay away from the main chat. She has a mod that I trust to I let him handle the riff raff.

As far as the jealousy is concerned, I was in a horrible relationship a few years ago where I was the victim. So I completely understand what you mean by someone's past relationships. And just remembering how jealous my ex was made me realize the error of my ways. We talk openly about our feelings and it does wonders for our relationship. I also do not drink when she is at work. As ones inhibitions are uncontrollable when intoxicated. I still drink, just not on Friday or Saturday nights.

I can see why if you met on cams and then have a long distance relationship that this must be hard to know they're still camming. If you have a "real life" relationship then that person is constantly seeing a side of you that no one on cam every gets. You're close in a way that goes beyond physical, and your online intimacy is fun and casual but is in no way the basis of your relationship. I can understand that if you're long distance then what you are "getting" out of the relationship isn't really any extra than what someone can purchase. Sure if doesn't cost you money and you get a lot more intimate attention, but it's still a virtual world.

I think in this case you should maybe consider leaving her be in her work place. It's just not appropriate for a partner to always be lurking around their girlfriends/boyfriends work (even if invited). If she had a cashier job in a shop would it be seen as appropriate for you to lurk around watching her interact with customers? Or go to the bar she works every time and just sit there not buying drinks or communicating with others, except occasionally getting defensive when a guy is a jerk? Most of the time waiting around as she's super busy. In real life this behaviour would be seen as obsessive and unhealthy. And it wouldn't be seen as much better if you said "our time together is limited so we always want to see each other". Some times are good to be away from your partner, work time is one of those. I know it's tempting with camming as it's so easy just to hang out, especially if you're already used to that dynamic.
Have you considered maybe distancing yourself from the position of a customer who visits her as work and being the supportive boyfriend she goes to after work? If your time together is limited then why don't you make the most of the time you have and make it one on one time rather than in her room? You shouldn't have to feel like your quality time with your partner is when they're distracted at work, and they shouldn't feel guilty that when they're at work they feel they also need to give you appropriate attention. That's a lot to juggle.
If a relationship is worth it for both of you then you should be able to create time together which is outside her job as a camgirl. There are lots of functional couples who happily watch one another on cam and get involved, some of which who met through camming. But from what I have heard of those success stories they often live together or nearby one another so get a lot of the close one on one attention, so watching cams is just fun and casual rather than being a way to increase limited time together. Or those particular guys don't have jealousy or trust issues.

 

[DasRouse]

I can see why if you met on cams and then have a long distance relationship that this must be hard to know they're still camming. If you have a "real life" relationship then that person is constantly seeing a side of you that no one on cam every gets. You're close in a way that goes beyond physical, and your online intimacy is fun and casual but is in no way the basis of your relationship. I can understand that if you're long distance then what you are "getting" out of the relationship isn't really any extra than what someone can purchase. Sure if doesn't cost you money and you get a lot more intimate attention, but it's still a virtual world.

I think in this case you should maybe consider leaving her be in her work place. It's just not appropriate for a partner to always be lurking around their girlfriends/boyfriends work (even if invited). If she had a cashier job in a shop would it be seen as appropriate for you to lurk around watching her interact with customers? Or go to the bar she works every time and just sit there not buying drinks or communicating with others, except occasionally getting defensive when a guy is a jerk? Most of the time waiting around as she's super busy. In real life this behaviour would be seen as obsessive and unhealthy. And it wouldn't be seen as much better if you said "our time together is limited so we always want to see each other". Some times are good to be away from your partner, work time is one of those. I know it's tempting with camming as it's so easy just to hang out, especially if you're already used to that dynamic.
Have you considered maybe distancing yourself from the position of a customer who visits her as work and being the supportive boyfriend she goes to after work? If your time together is limited then why don't you make the most of the time you have and make it one on one time rather than in her room? You shouldn't have to feel like your quality time with your partner is when they're distracted at work, and they shouldn't feel guilty that when they're at work they feel they also need to give you appropriate attention. That's a lot to juggle.
If a relationship is worth it for both of you then you should be able to create time together which is outside her job as a camgirl. There are lots of functional couples who happily watch one another on cam and get involved, some of which who met through camming. But from what I have heard of those success stories they often live together or nearby one another so get a lot of the close one on one attention, so watching cams is just fun and casual rather than being a way to increase limited time together. Or those particular guys don't have jealousy or trust issues.

I understand what you are saying. And I have thought about real life examples like what you mentioned above. Of course I wouldn't if we lived close by. I only spend 2 hours as I have to sleep. Trust me, those 2 hours seem to fly by rather quickly. Once a week we do have a date night. She has a move coming up and she won't be able to broadcast for a couple of weeks. I'm not worried about it because we still plan on communicating.

I cannot see her after work, I am in bed by that time (remember this is a time zone difference of 13 hours). When she is done with work, it is usually 2 pm for her, which means it is 1 am for me. I have to be awake and on the road by 06:30am. She also has to pick up her daughter from school. Yes, she has a child and this is something she doesn't share with just anybody. Spending time with her child is a priority and I will never interfere with that.

We do talk on the phone daily, with a video call every now and then. Right now is a very stressful time for her. She is moving to the other side of her country. Good news, instead of a 13 hour time difference, It'll be 7 hours instead. She has been saving up for this move for months now. She works everyday, and just recently 2 shows a day. She is getting burnt out and time is running out. I'm not rich and she never asks me for money. As a matter of fact, she refuses it from me. I respect that, she wants to earn it on her own. I'm just trying to support her in other ways. Encouragement, motivation and so on. I hope that when this move is done, she will not work as much.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

I understand what you are saying. And I have thought about real life examples like what you mentioned above. Of course I wouldn't if we lived close by. I only spend 2 hours as I have to sleep. Trust me, those 2 hours seem to fly by rather quickly. Once a week we do have a date night. She has a move coming up and she won't be able to broadcast for a couple of weeks. I'm not worried about it because we still plan on communicating.

I cannot see her after work, I am in bed by that time (remember this is a time zone difference of 13 hours). When she is done with work, it is usually 2 pm for her, which means it is 1 am for me. I have to be awake and on the road by 06:30am. She also has to pick up her daughter from school. Yes, she has a child and this is something she doesn't share with just anybody. Spending time with her child is a priority and I will never interfere with that.

We do talk on the phone daily, with a video call every now and then. Right now is a very stressful time for her. She is moving to the other side of her country. Good news, instead of a 13 hour time difference, It'll be 7 hours instead. She has been saving up for this move for months now. She works everyday, and just recently 2 shows a day. She is getting burnt out and time is running out. I'm not rich and she never asks me for money. As a matter of fact, she refuses it from me. I respect that, she wants to earn it on her own. I'm just trying to support her in other ways. Encouragement, motivation and so on. I hope that when this move is done, she will not work as much.

I'm sure you'll manage to work out whatever works for you both hope it all goes well

 

[Colorfield]

I stumbled on the cam world because I was recovering from serious brain injury, a criminal attack, and slept all the time and withdrew from the world and stopped seeing friends, but needed something, maybe chats. The erotic part was less important, then became more important. I met a model four months ago, we chatted a bit, then more regularly, and a relationship developed. I am much older than her. We have never met in person but I know about her child and her mine, where we live, our daily lives. We cam it all.. We live in different countries more than 1000 kms apart but we communicate all during the day, every day, on everything from her site to Messenger to Skype. Money is not a part now. At some point we will meet. I feel we deal well enough with jealousy, her and her clients, me and my erotic massage clients, but jealousy on both sides does exist. I am amazed that we seem to weather this. and, of course, I worry about the future. I love her, she says she loves me. And what do we do next? Anyone out there have thoughts or experience with this?

 

[Moffle]

Thoughts some, experience yes. I don't want to be negative but I don't think it's uncommon for girls in this situation to become infatuated with the attention and the companionship/advice/father figure, maybe even have a little romantic interest for a while but it's fleeting and passes fairly quickly, likewise as a man it's all too easy to fall into the "omg she loves me and she's so young and beautiful" mindset. In a year, if you can honestly look into your heart and believe you both still mean what you are saying then maybe think about "what comes next", be particularly careful if mental health has a role in if/why you are in this situation - you're supposed to be looking after yourself.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

I stumbled on the cam world because I was recovering from serious brain injury, a criminal attack, and slept all the time and withdrew from the world and stopped seeing friends, but needed something, maybe chats. The erotic part was less important, then became more important. I met a model four months ago, we chatted a bit, then more regularly, and a relationship developed. I am much older than her. We have never met in person but I know about her child and her mine, where we live, our daily lives. We cam it all.. We live in different countries more than 1000 kms apart but we communicate all during the day, every day, on everything from her site to Messenger to Skype. Money is not a part now. At some point we will meet. I feel we deal well enough with jealousy, her and her clients, me and my erotic massage clients, but jealousy on both sides does exist. I am amazed that we seem to weather this. and, of course, I worry about the future. I love her, she says she loves me. And what do we do next? Anyone out there have thoughts or experience with this?

As said in the post above, this is not uncommon and if I were you I would take it easy rather than doing what a lot of people do and jump straight into it. It is REALLY easy to fall in love over the internet if you're in a certain head space. Doesn't mean it's real though or that you'd even have attraction in real life. When you're over the net it's easy to see and hear what you want to see and hear and ignore all else. And I personally don't believe true love can come from it, as true love is when you are so intimate and close to a person that you love every part of them. How could you ever do that in an online relationship?
Those people I know who have met over the internet seem to have done the falling in love part once they've met. I am sure all the feelings were there before, but once you meet it's a totally different ball game which may or may not work out. 4 months isn't really enough time to truly fall in love even if you're in a regular face to face relationship and spending lots of time together, meeting each others friends, family, pets etc, let alone online.
As Moffle mentioned, maybe if this has been going on for a year, then you can start to take it a little bit more seriously. I have known many members who have had this kind of relationship with a cam model, and it has always ended in tears. That is just my experience though.

I can't really offer you advice on what to do next as I don't know you, but from what you've said from your post and from what I know about these kinds of relationships, I would either run for the hills and find a more sustaining, healthy relationship, or I would just take it really easy, enjoy the ride and not push my heart into it too much.

 

[Moffle]

Good stuff

You liked my post! we're in love!!!

 

[Deleted member 37064]

Interesting thread to read. Like others, am curious what happened with the OP. Good luck to those whom are in a relationship with a model. Well, in any relationship.

For myself, I don't get jealous of others when it comes to an SO. I'm probbly more so the opposite, in that I am too trusting. I've been cheated on at least twice, and used as a meal ticket more thn a few times by women whom are not in the cam/sex industry at all.

Way I look at it, it's their job and if they enjoy it, I'm fully supportive of it. I fully trust them, in that I'm the only one they love and "come home to" in a sense. Now, if they didn't like the job, I'd be supportive of them and encourage them to find something else they might enjoy more. But, when it comes down to it, whether I like it or not, it's ultimately their choice. One can disagree with it, while still being supportive and respectful.

Distance is an issue for me. Not because I don't trust them. But, rather I like to be with them, and in their company. Holding hands, hugs, walks, and all the little things. Very difficult to do in an LDR. Yes, there's video chat, mail, etc. But, airplane tickets are expensive and it gets very cost prohibitive. I've done them before, and it's tough for me. The most recent one, I ended when she started talking about flying to see each other on an E/O month schedule. I fly to her one month, then she to me the next. Wasn't because of that, as I was willing to do it. But, when she expected me to pay for all of her flights in addition to mine is when i took a step back.

 

[Colorfield]

Many people on here mention one year as a point to stop and measure what's going. As pushy as my heart is in this, my head agrees, one year. Makes sense, time to see with both eyes. Questions: Did you mention the one-year decision point in advance with the cam girl? Or was it private? Why one year, just a convenient date? Anyone you know survive the one year test? Or do they mostly fail? How many models were still working in cam work after the year? Did the relationship survive? For those relationships that survived one year, at what point did they meet in person? How did meeting in person affect the one-year decision? I have more questions, but these will do for today. Thanks to all of you who gave me their advice. It is much appreciated.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

Many people on here mention one year as a point to stop and measure what's going. As pushy as my heart is in this, my head agrees, one year. Makes sense, time to see with both eyes. Questions: Did you mention the one-year decision point in advance with the cam girl? Or was it private? Why one year, just a convenient date? Anyone you know survive the one year test? Or do they mostly fail? How many models were still working in cam work after the year? Did the relationship survive? For those relationships that survived one year, at what point did they meet in person? How did meeting in person affect the one-year decision? I have more questions, but these will do for today. Thanks to all of you who gave me their advice. It is much appreciated.

Generally, a year is a substantial amount of time to determine if the interest is still there beyond the financial aspect. Especially when in an internet scenario, you are only seeing what they present to you and you have no way to really validate it.

Answer these questions to yourself: Does she only reach out to you when she's getting ready, or already on, cam? Do you only "see" her when she's camming, or in privates? Have you ever skyped with her without paying for the time?

I've had a lot of different cam models hit on me, especially those in former Eastern Block countries. But, they really only reach out to me when they want money. None whom have stated they "like" me, have done anything beyond situations where money is involved.

 

[dilligaf0]

This is not a topic I want to shorten to make it easier to read, so it will be a wall of text, sorry in advance.

I met a girl on MFC that was initially a skype show relationship. However, I talked a lot with her when she wasn't working, which has gradually grown into a relationship over the last couple of months. It has been difficult, especially at the start because I just assumed she was only into me for my money. We decided to meet up in real life, but she lives in another country, so I had to plan some vacation around it. At the start I was in it mostly for the ride, I thought it would be fun, she is super cute, and I love her personality. If things go good, they go good, if she is just stringing me along for the money, then in the long run I have lost a little money but nothing serious.

The problem is that I have fallen in love. After meeting her in real life, and being with her for a week (which was suuuper awkward in the start, hah!). I also know for a fact that she loves me too, and I no longer have any doubts about whether she is trying to trick me along for the money or not. She genuinely likes me. So the issue presented itself when I came back home from the trip, and she needed to go back to work.

You can probably guess where this is headed. I do not consider myself a jealous person, I have had girlfriends before, and I have never felt jealous of them being with guy friends or anything like that. I consider myself mentally to be a very sex positive person, and in my rational mind I recognize that getting naked on camera and masturbating, is just a job like any other. Just like in any customer service profession you have good days and bad days, and days where you can get some super shitty customers to deal with. You have to pretend to be happy when you are not, and you might be on your third masturbation show in a row when all you really want to do is go to bed. You might be on your period and trying desperately to hide it and pretend that it is not there, so you will not offend any of our delicate male sensibilities. So even if the job can be fun and rewarding, it's still a job.

Even so, I got jealous, and I feel it gets worse every week. I really really love her, and I know she loves me too. However, every time she goes online, and I think about her being in a private show with someone else. Masturbating, or dancing, or whatever. It just kills me, and I hate it. I am trying all I can to stay positive and pretend i am not "too" bothered by it. I have told her about it (I think it's best to be open and communicate), and she knows I am having a hard time of it lately. As a result she now only works every 3rd day or so, compared to every day before, of her own volition. Which makes me feel awful, because I know how much money she would make if it wasn't for me. I kinda feel like an asshole.

She says she wants to quit, that she enjoys the work on some days, but hate the days when she tries really hard, with 100 people watching, and she gets 0 tips. She can't quit fully until the day where we move together (which is at least a year from now), and she doesn't want me sending her money to cover for her loss of income.

So, I just need some guidance on how to deal with the situation. When I get jealous I get in a really bad mood, to the degree that I do not want to talk to her, and it also puts me in a bad mood when I am at work. I just get these awful images in my mind of what she is doing for her customers, even if I do what I can not to think about it (what if she does a show with a new customer who is like me, that she likes even more, who is prettier, funnier and who doesn't bitch about her job!). I feel that the smart thing would be to just end it and move on, for my own sanity.

However, I just love her so damn much. I have never been as happy as when I am with her, we have a really great chemistry together, and I know the camming is just a temporary gig. What is the next 10 months compared to the rest of our lives? (assuming we don't hate each other after year 6, get a divorce, and spend the rest of our lives doing custody battles, heh...) Do any of you have significant others that can tell me how they handle the situation? Are they just cool with it?

I am also really worried that it will just get worse, especially the more I meet her in real life, and that I will grow to resent her for it. Or I am worried that she will grow to resent me for being so jealous when she works, because she feels bad when she works because of me. I try not to complain too much, but it's also hard for me to say nothing at all when I am having such an issue of it.

If you read all of this, thank you for taking the time, and all advice is appreciated.

I'll put this simply.
You need to think of this as no different than if she worked at the local MickeyD's.
Trust her.

P.S. I dated a stripper for a couple of years (until she got back together with her ex-boyfriend), you need to overlook the job and trust the person.

 

[Nahumin]

Hello, this is my first post because I find this topic very interesting.

Keep in mind, girls who wrote here, that I am writing to understand your point of view, not to convince you to anything, I am really just trying to get a grasp of your view.
Needless to say, I think that this view of guys being insecure or having trust issues and the view of 'a job being just a job' are 2 complete misconceptions.
Imo it's a completely irrelevant variable whether a man is insecure or not or has trust issues or not, for me, the biggest problem would be one word - INTIMACY. Not sure how you can relate to that, but I want sex in the relationship to be an intimate encounter and it simply cannot be intimate for me if the girl is sharing her sexuality with other men (especially for money, because I don't want money to have ANY relation to my intimacy with a girl).

I'm very surprised nobody brought this up before. Insecurity? I can be 100% sure she loves me, so what? I still don't want to sacrifice intimacy. Trust issues? I can trust her fully, again, so what.

Going this way, the 'job is just a job' is another misconception, because the additional price of the job is the intimacy. It's actually very obvious why there is so much money to gain in the industry - it's because nothing is free, you are sacrificing intimacy with your partner or a potential partner for money basically.

If you're reading this and want to bash me into the ground, before you do, please think to yourself about what intimacy is and means for you and then I would love to hear a mindful answer.

 

[AudriTwo]

Hello, this is my first post because I find this topic very interesting.

Keep in mind, girls who wrote here, that I am writing to understand your point of view, not to convince you to anything, I am really just trying to get a grasp of your view.
Needless to say, I think that this view of guys being insecure or having trust issues and the view of 'a job being just a job' are 2 complete misconceptions.
Imo it's a completely irrelevant variable whether a man is insecure or not or has trust issues or not, for me, the biggest problem would be one word - INTIMACY. Not sure how you can relate to that, but I want sex in the relationship to be an intimate encounter and it simply cannot be intimate for me if the girl is sharing her sexuality with other men (especially for money, because I don't want money to have ANY relation to my intimacy with a girl).

I'm very surprised nobody brought this up before. Insecurity? I can be 100% sure she loves me, so what? I still don't want to sacrifice intimacy. Trust issues? I can trust her fully, again, so what.

Going this way, the 'job is just a job' is another misconception, because the additional price of the job is the intimacy. It's actually very obvious why there is so much money to gain in the industry - it's because nothing is free, you are sacrificing intimacy with your partner or a potential partner for money basically.

If you're reading this and want to bash me into the ground, before you do, please think to yourself about what intimacy is and means for you and then I would love to hear a mindful answer.

and that's fine. you don't have to date a cammodel. you don't have to date anyone who has differing values and opinions as you. what's your point?

 

[paige_orion]

Hello, this is my first post because I find this topic very interesting.

Keep in mind, girls who wrote here, that I am writing to understand your point of view, not to convince you to anything, I am really just trying to get a grasp of your view.
Needless to say, I think that this view of guys being insecure or having trust issues and the view of 'a job being just a job' are 2 complete misconceptions.
Imo it's a completely irrelevant variable whether a man is insecure or not or has trust issues or not, for me, the biggest problem would be one word - INTIMACY. Not sure how you can relate to that, but I want sex in the relationship to be an intimate encounter and it simply cannot be intimate for me if the girl is sharing her sexuality with other men (especially for money, because I don't want money to have ANY relation to my intimacy with a girl).

I'm very surprised nobody brought this up before. Insecurity? I can be 100% sure she loves me, so what? I still don't want to sacrifice intimacy. Trust issues? I can trust her fully, again, so what.

Going this way, the 'job is just a job' is another misconception, because the additional price of the job is the intimacy. It's actually very obvious why there is so much money to gain in the industry - it's because nothing is free, you are sacrificing intimacy with your partner or a potential partner for money basically.

If you're reading this and want to bash me into the ground, before you do, please think to yourself about what intimacy is and means for you and then I would love to hear a mindful answer.

The "job is just a job" line isn't another misconception. We all work hard. We pay a shit-load of taxes. We have built our careers. It is very much a job, and that's how we view it. And if you cannot understand that, that's okay. It just means that you probably aren't going to be compatible with a sex-worker. Our work is just as much of a job as working in an office or behind a cash register. It can definitely be difficult for some partners to understand that when we are on the clock, we are in work mode, and that is vastly different than the intimate moments we share with them. But honestly? Those are partners whom I don't think should be involved with sex-workers at all, because they are the sort who will try to force models to quit their careers in order to meet their demands at exclusivity. I've seen it happen a LOT, using the exact arguments you use here, and it isn't pretty.

Personally, I don't think any of us are sacrificing intimacy with our current parents and ESPECIALLY not sacrificing potential future partners. Why? Because anyone who could view sex like that is not a partner who would ever be suitable for me, whether sex work is involved or not. I could never be with a partner who viewed my body and my sexuality as something they were entitled to, or who thought it was theirs. My partner would need to be much more open-minded than that. I'd rather have a partner who didn't view my sexuality as something they wanted all to themselves, but I'd rather have a partner who viewed sexuality as an adventure in which so much fun can be had - and who realizes that what I share with others doesn't detract from what I give to them. There are so many layers of intimacy, and viewing sexuality as the end all and be all of Intimacy is just... I couldn't be with a partner who viewed the world like that. Not that there is anything wrong with such a thing - it just means that we see the world from two fundamentally different viewpoints, and I wouldn't be compatible with someone like that.

But when you say that you want all of your partner's intimacy, untainted by money... You are right - such views aren't stemmed from insecurity. That's possessive behavior. You want it all to yourself. Which doesn't inherently mean it is bad, because plenty of monogamous couples don't want their partners to share sexuality with other people. That's okay and I am not knocking that viewpoint at all, I promise. But that means you need to find someone who views the world and relationships the same way. Which proooobably isn't going to involve a camgirl.

Seeing intimacy as pure sexuality makes me sad. There is something so simple and narrow about that view, and I'm glad I don't view relationships like that. What is intimacy to me? Intimacy is taking turns waking up in the morning to make each other cups of coffee. It's remembering their favorite snack and surprising them with it when you know they had a bad day. It's taking care of each other when you've both got the flu and you look horrible and feel even worse, but you're still trying to play nurse to the other. It's knowing the songs that they cannot help but sing along to at the top of their lungs. It's knowing what movies made them cry as a kid. It's knowing what silly, irrational things they are afraid of, and not making fun of them. It's knowing their dreams and giving them support, cheering them on every step of the way. It's morning kisses before you've even brushed your teeth, letting them see you without makeup and unbrushed hair and having them still tell you that you're beautiful. It's fighting and arguing and making vows to never go to sleep mad at each other, even if it means staying up until dawn to hash out the problem, and end it snuggling. It's you guys against the world, and that's far more special than sex could be.

Sex is just the tiniest sliver of intimacy - and frankly, I find true intimacy to be in the little moments where sexuality is far removed. I could have sex with absolutely anyone and it would still be fun and all... But those little moments, when I am truly myself in a way that no one else can see? That's real intimacy.

Also... Your comment about why sex-workers make so much money is because they sacrifice intimacy with a partner.... I don't see that as true at all. As someone who has spent years in this job, I think it is much more accurate to say that we sacrifice our "respect" in the eyes of many. This job is taboo and not because of any partner. This job means people will judge us always. Even when sex work ends, there are so many jobs we can never have. Some of us will lose important things like childhood dreams. Or the desire to adopt a kid. Or they might get fired from a job they enjoy and are good at. Some of us will lose family that we care about and friends whom we adore. Most of us will get a ton of hate from random strangers on the internet who think that our job gives them the right to be condescending and better-than. Sex-workers make so much money because society gives us such a hard time. It has nothing to do with sacrificing intimacy with partners, but rather with Puritanical views on what human beings can or cannot do with their body.

 

[JasminJai]

Jealousy is a man made emotion, so really you're feeling a certain way about yourself most likely. Secondly, you knew before anything that this is her job. Communication, honesty and trust are necessary for any type of relationship to work. It's probably harder for her than anything ...

 

[Mikey_P]

Jealousy is a man made emotion, so really you're feeling a certain way about yourself most likely. Secondly, you knew before anything that this is her job. Communication, honesty and trust are necessary for any type of relationship to work. It's probably harder for her than anything ...

As a sort of complex reflex, emotions are involuntary bodily responses. Feelings come from being aware of emotions and reacting to them.

I can't agree that they are man made. I do agree that they are about himself but probably not in the same way as you likely believe but maybe.

Everything else I agree with.

 

[AudriTwo]

What is intimacy to me? Intimacy is taking turns waking up in the morning to make each other cups of coffee. It's remembering their favorite snack and surprising them with it when you know they had a bad day. It's taking care of each other when you've both got the flu and you look horrible and feel even worse, but you're still trying to play nurse to the other. It's knowing the songs that they cannot help but sing along to at the top of their lungs. It's knowing what movies made them cry as a kid. It's knowing what silly, irrational things they are afraid of, and not making fun of them. It's knowing their dreams and giving them support, cheering them on every step of the way. It's morning kisses before you've even brushed your teeth, letting them see you without makeup and unbrushed hair and having them still tell you that you're beautiful. It's fighting and arguing and making vows to never go to sleep mad at each other, even if it means staying up until dawn to hash out the problem, and end it snuggling. It's you guys against the world, and that's far more special than sex could be.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

Seeing intimacy as pure sexuality makes me sad. There is something so simple and narrow about that view, and I'm glad I don't view relationships like that. What is intimacy to me? Intimacy is taking turns waking up in the morning to make each other cups of coffee. It's remembering their favorite snack and surprising them with it when you know they had a bad day. It's taking care of each other when you've both got the flu and you look horrible and feel even worse, but you're still trying to play nurse to the other. It's knowing the songs that they cannot help but sing along to at the top of their lungs. It's knowing what movies made them cry as a kid. It's knowing what silly, irrational things they are afraid of, and not making fun of them. It's knowing their dreams and giving them support, cheering them on every step of the way. It's morning kisses before you've even brushed your teeth, letting them see you without makeup and unbrushed hair and having them still tell you that you're beautiful. It's fighting and arguing and making vows to never go to sleep mad at each other, even if it means staying up until dawn to hash out the problem, and end it snuggling. It's you guys against the world, and that's far more special than sex could be.

Sex is just the tiniest sliver of intimacy - and frankly, I find true intimacy to be in the little moments where sexuality is far removed. I could have sex with absolutely anyone and it would still be fun and all... But those little moments, when I am truly myself in a way that no one else can see? That's real intimacy..

Well said. Intimacy is FAR more than just sexual in nature. It's all the little things that so few take into consideration for someone they truly love.

 

[SaffronBurke]

Hello, this is my first post because I find this topic very interesting.

Keep in mind, girls who wrote here, that I am writing to understand your point of view, not to convince you to anything, I am really just trying to get a grasp of your view.
Needless to say, I think that this view of guys being insecure or having trust issues and the view of 'a job being just a job' are 2 complete misconceptions.
Imo it's a completely irrelevant variable whether a man is insecure or not or has trust issues or not, for me, the biggest problem would be one word - INTIMACY. Not sure how you can relate to that, but I want sex in the relationship to be an intimate encounter and it simply cannot be intimate for me if the girl is sharing her sexuality with other men (especially for money, because I don't want money to have ANY relation to my intimacy with a girl).

I'm very surprised nobody brought this up before. Insecurity? I can be 100% sure she loves me, so what? I still don't want to sacrifice intimacy. Trust issues? I can trust her fully, again, so what.

Going this way, the 'job is just a job' is another misconception, because the additional price of the job is the intimacy. It's actually very obvious why there is so much money to gain in the industry - it's because nothing is free, you are sacrificing intimacy with your partner or a potential partner for money basically.

If you're reading this and want to bash me into the ground, before you do, please think to yourself about what intimacy is and means for you and then I would love to hear a mindful answer.

The type of intimacy offered to viewers is vastly different from that offered to a partner.